This just in. The Ten Commandments may be displayed in any school room,
courthouse, or other public place, but only the new official version
just released by the White House today can be used.
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The Real Ten Commandments From the Mighty Hands of George W. Bush
Ten CommandmentsUnconfirmed Sources report that White House has released
a new version of the Ten Commandments in an attempt to head off a
divisive legal fight before the Supreme Court. The President made the
announcement early this morning at a press conference held at the Nation
Cathedral. After reading the New Ten Commandments he distributed them to
the media and then turned some nearby water into wine.
Ten Commandments expert, former Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy
Moore, said he liked the new version. "You all know how much I like the
Ten Commandments, hell, I lost my job over them. So, you have to know
that if I like the new version lots of others will like'em too. The New
Ten Commandments is a real fusion of Church and State and I think they
will catch on in a real hurry."
"The President did a lot of soul searching," explained White House
spinner Ben Lion, "and with the help of Karl Rove and David Frum he was
able to strike a real balance between respecting the old commandments
and updating them to our modern era. I mean let's face it they are 2000
years old, and frankly they needed a little work."
Lion also explained that the new version of the Ten Commandments would
be posted in all public buildings and will be recited every morning by
all American school age children.
The New Ten Commandments From the Hands of George W. Bush
1. I am the President and your God, and you had better not forget it.
2. You shall have no other President but my brother, or me.
3. You shall not misuse the name of the President or any Republican,
especially during an election year.
4. You shall remember and keep the Sabbath day holy, unless you are poor
and need to work a second job, like a good American.
5. Respect your father and mother, until they become a burden, then off
them and collect the insurance.
6. You must not kill, unless you are killing an Arab or a Democrat.
7. You must not commit adultery, unless she is very hot and there is no
chance you will get caught.
8. You must not steal, unless you are stealing from the poor.
9. You must not give false evidence against your neighbor, unless you
are in front of a TV camera or are running for public office.
10. You must not be envious of your neighbor's goods, house, wife nor
anything that belongs to your neighbor, because he deserves what he's
got and you are a lazy bum for not have stuff as good as his.
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http://www.unconfirmedsources.com/?itemid=930
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John Hachmann aa #1782
Intelligent Design has as much to do with science as reality
television has to do with reality. - Barry Lynn on CNN 12/25/04
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