| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"DanielSan" |
| Date: |
12 Mar 2005 09:44:32 PM |
| Object: |
A Christian Joke |
While an atheist, I find some Christian jokes hilarious; especially when
they're at the expense of fundies. Here's one I found the other day and
forgive me if this has been posted before:
A devoutly Christian fundamentalist was sitting on the roof of his
house; the flood waters rising around his house. As the flood waters
approached the edge of the roof, a man in a canoe came by and asked the
fundamentalist if he needed help.
The funadmentalist shook his head and said, "No. God will save me."
The man in the canoe shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters continued to rise, and the fundamentalist prayed and
prayed. The water lapped around his legs when a woman came by in a
kayak. She asked if he needed help.
The fundamentalist shooks his head. "No. God will save me." The woman
shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters were now at the fundamentalist's neck. He continued to
pray for God to save him when a homosexual couple in a raft floated by.
They asked him if he needed help.
The fundamentalist was furious. "No! Get away from me, sinners! God
will save me, heathens! Pray for your own forgiveness!" The homosexual
couple rolled their eyes and paddled away.
Finally, the waters went over the fundamentalist's head and he drowned.
In heaven, the fundamentalist approached God, furious. "I pray to you
night and day, O God! Why did you not save me from the flood?"
God leaned over from His throne with a quizzical look on His face and
asked, "What do you think those three boats I sent you were for?"
.
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| User: "Ike" |
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| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
13 Mar 2005 09:16:47 AM |
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"DanielSan" <daniel-san@myrealbox.com> wrote in message
news:WbCdnQGFRMN3K67fRVn-tQ@comcast.com...
While an atheist, I find some Christian jokes hilarious; especially when
they're at the expense of fundies. Here's one I found the other day and
forgive me if this has been posted before:
A devoutly Christian fundamentalist was sitting on the roof of his
house; the flood waters rising around his house. As the flood waters
approached the edge of the roof, a man in a canoe came by and asked the
fundamentalist if he needed help.
The funadmentalist shook his head and said, "No. God will save me."
The man in the canoe shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters continued to rise, and the fundamentalist prayed and
prayed. The water lapped around his legs when a woman came by in a
kayak. She asked if he needed help.
The fundamentalist shooks his head. "No. God will save me." The woman
shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters were now at the fundamentalist's neck. He continued to
pray for God to save him when a homosexual couple in a raft floated by.
They asked him if he needed help.
The fundamentalist was furious. "No! Get away from me, sinners! God
will save me, heathens! Pray for your own forgiveness!" The homosexual
couple rolled their eyes and paddled away.
Finally, the waters went over the fundamentalist's head and he drowned.
In heaven, the fundamentalist approached God, furious. "I pray to you
night and day, O God! Why did you not save me from the flood?"
God leaned over from His throne with a quizzical look on His face and
asked, "What do you think those three boats I sent you were for?"
I don't get it. Not funny.
.
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| User: "J Young" |
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| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
12 Mar 2005 09:56:06 PM |
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DanielSan wrote:
While an atheist, I find some Christian jokes hilarious; especially
when
they're at the expense of fundies. Here's one I found the other day
and
forgive me if this has been posted before:
A devoutly Christian fundamentalist was sitting on the roof of his
house; the flood waters rising around his house. As the flood waters
approached the edge of the roof, a man in a canoe came by and asked
the
fundamentalist if he needed help.
The funadmentalist shook his head and said, "No. God will save me."
The man in the canoe shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters continued to rise, and the fundamentalist prayed and
prayed. The water lapped around his legs when a woman came by in a
kayak. She asked if he needed help.
The fundamentalist shooks his head. "No. God will save me." The
woman
shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters were now at the fundamentalist's neck. He continued
to
pray for God to save him when a homosexual couple in a raft floated
by.
They asked him if he needed help.
The fundamentalist was furious. "No! Get away from me, sinners!
God
will save me, heathens! Pray for your own forgiveness!" The
homosexual
couple rolled their eyes and paddled away.
Finally, the waters went over the fundamentalist's head and he
drowned.
In heaven, the fundamentalist approached God, furious. "I pray to
you
night and day, O God! Why did you not save me from the flood?"
God leaned over from His throne with a quizzical look on His face and
asked, "What do you think those three boats I sent you were for?"
The punchline was that the man was too stupid to not see God's help
when offered. There might be a message in that for you.
.
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| User: "Phÿltêr" |
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| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
12 Mar 2005 10:17:23 PM |
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"J Young" <youngopinions@aol.com> astounded us with:
news:1110686166.515881.116730@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com:
DanielSan wrote:
While an atheist, I find some Christian jokes hilarious; especially
when
they're at the expense of fundies. Here's one I found the other day
and
forgive me if this has been posted before:
A devoutly Christian fundamentalist was sitting on the roof of his
house; the flood waters rising around his house. As the flood waters
approached the edge of the roof, a man in a canoe came by and asked
the
fundamentalist if he needed help.
The funadmentalist shook his head and said, "No. God will save me."
The man in the canoe shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters continued to rise, and the fundamentalist prayed and
prayed. The water lapped around his legs when a woman came by in a
kayak. She asked if he needed help.
The fundamentalist shooks his head. "No. God will save me." The
woman
shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters were now at the fundamentalist's neck. He continued
to
pray for God to save him when a homosexual couple in a raft floated
by.
They asked him if he needed help.
The fundamentalist was furious. "No! Get away from me, sinners!
God
will save me, heathens! Pray for your own forgiveness!" The
homosexual
couple rolled their eyes and paddled away.
Finally, the waters went over the fundamentalist's head and he
drowned.
In heaven, the fundamentalist approached God, furious. "I pray to
you
night and day, O God! Why did you not save me from the flood?"
God leaned over from His throne with a quizzical look on His face and
asked, "What do you think those three boats I sent you were for?"
The punchline was that the man was too stupid to not see God's help
when offered. There might be a message in that for you.
It's a good thing you're here to explain jokes to us, so, explain yourself
--
Phÿltêr
AA#1938
Denizen of Darkness #44 & AFJC Antipodean Attaché
Remove "s" to respond
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| User: "Doc Smartass" |
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| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
13 Mar 2005 01:51:07 PM |
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"J Young" <youngopinions@aol.com> wrote in
news:1110686166.515881.116730@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com:
DanielSan wrote:
<snip>
God leaned over from His throne with a quizzical look on His face and
asked, "What do you think those three boats I sent you were for?"
The punchline was that the man was too stupid to not see God's help
when offered. There might be a message in that for you.
The underscore is that some religious goober didn't have the sense to get
on a boat, thinking he was too special for anything less than the hand of a
god come to pluck him up. There might be a message in that for you.
--
Dr. Smartass -- BAAWA Knight of Heckling -- a.a. #1939
Never use a weapon you don't like the taste of.
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| User: "Ike" |
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| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
13 Mar 2005 09:16:48 AM |
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"J Young" <youngopinions@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1110686166.515881.116730@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com...
DanielSan wrote:
While an atheist, I find some Christian jokes hilarious; especially
when
they're at the expense of fundies. Here's one I found the other day
and
forgive me if this has been posted before:
A devoutly Christian fundamentalist was sitting on the roof of his
house; the flood waters rising around his house. As the flood waters
approached the edge of the roof, a man in a canoe came by and asked
the
fundamentalist if he needed help.
The funadmentalist shook his head and said, "No. God will save me."
The man in the canoe shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters continued to rise, and the fundamentalist prayed and
prayed. The water lapped around his legs when a woman came by in a
kayak. She asked if he needed help.
The fundamentalist shooks his head. "No. God will save me." The
woman
shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters were now at the fundamentalist's neck. He continued
to
pray for God to save him when a homosexual couple in a raft floated
by.
They asked him if he needed help.
The fundamentalist was furious. "No! Get away from me, sinners!
God
will save me, heathens! Pray for your own forgiveness!" The
homosexual
couple rolled their eyes and paddled away.
Finally, the waters went over the fundamentalist's head and he
drowned.
In heaven, the fundamentalist approached God, furious. "I pray to
you
night and day, O God! Why did you not save me from the flood?"
God leaned over from His throne with a quizzical look on His face and
asked, "What do you think those three boats I sent you were for?"
The punchline was that the man was too stupid to not see God's help
when offered. There might be a message in that for you.
He's funny but lokks aren't everything.
.
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| User: "Doc Smartass" |
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| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
13 Mar 2005 01:52:35 PM |
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"Ike" <accordiondoc@mindspring.com> wrote in
news:APYYd.9146$cN6.2849@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net:
"J Young" <youngopinions@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1110686166.515881.116730@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com...
DanielSan wrote:
While an atheist, I find some Christian jokes hilarious; especially
when
they're at the expense of fundies. Here's one I found the other day
and
forgive me if this has been posted before:
A devoutly Christian fundamentalist was sitting on the roof of his
house; the flood waters rising around his house. As the flood waters
approached the edge of the roof, a man in a canoe came by and asked
the
fundamentalist if he needed help.
The funadmentalist shook his head and said, "No. God will save me."
The man in the canoe shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters continued to rise, and the fundamentalist prayed and
prayed. The water lapped around his legs when a woman came by in a
kayak. She asked if he needed help.
The fundamentalist shooks his head. "No. God will save me." The
woman
shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters were now at the fundamentalist's neck. He continued
to
pray for God to save him when a homosexual couple in a raft floated
by.
They asked him if he needed help.
The fundamentalist was furious. "No! Get away from me, sinners!
God
will save me, heathens! Pray for your own forgiveness!" The
homosexual
couple rolled their eyes and paddled away.
Finally, the waters went over the fundamentalist's head and he
drowned.
In heaven, the fundamentalist approached God, furious. "I pray to
you
night and day, O God! Why did you not save me from the flood?"
God leaned over from His throne with a quizzical look on His face and
asked, "What do you think those three boats I sent you were for?"
The punchline was that the man was too stupid to not see God's help
when offered. There might be a message in that for you.
He's funny but lokks aren't everything.
A failed "lokk" probably caused the flood. Gawddamn engineers.
--
Dr. Smartass -- BAAWA Knight of Heckling -- a.a. #1939
Never use a weapon you don't like the taste of.
.
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| User: "Ike" |
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| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
14 Mar 2005 09:02:15 AM |
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"Doc Smartass" <gekiskivviesdo@astroboyskivviesmail.com> wrote in message
news:Xns96188D096E042askifyouwantit@216.77.188.18...
"Ike" <accordiondoc@mindspring.com> wrote in
news:APYYd.9146$cN6.2849@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net:
"J Young" <youngopinions@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1110686166.515881.116730@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com...
DanielSan wrote:
While an atheist, I find some Christian jokes hilarious; especially
when
they're at the expense of fundies. Here's one I found the other day
and
forgive me if this has been posted before:
A devoutly Christian fundamentalist was sitting on the roof of his
house; the flood waters rising around his house. As the flood waters
approached the edge of the roof, a man in a canoe came by and asked
the
fundamentalist if he needed help.
The funadmentalist shook his head and said, "No. God will save me."
The man in the canoe shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters continued to rise, and the fundamentalist prayed and
prayed. The water lapped around his legs when a woman came by in a
kayak. She asked if he needed help.
The fundamentalist shooks his head. "No. God will save me." The
woman
shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters were now at the fundamentalist's neck. He continued
to
pray for God to save him when a homosexual couple in a raft floated
by.
They asked him if he needed help.
The fundamentalist was furious. "No! Get away from me, sinners!
God
will save me, heathens! Pray for your own forgiveness!" The
homosexual
couple rolled their eyes and paddled away.
Finally, the waters went over the fundamentalist's head and he
drowned.
In heaven, the fundamentalist approached God, furious. "I pray to
you
night and day, O God! Why did you not save me from the flood?"
God leaned over from His throne with a quizzical look on His face and
asked, "What do you think those three boats I sent you were for?"
The punchline was that the man was too stupid to not see God's help
when offered. There might be a message in that for you.
He's funny but lokks aren't everything.
A failed "lokk" probably caused the flood. Gawddamn engineers.
At least that's more funny than his stupid joke.
.
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| User: "Chris Thompson" |
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| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
13 Mar 2005 12:14:24 PM |
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"Ike" <accordiondoc@mindspring.com> wrote in news:APYYd.9146$cN6.2849
@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net:
"J Young" <youngopinions@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1110686166.515881.116730@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com...
DanielSan wrote:
While an atheist, I find some Christian jokes hilarious; especially
when
they're at the expense of fundies. Here's one I found the other
day
and
forgive me if this has been posted before:
A devoutly Christian fundamentalist was sitting on the roof of his
house; the flood waters rising around his house. As the flood
waters
approached the edge of the roof, a man in a canoe came by and asked
the
fundamentalist if he needed help.
The funadmentalist shook his head and said, "No. God will save
me."
The man in the canoe shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters continued to rise, and the fundamentalist prayed
and
prayed. The water lapped around his legs when a woman came by in a
kayak. She asked if he needed help.
The fundamentalist shooks his head. "No. God will save me." The
woman
shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters were now at the fundamentalist's neck. He
continued
to
pray for God to save him when a homosexual couple in a raft floated
by.
They asked him if he needed help.
The fundamentalist was furious. "No! Get away from me, sinners!
God
will save me, heathens! Pray for your own forgiveness!" The
homosexual
couple rolled their eyes and paddled away.
Finally, the waters went over the fundamentalist's head and he
drowned.
In heaven, the fundamentalist approached God, furious. "I pray to
you
night and day, O God! Why did you not save me from the flood?"
God leaned over from His throne with a quizzical look on His face
and
asked, "What do you think those three boats I sent you were for?"
The punchline was that the man was too stupid to not see God's help
when offered. There might be a message in that for you.
He's funny but lokks aren't everything.
Neither is spelling, I guess.
Chris
aa2186
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| User: "Dale" |
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| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
13 Mar 2005 01:14:37 AM |
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"J Young" <youngopinions@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1110686166.515881.116730@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com...
[...]
The punchline was that the man was too stupid to not see God's help
when offered. There might be a message in that for you.
You know, Anger is one of the Seven Deadly Sins, but actually, from your
other posts I'd say Fraud is your biggest vice.
.
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| User: "quibbler" |
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| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
13 Mar 2005 02:29:46 PM |
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In article <1110686166.515881.116730@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com>,
youngopinions@aol.com says...
The punchline was that the man was too stupid to not see God's help
when offered. There might be a message in that for you.
No, the punchline was that no god belief was necessary and that, in fact
it was a hindrance that resulted in the stupid fundie dying. Since
you're a stupid fundie, you need to re-examine your idiotic religious
dogmatism. What was needed was a boat, not god. Furthermore, if god
hadn't been such a fuckup as to allow it to flood the first time then
said fundy wouldn't need god's incompetently offered help.
--
Quibbler (quibbler247atyahoo.com)
"It is fashionable to wax apocalyptic about the
threat to humanity posed by the AIDS virus, 'mad cow'
disease, and many others, but I think a case can be
made that faith is one of the world's great evils,
comparable to the smallpox virus but harder to
eradicate." -- Richard Dawkins
.
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| User: "Heretic" |
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| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
14 Mar 2005 02:56:29 AM |
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On Sun, 13 Mar 2005 13:29:46 -0700, quibbler <quibbler247@yahoo.com>
wrote:
The punchline was that the man was too stupid to not see God's help
when offered. There might be a message in that for you.
No, the punchline was that no god belief was necessary and that, in fact
it was a hindrance that resulted in the stupid fundie dying. Since
you're a stupid fundie, you need to re-examine your idiotic religious
dogmatism. What was needed was a boat, not god. Furthermore, if god
hadn't been such a fuckup as to allow it to flood the first time then
said fundy wouldn't need god's incompetently offered help.
"Lighthouses are more helpful than churches." Benjamin Franklin
.
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| User: "DanielSan" |
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| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
12 Mar 2005 09:59:43 PM |
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J Young wrote:
DanielSan wrote:
While an atheist, I find some Christian jokes hilarious; especially
when
they're at the expense of fundies. Here's one I found the other day
and
forgive me if this has been posted before:
A devoutly Christian fundamentalist was sitting on the roof of his
house; the flood waters rising around his house. As the flood waters
approached the edge of the roof, a man in a canoe came by and asked
the
fundamentalist if he needed help.
The funadmentalist shook his head and said, "No. God will save me."
The man in the canoe shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters continued to rise, and the fundamentalist prayed and
prayed. The water lapped around his legs when a woman came by in a
kayak. She asked if he needed help.
The fundamentalist shooks his head. "No. God will save me." The
woman
shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters were now at the fundamentalist's neck. He continued
to
pray for God to save him when a homosexual couple in a raft floated
by.
They asked him if he needed help.
The fundamentalist was furious. "No! Get away from me, sinners!
God
will save me, heathens! Pray for your own forgiveness!" The
homosexual
couple rolled their eyes and paddled away.
Finally, the waters went over the fundamentalist's head and he
drowned.
In heaven, the fundamentalist approached God, furious. "I pray to
you
night and day, O God! Why did you not save me from the flood?"
God leaned over from His throne with a quizzical look on His face and
asked, "What do you think those three boats I sent you were for?"
The punchline was that the man was too stupid to not see God's help
when offered. There might be a message in that for you.
Right. And it's to listen to the Weather Channel and get out of town if
the flood waters come. Don't sit on your roof praying to the Imaginary
Sky Pixie to come and save your life, because it ain't coming.
.
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| User: "Ike" |
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| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
13 Mar 2005 09:16:49 AM |
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"DanielSan" <daniel-san@myrealbox.com> wrote in message
news:3eidnWntF7vkJ67fRVn-3Q@comcast.com...
J Young wrote:
DanielSan wrote:
While an atheist, I find some Christian jokes hilarious; especially
when
they're at the expense of fundies. Here's one I found the other day
and
forgive me if this has been posted before:
A devoutly Christian fundamentalist was sitting on the roof of his
house; the flood waters rising around his house. As the flood waters
approached the edge of the roof, a man in a canoe came by and asked
the
fundamentalist if he needed help.
The funadmentalist shook his head and said, "No. God will save me."
The man in the canoe shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters continued to rise, and the fundamentalist prayed and
prayed. The water lapped around his legs when a woman came by in a
kayak. She asked if he needed help.
The fundamentalist shooks his head. "No. God will save me." The
woman
shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters were now at the fundamentalist's neck. He continued
to
pray for God to save him when a homosexual couple in a raft floated
by.
They asked him if he needed help.
The fundamentalist was furious. "No! Get away from me, sinners!
God
will save me, heathens! Pray for your own forgiveness!" The
homosexual
couple rolled their eyes and paddled away.
Finally, the waters went over the fundamentalist's head and he
drowned.
In heaven, the fundamentalist approached God, furious. "I pray to
you
night and day, O God! Why did you not save me from the flood?"
God leaned over from His throne with a quizzical look on His face and
asked, "What do you think those three boats I sent you were for?"
The punchline was that the man was too stupid to not see God's help
when offered. There might be a message in that for you.
Right. And it's to listen to the Weather Channel and get out of town if
the flood waters come. Don't sit on your roof praying to the Imaginary
Sky Pixie to come and save your life, because it ain't coming.
For an atheist you're not very funny.
.
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| User: "quibbler" |
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| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
13 Mar 2005 02:39:32 PM |
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In article <BPYYd.9147$cN6.1556@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net>,
accordiondoc@mindspring.com says...
"DanielSan" <daniel-san@myrealbox.com> wrote in message
news:3eidnWntF7vkJ67fRVn-3Q@comcast.com...
J Young wrote:
DanielSan wrote:
While an atheist, I find some Christian jokes hilarious; especially
when
they're at the expense of fundies. Here's one I found the other day
and
forgive me if this has been posted before:
A devoutly Christian fundamentalist was sitting on the roof of his
house; the flood waters rising around his house. As the flood waters
approached the edge of the roof, a man in a canoe came by and asked
the
fundamentalist if he needed help.
The funadmentalist shook his head and said, "No. God will save me."
The man in the canoe shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters continued to rise, and the fundamentalist prayed and
prayed. The water lapped around his legs when a woman came by in a
kayak. She asked if he needed help.
The fundamentalist shooks his head. "No. God will save me." The
woman
shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters were now at the fundamentalist's neck. He continued
to
pray for God to save him when a homosexual couple in a raft floated
by.
They asked him if he needed help.
The fundamentalist was furious. "No! Get away from me, sinners!
God
will save me, heathens! Pray for your own forgiveness!" The
homosexual
couple rolled their eyes and paddled away.
Finally, the waters went over the fundamentalist's head and he
drowned.
In heaven, the fundamentalist approached God, furious. "I pray to
you
night and day, O God! Why did you not save me from the flood?"
God leaned over from His throne with a quizzical look on His face and
asked, "What do you think those three boats I sent you were for?"
The punchline was that the man was too stupid to not see God's help
when offered. There might be a message in that for you.
Right. And it's to listen to the Weather Channel and get out of town if
the flood waters come. Don't sit on your roof praying to the Imaginary
Sky Pixie to come and save your life, because it ain't coming.
For an atheist you're not very funny.
Actually, it was the alleged xian joke that wasn't funny, but merely
sad. The religious person could have easily saved himself, but refuses
to take responsibility for his own life. Rather, he believes the
***** religious nonsense known as xianity, only to discover that
nothing fails like prayer. God is a fraud and the lie in the sky will
not help you. Reality will not suspend itself so that one can indulge
in religious fantasies. This so-called joke is only an apologetic for
the fact that god never does anything demonstrable, ever, in response to
prayer.
--
Quibbler (quibbler247atyahoo.com)
"It is fashionable to wax apocalyptic about the
threat to humanity posed by the AIDS virus, 'mad cow'
disease, and many others, but I think a case can be
made that faith is one of the world's great evils,
comparable to the smallpox virus but harder to
eradicate." -- Richard Dawkins
.
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| User: "dgillesp" |
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| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
13 Mar 2005 07:14:15 PM |
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quibbler wrote:
In article <BPYYd.9147$cN6.1556@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net>,
accordiondoc@mindspring.com says...
"DanielSan" <daniel-san@myrealbox.com> wrote in message
news:3eidnWntF7vkJ67fRVn-3Q@comcast.com...
J Young wrote:
DanielSan wrote:
While an atheist, I find some Christian jokes hilarious; especially
when
they're at the expense of fundies. Here's one I found the other day
and
forgive me if this has been posted before:
A devoutly Christian fundamentalist was sitting on the roof of his
house; the flood waters rising around his house. As the flood waters
approached the edge of the roof, a man in a canoe came by and asked
the
fundamentalist if he needed help.
The funadmentalist shook his head and said, "No. God will save me."
The man in the canoe shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters continued to rise, and the fundamentalist prayed and
prayed. The water lapped around his legs when a woman came by in a
kayak. She asked if he needed help.
The fundamentalist shooks his head. "No. God will save me." The
woman
shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters were now at the fundamentalist's neck. He continued
to
pray for God to save him when a homosexual couple in a raft floated
by.
They asked him if he needed help.
The fundamentalist was furious. "No! Get away from me, sinners!
God
will save me, heathens! Pray for your own forgiveness!" The
homosexual
couple rolled their eyes and paddled away.
Finally, the waters went over the fundamentalist's head and he
drowned.
In heaven, the fundamentalist approached God, furious. "I pray to
you
night and day, O God! Why did you not save me from the flood?"
God leaned over from His throne with a quizzical look on His face and
asked, "What do you think those three boats I sent you were for?"
The punchline was that the man was too stupid to not see God's help
when offered. There might be a message in that for you.
Right. And it's to listen to the Weather Channel and get out of town if
the flood waters come. Don't sit on your roof praying to the Imaginary
Sky Pixie to come and save your life, because it ain't coming.
For an atheist you're not very funny.
Actually, it was the alleged xian joke that wasn't funny, but merely
sad. The religious person could have easily saved himself, but refuses
to take responsibility for his own life. Rather, he believes the
***** religious nonsense known as xianity, only to discover that
nothing fails like prayer. God is a fraud and the lie in the sky will
not help you. Reality will not suspend itself so that one can indulge
in religious fantasies. This so-called joke is only an apologetic for
the fact that god never does anything demonstrable, ever, in response to
prayer.
So it's too bad we can't nail down and/or capture the Infinite with a microscope
or a telescope??? But if we could, the Infinite immediately becomes finite,
something the Infinite is not. Therefore all evidence of the Infinite at work
will by nature be ambiguous. Faith is the human faculty alone able to perceive
the presence and action of the Infinite in this world and universe.
Denny
--
Quibbler (quibbler247atyahoo.com)
"It is fashionable to wax apocalyptic about the
threat to humanity posed by the AIDS virus, 'mad cow'
disease, and many others, but I think a case can be
made that faith is one of the world's great evils,
comparable to the smallpox virus but harder to
eradicate." -- Richard Dawkins
.
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| User: "Josef Balluch" |
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| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
14 Mar 2005 08:19:39 PM |
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In a message sent 'round the world, dgillesp poured fuel on the fire
with the following:
....
So it's too bad we can't nail down and/or capture the Infinite with a microscope
or a telescope??? But if we could, the Infinite immediately becomes finite,
something the Infinite is not.
Meaningless twaddle.
The infinite can certainly be studied, and with no loss of it's
characteristics.
Furthermore, there is no proportion between the finite and the infinite.
The infinite does not appear as finite, no matter how it is
proportioned.
Therefore all evidence of the Infinite at work
will by nature be ambiguous.
Baloney. The characteristics of the infinite are distinct, and not
shared by the finite.
Faith is the human faculty alone able to perceive
the presence and action of the Infinite in this world and universe.
Faith is unreliable, as shown by Descartes.
Perception is finite and cannot encompass the infinite, since there is
no proportion between the finite and the infinite. The infinite is
studied through the use of logic and mathematical reasoning.
Regards,
Josef
The more opinions you have, the less you see.
-- Wim Wenders
.
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| User: "Les Hellawell" |
|
| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
14 Mar 2005 08:44:26 AM |
|
|
On Sun, 13 Mar 2005 20:14:15 -0500, dgillesp <dgillesp@nospam.net>
wrote:
quibbler wrote:
In article <BPYYd.9147$cN6.1556@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net>,
accordiondoc@mindspring.com says...
"DanielSan" <daniel-san@myrealbox.com> wrote in message
news:3eidnWntF7vkJ67fRVn-3Q@comcast.com...
J Young wrote:
DanielSan wrote:
While an atheist, I find some Christian jokes hilarious; especially
when
they're at the expense of fundies. Here's one I found the other day
and
forgive me if this has been posted before:
A devoutly Christian fundamentalist was sitting on the roof of his
house; the flood waters rising around his house. As the flood waters
approached the edge of the roof, a man in a canoe came by and asked
the
fundamentalist if he needed help.
The funadmentalist shook his head and said, "No. God will save me."
The man in the canoe shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters continued to rise, and the fundamentalist prayed and
prayed. The water lapped around his legs when a woman came by in a
kayak. She asked if he needed help.
The fundamentalist shooks his head. "No. God will save me." The
woman
shrugged and paddled away.
The flood waters were now at the fundamentalist's neck. He continued
to
pray for God to save him when a homosexual couple in a raft floated
by.
They asked him if he needed help.
The fundamentalist was furious. "No! Get away from me, sinners!
God
will save me, heathens! Pray for your own forgiveness!" The
homosexual
couple rolled their eyes and paddled away.
Finally, the waters went over the fundamentalist's head and he
drowned.
In heaven, the fundamentalist approached God, furious. "I pray to
you
night and day, O God! Why did you not save me from the flood?"
God leaned over from His throne with a quizzical look on His face and
asked, "What do you think those three boats I sent you were for?"
The punchline was that the man was too stupid to not see God's help
when offered. There might be a message in that for you.
Right. And it's to listen to the Weather Channel and get out of town if
the flood waters come. Don't sit on your roof praying to the Imaginary
Sky Pixie to come and save your life, because it ain't coming.
For an atheist you're not very funny.
Actually, it was the alleged xian joke that wasn't funny, but merely
sad. The religious person could have easily saved himself, but refuses
to take responsibility for his own life. Rather, he believes the
***** religious nonsense known as xianity, only to discover that
nothing fails like prayer. God is a fraud and the lie in the sky will
not help you. Reality will not suspend itself so that one can indulge
in religious fantasies. This so-called joke is only an apologetic for
the fact that god never does anything demonstrable, ever, in response to
prayer.
So it's too bad we can't nail down and/or capture the Infinite with a microscope
or a telescope??? But if we could, the Infinite immediately becomes finite,
something the Infinite is not. Therefore all evidence of the Infinite at work
will by nature be ambiguous. Faith is the human faculty alone able to perceive
the presence and action of the Infinite in this world and universe.
Reminds me of:
"To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour."
- William Blake from "Augeries of Innocence"
I think I understand the concept of infinity well enough without need
of faith but then I learned the concept in mathematics along with
the use and manipulations of equations involving it. As well as
infinitely large there is also infinitely small don't forget, so you
could hold an infinity of infinite small things on your little finger
nail and not see them!
--
Les Hellawell
greetings from
YORKSHIRE - The White Rose County
.
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| User: "Heretic" |
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| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
14 Mar 2005 02:53:29 AM |
|
|
On Sun, 13 Mar 2005 20:14:15 -0500, dgillesp <dgillesp@nospam.net>
wrote:
So it's too bad we can't nail down and/or capture the Infinite with a microscope
or a telescope??? But if we could, the Infinite immediately becomes finite,
something the Infinite is not. Therefore all evidence of the Infinite at work
will by nature be ambiguous. Faith is the human faculty alone able to perceive
the presence and action of the Infinite in this world and universe.
Denny
The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason.
Benjamin Franklin
.
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| User: "Heretic" |
|
| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
14 Mar 2005 02:50:54 AM |
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On Sun, 13 Mar 2005 15:16:49 GMT, "Ike" <accordiondoc@mindspring.com>
wrote:
For an atheist you're not very funny.
But you are about par for Christians.
.
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| User: "TCS" |
|
| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
13 Mar 2005 10:23:11 AM |
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On Sun, 13 Mar 2005 15:16:49 GMT, Ike <accordiondoc@mindspring.com> wrote:
"DanielSan" <daniel-san@myrealbox.com> wrote in message
news:3eidnWntF7vkJ67fRVn-3Q@comcast.com...
joke snipped
Right. And it's to listen to the Weather Channel and get out of town if
the flood waters come. Don't sit on your roof praying to the Imaginary
Sky Pixie to come and save your life, because it ain't coming.
For an atheist you're not very funny.
Imagine that. A post by an atheist that wasn't funny, nor supposed to be
funny.
Do you have some bizzare notion that all atheists are comedians all the time?
.
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| User: "Ike" |
|
| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
14 Mar 2005 09:02:14 AM |
|
|
"TCS" <The-Central-Scrutinizer@p.o.b.o.x.com> wrote in message
news:slrnd38q7f.5v8.The-Central-Scrutinizer@linux.client.comcast.net...
On Sun, 13 Mar 2005 15:16:49 GMT, Ike <accordiondoc@mindspring.com> wrote:
"DanielSan" <daniel-san@myrealbox.com> wrote in message
news:3eidnWntF7vkJ67fRVn-3Q@comcast.com...
joke snipped
Right. And it's to listen to the Weather Channel and get out of town
if
the flood waters come. Don't sit on your roof praying to the Imaginary
Sky Pixie to come and save your life, because it ain't coming.
For an atheist you're not very funny.
Imagine that. A post by an atheist that wasn't funny, nor supposed to be
funny.
Do you have some bizzare notion that all atheists are comedians all the
time?
I just read the NG for laughs. Besides it was touted as a joke. Instead it
was pro-homo propaganda.
.
|
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| User: "TCS" |
|
| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
14 Mar 2005 11:34:04 AM |
|
|
On Mon, 14 Mar 2005 15:02:14 GMT, Ike <accordiondoc@mindspring.com> wrote:
"TCS" <The-Central-Scrutinizer@p.o.b.o.x.com> wrote in message
news:slrnd38q7f.5v8.The-Central-Scrutinizer@linux.client.comcast.net...
On Sun, 13 Mar 2005 15:16:49 GMT, Ike <accordiondoc@mindspring.com> wrote:
"DanielSan" <daniel-san@myrealbox.com> wrote in message
news:3eidnWntF7vkJ67fRVn-3Q@comcast.com...
joke snipped
Right. And it's to listen to the Weather Channel and get out of town
if
the flood waters come. Don't sit on your roof praying to the Imaginary
Sky Pixie to come and save your life, because it ain't coming.
For an atheist you're not very funny.
Imagine that. A post by an atheist that wasn't funny, nor supposed to be
funny.
Do you have some bizzare notion that all atheists are comedians all the
time?
I just read the NG for laughs. Besides it was touted as a joke. Instead it
was pro-homo propaganda.
Grow up, brat.
.
|
|
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| User: "Ike" |
|
| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
15 Mar 2005 07:58:43 AM |
|
|
"TCS" <The-Central-Scrutinizer@p.o.b.o.x.com> wrote in message
news:slrnd3bioc.rt7.The-Central-Scrutinizer@linux.client.comcast.net...
On Mon, 14 Mar 2005 15:02:14 GMT, Ike <accordiondoc@mindspring.com> wrote:
"TCS" <The-Central-Scrutinizer@p.o.b.o.x.com> wrote in message
news:slrnd38q7f.5v8.The-Central-Scrutinizer@linux.client.comcast.net...
On Sun, 13 Mar 2005 15:16:49 GMT, Ike <accordiondoc@mindspring.com>
wrote:
"DanielSan" <daniel-san@myrealbox.com> wrote in message
news:3eidnWntF7vkJ67fRVn-3Q@comcast.com...
joke snipped
Right. And it's to listen to the Weather Channel and get out of
town
if
the flood waters come. Don't sit on your roof praying to the
Imaginary
Sky Pixie to come and save your life, because it ain't coming.
For an atheist you're not very funny.
Imagine that. A post by an atheist that wasn't funny, nor supposed to
be
funny.
Do you have some bizzare notion that all atheists are comedians all the
time?
I just read the NG for laughs. Besides it was touted as a joke. Instead
it
was pro-homo propaganda.
Grow up, brat.
Another silly fag weighs in.
.
|
|
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| User: "TCS" |
|
| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
15 Mar 2005 08:03:56 AM |
|
|
On Tue, 15 Mar 2005 13:58:43 GMT, Ike <accordiondoc@mindspring.com> wrote:
"TCS" <The-Central-Scrutinizer@p.o.b.o.x.com> wrote in message
news:slrnd3bioc.rt7.The-Central-Scrutinizer@linux.client.comcast.net...
On Mon, 14 Mar 2005 15:02:14 GMT, Ike <accordiondoc@mindspring.com> wrote:
"TCS" <The-Central-Scrutinizer@p.o.b.o.x.com> wrote in message
news:slrnd38q7f.5v8.The-Central-Scrutinizer@linux.client.comcast.net...
On Sun, 13 Mar 2005 15:16:49 GMT, Ike <accordiondoc@mindspring.com>
wrote:
"DanielSan" <daniel-san@myrealbox.com> wrote in message
news:3eidnWntF7vkJ67fRVn-3Q@comcast.com...
joke snipped
Right. And it's to listen to the Weather Channel and get out of
town
if
the flood waters come. Don't sit on your roof praying to the
Imaginary
Sky Pixie to come and save your life, because it ain't coming.
For an atheist you're not very funny.
Imagine that. A post by an atheist that wasn't funny, nor supposed to
be
funny.
Do you have some bizzare notion that all atheists are comedians all the
time?
I just read the NG for laughs. Besides it was touted as a joke. Instead
it
was pro-homo propaganda.
Grow up, brat.
Another silly fag weighs in.
Didn't anybody ever tell you that it is better to be thought a fool than to
open your mouth and remove all doubt?
.
|
|
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| User: "Ike" |
|
| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
16 Mar 2005 08:21:38 AM |
|
|
"TCS" <The-Central-Scrutinizer@p.o.b.o.x.com> wrote in message
news:slrnd3dqqc.3es.The-Central-Scrutinizer@linux.client.comcast.net...
On Tue, 15 Mar 2005 13:58:43 GMT, Ike <accordiondoc@mindspring.com> wrote:
"TCS" <The-Central-Scrutinizer@p.o.b.o.x.com> wrote in message
news:slrnd3bioc.rt7.The-Central-Scrutinizer@linux.client.comcast.net...
On Mon, 14 Mar 2005 15:02:14 GMT, Ike <accordiondoc@mindspring.com>
wrote:
"TCS" <The-Central-Scrutinizer@p.o.b.o.x.com> wrote in message
news:slrnd38q7f.5v8.The-Central-Scrutinizer@linux.client.comcast.net...
On Sun, 13 Mar 2005 15:16:49 GMT, Ike <accordiondoc@mindspring.com>
wrote:
"DanielSan" <daniel-san@myrealbox.com> wrote in message
news:3eidnWntF7vkJ67fRVn-3Q@comcast.com...
joke snipped
Right. And it's to listen to the Weather Channel and get out of
town
if
the flood waters come. Don't sit on your roof praying to the
Imaginary
Sky Pixie to come and save your life, because it ain't coming.
For an atheist you're not very funny.
Imagine that. A post by an atheist that wasn't funny, nor supposed
to
be
funny.
Do you have some bizzare notion that all atheists are comedians all
the
time?
I just read the NG for laughs. Besides it was touted as a joke.
Instead
it
was pro-homo propaganda.
Grow up, brat.
Another silly fag weighs in.
Didn't anybody ever tell you that it is better to be thought a fool than
to
open your mouth and remove all doubt?
To be wise one should know when to listen and when to speak. To speak when
one should be listening, is to be thought a fool. To be thought a fool is
not the same as being a fool.
.
|
|
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| User: "TCS" |
|
| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
16 Mar 2005 09:21:20 AM |
|
|
On Wed, 16 Mar 2005 14:21:38 GMT, Ike <accordiondoc@mindspring.com> wrote:
"TCS" <The-Central-Scrutinizer@p.o.b.o.x.com> wrote in message
news:slrnd3dqqc.3es.The-Central-Scrutinizer@linux.client.comcast.net...
On Tue, 15 Mar 2005 13:58:43 GMT, Ike <accordiondoc@mindspring.com> wrote:
"TCS" <The-Central-Scrutinizer@p.o.b.o.x.com> wrote in message
news:slrnd3bioc.rt7.The-Central-Scrutinizer@linux.client.comcast.net...
On Mon, 14 Mar 2005 15:02:14 GMT, Ike <accordiondoc@mindspring.com>
wrote:
"TCS" <The-Central-Scrutinizer@p.o.b.o.x.com> wrote in message
news:slrnd38q7f.5v8.The-Central-Scrutinizer@linux.client.comcast.net...
On Sun, 13 Mar 2005 15:16:49 GMT, Ike <accordiondoc@mindspring.com>
wrote:
"DanielSan" <daniel-san@myrealbox.com> wrote in message
news:3eidnWntF7vkJ67fRVn-3Q@comcast.com...
joke snipped
Right. And it's to listen to the Weather Channel and get out of
town
if
the flood waters come. Don't sit on your roof praying to the
Imaginary
Sky Pixie to come and save your life, because it ain't coming.
For an atheist you're not very funny.
Imagine that. A post by an atheist that wasn't funny, nor supposed
to
be
funny.
Do you have some bizzare notion that all atheists are comedians all
the
time?
I just read the NG for laughs. Besides it was touted as a joke.
Instead
it
was pro-homo propaganda.
Grow up, brat.
Another silly fag weighs in.
Didn't anybody ever tell you that it is better to be thought a fool than
to
open your mouth and remove all doubt?
To be wise one should know when to listen and when to speak. To speak when
one should be listening, is to be thought a fool. To be thought a fool is
not the same as being a fool.
You were better off when you were only thought a fool.
.
|
|
|
| User: "Ike" |
|
| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
16 Mar 2005 06:42:40 PM |
|
|
"TCS" <The-Central-Scrutinizer@p.o.b.o.x.com> wrote in message
news:slrnd3gjng.kqp.The-Central-Scrutinizer@linux.client.comcast.net...
On Wed, 16 Mar 2005 14:21:38 GMT, Ike <accordiondoc@mindspring.com> wrote:
"TCS" <The-Central-Scrutinizer@p.o.b.o.x.com> wrote in message
news:slrnd3dqqc.3es.The-Central-Scrutinizer@linux.client.comcast.net...
On Tue, 15 Mar 2005 13:58:43 GMT, Ike <accordiondoc@mindspring.com>
wrote:
"TCS" <The-Central-Scrutinizer@p.o.b.o.x.com> wrote in message
news:slrnd3bioc.rt7.The-Central-Scrutinizer@linux.client.comcast.net...
On Mon, 14 Mar 2005 15:02:14 GMT, Ike <accordiondoc@mindspring.com>
wrote:
"TCS" <The-Central-Scrutinizer@p.o.b.o.x.com> wrote in message
news:slrnd38q7f.5v8.The-Central-Scrutinizer@linux.client.comcast.net...
On Sun, 13 Mar 2005 15:16:49 GMT, Ike
<accordiondoc@mindspring.com>
wrote:
"DanielSan" <daniel-san@myrealbox.com> wrote in message
news:3eidnWntF7vkJ67fRVn-3Q@comcast.com...
joke snipped
Right. And it's to listen to the Weather Channel and get out
of
town
if
the flood waters come. Don't sit on your roof praying to the
Imaginary
Sky Pixie to come and save your life, because it ain't coming.
For an atheist you're not very funny.
Imagine that. A post by an atheist that wasn't funny, nor
supposed
to
be
funny.
Do you have some bizzare notion that all atheists are comedians
all
the
time?
I just read the NG for laughs. Besides it was touted as a joke.
Instead
it
was pro-homo propaganda.
Grow up, brat.
Another silly fag weighs in.
Didn't anybody ever tell you that it is better to be thought a fool
than
to
open your mouth and remove all doubt?
To be wise one should know when to listen and when to speak. To speak
when
one should be listening, is to be thought a fool. To be thought a fool is
not the same as being a fool.
You were better off when you were only thought a fool.
Who's the fool now?
.
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| User: "duke" |
|
| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
13 Mar 2005 05:55:34 AM |
|
|
On 12 Mar 2005 19:56:06 -0800, "J Young" <youngopinions@aol.com> wrote:
The punchline was that the man was too stupid to not see God's help
when offered. There might be a message in that for you.
Not surprising he didn't get it before you had to explain it to him.
duke
*****
Acts 2
38Peter replied, "Repent and be baptized, every
one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the
forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive
the gift of the Holy Spirit".
*****
.
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| User: "quibbler" |
|
| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
13 Mar 2005 02:31:07 PM |
|
|
In article <WbCdnQGFRMN3K67fRVn-tQ@comcast.com>, daniel-
san@myrealbox.com says...
While an atheist, I find some Christian jokes hilarious; especially when
they're at the expense of fundies. Here's one I found the other day and
forgive me if this has been posted before:
A devoutly Christian fundamentalist was sitting on the roof of his
house;
First off, this joke is not xian. They ripped it off from earlier
buddhist teaching. Xians are always stealing *****. They stole
extensively from Judaism too. But xians always ***** up what they steal
anyway, so it hardly helps them. If gawd wanted to help then (1) he
could have prevented the flood to begin with (2) made his intentions
clear to the religious moron by telling him to get in the boat, etc,
etc.
--
Quibbler (quibbler247atyahoo.com)
"It is fashionable to wax apocalyptic about the
threat to humanity posed by the AIDS virus, 'mad cow'
disease, and many others, but I think a case can be
made that faith is one of the world's great evils,
comparable to the smallpox virus but harder to
eradicate." -- Richard Dawkins
.
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| User: "Heretic" |
|
| Title: Re: A Christian Joke |
14 Mar 2005 03:01:15 AM |
|
|
So, this guy gets to go before God and ask him three questions. He
says, God, how long is one of your seconds? God says, One of my
seconds is like a million of your years. Guy says, God, how much is
one of your pennies worth? God says, One of my pennies is worth a
million of your dollars. Guy says, God, can I have a penny? God
says, Just a second.
.
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