Yang, why aren't you ON this one?
The Reverend Gary Aldredge, a friend of the late Jerry Falwell's, died
in Alabama two days ago under curious circumstances. The state of
Alabama has ruled his death "accidental by mechanical asphyxiation."
Aldridge served as the church's pastor for 16 years. Immediately
following his death, church officials issued a press release asking
community members to "please refrain from speculation" about what
led to Aldridge's demise, adding that, "we will begin the healing
process under the strong arm of our Savior, Jesus Christ."
The deceased was clothed in a diving wet suit, a face mask which
has a single vent for breathing, a rubberized head mask having an
opening for the mouth and eyes, a second rubberized suit with
suspenders, rubberized male underwear, hands and feet have diving
gloves and slippers. There were numerous straps and cords
restraining the decedent. There was a leather belt around the
midriff. There was a series of ligatures extending from the hands
to the feet. The hands were bound behind the back. The feet were
tied to the hands. There were nylon ligatures holding these in
place with leather straps about the wrists and ankles. There were
plastic cords also tied about the hands and feet with a single
plastic cord extending up to the head and surrounding the lower
neck. There was a ***** in the ***** covered with a condom.

Clothing: The deceased was received wearing two (2) wetsuits, one
scuba diving mask, one pair of diving gloves, one pair of
slippers, one pair of rubber underwear, two (2) ties, five (5)
belts, eleven (11) straps.
Personal effects: One yellow metal ring intact on left finger,
one *****.
Wait, aren't dildos illegal in Alabama? Didn't he have to cross state
lines to get it?

And how does one get into TWO wetsuits, unaided?

Man, if I were to die, I hope not to leave behind any silences quite
so awkward for my wife and family...

Elf
--
Elf M. Sternberg, Immanentizing the Eschaton since 1988
http://www.pendorwright.com/
"You know how some people treat their body like a temple?
I treat mine like issa amusement park!" - Kei

The deceased was clothed in a diving wet suit, a face mask which
has a single vent for breathing, a rubberized head mask having an
opening for the mouth and eyes, a second rubberized suit with
suspenders, rubberized male underwear, hands and feet have diving
gloves and slippers. There were numerous straps and cords
restraining the decedent. There was a leather belt around the
midriff. There was a series of ligatures extending from the hands
to the feet. The hands were bound behind the back. The feet were
tied to the hands. There were nylon ligatures holding these in
place with leather straps about the wrists and ankles. There were
plastic cords also tied about the hands and feet with a single
plastic cord extending up to the head and surrounding the lower
neck. There was a ***** in the ***** covered with a condom.

Clothing: The deceased was received wearing two (2) wetsuits, one
scuba diving mask, one pair of diving gloves, one pair of
slippers, one pair of rubber underwear, two (2) ties, five (5)
belts, eleven (11) straps.

Personal effects: One yellow metal ring intact on left finger,
one *****.

Wait, aren't dildos illegal in Alabama? Didn't he have to cross state
lines to get it?

. There was a leather belt around the
midriff. There was a series of ligatures extending from the hands
to the feet. The hands were bound behind the back. The feet were
tied to the hands. There were nylon ligatures holding these in
place with leather straps about the wrists and ankles. There were
plastic cords also tied about the hands and feet with a single
plastic cord extending up to the head and surrounding the lower
neck. There was a ***** in the ***** covered with a condom.

Yang, why aren't you ON this one?

The Reverend Gary Aldredge, a friend of the late Jerry Falwell's, died
in Alabama two days ago under curious circumstances. The state of
Alabama has ruled his death "accidental by mechanical asphyxiation."

Aldridge served as the church's pastor for 16 years. Immediately
following his death, church officials issued a press release asking
community members to "please refrain from speculation" about what
led to Aldridge's demise, adding that, "we will begin the healing
process under the strong arm of our Savior, Jesus Christ."

The deceased was clothed in a diving wet suit, a face mask which
has a single vent for breathing, a rubberized head mask having an
opening for the mouth and eyes, a second rubberized suit with
suspenders, rubberized male underwear, hands and feet have diving
gloves and slippers. There were numerous straps and cords
restraining the decedent. There was a leather belt around the
midriff. There was a series of ligatures extending from the hands
to the feet. The hands were bound behind the back. The feet were
tied to the hands. There were nylon ligatures holding these in
place with leather straps about the wrists and ankles. There were
plastic cords also tied about the hands and feet with a single
plastic cord extending up to the head and surrounding the lower
neck. There was a ***** in the ***** covered with a condom.

Clothing: The deceased was received wearing two (2) wetsuits, one
scuba diving mask, one pair of diving gloves, one pair of
slippers, one pair of rubber underwear, two (2) ties, five (5)
belts, eleven (11) straps.

Personal effects: One yellow metal ring intact on left finger,
one *****.

Wait, aren't dildos illegal in Alabama? Didn't he have to cross state
lines to get it?

And how does one get into TWO wetsuits, unaided?

Man, if I were to die, I hope not to leave behind any silences quite
so awkward for my wife and family...


Elf

Yang, why aren't you ON this one?

The Reverend Gary Aldredge, a friend of the late Jerry Falwell's, died
in Alabama two days ago under curious circumstances. The state of
Alabama has ruled his death "accidental by mechanical asphyxiation."