| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"Sound of Trumpet" |
| Date: |
23 Nov 2006 09:00:18 PM |
| Object: |
A Sad Scene Of Gay Men's Lives |
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1741770/posts
A Sad Scene: Miles Douglas on the jealousy, ageism, and sexual intrigue
of gay men's lives.
CatholicEducation. org (Spectator UK) ^ | March 12, 2006 | Miles
Douglas
Posted on 11/20/2006 2:50:43 PM PST by madprof98
A few months ago I persuaded one of my oldest and best gay friends to
invite his lively, articulate heterosexual neighbours to dinner. The
meal was, as I had expected, a great success. Conversation was amusing,
flowed naturally along with the wine, and covered an impressive range
of subjects. Like any good dinner party, it left a warm afterglow. I
have had a long and, many would say, complicated relationship with my
host, and later that night I asked him to admit that the party was far
more successful than his many all-gay evenings. He did so, somewhat
wistfully, and then fell back into a 'what's-a-chap-to-do?' fatalism.
'The trouble is, we have to live in the gay world, ' he said, and by no
means for the first time. 'We have no choice.' If we believe the media
and our own wishful thinking, this is the best-ever time to be gay.
Through civil partnerships and an equal age of consent, we have
achieved near-parity with heterosexuals. It is illegal to discriminate
against us at work, and this will soon be extended to the provision of
goods and services. Anti-gay legislation has been swept away and
acceptance is at levels undreamt of even ten years ago. These advances
are not to be sniffed at and there is much to be thankful for. I know
this from my experience of emerging into adulthood in the 1980s, which
seems a radically different era. Yet the public face of gay male life,
noisily hedonistic and self-consciously triumphalist, glosses over the
reality of personal unhappiness and collective callousness.
As far as gay rights are concerned, the culture war is largely won, but
we are still fleeing from our inner demons. It is this flight, more
than residual prejudice, that helps us to understand why levels of
depression, anxiety, alcohol and drug dependency and suicide remain so
high among gay men, young and old. We are faced with the paradox of a
highly effective legislative lobby allied to a culture that is ever
more narcissistic and heartless. This situation is compounded by a
political movement based on outdated notions of blame and victimhood.
Since the dinner party I have talked to gay male friends of widely
varying ages and backgrounds. Admittedly it is an unscientific poll,
but I have found reserves of unhappiness with the much-celebrated 'gay
lifestyle' that confirm my sense of a deeper malaise. There are many
familiar complaints: the shallow commercialism of the 'scene', the
petty emotional cruelties that dog so many of our friendships and even
long-term relationships, the ageism, the embarrassing glibness of the
activists.
Behind all these problems is the sense of stress involved in so many of
our social interactions. They are not relaxed but self-conscious
affairs, at which competition and jealousy, rivalry and sexual intrigue
always bubble beneath the surface. Unlike the ethnic and religious
minorities with which we compare ourselves, gay men have failed to
create a community of shared values and mutual support. The word
'community' is trotted out for political purposes, but the stereotypes
of bitchiness and backstabbing remain all too prominent features of gay
men's lives.
Thus the defining myth of gay liberation has been turned on its head.
Rather than finding security and support from each other, we seek
relief in our relationship with the outer world, our dealings with
'straight society'. This is admitted with great reluctance and spoken
of in hesitant whispers.
For at a time when the mainstream is more welcoming than ever before,
the ethos underlying gay life still militates strongly against
integration. While demanding equality, it stresses separateness,
holding up the idea of the gay community as part ghetto, part laager, a
defensive subculture demanding our loyalty on quasi-ethnic grounds. To
admit that all is not well in the gay world, that we express ourselves
better with our straight friends than with each other, is considered
tantamount to blasphemy. As I type these words, I experience a twinge
of guilt akin, perhaps, to that of the Jewish critic of Israeli policy.
This mentality arises out of the collective historical memory of
prejudice and our personal memories of coming to terms with our
sexuality. It has become an insidious intellectual constraint, stifling
self-criticism and imposing even on the least political among us a
straitjacket of conformity.
Today, the most striking feature of gay politics is its lack of nuance.
Feminists increasingly acknowledge the complexity of women's (and
men's) lives, the anti-racist movement passionately debates
multiculturalism, but the gay movement remains remarkably
unreconstructed. Our problems, it maintains, do not arise from within
ourselves, or from the choices we make, but from oppression by
heterosexual society and anything perceived as traditional values.
That simplistic narrative holds sway across the spectrum of gay
organisations, from the most radical to the ostensibly conservative. It
at once denies us our individuality and absolves us of personal
responsibility.
We can see the results of this approach in the gay press. Pick up a
magazine like Gay Times, for instance, and you will not find a spectrum
of social attitudes. Instead, politically correct victim culture is
allied with rampant consumerism. Freedom is identified with a shopping
list, whether of possessions or political demands. Throughout the gay
media, consumerism is extended to the human person, who is reduced to a
disposable item. Just as the ideology of victimhood is pervasive, so is
the low-grade pornography, criticism of which is taboo. Any notion of
self-restraint is condemned as oppressive.
Any spiritual aspiration any hope for anything beyond material and
sexual satisfaction is derided as irrelevant. The vicissitudes of gay
life, notably the culture of promiscuity, are alternately ascribed to
the legacy of oppression (and therefore not our fault) and celebrated
as a form of 'liberation'. Gay activism, which angrily expects our
gratitude, perpetuates the idea that heterosexuals, especially
heterosexual men, represent a hostile force. When I reveal that many of
my closest friends are straight men, this is viewed as unusual, even
slightly suspicious, as if to integrate were somehow to be letting the
side down. This is despite the fact that homosexual law reforms have
been enacted by parliaments consisting largely of heterosexual men.
The result of all this is a male homosexual culture that is
simultaneously turned in on itself and unable to address its own
shortcomings. It confuses morality and conscience with moralistic
repression. Through this confusion, we become afraid to question the
casual acceptance of promiscuity and pornography, and the shallow
materialistic values that underpin it, lest we be accused of
hypocritical puritanism. When we criticise the gay lifestyle, we are
accused by activists of self-oppression, but the true oppression comes
from within that lifestyle rather than from hostile external forces. In
an age of equal rights, we have become our own victims, devoured by the
movement we created.
I do not, in any sense, wish to suggest that I possess superior
insight. Indeed I have committed all the lapses of judgment and taste
that I have touched upon above, because I, like my dinner-party friend,
have had to 'live in the gay world'. That world is failing to recognise
that true liberation starts with the individual. Equality is worth
little, ultimately, without compassion, responsibility and conscience.
Now that the political battles are won, we should start to put our own
house in order. This is much harder than repeating scripted slogans
about rights, but at least it will mean better dinner parties.
.
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| User: "Roedy Green" |
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| Title: Re: A Sad Scene Of Gay Men's Lives |
24 Nov 2006 05:15:40 AM |
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On 23 Nov 2006 19:00:18 -0800, "Sound of Trumpet"
<soundoftrumpet@myway.com> wrote, quoted or indirectly quoted someone
who said :
Since the dinner party I have talked to gay male friends of widely
varying ages and backgrounds. Admittedly it is an unscientific poll,
but I have found reserves of unhappiness with the much-celebrated 'gay
lifestyle' that confirm my sense of a deeper malaise.
Well DUH. Would you want to be a black person? or a gay person? or
any other minority?
If you are gay, most people consider it impolite if you even mention
your partner or anything you did. You are constantly expected to
pretend to be straight, even after you come out. Unless you are very
stubborn (as I was) you can't invite your partner to the office party.
If you got to a restaurant, you must confine your conversation to
topics that would not make it obvious to anyone listening in that you
are a couple.
If you are single, and you strike up a conversation with someone who
looks interesting, they might even be violent if it turns out they
were not gay.
Superman is a myth about being gay. Clark Kent has to pretend to be
Mr. Average. But every once in a while, under special conditions, he
can dawn his costume and let his true self show. But immediately
afterward he redons his drab camouflage.
While under camouflage you bear the full brunt of bigotry. People will
say all manner of spiteful things they would never dare say to a gay
person's face. You can't react.
You are constantly tarred with vicious stereotypes.
Comedian go for a cheap joke where there is no content to the joke
other than the implication somebody is gay. Gays are considered fair
game for bigot humour.
Imagine a joke of this form: Two men were sitting in a restaurant.
And one ordered watermelon. Ha ha ha. You would go, that's lame even
for four year old, yet professional comedians use variants on this
joke about gays all the time.
For gays, society is rigid, controlling, Puritanical, pinched, mean
like some medieval village. Straight people constantly patronise us,
even ones who consider themselves liberal.
It grinds people down. That is why many gays decide to socialise only
with fellow gays.
--
Canadian Mind Products, Roedy Green, http://mindprod.com
Priorities: Prevent global climate destabilisation. End both wars. Prepare for oil shortages.
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| User: "Dionisio" |
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| Title: Re: A Sad Scene Of Gay Men's Lives |
24 Nov 2006 11:20:01 AM |
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Sound of Trumpet wrote:
A Sad Scene: Miles Douglas on the jealousy, ageism, and sexual intrigue
of gay men's lives.
CatholicEducation.org (Spectator UK) ^ | March 12, 2006 | Miles
Douglas
Well, considering the source, this was far more insightful than
expected. Still a bit of stereotyping going on, but, if the stereotype
wasn't based in part on truth, it would not exist.
A few months ago I persuaded one of my oldest and best gay friends to
invite his lively, articulate heterosexual neighbours to dinner. The
meal was, as I had expected, a great success. Conversation was amusing,
flowed naturally along with the wine, and covered an impressive range
of subjects.
Sounds like someone had a good time. Congrats.
'The trouble is, we have to live in the gay world, ' he said, and by no
means for the first time. 'We have no choice.'
And that is so much poppycock. We live in the world, a world which we
create. We may be forced to deal with the present time and the issues
thereof, but we always have a choice as to what we choose to do. That
applies to every human being on the planet.
If we believe the media and our own wishful thinking, this is the best-ever time to be gay.
To paraphrase a certain novel, life is always the best of times and the
worst of times. That's simply part and parcel of the human condition.
Now is a great time to be human. (Nope. No other labels. Plain, simple,
"human.")
We can travel to the ends of the earth for the cost of an airline
ticket. Thanks to international trade, we no longer need root cellars to
have fresh veggies in the depths of winter. We live longer than ever
before, and medicine keeps advancing to help extend that span of time
even further. We have amusements that, in the past, only kings could
afford; And they're cheap, sometimes they're even free. Fireworks for
Independence Day? No problem. Our roads surpass those of the ancient
Roman Empire. If we garden, we do so mostly for sheer pleasure, not
necessity. Hot and cold running water? Standard. Instant communications
with the far-flung masses of the planet? Just click the "send" button
and you can talk to one mere individual, or millions.
And then there are the problems: War, disease, famine, oppressive
regimes, persecutions of various and sundry sorts, the ever-present
demon of inflation, global warming, invasive foreign species, natural
disasters (tsunami, flood, hurricane, earthquake, tornado, dust/sand
storms, volcanic eruptions, etc...), political intrigue, racism,
genocide, crime in all it's various flavors, and on and on...
I know
this from my experience of emerging into adulthood in the 1980s, which
seems a radically different era. Yet the public face of gay male life,
noisily hedonistic and self-consciously triumphalist, glosses over the
reality of personal unhappiness and collective callousness.
News flash: That is the same across-the-board for all of humanity. I too
grew to adulthood in the '80s. (The supposed "Me Generation.") I've seen
catty and cruel gay covens. I've seen catty and cruel Church Ladies
Associations. I've seen catty and cruel politicians, catty and cruel
high school cliques, and even catty and cruel bosses. (Not to mention
the neighborhood gossips, reporters, and -- since I've served jury duty
-- even catty and cruel complete strangers; Humans all. Astonishing.)
As far as gay rights are concerned, the culture war is largely won, but
we are still fleeing from our inner demons.
As is everyone.
Since the dinner party I have talked to gay male friends of widely
varying ages and backgrounds. Admittedly it is an unscientific poll,
but I have found reserves of unhappiness with the much-celebrated 'gay
lifestyle' that confirm my sense of a deeper malaise. There are many
familiar complaints: the shallow commercialism of the 'scene', the
petty emotional cruelties that dog so many of our friendships and even
long-term relationships, the ageism, the embarrassing glibness of the
activists.
Welcome to the human condition.
Unlike the ethnic and religious
minorities with which we compare ourselves, gay men have failed to
create a community of shared values and mutual support.
Show me the unified "community of women." Show me the unified "community
of
Jews/Christians/Mormons/atheists/Buddhists/Muslims/Amish/pagans/whatever."
Pick one. Pick them all. Each has divisions, issues, conflicts,
differences of opinion amongst the members.
Show me the unified community of
blacks/whites/Asians/Natives/what-have-you. It can't be done. There are
economic considerations, there are social issues, there is division
within each and every single one.
Why should homosexuals be any different. Or heterosexuals for that
matter? Wanna really stir the pot? Why should bisexuals be any
different. (There are many from each of the former two camps whom deny
that bisexuals even exist, and there is division within the bisexuals
community on that as well.)
Someone seeks an ideal.
Ideally, everything would be hunky-dory with nary even the specter of
strife showing its face.
Alas, this is the real world. Warts and all.
Life is what we make of it. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Deal with it.
--
And the Thought of the Moment (TM) is:
Nice people have to be bastards every once in a while so that others can fully appreciate their gentle, loving nature.
-- Dionisio, circa 1993
(Brought to you by SigChanger. http://www.phranc.nl)
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| User: "Anlatt the Builder" |
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| Title: Re: A Sad Scene Of Gay Men's Lives |
24 Nov 2006 03:40:04 AM |
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You know, I have rarely read such incredible tripe in my entire life.
It's based on the assumption that all gays are the same and have the
same problems, as well as the implicit statement that racial minorites
and religions have each created trouble-free, supportive communities
for themselves, in which everyone is accepted and valued. And that
straights are all very happy, and don't have to deal with shallowness,
ageism, loneliness, or other such problems.
Sound of Trumpet wrote:
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1741770/posts
Today, the most striking feature of gay politics is its lack of nuance.
Feminists increasingly acknowledge the complexity of women's (and
men's) lives, the anti-racist movement passionately debates
multiculturalism, but the gay movement remains remarkably
unreconstructed. Our problems, it maintains, do not arise from within
ourselves, or from the choices we make, but from oppression by
heterosexual society and anything perceived as traditional values.
I have heard gay people talk about the problems of internalized
homophobia, the consequences of self-hatred, and bad personal choices
for DECADES. Where have you been?
However, if you want gays to tell you that their problems are not only
in some cases self-generated, but are also somehow INTRINSIC to being
gay - as opposed to being a consequence of society's (family's,
religion's) messages about being gay, which gay people learn at a very
early age - then you're out of luck. There's nothing intrinsicially
wrong with being gay, any more than there is with being black, being
Jewish, being in a mixed-race relationship, being Christian, or being
Finnish.
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