| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"Pastor Frank" |
| Date: |
14 Apr 2005 06:29:25 AM |
| Object: |
Answers to questions from the fake Pastor Frank |
Here are the answers to your questions, fake Pastor Frank:
1. If you retain the services of a prostitute, but are careless and
impregnate her, what should you do for her in return?
Correct Answer, kill the ***** (particularly if you find out she’s a
relative). “And [Judah] turned unto her by the way, and said, Go to, I
pray thee, let me come in unto thee; (for he knew not that she was his
daughter in law.) And she said, What wilt thou give me, that thou mayest
come in unto me?…And it came to pass about three months after, that it
was told Judah, saying, Tamar thy daughter in law hath played the harlot;
and also, behold, she is with child by whoredom. And Judah said, Bring
her forth, and let her be burnt” (Genesis 38:16, 40).
2. Were sex objects used in Biblical times?
Correct Answer, yes. Women screwed themselves with dildos made out of
gold and silver. “Thou hast also taken thy fair jewels of my gold and of
my silver, which I had given thee, and madest to thyself images of men,
and didst commit whoredom with them” (Ezekiel 16:17).
3. Do Middle Eastern men have large “external appendages” and great
sexual prowess?
Correct Answer, yes. In fact, Egyptians have penises the size of a
donkey’s and ejaculations the volume of a horse’s. “Yet she multiplied
her whoredoms, in calling to remembrance the days of her youth, wherein
she had played the harlot in the land of Egypt. For she doted upon their
paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like
the issue of horses” (Ezekiel 23:19-20).
4. How can sin (or anything else that irks God) affect your sex life?
Correct Answer, God may simply have your neighbour rape your wife. “Thus
saith the Lord, Behold, I will raise up evil against thee out of thine
own house, and I will take thy wives before thine eyes, and give them
unto thy neighbour, and he shall lie with thy wives in the sight of this
sun” (2 Samuel 12:11).
5. Are there times when prostitution is acceptable?
Correct Answer, yes. When the money raised is used to support needy
Christians. “And it shall come to pass after the end of seventy years,
that the Lord will visit Tyre, and she shall turn to her hire, and shall
commit fornication with all the kingdoms of the world upon the face of
the earth. And her merchandise and her hire shall be holiness to the
Lord: it shall not be treasured nor laid up; for her merchandise shall be
for them that dwell before the Lord, to eat sufficiently, and for durable
clothing” (Isaiah 23:17-18).
6. Whom does God order sinners to marry?
Correct Answer: whores. “And the Lord said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a
wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms: for the land hath committed
great whoredom, departing from the Lord” (Hosea 1:2).
7. How does God feel about polygamy?
Correct Answer, “if he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and
her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish” (Exodus 21:10). “And [King
Solomon] had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred
concubines” (1 Kings 11:3). “Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened
unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the
bridegroom” (Matthew 25:1). “But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put
away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit
adultery” (Matthew 5:32).
8. What should you do for your married mistress who bears your child if
an angry God decides to kill the baby?
Correct Answer, just knock up your wife and quickly produce another
offspring. “And the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife bare unto
David, and it was very sick…And it came to pass on the seventh day, that
the child died…And David comforted Bathsheba his wife, and went in unto
her, and lay with her: and she bare a son, and he called his name
Solomon: and the Lord loved him” (2 Samuel 12: 15, 17, 24).
9. How does God punish whores (i.e., sexually active women)?
Correct Answer, He pulls up their skirts and exposes their nakedness,
thereby increasing their whoredom. “Therefore will I discover thy skirts
upon thy face, that thy shame may appear. I have seen thine adulteries,
and thy neighings, the lewdness of thy whoredom, and thine abominations
on the hills in the fields” (Jeremiah 13:26-27).
10. Before the days of notary publics, how did a man swear to a
statement?
Correct Answer, they simply grabbed another man’s genitals. “And Abraham
said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he
had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh: And I will make thee
swear by the Lord, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou
shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canannites,
among whom I dwell…And the servant put his hand under the thigh of
Abraham his master, and sware to him concerning that matter” (Genesis
24:2-3, 9). “And the time drew nigh that Israel must die: and he called
his son Joseph, and said unto him, If now I have found grace in thy
sight, put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh, and deal kindly and
truly with me; bury me not, I pray thee, in Egypt” (Genesis 47:29).
Happy now, fake Pastor Frank?
--
Pastor Frank (Bernhard Schornak)
Broomleigh Evangelische Kirche GmbH (Zurich)
Hardenbergstr. 14, D-Augsburg 86165, Germany
http://www.church.broomleigh.org/
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| User: "Fredric L. Rice" |
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| Title: Re: Answers to questions from the fake Pastor Frank |
14 Apr 2005 01:20:46 PM |
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Pastor Frank <PF@christfirst.com> wrote:
Correct Answer, yes. When the money raised is used to support needy
Christians. “And it shall come to pass after the end of seventy years,
that the Lord will visit Tyre, and she shall turn to her hire, and shall
commit fornication with all the kingdoms of the world upon the face of
the earth. And her merchandise and her hire shall be holiness to the
Lord: it shall not be treasured nor laid up; for her merchandise shall be
for them that dwell before the Lord, to eat sufficiently, and for durable
clothing” (Isaiah 23:17-18).
Now we know what Bush's gay male prostitute was doing in the White House.
Charity work.
---
http://www.ElmerFudd.US/ http://www.notserver.com/
Scientology crooks: http://sf.irk.ru/www/ot3/otiii-gif.html
Scientology spin-off scam: http://www.avatarscam.com
http://PerkinsTragedy.org http://www.rightard.org/
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| User: "Pastor Frank" |
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| Title: Re: Answers to questions from the fake Pastor Frank |
14 Apr 2005 03:09:09 PM |
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(Fredric L. Rice) wrote:
Now we know what Bush's gay male
prostitute was doing in the White House.
Where do you think Shrub should take his prostitutes? Most of America does
not even know their president is gay, http://www.gaybush.broomleigh.org/ .
Charity work.
How many people did Governor Bush kill in Texas? Would you insist on
getting your money from a man with a record like that?
Makes L Ron Hubbard look half decent.
--
Pastor Frank (Bernhard Schornak)
Broomleigh Evangelische Kirche GmbH (Zurich)
Hardenbergstr. 14, D-Augsburg 86165, Germany
http://www.church.broomleigh.org/
----== Posted via Newsfeeds.Com - Unlimited-Uncensored-Secure Usenet News==----
http://www.newsfeeds.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! 120,000+ Newsgroups
----= East and West-Coast Server Farms - Total Privacy via Encryption =----
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| User: "HellPope Huey" |
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| Title: Re: Answers to questions from the fake Pastor Frank |
05 Feb 2006 06:11:18 PM |
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Pastor Frank wrote:
3. Do Middle Eastern men have large “external appendages” and great
sexual prowess?
Correct Answer, yes. In fact, Egyptians have penises the size of a
donkey’s and ejaculations the volume of a horse’s. “Yet she multiplied
her whoredoms, in calling to remembrance the days of her youth, wherein
she had played the harlot in the land of Egypt. For she doted upon their
paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like
the issue of horses” (Ezekiel 23:19-20).
This reminds me of the old Wonder Warthog episode where a woman laughs
at his little pig weiner, so he uses his big snout on her and ends up
blowing her through the window and across TOWN. The end of the strip is
poor Philbert Desenex cringing at the TV news spot about it and saying
"It sure was an embarrassing week for me. How about you folks?"
--
HellPope Huey
Tour manager of
The Honeydew All-Star Melon Slammers
Some rainy winter Sundays when there's a little boredom,
you should always carry a gun.
Not to shoot yourself, but to know exactly
that you're always making a choice.
~ Lina Wertmuller
Oh, come on.
If you can't laugh at the walking dead,
who can you laugh at?
~ Dan Fielding, "Night Court"
http://www.beat-factory.net/hellpope/
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| User: "Leonard The Committed" |
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| Title: Re: Answers to questions from the fake Pastor Frank |
05 Feb 2006 01:28:56 PM |
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For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose
issue is like the issue of horses (Ezekiel 23:19-20).
That sounds like it might make a good spam message for christian male
enhancement products!
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