Luckily for Saint Peter, who has to decide who gets into heaven and
who gets into hell, time moves much slower for him then for people on
earth. Although 3 people die on earth every second, he does gets ample
time to deal with each individual.
However for some odd reason, God had provided that now ad again two
people come to the gate at the same time (Peter's time). Every time
they do strangely, only one is admitted and the other one is sent to
hell. Peter sometimes wonders whether there is a reason behind that.
So again today, two guys arrive at heavens Gate simultaneously. One a
zealous Christian, the other one a convinced atheists.
So here goes the script: P=Peter, A=Atheist, C=Christian
C: "Praise the lord, I am coming to heaven"
A: "What?"
P: I am Saint Peter, and it is my duty to decide which one of you will
be allowed into heaven, and which one of you will face hell. For this
I will ask you some questions, which you will have to answer
truthfully. Don't try to lie you way out of it, for an Angel would
come and hand you to Satan right away!"
C: "Praise the lord, this man here is my neighbour and he is an evil
atheist!,
so you can spare yourself the questions Saint Peter, he surely has to
go to hell!"
A: "I don't believe it!"
P: Whatever you believe or not, I have to ask the questions"
P: "Tell me first, Did you honour your parents"
C: "My father was a wicked unbeliever and my mother was a harlot
and I have often wondered why I should honour them,
but fearing hell and eternal damnation, I did"
A: "My parents were wonderful people, I fear I did not honour them
enough"
P: "Tell me then, have you killed"
C: "I truly hate my wife who is an ugly pain in the *****, and I would
have loved to strangle her,
but fearing hell and eternal damnation, I did not"
A:" Not killed, but I surely did hurt peoples feelings"
P: "Did you steel"
C: "I dearly wished to get my hands on this atheist's gold necklace,
but fearing hell and eternal damnation I did not take it"
A:" I often came home from office with a pen in my shirt"
P: "Did you commit adultery"
C: "This atheist here has a beautiful Pagan wife, and I am sure she is
a harlot
so I could have had my way with her,
but fearing hell and eternal damnation, I did not"
A: "I love my wife, but when she wants to make love, I often think of
other women, so I can get a hard-on"
P "Did you lie"
C: "I would have very much liked to lie about his wife being
attractive to me,
but fearing hell and eternal damnation I did not"
A: "Not outright lies, but I often mistook my own opinion for the
truth and expressed it as such"
P: "Did you covet your neighbours possessions?"
C "I told you about this sinner's wife and gold,
but fearing hell and eternal damnation I put those Ideas out of my
head"
A: "Although he seems to be a bit of a bigot, I actually love my
neighbour,
but I am afraid I did not do enough to help him."
P: "Well it is all to clear. . . .
Peter van Velzen
October 2007
Amstelveen
The Netherlands
.
|
