| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"Dutch" |
| Date: |
08 Feb 2006 05:08:10 AM |
| Object: |
Best religious joke ever |
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do
it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you
believe in God?"
He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said,
"A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He
said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said,
"Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern
Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too!
Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too!
Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern
Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern
Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"
Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of
1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region
Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great
Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I
pushed him over.
- Emo Phillips
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| User: "J Forbes" |
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| Title: Re: Best religious joke ever |
08 Feb 2006 11:33:38 AM |
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--remove crossposting--
Dutch wrote:
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do
it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you
believe in God?"
--snip--
I'm a fan of oxymorons....and
religious truth
is still a better joke than yours.
Jim
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| User: "Witziges Rätsel" |
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| Title: Re: Best religious joke ever |
08 Feb 2006 11:54:03 AM |
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--remove crossposting--
Dutch wrote:
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do
it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you
believe in God?"
--snip--
I'm a fan of oxymorons....and
religious truth
is still a better joke than yours.
The absurdity of contending over trivial differences is the point
of the original joke. Competition over the merits of one joke compared
to another demonstrates that same absurdity.
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| User: "J Forbes" |
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| Title: Re: Best religious joke ever |
08 Feb 2006 01:22:03 PM |
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Witziges R=E4tsel wrote:
--remove crossposting--
Dutch wrote:
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do
it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you
believe in God?"
--snip--
I'm a fan of oxymorons....and
religious truth
is still a better joke than yours.
The absurdity of contending over trivial differences is the point
of the original joke. Competition over the merits of one joke compared
to another demonstrates that same absurdity.
I thought I had made funny post...thanks for confirming it
Jim
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| User: "Sanitys littIe heIper" |
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| Title: Re: Best religious joke ever |
08 Feb 2006 11:57:30 AM |
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Dutch wrote:
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do
it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you
believe in God?"
He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said,
"A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He
said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said,
"Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern
Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too!
Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too!
Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern
Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern
Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"
Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of
1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region
Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great
Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I
pushed him over.
- Emo Phillips
Saw the punchline coming a mile off. Still extremely funny, though, and
I love Emo Phillips.
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| User: "Sgeo" |
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| Title: Re: Best religious joke ever |
08 Feb 2006 05:02:28 PM |
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Dutch wrote:
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do
it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you
believe in God?"
He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said,
"A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He
said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said,
"Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern
Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too!
Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too!
Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern
Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern
Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"
Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of
1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region
Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great
Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I
pushed him over.
- Emo Phillips
Saw something similar at
http://www.infidelguy.com/flash-media-details-3-The_Infidel_Ledge.html
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| User: "stoney" |
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| Title: Re: Best religious joke ever |
08 Feb 2006 05:58:38 PM |
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On Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:08:10 GMT, "Dutch" <no@email.com> wrote in
alt.atheism
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do
it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you
believe in God?"
He said, "Yes."
An oldie but goodie.
[]
--
Fundies and trolls are cordially invited to
shove a wooden cross up their arses and rotate
at a high rate of speed. I trust you'll
be 'blessed' with a cornucopia of splinters.
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| User: "William Wingstedt" |
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| Title: Re: Best religious joke ever |
10 Feb 2006 08:35:27 AM |
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On Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:08:10 GMT, "Dutch" <no@email.com> wrote:
Three Italian nuns die and meet St. Peter at the gate. He says that in
recognition of their lives of service, they would be granted 24 hours
on Earth to be any person they desired. First nun requests that she be
restored as Gina Lollabridgida. Poof, St. Pete snaps his fingers and
she is whisked away. Second nun pauses for a moment to think and then
says she'd like one day to spend as Raquel Welch. St. Peter obliges
and she is transported back to Earth. The third nun barely even
hesitates and excitedly ask to have one day as Virginina Pippelini.
St. Peter gives her a quizzical look and then admits he has never
heard of her. The nun responds, saying there was an article in the
paper just yesterday that related her escapades. St. Peter snaps his
fingers and in a flash, a newspaper appears in his hands. He begins to
scan for the story and the nun leans over and points out an article on
page 3, the headline "500 construction workers lay Virginia pipeline
in 24 hours."
W\/W
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| User: "Matt Silberstein" |
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| Title: Re: Best religious joke ever |
08 Feb 2006 02:00:34 PM |
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On Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:08:10 GMT, in alt.atheism , "Dutch"
<no@email.com> in <uikGf.358813$tl.110743@pd7tw3no> wrote:
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do
it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you
believe in God?"
He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said,
"A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He
said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said,
"Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern
Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too!
Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too!
Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern
Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern
Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"
Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of
1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region
Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great
Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I
pushed him over.
- Emo Phillips
Lumper!
--
Matt Silberstein
Do something today about the Darfur Genocide
http://www.beawitness.org
http://www.darfurgenocide.org
http://www.savedarfur.org
"Darfur: A Genocide We can Stop"
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| User: "Geoff" |
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| Title: Re: Best religious joke ever |
08 Feb 2006 11:59:42 AM |
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Two guys are digging a ditch outside of a whorehouse in Dublin. One of them
looks up and sees a rabbi walking into the whorehouse. He pokes the other
guy in the ribs and says (in your best brogue), "Would ya look at that! And
the way those people have been troubled over the years and he's going to a
place like that!" They both shake their heads and go back to digging their
ditch.
A little while later, the other fella looks up and sees a Protestant
minister walking into the whorehouse. He pokes the other guy in the ribs and
says, "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! And the way the children look up to the man
and he's going to a place like that!" They both shake their heads and go
back to digging their ditch.
A little while later, they both look up and see a Catholic priest walking
into the whorehouse. The first exclaims, "Now there's a shame!" To which the
second replies, "Aye, one of the poor girls must be dyin'!"
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