Andy Borowitz: Tom Cruise's Sister Replaces Rove
Bush Seen Jumping on Oprah's Couch
By: Andy Borowitz
Published: November 10, 2005 at 08:01
http://www.yubanet.com/artman/publish/article_27634.shtml
One day after Tom Cruise replaced his sister Lee Anne DeVette as his
publicist, Ms. DeVette staged a stunning professional comeback, replacing
Karl Rove as President George W. Bush's top political advisor.
It was an astonishing personal coup for Ms. DeVette, who has no political
experience and whose tenure as Mr. Cruise's publicist was characterized
mainly by erratic public appearances and controversial outbursts by the
talkative actor.
But according to one White House aide, the decision to replace Mr. Rove
with Ms. DeVette was a "no brainer": "Lee Ann doesn't have as much baggage
as Karl does, and with our poll numbers as low as they are, we had to start
thinking outside the box."
On Ms. DeVette's first day on the job, Mr. Bush appeared on NBC's "Today
Show," where he lectured host Matt Lauer about the evils of economics,
telling him at one point, "I've done the research, and economics is not a
real science."
Later in the day, the president appeared on "Oprah," where he jumped up and
down on host Oprah Winfrey's couch and proclaimed his love for First Lady
Laura Bush while a visibly alarmed Ms. Winfrey looked on.
But according to Buddy Schlantz, a veteran talent agent and longtime
observer of the Hollywood scene, Ms. DeVette's work has only begun: "If
those approval ratings don't go up soon, expect the president to announce
that he's marrying Scarlett Johansson and she's having his baby."
Elsewhere, scientists at Cal Tech said today that an enormous object
originally thought to be a tenth planet is actually the ego of Philadelphia
Eagles wide receiver Terrell Owens.
---
http://www.ElmerFudd.US/ http://www.rightard.org/ http://www.thedarkwind.org/
"Sex is only perverted if it implants voracious alien parasites in your
bladder or rectum." -- nu-monet v8.0
.
|
