| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"Gandalf Grey" |
| Date: |
09 Feb 2007 12:18:37 PM |
| Object: |
Christian E-Mail ----- Chock Full of Nuts! |
Christian E-Mail - Chock Full of Nuts!
By Nick Paccione
Created Feb 8 2007 - 10:14am
I received a "Christian" email this week from a friend who enjoys "getting
my gander up" by sending me wacky e-mails. The sad fact remains, that
someone actually wrote this message and many believe it. I did a little
online research and this gem appears on quite a few "Christian" ministry
websites and blogs.
I think it's a good thing when we shine a light on the darkness that lurks
within the minds of people we are probably dealing with daily. Here's the
message written by someone who is trying to save souls by mocking everything
that a loving God would represent. My mockery (sorry God) appears in
underlined italics.
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT DEATH
Death is certain but the Bible speaks about untimely death! Make a personal
reflection about this. Very interesting, read until the end. Until the end
of what? My life? This e-mail? The end times?
It is written in the Bible (Galatians 6:7): "Be not deceived; God is not
mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap." That nails
it. What more need anyone say about untimely death as retribution for
mocking God. Actually if a man reaps what he soweth and he's been sowing
mockery shouldn't his punishment be God or someone else mocking him? This
author implies that mockery leads to death by God's decree. So the mocker
wouldn't actually be reaping what he soweth, would he?
Here are some men and women who mocked God:
JOHN LENNON: Some years before, during his interview with an American
Magazine, he said: "Christianity will end, it will disappear. I do not have
to argue about that. I am certain. Jesus was ok, but his subjects were too
simple, today we are more famous than Him" (1966). Lennon, after saying that
the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ, was shot six times. I
thought he was shot in 1980. That's almost a quarter of a century after his
mockery of God. So let's just say that the hand of God is not necessarily
swift. And did God turn Lennon's assassin, Mark David Chapman, into a
stalking murdering lunatic to make some point about mockery? What did
Chapman do to God?
TANCREDO NEVES (President of Brazil): During the Presidential campaign, he
said if he got 500,000 votes from his party, not even God would remove him
from Presidency. Sure he got the votes, but he got sick a day before being
made President, then he died. Now we know what happened to John Tyler back
in 1862. I suppose when Abraham Lincoln fought to save the Union and freed
the slaves, that he must have really ***** God. Why else was he shot
and made to face an untimely death? Then again, he was well over 50.
CAZUZA (Bi-sexual Brazilian composer, singer and poet): During a show in
Caneci, Rio de Janeiro, whilst smoking his cigarette, he puffed out some
smoke into the air and said: "God, that's for you." He died at the age of 32
of AIDS in a horrible manner. In a horrible manner? Was his home that bad?
Oh that would be "manor," wouldn't it? Did he need to vocalize his mockery
of God considering he was bi-sexual? That in itself is what must have given
him AIDS and don't good Christians believe that AIDS is a form of
punishment?
THE MAN WHO BUILT THE TITANIC: (He must have been exhausted after building
it.) After the construction of the Titanic, a reporter asked him how safe
the Titanic would be. With an ironic tone he said: "Not even God can sink
it" The result: I think you all know what happened to the Titanic. Yes, it
struck an iceberg. It's sad to think that their God is so passive
aggressive. And just what did the passengers and crew of the Titanic do to
God? This would imply that if you even get near anyone or to anything that a
mocker has talked about you will be killed.
MARILYN MONROE: She was visited by Billy Graham during a presentation of a
show. (Who's presentation of a show? What is a presentation of a show?) He
said the Spirit of God had sent him to preach to her. After hearing what the
Preacher had to say, she said: "I don't need your Jesus". A week later, she
was found dead in her apartment. Funny, but she lived in a house in
Brentwood. And how in the hell did the writer of this gem miss the chance to
smear the Catholic, Democratic Kennedy brothers and their untimely deaths?
Fact check: Of course Billy Graham says he never met Monroe.
BON SCOTT: The ex-vocalist of the AC/DC. On one of his 1979 songs he sang:
"Don't stop me, I'm going down all the way, down the highway to hell". On
the 19th of February 1980, Bon Scott was found dead, he had been choked by
his own vomit. Did he choke on his vomit or did God give the vomit hands for
the occasion? Just asking.
CAMPINAS SPAIN 2005: In Campinas, Brazil a group of friends, drunk, went to
pick up a friend. The mother accompanied her to the car and was so worried
about the drunkenness of her friends and she said to the daughter - holding
her hand, who was already seated in the car: "MY DAUGHTER, GO WITH GOD AND
MAY HE PROTECT YOU." Nice God-fearing mother. She should be in jail for not
stopping them from driving drunk. If the car was full do we know what the
rest of the passengers thought about God or is theirs guilt by association?
She responded: "ONLY IF HE (GOD) TRAVELS IN THE TRUNK, CAUSE INSIDE HERE
IT'S ALREADY FULL". Hours later, news came by that they had been involved in
a fatal accident, everyone had died, the car could not be recognized what
type of car it had been, but surprisingly, the trunk was intact. The police
said there was no way the trunk could have remained intact. To their
surprise, inside the trunk was a crate of eggs, none were broken. Don't even
think about dissecting the grammar here. Let's just note that those crazy
drunks never got a chance to egg the nearby monastery. What did the car do
to get so unrecognizably mangled? And are we to believe that God was riding
along to protect the eggs or just to perform another one of his wry
passive-aggressive practical jokes?
Christine Hewitt: A Jamaican Journalist and entertainer, said the Bible
(Word of God) was the worst book ever written, in June 2006 she was found
burnt beyond recognition in her motor vehicle. But was her motor vehicle
recognizable and were there any poultry products in the trunk?
Many more important people have forgotten that there is no other name that
was given so much authority as the name of Jesus. Many have died, but only
Jesus died and rose again, and he is still alive. And this connects to the
rest of your clear-eyed thinking, how?
JESUS!!! (You said it and I'd add a couple more exclamation points.)
P.S: If it was a joke, you would have sent it to everyone. You know what? I
did send this to everyone. So are you going to have courage to send this?
"Courage" isn't the first word that pops into my head when I read this. I
have done my part, Jesus said "If you are embarrassed about me, I will also
be embarrassed about you before my father." Actually we are embarrassed FOR
you.
End of e-mail. So according to the author of this e-mail and the people that
are passing it along, God gets revenge on those who mock him. I think I get
it. Does this mean that the children who die every day from leukemia,
cancer, disease, starvation or in car accidents must have been God mockers?
We should feel better knowing that they got what they deserved. I guess our
troops that have died in Iraq must be God mockers too. I'm sure the young
men and women who make it home are the true believers. We know the dead
Iraqi civilians were mocking God because they didn't even believe in Jesus.
They had it coming. I don't know what I was thinking when I used to say
"judge lest ye be judged." It's clear that when someone dies an untimely
death, we need to find out what they did to deserve it and then condemn
them.
Following this "Christian" logic leads to many questions. Why should we help
the victims of Hurricane Katrina? They must have done something that God
didn't like. For that matter, anyone suffering or facing death at an early
age would have to be looked at with suspicion of God mocking. Where should
we make the age cut off. I'd venture a guess that most would agree that if
you die before 50 years old, you might be a God mocker. That would then
include the most famous young man of all. According to the Bible, he died
when he was 33. His name was Jesus Christ. And guess what? The night before
he died he questioned God's will in the Garden of Gethsemane--a clear-cut
form of mocking. He was dead the next day by 3 o'clock. But wait! Then he
rose from the dead. So maybe there's hope for all God mockers. Just maybe.
Thank you Christians. You will surely be rewarded for such brilliant
heartfelt insight.
_______
Nick
--
NOTICE: This post contains copyrighted material the use of which has not
always been authorized by the copyright owner. I am making such material
available to advance understanding of
political, human rights, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues. I
believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of such copyrighted material as
provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright
Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107
"A little patience and we shall see the reign of witches pass over, their
spells dissolve, and the people recovering their true sight, restore their
government to its true principles. It is true that in the meantime we are
suffering deeply in spirit,
and incurring the horrors of a war and long oppressions of enormous public
debt. But if the game runs sometimes against us at home we must have
patience till luck turns, and then we shall have an opportunity of winning
back the principles we have lost, for this is a game where principles are at
stake."
-Thomas Jefferson
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| User: "Denis Loubet" |
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| Title: Re: Christian E-Mail ----- Chock Full of Nuts! |
09 Feb 2007 04:39:00 PM |
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"Gandalf Grey" <gandalfgrey@infectedmail.com> wrote in message
news:45ccb939$0$7445$9a6e19ea@news.newshosting.com...
Christian E-Mail - Chock Full of Nuts!
By Nick Paccione
Created Feb 8 2007 - 10:14am
I received a "Christian" email this week from a friend who enjoys "getting
my gander up" by sending me wacky e-mails.
That's "Getting my **dander** up".
Unless, of course, he's sending you messages that ***** off your goose. ;-)
--
Denis Loubet
dloubet@io.com
http//www.io.com/~dloubet
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| User: "Gandalf Grey" |
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| Title: Re: Christian E-Mail ----- Chock Full of Nuts! |
09 Feb 2007 04:41:20 PM |
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"Denis Loubet" <dloubet@io.com> wrote in message
news:QpidnSnlo5abZVHYnZ2dnUVZ_hCdnZ2d@io.com...
"Gandalf Grey" <gandalfgrey@infectedmail.com> wrote in message
news:45ccb939$0$7445$9a6e19ea@news.newshosting.com...
Christian E-Mail - Chock Full of Nuts!
By Nick Paccione
Created Feb 8 2007 - 10:14am
I received a "Christian" email this week from a friend who enjoys
"getting
my gander up" by sending me wacky e-mails.
That's "Getting my **dander** up".
Unless, of course, he's sending you messages that ***** off your goose. ;-)
I missed that. Really funny. Maybe he owns an extremely intelligent but
touchy goose. I'm thinking the AFLAK goose or Ferdinand in "Babe."
--
Denis Loubet
dloubet@io.com
http//www.io.com/~dloubet
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| User: "jls" |
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| Title: Re: Christian E-Mail ----- Chock Full of Nuts! |
09 Feb 2007 12:48:58 PM |
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On Feb 9, 1:18 pm, "Gandalf Grey" <gandalfg...@infectedmail.com>
wrote:
Christian E-Mail - Chock Full of Nuts!
By Nick Paccione
[...]
MARILYN MONROE: She was visited by Billy Graham during a presentation of a
show. (Who's presentation of a show? What is a presentation of a show?) He
said the Spirit of God had sent him to preach to her. After hearing what the
Preacher had to say, she said: "I don't need your Jesus". A week later, she
was found dead in her apartment. Funny, but she lived in a house in
Brentwood. And how in the hell did the writer of this gem miss the chance to
smear the Catholic, Democratic Kennedy brothers and their untimely deaths?
Fact check: Of course Billy Graham says he never met Monroe.
I used to watch Jim Bakker, especially since my fundy mama was sending
money to him which I knew was like putting money down a rat hole. One
day I saw Billy Graham with Jim and Tammy on PTL. Billy was laying it
on thick, saying how much he admired Jim and Tammy.
Later when Jim Bakker was indicted by a federal grand jury for the
monstrous frauds he had committed on his listeners and investors, some
reporter asked Billy Graham what he thought about it, and Billy said
he didn't know Jim Bakker.
Of course, the point I'm making is that the good xian writer is
probably your prevaricator. I doubt if Billy Graham ever met Marilyn
Monroe. But I know damn well Billy met and knew Jim and Tammy Faye
Bakker.
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