Religions > Atheism > [could be off-topic] Here is a sample script for my previous show idea. Can you critique it, please?
| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"angry pankration warrior" |
| Date: |
05 Oct 2004 03:42:37 PM |
| Object: |
[could be off-topic] Here is a sample script for my previous show idea. Can you critique it, please? |
(Our Scene begins in a dressing room. In the dressing room, there are
a few benches and doors. One of the doors open to reveal a 13-year-old
girl stumbling in, holding her lower back. She is wearing navy blue
and black wrestling boots and is wearing a pink gymnastics leotard
with black polka dots .She leaves the door open and finally comes to a
bench, where she stumbles stomach first. Background noise is coming
from the door, which leads to the hallway from whence she came The
girl's name is Jessica.)
Jessica: (Wincing) Oh, man. My back!
(Jessica looks up to the ceiling, as if contemplating praying. As she
does so, a huge woman of about early thirties. She is huge and is
wearing a black bathing suit and boots. She also wears fishnet
stockings. She stares at Jessica malevolently. Her name is Mathilda)
Mathilda: (Evilly) Hey, Jessica.
(Jessica, startled, turns around to see Mathilda. She still holds her
back and has a hand on her chest.)
Jessica: (Fearfully) What? Haven't I suffered enough? Oh Lord, what
next?
Mathilda: Just came to ask how you liked the punishment I dished out
to you?
Jessica: Please! You hurt me enough already.
Mathilda: (Starting to walk away) You are just an example of what
happens to anyone that gets in the ring with me.
(Mathilda leaves while not closing the door. Jessica goes back to
lying on her stomach and holding her lower back. Another girl comes
in. She hasdark-blond hair and is about 15-16 years of age. She wears
a navy blue and black leotard with high heel shoes, carries a cane,
and is wearing a business shirt and jacket. She comes into the
dressing room and closes the door.)
Jessica: (Turning around) Who are you?
New Girl: My name is Kate. I saw your match with Queen Kong. Not a
very easy woman to beat. Might as well wrestle an elephant.
Jessica: That is what it felt like. By the way, you look like you are
ready for a match.
Kate: I am. I am going to be wrestling some prison inmate.
Jessica: (Chuckling but still in some pain) Well, if you are going to
fight a vicious prison inmate, God be with you.
Kate: Thanks. Is this your first time wrestling?
Jessica: Yes. How about you?
Kate: Same here. How do you feel?
Jessica: Still in some pain. That backbreaker move is very painful.
Trust me. Lord knows.
Kate: I saw it. Just dashing you on her knee and then splashing you.
That is brutal.
Jessica. Well, God saw it was going to happen at some point in the
future. When do you wrestle?
Kate: Today.
Jessica: No. When do you wrestle?
Kate: In ten minutes.
Jessica: So, you still have time to talk.
Kate: If you want.
Jessica: That being my first match, I was so excited. I was hopeful to
God that I would win using my wits.
Flashback: Jessica is taking off her jacket and giving it to the
ringside attendant. Mathilda comes stalking down the aisle with a very
intimidating look on her face. Jessica just stands and bites her lip.
Mathilda slowly climbs into the ring and poses in a monstrous pose.
Jessica, feeling confident, runs at her full steam ahead, attempting a
dropkick to her back. Jessica falls to the ground and only pushes
Mathilda forward slightly.
Jessica VO: I was about to pay the price for my presumption.
Mathilda then starts stomping on Jessica's ribs. The scene changes
into Kate's face, who cringes.
Kate: That has got to hurt. Like, putting you in a match with a
200-something pound woman is like…. I don't know….. murder.
Jessica: I know. Looks like God did not want me to win. I never even
landed a blow after the failed drop-kick.
(Kate nods sagely)
Jessica: Or maybe God is saying this is much too advanced for me.
Kate: Maybe
Flashback: Much later in the match, Mathilda is bringing Ax Handle
blows on Jessica's back. Jessica is screaming in pain. Mathilda then
stomps on her back. Mathilda then pulls her up by the arms and head
butts Jessica, who then falls on her back, barely moving. Mathilda
then picks up Jessica and holds her over her head. Mathilda then
kneels down on one knee and then dashes Jessica back first over her
knee. This makes Jessica roll off Mathilda's knee. Jessica is
semi-conscious and weakly holding her back. Mathilda turns her over to
her back and lies down on top of her. The referee gets down to count.
The scene changes back to the locker room.
Kate: (Astonished and sarcastically) Surprised you were not crippled.
Jessica: Yeah. I know. God must have given me strength. Not to win,
mind you, but to have survived that backbreaker.
Kate: How do you feel now?
Jessica: Still some pain, but God willing, my back will get better.
(Just then, there is a knock on the door. Kate goes to open the door.
Jessica by then is now starting to sit up with her hand still on her
back. Kate opens the door to reveal a well-dressed man in his early
thirties. This man is the promoter)
Promoter: (To Kate) Kate, your match is coming up next in a minute.
So, you might want to get ready.
Kate: Okay. (To Jessica) Nice meeting ya!
(Kate leaves the dressing room and the promoter approaches Jessica on
the bench and sits down with her.)
Promoter: I was watching your match. You have confidence and faith. I
admire you for that.
Jessica: Thanks. It is with God's help that I get through the day.
Promoter: (Nodding) Yeah. You told me a lot about your faith.
Jessica: It is what gives me strength.
Promoter: Listen. Do you think God would allow you to take part in
another match?
Jessica: (Thinking) If it is in the divine plan, then Yes?
Promoter: How do you find out the divine plan?
Jessica: (With a smirk) In the heart and in the conscience.
Promoter: Okay, if your heart and conscience think they will allow you
to take part in another match, call me.
Jessica: Yes, Sir!
(The promoter then leaves the dressing room. Jessica takes off her
boots, revealing her bare feet. She pauses to consider on whether or
not she should take part in another match. She looks at the ceiling in
a contemplative prayer. Jessica the gets up, leaving her boots and
still holding her back, trying to catch the Promoter.)
Jessica: Sir! Wait! I want to take part in another match! Wait for me!
(As Jessica walks out of the dressing room in her bare feet, the
screen fades to black.)
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| User: "MonkeyHawk" |
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| Title: Re: [could be off-topic] Here is a sample script for my previous show idea. Can you critique it, please? |
05 Oct 2004 06:28:30 PM |
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"angry pankration warrior" <bedford_park2000@yahoo.ca> wrote
(Our Scene begins in a dressing room. In the dressing room, there are
a few benches and doors. One of the doors open to reveal a 13-year-old
girl stumbling in...
[snip]
It's perfect.
Joe Myers
"Yes, I have taken my stab at the rasslin' form."
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| User: "Robibnikoff" |
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| Title: Re: [could be off-topic] Here is a sample script for my previous show idea. Can you critique it, please? |
05 Oct 2004 04:13:14 PM |
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"angry pankration warrior" <bedford_park2000@yahoo.ca> wrote in message
news:5bf1a5a1.0410051242.1e7dd5b1@posting.google.com...
Snip
What was that stupid piece of *****? Don't quit your day job, junior.
--
__________
Robyn
Resident Witchypoo
#1557
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| User: "Phÿltêr" |
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| Title: Re: [could be off-topic] Here is a sample script for my previous show idea. Can you critique it, please? |
05 Oct 2004 06:05:07 PM |
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"Robibnikoff" <witchypoo@broomstick.com> astounded us with:
news:2sgh35F1ksimnU1@uni-berlin.de:
"angry pankration warrior" <bedford_park2000@yahoo.ca> wrote in message
news:5bf1a5a1.0410051242.1e7dd5b1@posting.google.com...
Snip
What was that stupid piece of *****? Don't quit your day job, junior.
Yeah, what Robyn said........
--
Phÿltêr
AA#1938
Denizen of Darkness #44 & AFJC Antipodean Attaché
http://forums.clickhalah.com/index.php
Remove "s" to respond
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| User: "bluskie" |
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| Title: Re: [could be off-topic] Here is a sample script for my previous show idea. Can you critique it, please? |
03 Nov 2004 06:53:30 PM |
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(angry pankration warrior) wrote in message news:<5bf1a5a1.0410051242.1e7dd5b1@posting.google.com>...
(Jessica looks up to the ceiling, as if contemplating praying. As she
does so, a huge woman of about early thirties. She is huge and is
wearing a black bathing suit and boots. She also wears fishnet
stockings. She stares at Jessica malevolently. Her name is Mathilda)
SNIP>
You're a sick *****, get some help you stupid fucking *****,
in the meantime stop crossposting your idiocy to our pristine
spiritual christian Newsgroups you fucktard.
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| User: "yòwîè" |
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| Title: Re: utter crap |
05 Oct 2004 06:38:04 PM |
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In alt.flame.jesus.christ, angry pankration warrior said...
Our Scene begins in a dressing room. In the dressing room, there are
a few benches and doors. One of the doors open to reveal a 13-year-old
girl stumbling in, holding her lower back. She is wearing navy blue
and black wrestling boots
*****. Post this crap to alt.sex.stories.pathetic_juvenile_dross or
some place where this kind of 'literature' is the norm.
--
'You just revealed yourself as one of Satan's minions...
No Christian calls others "Pauline braggers, Idiot and Nit",
not even Satan's minions.'
- The inimitable Pastor Frank
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| User: "tramboy" |
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| Title: Re: [could be off-topic] Here is a sample script for my previous show idea. Can you critique it, please? |
06 Oct 2004 10:16:47 AM |
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In article <5bf1a5a1.0410051242.1e7dd5b1@posting.google.com>,
bedford_park2000@yahoo.ca says...
(Our Scene begins in a dressing room. In the dressing room, there are
[deletia]
That sucks and you suck for writing it.
(Told ya.)
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| User: "John Baker" |
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| Title: Re: [could be off-topic] Here is a sample script for my previous show idea. Can you critique it, please? |
10 Oct 2004 02:20:21 AM |
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On 5 Oct 2004 13:42:37 -0700, (angry
pankration warrior) wrote:
<snip idiotic "screenplay">
I'm not sure if it's too much of the illegal kind or not enough of the
prescription kind, but drugs have definitely played a role here......
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| User: "angry pankration warrior" |
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| Title: Re: [could be off-topic] Here is a sample script for my previous show idea. Can you critique it, please? |
03 Nov 2004 09:05:44 AM |
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Actually, that was a YCDTOTV episode. I speak for YCDTOTV in these postings.
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| User: "Robibnikoff" |
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| Title: Re: [could be off-topic] Here is a sample script for my previous show idea. Can you critique it, please? |
03 Nov 2004 09:53:21 PM |
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"angry pankration warrior" <bedford_park2000@yahoo.ca> wrote in message
news:5bf1a5a1.0411030705.30a5bf0f@posting.google.com...
Actually, that was a YCDTOTV episode. I speak for YCDTOTV in these
postings.
You speak for your mental illness and nothing else.
--
--------
Robyn
Resident Witchypoo
#1557
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| User: "angry pankration warrior" |
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| Title: Re: [could be off-topic] Here is a sample script for my previous show idea. Can you critique it, please? |
06 Nov 2004 05:33:37 PM |
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"Robibnikoff" <witchypoo@broomstick.com> wrote in message news:<2utndhF2e1a6qU1@uni-berlin.de>...
You speak for your mental illness and nothing else.
No, I really speak for YCDTOTV.
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| User: "bluskie" |
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| Title: Re: [could be off-topic] Here is a sample script for my previous show idea. Can you critique it, please? |
07 Nov 2004 04:25:40 PM |
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(angry pankration warrior) wrote in message news:<5bf1a5a1.0411061533.7a3f0c58@posting.google.com>...
"Robibnikoff" <witchypoo@broomstick.com> wrote in message news:<2utndhF2e1a6qU1@uni-berlin.de>...
You speak for your mental illness and nothing else.
No, I really speak for YCDTOTV.
If this was TV you would be fired and looking for a new job because of incompetence.
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| User: "Shapey" |
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| Title: Re: [could be off-topic] Here is a sample script for my previous show idea. Can you critique it, please? |
07 Nov 2004 07:51:02 AM |
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(angry pankration warrior) wrote in message news:<5bf1a5a1.0411061533.7a3f0c58@posting.google.com>...
"Robibnikoff" <witchypoo@broomstick.com> wrote in message news:<2utndhF2e1a6qU1@uni-berlin.de>...
You speak for your mental illness and nothing else.
No, I really speak for YCDTOTV.
You posted your script on a YCDOTV fansite, and were considered a
troll there.
If that means you speak for YCDOTV, then everyone who posts on RSPWF
is a writer for WWE.
They aren't, you don't, and get a freaking grip.
-Phil
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| User: "bluskie" |
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| Title: Re: [could be off-topic] Here is a sample script for my previous show idea. Can you critique it, please? |
03 Nov 2004 06:45:43 PM |
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(angry pankration warrior) wrote in message news:<5bf1a5a1.0411030705.30a5bf0f@posting.google.com>...
Actually, that was a YCDTOTV episode. I speak for YCDTOTV in these postings.
How about this 13 old white girl gets gang raped by six black
basketball players with 12 inch dicks they face ***** and sodomize her
with double penetrations exploding with a bukkake facial which drowns
her. Perfect saturday morning viewing for young teens on CJOH.
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| User: "Pope Rudraigh" |
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| Title: Re: [could be off-topic] Here is a sample script for my previous show idea. Can you critique it, please? |
06 Oct 2004 03:43:14 PM |
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On 5 Oct 2004 13:42:37 -0700, (angry
pankration warrior) wrote:
<vomitectomy>
GEE! Ya think?
Plonk.
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| User: "Phÿltêr" |
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| Title: Re: [could be off-topic] Here is a sample script for my previous show idea. Can you critique it, please? |
07 Oct 2004 08:04:39 AM |
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Pope Rudraigh <laughing@your.*****> astounded us with:
news:1097095347.GmLGbra2eEElbrV/HLGtLQ@teranews:
On 5 Oct 2004 13:42:37 -0700, (angry
pankration warrior) wrote:
<vomitectomy>
GEE! Ya think?
Plonk.
NO NO!, Don't plonk him!, he's entertainment value!
--
Phÿltêr
AA#1938
Denizen of Darkness #44 & AFJC Antipodean Attaché
http://forums.clickhalah.com/index.php
Remove "s" to respond
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| User: "B. Kildow" |
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| Title: Re: [could be off-topic] Here is a sample script for my previousshow idea. Can you critique it, please? |
05 Oct 2004 05:31:41 PM |
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angry pankration warrior wrote:
(snipped without reading)
Having seen the "quality" of your other work, I didn't even bother.
BK
AA#1992
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| User: "Robibnikoff" |
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| Title: Re: [could be off-topic] Here is a sample script for my previous show idea. Can you critique it, please? |
05 Oct 2004 06:07:22 PM |
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"B. Kildow" <tracker99@spamenot.foxinternet.net> wrote in message
news:41631fb4$1_2@newsfeed.slurp.net...
angry pankration warrior wrote:
(snipped without reading)
Having seen the "quality" of your other work, I didn't even bother.
It was some incredibly stupid blather about female wrestlers. Totally
ridiculous.
--
__________
Robyn
Resident Witchypoo
#1557
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| User: "Douglas Berry" |
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| Title: Re: [could be off-topic] Here is a sample script for my previous show idea. Can you critique it, please? |
05 Oct 2004 06:54:28 PM |
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In our last thrilling episode, "Robibnikoff"
<witchypoo@broomstick.com> was pushed over the cliffs of alt.atheism
on Tue, 5 Oct 2004 19:07:22 -0400 by Zoog, minion of Zathar. As he
fell, he screamed:
"B. Kildow" <tracker99@spamenot.foxinternet.net> wrote in message
news:41631fb4$1_2@newsfeed.slurp.net...
angry pankration warrior wrote:
(snipped without reading)
Having seen the "quality" of your other work, I didn't even bother.
It was some incredibly stupid blather about female wrestlers. Totally
ridiculous.
He forgot the first rule of writing dialogue: read it out loud. If it
sounds stupid when you read it, it's stupid on the page.
--
Douglas E. Berry Do the OBVIOUS thing to send e-mail
Atheist #2147, Atheist Vet #5
"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as
when they do it from religious conviction."
Blaise Pascal (1623-1662), Pense'es, #894.
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