http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13699046/site/newsweek/
Farewell, Constitution
President Bush issues his own declaration of independence
Web-Exclusive Satire
By Andy Borowitz
Special to Newsweek
Updated: 8:51 a.m. ET July 4, 2006
July 4, 2006 - In a nationally televised Fourth of July address,
President George W. Bush stunned the nation by announcing that he was
declaring himself independent from the United States Constitution.
“Just as our forefathers threw off the horrible yoke of British rule on
July 4, 1776, today I am throwing off the yoke of this truly annoying
document,” Bush said.
The president said that the original copy of the Constitution would be
auctioned on eBay and that proceeds from that sale would help pay for a
“long overdue” cut in the estate tax.
According to White House aides, ever since the Supreme Court decided
last week that the use of military tribunals in Guantanamo was
unconstitutional Bush had been looking for a way around that decision,
even contemplating sending the Justices themselves to Gitmo.
Ultimately, one aide said, the president decided that a declaration of
independence from the constitution was the most workable solution: “The
fact is, whenever we’re trying to get something done around here, that
stupid Constitution gets in the way.”
Bush acknowledged that some legal scholars would call his declaration of
independence from the Constitution unconstitutional, but added, “To
those people I say, no backsies.”
The president said that while he was no longer required to obey the U.S.
Constitution, he still respected the Declaration of Independence,
“because it has a really cool treasure map on the back.”
Elsewhere, after his wife and daughter appeared on Iraq’s most-wanted
list, former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein demanded that his
mother-in-law be put on the list as well.
© 2006 Newsweek
--
Fundies and trolls are cordially invited to
shove a wooden cross up their arses and rotate
at a high rate of speed. I trust you'll
be 'blessed' with a plethora of splinters.
.
|
