| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"DanielSan" |
| Date: |
25 Dec 2007 12:27:58 PM |
| Object: |
Fred Stone's "Fearmongering" |
From Erik the Viking.
Scene: Hy-Brasil is sinking
KING ARNULF: Stay calm! This is NOT happening.
The King then hurries out of a door at the top of the staircase.
SVEN'S DAD: What did he say?
ERIK: Look out!
The doors of the Great Hall burst open and a wall of water crashes
through, knocking the Vikings off their feet. There is little doubt that
the whole of Hy-Brasil is sinking see a street go down, a statue sink
and then we Cut to a close-up of King Arnulf. He is standing at the top
of the Forum steps addressing a crowd of anxious citizens. They are
keeping surprisingly good order considering they are already standing
ankle-deep in water, and the whole town is rapidly sinking around them.
KING ARNULF: Now, I know what some of you must be thinking... the day
has come.... we're all going down, etc. etc. But let's get away from the
fantasy and look at the FACTS. FACT ONE - The threat of total
destruction has kept the peace for one thousand years. FACT TWO - The
chances of it failing now are therefore one in three hundred and
sixty-five thousand. FACT THREE...
By this time the water is up to people's knees, and several have crowded
onto the lower steps to avoid getting wet.
KING ARNULF: FACT THREE - Our safety regulations are the most rigorous
in the world. We are all nice to each other, we never rub each other up
the wrong way or contradict each other, do we?
CROWD: No.
Rumble. The buildings sink and masonry falls.
CITIZEN: We... er... do seem to be going down quite fast, Your Majesty -
not trying to contradict you, course.
KING ARNULF: No, of course you're not, citizen. But let's stick to the
facts. There has NEVER been a safer, more certain way of keeping the
peace. So whatever's happening, you can rest assured, Hy-Brasil is NOT
sinking. Repeat, NOT sinking.
We cut to an unfortunate Hy-Brasilian who looks out of a window to see
if it's raining, but is immersed before he can find out. The citizens in
the Forum, however, are reassured by the King's words - even though they
are now up to their waists in water. One of them steps forward.
ANOTHER CITIZEN: May I just make a point in support of what King
Arnulf's just said?
KING ARNULF: We'd be delighted - wouldn't we?
CITIZENS: Yes, we'd certainly like to hear what one of us has got to say...
Erik, Sven, Sven's dad and Harald struggle out of the Great Hall,
carrying their belongings and the Horn Resounding, while the citizen is
still speaking most articulately in support of the King. They are ALMOST
in a panic.
ERIK: What are you all doing?
CITIZEN AT THE BACK: (cheerfully) It's all right. It's not happening.
ERIK: (urgently) The place is sinking!
CITIZEN AT THE BACK: Yes... I thought it was too, but the King's just
pointed out that it can't be.
CITIZEN: (still speaking in support of the King) ...and, of course, we
mustn't forget King Arnulf's EXCELLENT eye for flower-arranging.
There is a smattering of applause. A few people pull their robes up out
of the wet. Erik leaps onto a wall and shouts to the crowd.
ERIK: Save yourselves! Hy-Brasil... is sinking.
There are a lot of knowing smiles amongst the citizens.
CITIZEN FROM MIDDLE: Look, you don't know our safety regulations.
KING ARNULF: It can't happen.
ERIK: But it IS! Look!
KING ARNULF: (ignoring Erik) The important thing is not to panic.
CITIZENS: Quite... yes... we understand....
KING ARNULF: I've already appointed the Chancellor as Chairman of a
committee to find out exactly what IS going on, and meantime I suggest
we have a sing-song!
CITIZENS: Good idea!
ANOTHER: Can we do the one that goes "TUM-TI-TUM-TI-TUM-TI-TUM"?
Erik looks around in despair. Meanwhile in another street someone is
struggling in the floodwater.
LOKI: I can't swim! I can't swim!
KEITEL: Relax!
LOKI: I'm drowning! Help!
Loki grabs Keitel round the neck.
KEITEL: Let go!
But Keitel is pulled under. He re-emerges spluttering.
KEITEL: Urrgh! Argh! Let go, you idiot!
LOKI: Help!
KEITEL: You'll drown us bo...
But they go under again. At this point Erik, Sven, Sven's dad and Harald
swim round the corner, pushing the Horn Resounding. They see the figures
disappearing under the water.
KEITEL: Help!
LOKI: Help!
Erik, Sven and Co. swim as fast as they can to rescue the drowning pair.
They struggle to overpower the panic-stricken Loki, but he puts up a
manic fight. Unexpectedly, Harald Missionary suddenly unleashes a
vicious right hook and lays Loki out cold. There is a moment's stunned
silence that is no unmingled with indignation.
SVEN: (with hurt surprise) You hit him!
HARALD: Well, it's what you're supposed to do... isn't it?
SVEN'S DAD: Look!
They look up as GOLDEN DRAGON sails around a corner of the street,
piloted by Aud. As the Vikings scramble aboard, the sound of the
"sing-song" reaches a particularly noisy and discordant climax attract
their attention. Back in what was the Forum, a crowd of
unconcerned-looking citizens is sitting on the last roof and just coming
to the end of another appalling song.
CITIZENS: ...Te...Tum!
KING ARNULF: You know, I think we're getting better.
CITIZEN 1: (with genuine interest) How can you tell?
KING ARNULF: (a bit stumped) Er...
AUD: Father!
The King looks up.
KING ARNULF: It's all right! It isn't happening!
AUD: But, Father, it IS!
ERIK: Get on board!
CITIZEN 2: No THANKS!
CITIZEN 3: Who do you think YOU are?
FRED STONE: Panic-monger!
The roof is now sinking rapidly, though the citizens appear as
unperturbed as ever.
CITIZEN: Leave us alone!
SVEN: Yeah. Leave 'em alone.
AUD: It's sinking! Hy-Brasil is sinking!
KING ARNULF: Well, my dear, I think you'll find it's all a question of
what you want to believe in.... I have slightly more experience of these
matters than you...
Unfortunately, at this point, the entire gathering of citizens, the King
and the Forum Temple disappear below the waves.
AUD: Father!
(tears spring to her eyes)
---
Thank you.
--
****************************************************
* DanielSan -- alt.atheism #2226 *
*--------------------------------------------------*
* "I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act *
* of the whole American people which declared that *
* their legislature should make no law respecting *
* an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the *
* free exercise thereof, thus building a wall of *
* separation between church and state." *
* --Thomas Jefferson, 1802 *
****************************************************
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