The time has come to announce the winners of the September 2005 Usenet
Kook Awards.

*ahem*


KOOK OF THE MONTH

The winner is... FLY COOTER!

Fly Cooter . . . . . . . 31
Brad Guth . . . . . . . 11
neither of the above . . 4

Congratulations, Poofter!


CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH

The winner is... FLY COOTER!

Fly Cooter . . . . . . . . . 21
alt.astronomy saucerheads . . 15
Nunya Bidness . . . . . . . . 8
none of the above . . . . . . 2

Congratulations, Socky! Have you worked out yet that an URL in a .sig
isn't spam?


COWARD OF THE MONTH

The winner is... FLY COOTER!

Fly Cooter . . . . . . . . 21
Tom Bishop, alias Jinn . . 14
NunYa Bidness . . . . . . 6
Don Ocean . . . . . . . . 5
none of the above . . . . 4

Congratulations, Poofter! You just won the top three awards. Don't forget
to tell Mommy.


GOLDEN KILLFILE

The winner is... SYLVIA SULLIVAN!

Yes . . 32
No . . 9

Congratulations, Psylvia! Are you psboring or pswhat?


VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN "WEIRD SCIENCE" AWARD

The winner is... NIGHTBAT!

nightbat . . . . . . . . 16
Twonky . . . . . . . . . 12
neither of the above . . 6

Congratulations, fr00tbat! Please don't hit us with one of your black
comets as revenge.


BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER

The winner is... SYLVIA SULLIVAN!

Sylvia Sullivan . . . . . . . . . . 18
Raymond Ronald Karczewski . . . . . 13
Gordon Radavich, alias The Revd . . 4
none of the above . . . . . . . . . 3

HI PSYLVIA! THE USENET GANGS OFFER THEIR CONGRATULATIONS!


BUSTED URINAL AWARD

The winner is... GORDON RADAVICH!

Gordon Radavich, alias The Revd . . . . 14
NunYa Bidness . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10
Warhol . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9
Chris Assaf, alias A Former Atheist . . 2
none of the above . . . . . . . . . . . 5

Congratulations, Gordy. Am I a Jew, btw?

BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK

The winner is... GERALD NEWTON!

Yes . . 38
No . . 2

Congratulations, G-Dolf! You're definitely in the Bullis class - i.e.,
first grade, or maybe kindergarten.


UNABOMBER SURPRISE

The winner is... DAVID THOLEN!

Yes . . 32
No . . 4

Pleace to be digesting all the voters, Davie!


TAR & FEATHERS

The winner is... FLY COOTER!

Yes . . 41
No . . 3

Congratulations, Poofter! Rarely has such lameness been seen on Usenet.


KENNY McCORMICK MEMORIAL MEDAL

The winner is... UNI!

Yes . . 31
No . . 3

Well done, Unitard! Maybe you can contrive to lose another five accounts
soon.


GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY

The winner is... FLY COOTER!

Yes . . 38
No . . 5

Congratulations on defeating yourself by a knockout, Poofter!


PALMJOB PADDLE

The winner is... FLY COOTER!

Yes . . 38
No . . 4

Poofter lost a flame war against Hatter. Against *Hatter*! He *lost* a
flame war against *Hatter*! Words fail me.


ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET

The winner is... GERALD NEWTON!

Yes . . 32
No . . 5

Congratulations, Geraldine! Your Psylvia sock is overdue for retirement,
IMO.


GOOFY AZZED BABBOON

The winner is... COLONEL JAKE!

Colonel Jake . . . . . . . . . . 14
Lightwing, alias his_elect_07 . . 12
neither of the above . . . . . . 5

Well done, Jake! VK all the gibberish-generating way!


72 RAISINS "CRACKPOT RELIGION" AWARD

The winner is... LIGHTWING!

Lightwing, alias his_elect_07 . . 15
Dore Williamson . . . . . . . . . 14
neither of the above . . . . . . 4

Congratulations, Prince! Can anyone join your church of the holy asterisk,
or does one have to be insane?

JOSEPH BARTLO "PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE" AWARD

The winners are... FLY COOTER and ONIDEUS MAD HATTER!

Fly Cooter & Onideus Mad Hatter . . 23
Uni . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9
Alan Connor . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
Moris, alias superglue . . . . . . 4
none of the above . . . . . . . . . 2

Congratulations, bois! Have you considered visiting a marriage guidance
counsellor together?


SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART

The winners are... VITO KUHN and THE FAM.* HIERARCHY!

Vito Kuhn & fam.* . . . 24
Gerald Newton . . . . . 10
neither of the above . . 3

Congratulations, Frito! This is probably the first time a whole hierarchy
has been spanked out of existence by a small number of posts about wood.
How sad!


TONY SIDAWAY MEMORIAL "DRAMA QUEEN" AWARD

The winner is... GERALD NEWTON!

Gerald Newton . . . . . . . . 19
Raymond Ronald Karczewski . . 12
nightbat . . . . . . . . . . 7
none of the above . . . . . . 1

Congratulations, Gerry! Oh wait, Gerry has left for ever. Oh wait, no,
he's back. Oh wait...


BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG WHISTLE

The winners are... UNI, and his trainer, ARATZIO!

Uni, trained by Aratzio . . . . . . . . . . . . 13
Chuck Lysaght, trained by K A Cannon . . . . . 12
Joseph Bartlo, trained by Cujo DeSockpuppet . . 9
none of the above . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2

Congratulations to Aratzio on a fine training performance!


OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL

The appointee is... SYLVIA SULLIVAN!

Sylvia Sullivan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17
John Bunt, alias Guy Fawkes . . . . . . . . . 12
Robert Wolfe, alias Michael Davis Disorder . . 8

Congratulations, Psylvia!


OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT

The appointee is... CHUCK LYSAGHT!

Chuck Lysaght, alias the messenjah . . 15
Kenneth R Pangborn . . . . . . . . . . 14
Gerald Newton . . . . . . . . . . . . 12

Congratulations, Chucknozzle! Now that you no longer share this Office
with Kenny, you're *really* ALONE.


PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER

The result is... a TIE!

Gary L. Burnore & DataBasix . . . . . . 12
Kadaitcha Man & Fred Tehbot . . . . . . 12
Jimmy Snibbler, alias Charles Newton . . 5
none of the above . . . . . . . . . . . 5

The best 404 page and the best bot are both rewarded. Well done!


HAMMER OF THOR

The winners are... ART DECO!

Yes . . 35
No . . 6

...and BOB OFFICER!

Yes . . 33
No . . 8

...and ARCHIE LEACH!

Yes . . 26
No . . 9

Congratulations! I wish all three of you many more years of happy
kook-smacking.


This concludes the results of the September ballot. Three of the 55 ballot
papers received were considered invalid. The next ballot will appear on a
date that the Usenet ghouls will be unable to predict. Until then,
farewell!
--
alt.usenet.kooks award-winners and FAQ:
http://www.insurgent.org/~kook-faq/