(Reuters 9/7/05)
In a press conference held earlier today God himself apologized for his
pre-emptive strike against the city of New Orleans. Amongst a wave of
trumpet blows and hails from his entourage of angels, the dheity leaned
forward in his golden chariot and spoke:

"It was my doing. It was wrong. It was a mistake. And I fully expect
to be held up to the same standard of responsibility and accountability
that you people have enforced on your own government for it's
pre-emptive mistake." Yahweah then smiled and joked about George Bush
being America's first Polish President --> the idiot who shot a
trillion dollar arrow at the middle east and missed Saudi Arabia.

(Reuters 9/7/05)
In a press conference held earlier today God himself apologized for his
pre-emptive strike against the city of New Orleans. Amongst a wave of
trumpet blows and hails from his entourage of angels, the dheity leaned
forward in his golden chariot and spoke:

"It was my doing. It was wrong. It was a mistake.

(Reuters 9/7/05)
In a press conference held earlier today God himself apologized for his
pre-emptive strike against the city of New Orleans. Amongst a wave of
trumpet blows and hails from his entourage of angels, the dheity leaned
forward in his golden chariot and spoke:

"It was my doing. It was wrong. It was a mistake. And I fully expect
to be held up to the same standard of responsibility and accountability
that you people have enforced on your own government for it's
pre-emptive mistake." Yahweah then smiled and joked about George Bush
being America's first Polish President --> the idiot who shot a
trillion dollar arrow at the middle east and missed Saudi Arabia.

When pressed by Giraldo Rivera to explain the disaster god smiled
demurely, commented about that stupid search for Al Capone's vault,
pointed a finger between Giraldo's single eyebrow, reminded the crowd
that Giraldo was in fact jewish and not hispanic, and then blasted the
troll into thin air with a thunderous crack, leaving only a slowly
rising mushroom cloud behind.

As the stench of cooked Giraldo filled the room, Pat Robertson and
Jerry Fallwell threw themselves to their knees exclaiming
"We understand oh Lord, you did this because of the wickedness and sin
of the houses of gambling and prostitution that had overrun..." A
second thunderous crack disappeared the insane right wingers into 2
seperate pillars of smoke.

"Fundy trash... Who the hell ever said you could speak for me?" The
Lord commented as he recoiled his finger gun to his lips and puffed
smoke away from the end of the barrel. "I don't care about that stuff
anymore. Ever since I kicked everybody out of the garden I have had
second thoughts. I have been in extensive anger management training
and I have come to see that since I made you people the way you are in
the first place, it is more my fault than yours, so I understand why
all of that fun stuff goes on. No really - you are all hereby
absolved, have at it! As long as it is concentual I don't mind a bit."

A terrified and trembling Helen Thomas rose to her feet and asked "but
WHY would you do this to us? And shouldn't we repeal the Bush tax cuts
to pay for the cleanup of this mess?" God, responded by announcing to
Helen that her time was up. He snapped his fingers and she keeled
over, dead.

A stunned moment of silence befell the crowd at the final passing of
such a liberal stupid *****. God surveyed the roomful of terrified
reporters and surviving 700 club members, sighed heavily, realized that
he should probably provide some reason, and then explained: "Look. I
meant to hit Crawford Texas with a force 5 tornado so that I could
demolish both the Bush family ranch and all of those annoying anti-war
protestors in one prophetic blow. But I failed to account properly for
global warming, the storm veered waaayy off course and, well, we all
see the result. I mean really, who could have imagined that the levees
wouldn't hold?"

The surviving jounalists feverishly scribbled notes as to the cause of
the mess. "As to who should pay for it? Well it was an act of god, so
I think that only true believers should be held financially liable in
this case."

The gaggle of corporate sucking newsies finished their scribbling and
one asked "Do you have any final comment for us?"

God thought for a moment. "Yes. Hey Rush, do you remember that talent
that I loaned you? I'm taking it back." Another thunderous crack
sounded and far away in a radio studio in southern Florida, a large
mushroom cloud of smoke replaced the biggest blowhard in broadcast
history. "Oh, and Al, you suck too." Yet another thunderous crack
sounded and far away in a radio studio in LA only a cinged pair of
glasses and a half finished martini remained...