| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"The Admiral" |
| Date: |
30 Oct 2004 03:32:42 PM |
| Object: |
hmmm... those wacky animals!! |
http://www.fallingskyhazard.com/catalog.htm
Here are some sexy animal facts, in quotes (along w/ my helpful
comments, after each...)
"The sperm of a mouse is longer than the sperm of an elephant."
And what they don't tell you is - the mice can use them as surfboards.
"The shovel-shaped penis of the dragonfly scoops out the sperm of
other suitors."
OK, that's just rude, not to mention how confusing the baby-mama drama
must be. How does the dragonfly-ette know which shovel-dorked suitor
knocked her up?
"The majority of giraffes are bisexual."
Which is why they're dressed so kitschy.
"Porpoises enjoy group sex."
I guess when you're that cute, it's hard to turn you down.
"Wild animals, as a rule, don't get VD, although otters can get
herpes."
Ha! sluts...
"Koalas, iguanas, and Komodo Dragons all have forked penises (split in
two)."
OK, I'm envious...
"The rhinoceros penis is two feet long."
Yup, still envious...
"The male penguin has only one ejaculation a year."
Must be like Old Faithful, poor things.
"The raccoon penis has a little bone in it that has been used as a
toothpick by some."
That must come in handy when raccoons go to the movies and get popcorn
stuck between their teeth.
"The mosquito penis is one-hundredth of an inch."
Wow, it must really ***** you up when your stinger is longer than your
dork.
"Minks fornicate for up to eight hours at a time."
OF COURSE. They're wearing MINK! It must feel so great they don't want
to stop!
"Chimpanzees spend no time on foreplay, averaging about three seconds
per copulation."
But their pillow-talk takes days.
"Shaw's jird (a desert rat) holds the record for frequency of
copulation - up to 224 times in two hours."
Unfortunately, there are a hundred male Shaw's jirds for every female,
which explains why all female Shaw's jirds have nervous stammers and
sleep in tiny traction.
"A gorilla's penis is a mere two inches long."
But here's a hint: don't make fun of it (or you will find out what
GOING APESHIT means).
"Like humans, fish practice fellatio."
And, like with humans, practice makes perfect.
"The six-inch long Alpine banana slug has a thirty-two inch penis."
Why does that conjure images in my head of pole-vaulting?
"Most male birds don't have a penis, but rather holes that pass the
sperm to the females."
And when they say PASS, they mean like a football.
"Beavers and hamsters will, on occasion, mate face to face."
Why? More romantic.
"When a male deer rubs his antlers on a tree, it is a form of
masturbation."
For whom? The deer or the tree?
http://www.fallingskyhazard.com/catalog.htm
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| User: "Bob Dog" |
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| Title: Re: hmmm... those wacky animals!! |
31 Oct 2004 03:02:55 AM |
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(The Admiral) wrote in message news:<914a8470.0410301232.4697641f@posting.google.com>...
http://www.fallingskyhazard.com/catalog.htm
Here are some sexy animal facts, in quotes (along w/ my helpful
comments, after each...)
"The majority of giraffes are bisexual."
Which is why they're dressed so kitschy.
G'day, Bruce. (And I don't mean "no pooftas".)
"The male penguin has only one ejaculation a year."
Must be like Old Faithful, poor things.
That's only when the Antarctic rises (pun intended) above
freezing.
"The mosquito penis is one-hundredth of an inch."
Wow, it must really ***** you up when your stinger is longer than your
dork.
A female mosquito can produce a million grandchildren in a
year. "It's not how deep you fish" as the saying goes....
"Beavers and hamsters will, on occasion, mate face to face."
Why? More romantic.
Porcupines too, I'd bet.
"When a male deer rubs his antlers on a tree, it is a form of
masturbation."
For whom? The deer or the tree?
Men lick women's earlobes to get the same effect.
http://www.fallingskyhazard.com/catalog.htm
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| User: "Uncle Dollar Bill" |
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| Title: Re: hmmm... those wacky animals!! |
31 Oct 2004 10:39:35 AM |
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On 31 Oct 2004 01:02:55 -0800 in alt.atheism, (Bob Dog)
defied the status quo and scrawled upon the toilet stall:
boguskudzu@yahoo.com (The Admiral) wrote in message news:<914a8470.0410301232.4697641f@posting.google.com>...
<snip>
"Beavers and hamsters will, on occasion, mate face to face."
Why? More romantic.
Porcupines too, I'd bet.
Actually, the female sits there, the male gets in front of her and mounts her
from the front, backing up over her quills to brush them down until he's in the
more "traditional" mating position. I've wondered if they had to learn to do
that by trial and error, or if one of the first urges the male has when he first
gets horny is to push has ***** into the female's face. :-?
--
L8r,
Uncle Dollar Bill
"Opinions are like people - every ***** has one..."
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| User: "raven1" |
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| Title: Re: hmmm... those wacky animals!! |
30 Oct 2004 03:38:08 PM |
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On 30 Oct 2004 13:32:42 -0700, (The Admiral)
wrote:
"The male penguin has only one ejaculation a year."
Must be like Old Faithful, poor things.
Old Faithful spews every 90 minutes or so. Penguins are more like
Santa Claus, who is known to only come once a year.
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| User: "Ph˙ltęr" |
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| Title: Re: hmmm... those wacky animals!! |
30 Oct 2004 07:41:58 PM |
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raven1 <quoththeraven@nevermore.com> astounded us with:
news:i6v7o0dk69okqeoq01pm1ufqhug6cdakcp@4ax.com:
On 30 Oct 2004 13:32:42 -0700, (The Admiral)
wrote:
"The male penguin has only one ejaculation a year."
Must be like Old Faithful, poor things.
Old Faithful spews every 90 minutes or so. Penguins are more like
Santa Claus, who is known to only come once a year.
And even then it's down a chimney....
--
Ph˙ltęr
AA#1938
Denizen of Darkness #44 & AFJC Antipodean Attaché
http://forums.clickhalah.com/index.php
Remove "s" to respond
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| User: "Uncle Dollar Bill" |
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| Title: Re: hmmm... those wacky animals!! |
30 Oct 2004 11:09:02 PM |
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<piggybacking>
raven1 wrote:
Old Faithful spews every 90 minutes or so. Penguins are more like Santa Claus,
who is known to only come once a year.
Sounds like my last boyfriend. And like Santa Clause coming once a year, you
just had to take it on faith that it ever even happened at all. The drunken
lush.
:-#
--
L8r,
Uncle Dollar Bill
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| User: "Al Klein" |
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| Title: Re: hmmm... those wacky animals!! |
31 Oct 2004 09:33:42 AM |
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On 30 Oct 2004 13:32:42 -0700, (The Admiral) said
in alt.atheism:
"The mosquito penis is one-hundredth of an inch."
Wow, it must really ***** you up when your stinger is longer than your
dork.
1) Mosquitoes don't have stingers.
2) FEMALE mosquitoes have mouth parts that can saw into skin and suck
blood.
--
"Christians, it is needless to say, utterly detest each other. They slander each
other constantly with the vilest forms of abuse and cannot come to any sort of
agreement in their teachings. Each sect brands its own, fills the head of its own
with deceitful nonsense, and makes perfect little pigs of those it wins over to its
side."
- Celsus On the True Doctrine, translated by R. Joseph Hoffman, Oxford University Press, 1987
(random sig, produced by SigChanger)
rukbat at verizon dot net
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