| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"stoney" |
| Date: |
21 Oct 2004 11:08:04 AM |
| Object: |
Humour |
A married couple rushed to the hospital because the woman was in labor
the doctor asked the couple, "I have invented a new machine that you
might want to try, it takes some of the labor pains away from the
mother and gives it to the father." So the married couple decided that
they would try this. So the doctor hooked the machine up and put it on
10% of pain switched from the mother to the father and the husband
said "I feel okay turn it up a lot more" so the doctor turned it up to
50% and the husband said "why don’t you just put it all on me cause
I’m not feeling a thing" but the doctor warned them "this much could
kill you if your not prepared", and the husband replied "I am ready
"so the doctor turned the machine up to 100% but the husband didn’t
fell a thing so they went home happy with a pain free labor, but when
they got home the mailman was dead on the front porch!
--
Contempt of Congress meter reading-offscale.
Vote for Bush. Why vote for the lesser of two evils?
No matter the candidates the superstition industry wins.
'Jesus' is a sock-puppet Christians utilize to add 'authority' to
whatever action they intend on taking. -Stoney
And Duty Imp and Rapscallion
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| User: "Mekkala" |
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| Title: Re: Humour |
21 Oct 2004 01:38:15 PM |
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On Thu 21 Oct 2004 11:08:04a, stoney <stoney@the.net> kicked back with a
beer, ruminated at length, fell asleep, woke up, lit up a joint, then
fell asleep again after thoughtfully blurting out:
A married couple rushed to the hospital because the woman was in labor
the doctor asked the couple, "I have invented a new machine that you
might want to try, it takes some of the labor pains away from the
mother and gives it to the father." So the married couple decided that
they would try this. So the doctor hooked the machine up and put it on
10% of pain switched from the mother to the father and the husband
said "I feel okay turn it up a lot more" so the doctor turned it up to
50% and the husband said "why don’t you just put it all on me cause
I’m not feeling a thing" but the doctor warned them "this much could
kill you if your not prepared", and the husband replied "I am ready
"so the doctor turned the machine up to 100% but the husband didn’t
fell a thing so they went home happy with a pain free labor, but when
they got home the mailman was dead on the front porch!
--
Contempt of Congress meter reading-offscale.
Vote for Bush. Why vote for the lesser of two evils?
No matter the candidates the superstition industry wins.
'Jesus' is a sock-puppet Christians utilize to add 'authority' to
whatever action they intend on taking. -Stoney
And Duty Imp and Rapscallion
Another version of the same joke:
One Sunday, Little Johnny's Sunday School teacher explained prayer to
the kids and how every day they should pray faithfully for everyone
close to them. Little Johnny took his lesson to heart, and that night
he knelt by his bed, folded his hands, and prayed, "God, please bless my
dog and keep him safe from harm."
The next day, the dog ran out in the street and was run over by a car.
Johnny, never one to give up after just one failure, knelt by his bed
the next night and prayed, "God, please take care of my cat and make him
healthy and happy."
That night, the cat got in a fight with the biggest, meanest dog in the
neighborhood and was turned into hamburger.
At this point, Johnny's father began to get a bit worried. It seemed
like anyone Johnny prayed for died shortly afterwards. That night, when
Johnny prayed, "God, I've lost my dog and my cat, so please keep my
gerbil safe so I'll have at least one pet," his father sat on the couch
chewing his nails all night, waiting for something to happen to the
gerbil. Towards morning he noticed a wet spot on the couch, and picked
up the cushion to discover Little Johnny's gerbil, crushed to a pulp
after being sat on all night.
The next night, Johnny prayed, "God, keep my dear father and care for
him like Preacher says you do everyone, even the sparrows."
Johnny's father was terrified. All day long he couldn't think, couldn't
talk to anyone, and couldn't even bring himself to step out of the
office for fear something terrible would happen to him. That night he
went home and found his wife bawling her eyes out in the living room,
and snapped, "Shut up! I can't take this! I've had the worst fucking
day of my life!" She replied, "However bad it was, my day was worse,
*****! The mailman had a heart attack on our front porch!"
--
Mekkala, Atheist #2148
"Atheism is ... the bed-rock of sanity in a world of madness."
--Emmett F. Fields
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| User: "Mike Painter" |
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| Title: Re: Humour |
21 Oct 2004 04:15:31 PM |
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The modern version has a man examining a computer that the scientist says
knows everything.
The man asks where his father is and the machine says:
"Fishing off a pier in New Jersey."
The man laughs and tells the scientist that his father had died several
years ago.
The machine says, "Your mothers husband died 5 years, 3 months, 4 days and
15 minutes ago. Your father is fishing off a pier in New Jersey."
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