| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"Deoxyribo Nuclayton Acid" |
| Date: |
28 Nov 2004 03:02:40 AM |
| Object: |
Hypothetical |
A man claims to have the remains of the one true cross that Jesus was
crucified on..it is perfectly preserved...appears to have blood on it and
also seems to have supernatural powers of healing and seems gives it's
bearer superhuman strength and the ability to read minds and manipulate
objects with the mind. He allows scientists and vatican officials to
examine the artifact and they are totally convinced of it's authenticity.
The vatican asks to have it given to them and they offer a large sum of
money, but the man insists that the only way he will give up this artifact
is if the pope publically commits a homosexual act with the him. What do
you think would happen?
.
|
|
| User: "Ike" |
|
| Title: Re: Hypothetical |
28 Nov 2004 10:16:14 AM |
|
|
"Deoxyribo Nuclayton Acid" <cjfat@SPAMBLOCKfonyemail.com> wrote in message
news:41a9940e$0$26294$afc38c87@news.optusnet.com.au...
A man claims to have the remains of the one true cross that Jesus was
crucified on..it is perfectly preserved...appears to have blood on it and
also seems to have supernatural powers of healing and seems gives it's
bearer superhuman strength and the ability to read minds and manipulate
objects with the mind. He allows scientists and vatican officials to
examine the artifact and they are totally convinced of it's authenticity.
The vatican asks to have it given to them and they offer a large sum of
money, but the man insists that the only way he will give up this artifact
is if the pope publically commits a homosexual act with the him. What do
you think would happen?
the correct speling is pubically
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Hypatia Kosh" |
|
| Title: Re: Hypothetical |
28 Nov 2004 02:34:57 PM |
|
|
"Deoxyribo Nuclayton Acid" <cjfat@SPAMBLOCKfonyemail.com> wrote in message news:<41a9940e$0$26294$afc38c87@news.optusnet.com.au>...
A man claims to have the remains of the one true cross that Jesus was
crucified on..it is perfectly preserved...appears to have blood on it and
also seems to have supernatural powers of healing and seems gives it's
bearer superhuman strength and the ability to read minds and manipulate
objects with the mind. He allows scientists and vatican officials to
examine the artifact and they are totally convinced of it's authenticity.
The vatican asks to have it given to them and they offer a large sum of
money, but the man insists that the only way he will give up this artifact
is if the pope publically commits a homosexual act with the him. What do
you think would happen?
The Church already has bits of the "true cross." Therefore this new
one is obviously a fake, the claimant obviously a heretic.
I'm sure they wouldn't trust the "scientists" who authenticate it,
unless they're the "scientists" that they keep in their stable to go
around and say that the medieval forgery known as the Shroud of Turin
is authentic and that the portrait of Our Lady of Guadalupe is
miraculous in nature.
The previous points notwithstanding, if the Vatican really wanted it,
they'd send a few Vatican mobsters to make a few strategic hits to
claim the true cross (hahahaha--Jesus wasn't even executed on a cross,
it was a pike, stavros) for themselves.
Seriously, JP #1 was poisoned to death for looking into the activities
of the Vatican mafia and threatening to oppose them. JP #2 hasn't
repeated those mistakes.
-Hypatia
.
|
|
|
| User: "Deoxyribo Nuclayton Acid" |
|
| Title: Re: Hypothetical |
28 Nov 2004 07:21:16 PM |
|
|
"Hypatia Kosh" <Phillips.66.berliv2@spamgourmet.com> wrote in message
news:1048bc8e.0411281234.7809f166@posting.google.com...
"Deoxyribo Nuclayton Acid" <cjfat@SPAMBLOCKfonyemail.com> wrote in message
news:<41a9940e$0$26294$afc38c87@news.optusnet.com.au>...
A man claims to have the remains of the one true cross that Jesus was
crucified on..it is perfectly preserved...appears to have blood on it
and
also seems to have supernatural powers of healing and seems gives it's
bearer superhuman strength and the ability to read minds and manipulate
objects with the mind. He allows scientists and vatican officials to
examine the artifact and they are totally convinced of it's
authenticity.
The vatican asks to have it given to them and they offer a large sum of
money, but the man insists that the only way he will give up this
artifact
is if the pope publically commits a homosexual act with the him. What
do
you think would happen?
The Church already has bits of the "true cross." Therefore this new
one is obviously a fake, the claimant obviously a heretic.
I'm sure they wouldn't trust the "scientists" who authenticate it,
unless they're the "scientists" that they keep in their stable to go
around and say that the medieval forgery known as the Shroud of Turin
is authentic and that the portrait of Our Lady of Guadalupe is
miraculous in nature.
The previous points notwithstanding, if the Vatican really wanted it,
they'd send a few Vatican mobsters to make a few strategic hits to
claim the true cross (hahahaha--Jesus wasn't even executed on a cross,
it was a pike, stavros) for themselves.
Seriously, JP #1 was poisoned to death for looking into the activities
of the Vatican mafia and threatening to oppose them. JP #2 hasn't
repeated those mistakes.
The real reason JP1 died is actually a tad more amusing than conspiratorial.
He had a previous heart problem but when he became pontiff he stopped taking
his medication, thinking that his position as God's main representative on
church would some how magically cure him of his disease. He was wrong!
.
|
|
|
|
|
| User: "Divin Marquis" |
|
| Title: Re: Hypothetical |
29 Nov 2004 10:24:41 AM |
|
|
Le Sun, 28 Nov 2004 19:02:40 +1000, Deoxyribo Nuclayton Acid a écrit :
but the man insists that the only way he will give up this artifact
is if the pope publically commits a homosexual act with the him. What do
you think would happen?
You wake up and swear you'll never get that drunk again. Of course, you do
it again the next week end.
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Vic Sagerquist" |
|
| Title: Re: Hypothetical |
28 Nov 2004 11:43:57 AM |
|
|
On 28 Nov 2004, Deoxyribo Nuclayton Acid dropped trou, farted, whirled,
then shouted:
A man claims to have the remains of the one true cross that Jesus was
crucified on..it is perfectly preserved...appears to have blood on it
and also seems to have supernatural powers of healing and seems gives
it's bearer superhuman strength and the ability to read minds and
manipulate objects with the mind. He allows scientists and vatican
officials to examine the artifact and they are totally convinced of
it's authenticity. The vatican asks to have it given to them and they
offer a large sum of money, but the man insists that the only way he
will give up this artifact is if the pope publically commits a
homosexual act with the him. What do you think would happen?
Reminds me of Cheech & Chong. Except the condition was sex with a
beautiful woman.
Pope: I do this. But there are four conditions on-a which I do this, or I
no do this. Number one. This girl who I make-a this-a love to, she must
be blind so she cannot see who do this to her. Number two. She must be
deaf, so she cannot hear what is happening to her this day. Number three.
She must be dumb, so she cannot tell the world what has happened to her
this day. And number four. She gotta have-a big-a tits. No? A big-a
tits-a boom-de-boom-boom....
--
Vic Sagerquist
aa#2011
Supervisor, EAC Department of little adhesive-backed "L" shaped
chrome-plastic doo-dads to add feet to Jesus fish department
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Uncle Dollar Bill" |
|
| Title: Re: Hypothetical |
28 Nov 2004 06:06:28 AM |
|
|
On Sun, 28 Nov 2004 19:02:40 +1000 in the fey dale of alt.atheism,
Deoxyribo Nuclayton Acid defied the status quo and scrawled upon the
toilet stall:
A man claims to have the remains of the one true cross that Jesus was
crucified on..it is perfectly preserved...appears to have blood on it and
also seems to have supernatural powers of healing and seems gives it's
bearer superhuman strength and the ability to read minds and manipulate
objects with the mind. He allows scientists and vatican officials to
examine the artifact and they are totally convinced of it's authenticity.
The vatican asks to have it given to them and they offer a large sum of
money, but the man insists that the only way he will give up this artifact
is if the pope publically commits a homosexual act with the him. What do
you think would happen?
Now _this_ is the type of hypothetical I think we need more of around
these parts! ;-)
I think the man would instantly be labelled the "Anti-Christ" and stepped
upon/burst open/smeared around in much the same way a well-cooked pea is
when it finds itself suddenly thrust into the path of oncoming human
feet. He wouldn't be able to back away fast enough, the crowd would
simply lunge upon him like a single organism. A "hive herd", so to
speak.
Just my guess, anyway...
--
L8r,
Uncle Dollar Bill
/:\./\-*\/#\-/\:.\/~\*/\-#\/:\./\*-\/~\#/\:.\/-\*/
You can't disguise hatred just by calling it love.
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Meteorite Debris" |
|
| Title: Re: Hypothetical |
28 Nov 2004 05:46:05 PM |
|
|
On Sun, 28 Nov 2004 19:02:40 +1000 the ET form known as Deoxyribo
Nuclayton Acid<cjfat@SPAMBLOCKfonyemail.com> sent a radio signal
across the vast expanse of deep space -._.--._.--._.--._.--._.--._.
A man claims to have the remains of the one true cross that Jesus was
crucified on..it is perfectly preserved...appears to have blood on it and
also seems to have supernatural powers of healing and seems gives it's
bearer superhuman strength and the ability to read minds and manipulate
objects with the mind. He allows scientists and vatican officials to
examine the artifact and they are totally convinced of it's authenticity.
The vatican asks to have it given to them and they offer a large sum of
money, but the man insists that the only way he will give up this artifact
is if the pope publically commits a homosexual act with the him. What do
you think would happen?
Half necrophilia. Half a pope, half a corpse. I think I would have to
question the guy's taste in men if he has wood for Karol.
--
epicurus1*at*optusnet*dot*com*dot*au
apatriot #1, atheist #1417,
Chief EAC prophet
http://members.optusnet.com.au/~pk1956/
Apatriotism Yahoo Group
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/apatriotism
Sunday: A day given over by Americans to wishing that they themselves
were dead and in Heaven, and that their neighbors were dead and in
Hell.
-Mencken
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "raven1" |
|
| Title: Re: Hypothetical |
28 Nov 2004 09:11:50 AM |
|
|
On Sun, 28 Nov 2004 19:02:40 +1000, "Deoxyribo Nuclayton Acid"
<cjfat@SPAMBLOCKfonyemail.com> wrote:
A man claims to have the remains of the one true cross that Jesus was
crucified on..it is perfectly preserved...appears to have blood on it and
also seems to have supernatural powers of healing and seems gives it's
bearer superhuman strength and the ability to read minds and manipulate
objects with the mind. He allows scientists and vatican officials to
examine the artifact and they are totally convinced of it's authenticity.
How would a scientist be convinced of the authenticity of such an
item?
The vatican asks to have it given to them and they offer a large sum of
money, but the man insists that the only way he will give up this artifact
is if the pope publically commits a homosexual act with the him. What do
you think would happen?
I think the Church would conclude that the artifact was a counterfeit
from Satan if it came with such a string attached.
.
|
|
|
| User: "Deoxyribo Nuclayton Acid" |
|
| Title: Re: Hypothetical |
28 Nov 2004 07:18:06 PM |
|
|
"raven1" <quoththeraven@nevermore.com> wrote in message
news:qiqjq0tt123kaa0gjte0nbofalrpe4ar3p@4ax.com...
On Sun, 28 Nov 2004 19:02:40 +1000, "Deoxyribo Nuclayton Acid"
<cjfat@SPAMBLOCKfonyemail.com> wrote:
A man claims to have the remains of the one true cross that Jesus was
crucified on..it is perfectly preserved...appears to have blood on it and
also seems to have supernatural powers of healing and seems gives it's
bearer superhuman strength and the ability to read minds and manipulate
objects with the mind. He allows scientists and vatican officials to
examine the artifact and they are totally convinced of it's authenticity.
How would a scientist be convinced of the authenticity of such an
item?
Sorry...words in the wrong order. Vatican scientists and officials! The
vatican actually employs scientists to verify miracles and holy
artifacts...but they are still Christians and usually priests as well.
The vatican asks to have it given to them and they offer a large sum of
money, but the man insists that the only way he will give up this
artifact
is if the pope publically commits a homosexual act with the him. What do
you think would happen?
I think the Church would conclude that the artifact was a counterfeit
from Satan if it came with such a string attached.
.
|
|
|
|
|
| User: "Godfrey" |
|
| Title: Re: Hypothetical |
28 Nov 2004 05:30:59 AM |
|
|
On Sun, 28 Nov 2004 19:02:40 +1000, "Deoxyribo Nuclayton Acid"
<cjfat@SPAMBLOCKfonyemail.com> wrote:
A man claims to have the remains of the one true cross that Jesus was
crucified on..it is perfectly preserved...appears to have blood on it and
also seems to have supernatural powers of healing and seems gives it's
bearer superhuman strength and the ability to read minds and manipulate
objects with the mind. He allows scientists and vatican officials to
examine the artifact and they are totally convinced of it's authenticity.
The vatican asks to have it given to them and they offer a large sum of
money, but the man insists that the only way he will give up this artifact
is if the pope publically commits a homosexual act with the him. What do
you think would happen?
I think the Swiss Guard would impale him with their halberds and claim
he attacked the Pope. The cross, of course, would disappear.
-Godfrey
"Repetition does not transform a lie into a truth"
-Franklin D. Roosevelt
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "spakka" |
|
| Title: Re: Hypothetical |
28 Nov 2004 03:52:20 AM |
|
|
On Sun, 28 Nov 2004 19:02:40 +1000, Deoxyribo Nuclayton Acid wrote:
A man claims to have the remains of the one true cross that Jesus was
crucified on..it is perfectly preserved...appears to have blood on it and
also seems to have supernatural powers of healing and seems gives it's
bearer superhuman strength and the ability to read minds and manipulate
objects with the mind. He allows scientists and vatican officials to
examine the artifact and they are totally convinced of it's authenticity.
The vatican asks to have it given to them and they offer a large sum of
money, but the man insists that the only way he will give up this artifact
is if the pope publically commits a homosexual act with the him. What do
you think would happen?
Depends how old the man is / can be made up to look.
.
|
|
|
|
|
Related Articles |
|
|
