| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"Douglas Berry" |
| Date: |
28 Aug 2005 08:15:36 PM |
| Object: |
I think I broke them |
I just had door-to-door Christians come by.
Nice couple of zombies, repeating what they learned by rote and
obviously puzzled when I failed to immediately drop to my knees and
scream "praise Jesus!"
One of them mentioned that the hurricane currently swamping New
Orleans was God's punishment for Mardi Gras.
"OK, but why would God punish people for holding a Christian
festival?"
"Mardi Gras has nothing to do with Christ!"
"Au contraire! Mardi Gras is a traditional week of excess leading up
to Lent. It has Papal sanction which is what mattered when the
tradition began."
I then had to explain Lent. And that for more than half of its
history, there were only two major churches following Jesus, the Roman
Catholic Church, and the Eastern Orthodox.
They had no idea who Martin Luther was.
I was growing tired of them, and politely said it had been interesting
chatting, but I am an atheist and really not interested. That
evidently was a keyword in their little 64k brains, for it triggered
another speech.
"Can you prove God doesn't exist?"
"Nope, can you prove he does?"
That stopped them for a second. So I went in for the kill.
"How about Santa Claus, is he real too?"
"Of course not!"
"Prove it."
More silence and troubled looks between them. Here they were
/f/u/c/k/i/n/g/ u/p m/y S/u/n/d/a/y trying to save me, and I was
shaking them up.
"I mean, I've seen Santa Claus, spoken too him, sat on his lap..
either of you ever see Jesus?"
"Well, noo.."
"And when I was eight I got the Guns of Navaronne play set! No way
would my parents buy that for me, so it had to be Santa, right? So how
can you say God and Jesus, who nobody sees, hears from, or gets cool
presents from, is real, while Santa, who is in the bloody Macy's
parade every year, isn't?"
"Well, those are people dressed as Santa, not the real thing."
"Prove it. Prove that every single person with a jolly beard and a
red suit is not Santa."
It was obvious that their training in door-to-door annoying had
included the lesson "never walk away when you have a conversation
going". I decided to show mercy.
"Look, you seem like a nice couple of kids. But I have a burrito to
feed and a cat to throw in the microwave, so I have to cut this short.
Just remember that at one time you believed with all your heart in
Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and for all I know the
monster under the bed. These were cultural lies you were told, and
you got over learning the truth. Now you still believe in another
being you can't actually see. I ask you to consider this: what is the
difference between the stories you were told about Santa Claus and the
ones you were told about God? Have a good day!"
Last I looked they were out on the sidewalk arguing.
--
Douglas E. Berry Do the OBVIOUS thing to send e-mail
Atheist #2147, Atheist Vet #5
"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as
when they do it from religious conviction."
Blaise Pascal (1623-1662), Pense'es, #894.
.
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| User: "Darrell Stec" |
|
| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
28 Aug 2005 09:21:19 PM |
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After serious contemplation, on or about Sunday 28 August 2005 4:15 pm
penguin_boy@mindOBVIOUSspring.com wrote:
"Look, you seem like a nice couple of kids. But I have a burrito to
feed and a cat to throw in the microwave, so I have to cut this short.
Just remember that at one time you believed with all your heart in
Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and for all I know the
monster under the bed. These were cultural lies you were told, and
you got over learning the truth. Now you still believe in another
being you can't actually see. I ask you to consider this: what is the
difference between the stories you were told about Santa Claus and the
ones you were told about God? Have a good day!"
Last I looked they were out on the sidewalk arguing.
Yes, but did Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and the monster
under the bed have a holy bible which says it is god's word? And what is
all this nonsense about Santa Claus not being real?
--
Later,
Darrell Stec
Webpage Sorcery
http://webpagesorcery.com
We Put the Magic in Your Webpages
.
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| User: "quibbler" |
|
| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
29 Aug 2005 01:47:51 AM |
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In article <3neo6kF160pjU1@individual.net>,
darrell_stec@webpagesorcery.com says...
Yes, but did Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and the monster
under the bed have a holy bible which says it is god's word?
Yes, all those myths are recorded in books of children's fairy tales.
The bible is just an older, shittier, much more boring fairy tale that
certain alleged adults still pretend to take seriously.
And what is
all this nonsense about Santa Claus not being real?
I actually had some idiot tell me the other day that he believed in
flying reindeer. He claimed that some reindeer eat naturally occuring
psychadelic substances, like mushrooms or something, and that this
enables them to tap into the psychic power of flight. I explained to
said idiot that hallucinigens might make one feel that one could fly, but
that it conferred no actual aerodynamic lift.
--
Quibbler (quibbler247atyahoo.com)
"It is fashionable to wax apocalyptic about the
threat to humanity posed by the AIDS virus, 'mad cow'
disease, and many others, but I think a case can be
made that faith is one of the world's great evils,
comparable to the smallpox virus but harder to
eradicate." -- Richard Dawkins
.
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| User: "Robibnikoff" |
|
| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
29 Aug 2005 01:59:49 AM |
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"quibbler" <quibbler247@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.1d7c171746febcbd9898ee@news.readfreenews.net...
In article <3neo6kF160pjU1@individual.net>,
darrell_stec@webpagesorcery.com says...
Yes, but did Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and the
monster
under the bed have a holy bible which says it is god's word?
Yes, all those myths are recorded in books of children's fairy tales.
The bible is just an older, shittier, much more boring fairy tale that
certain alleged adults still pretend to take seriously.
And what is
all this nonsense about Santa Claus not being real?
I actually had some idiot tell me the other day that he believed in
flying reindeer. He claimed that some reindeer eat naturally occuring
psychadelic substances, like mushrooms or something, and that this
enables them to tap into the psychic power of flight. I explained to
said idiot that hallucinigens might make one feel that one could fly, but
that it conferred no actual aerodynamic lift.
Get out! Holy crap, that's amazing.
And, on a personal note, I am proud to announce that the witchling has
figured out that Santa Claus is ***** - came to that conclusion all by
herself. Thank goodness! I couldn't stand lying to her, but she does
understand that it's "tradition" and that she can't tell her younger cousins
the truth.
--
------
Robyn
Resident Witchypoo
#1557
Science doesn't burn people at the stake for disagreeing - Vic Sagerquist
.
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| User: "quibbler" |
|
| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
30 Aug 2005 01:56:41 AM |
|
|
In article <3nf8g4F17nl6U1@individual.net>,
says...
"quibbler" <quibbler247@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.1d7c171746febcbd9898ee@news.readfreenews.net...
In article <3neo6kF160pjU1@individual.net>,
darrell_stec@webpagesorcery.com says...
Yes, but did Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and the
monster
under the bed have a holy bible which says it is god's word?
Yes, all those myths are recorded in books of children's fairy tales.
The bible is just an older, shittier, much more boring fairy tale that
certain alleged adults still pretend to take seriously.
And what is
all this nonsense about Santa Claus not being real?
I actually had some idiot tell me the other day that he believed in
flying reindeer. He claimed that some reindeer eat naturally occuring
psychadelic substances, like mushrooms or something, and that this
enables them to tap into the psychic power of flight. I explained to
said idiot that hallucinigens might make one feel that one could fly, but
that it conferred no actual aerodynamic lift.
Get out! Holy crap, that's amazing.
And, on a personal note, I am proud to announce that the witchling has
figured out that Santa Claus is *****
It's an important milestone. Of course, I figured it out, not so much
because of impeccable logic, but because my parents were very bad at
hiding presents before xmas. Also, the one's that said, "From Santa"
were written in my mom's handwriting ;)
--
Quibbler (quibbler247atyahoo.com)
"It is fashionable to wax apocalyptic about the
threat to humanity posed by the AIDS virus, 'mad cow'
disease, and many others, but I think a case can be
made that faith is one of the world's great evils,
comparable to the smallpox virus but harder to
eradicate." -- Richard Dawkins
.
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| User: "Robibnikoff" |
|
| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
30 Aug 2005 01:27:14 PM |
|
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"quibbler" <quibbler247@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.1d7d6ac17924ec239898f3@news.readfreenews.net...
In article <3nf8g4F17nl6U1@individual.net>,
says...
snip
And, on a personal note, I am proud to announce that the witchling has
figured out that Santa Claus is *****
It's an important milestone. Of course, I figured it out, not so much
because of impeccable logic, but because my parents were very bad at
hiding presents before xmas. Also, the one's that said, "From Santa"
were written in my mom's handwriting ;)
LOL - Yes, I figured that would be a dead give-a-way.
The witchling seems to have deduced it from a couple of clues. Some
classmates blew the whistle on the Tooth Fairy last year. Since she doesn't
like candy, we've been getting her toys such as Gameboy games for her Easter
basket. After some bad behavior on her part, I threatened to return the
Easter toy to the store. Now, how could I do that if it came from the
Easter Bunny? Whoopsie. Not to mention, she found the idea of an
over-sized bunny hopping around delivering Easter gifts just ridiculous
("Mom, a giant bunny? C'mon!"). After explaining to her how special
effects were done in movies and that magicians just used slight-of-hand and
well-practiced visual tricks, she came to the obvious conclusion that magic
isn't real. Well, if magic isn't real, then how could Santa be real? Bada
boom, bada bing ;)
--
------
Robyn
Resident Witchypoo
#1557
Science doesn't burn people at the stake for disagreeing - Vic Sagerquist
.
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| User: "stoney" |
|
| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
02 Sep 2005 01:17:57 AM |
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On Tue, 30 Aug 2005 09:27:14 -0400, "Robibnikoff"
<> wrote:
"quibbler" <quibbler247@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.1d7d6ac17924ec239898f3@news.readfreenews.net...
In article <3nf8g4F17nl6U1@individual.net>,
says...
snip
And, on a personal note, I am proud to announce that the witchling has
figured out that Santa Claus is *****
It's an important milestone. Of course, I figured it out, not so much
because of impeccable logic, but because my parents were very bad at
hiding presents before xmas. Also, the one's that said, "From Santa"
were written in my mom's handwriting ;)
LOL - Yes, I figured that would be a dead give-a-way.
The witchling seems to have deduced it from a couple of clues. Some
classmates blew the whistle on the Tooth Fairy last year. Since she doesn't
like candy, we've been getting her toys such as Gameboy games for her Easter
basket. After some bad behavior on her part, I threatened to return the
Easter toy to the store. Now, how could I do that if it came from the
Easter Bunny? Whoopsie.
Busted!
Not to mention, she found the idea of an
over-sized bunny hopping around delivering Easter gifts just ridiculous
("Mom, a giant bunny? C'mon!"). After explaining to her how special
effects were done in movies and that magicians just used slight-of-hand and
well-practiced visual tricks, she came to the obvious conclusion that magic
isn't real. Well, if magic isn't real, then how could Santa be real? Bada
boom, bada bing ;)
No flies on the witchling. :D
--
Contempt of Congress meter reading-offscale.
Hello, theocracy with a fundamentalist US Supreme
Court who will ensure church and state are joined
at the hip like clergy and altar boys.
America 1776-Jan 2001 RIP
"As democracy is perfected, the office of president
represents, more and more closely, the inner soul
of the people. On some great and glorious day the
plain folks of the land will reach their heart's
desire at last and the White House will be adorned
by a downright moron." --- H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
Religion is the original war crime.
-Michelle Malkin (Feb 26, 2005)
.
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| User: "Robibnikoff" |
|
| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
02 Sep 2005 02:58:19 PM |
|
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"stoney" <stoney@the.net> wrote in message
news:r0afh11ha294c62l9d6l42ifi68h0uundo@4ax.com...
On Tue, 30 Aug 2005 09:27:14 -0400, "Robibnikoff"
< > wrote:
"quibbler" <quibbler247@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.1d7d6ac17924ec239898f3@news.readfreenews.net...
In article <3nf8g4F17nl6U1@individual.net>,
says...
snip
And, on a personal note, I am proud to announce that the witchling
has
figured out that Santa Claus is *****
It's an important milestone. Of course, I figured it out, not so much
because of impeccable logic, but because my parents were very bad at
hiding presents before xmas. Also, the one's that said, "From Santa"
were written in my mom's handwriting ;)
LOL - Yes, I figured that would be a dead give-a-way.
The witchling seems to have deduced it from a couple of clues. Some
classmates blew the whistle on the Tooth Fairy last year. Since she
doesn't
like candy, we've been getting her toys such as Gameboy games for her
Easter
basket. After some bad behavior on her part, I threatened to return the
Easter toy to the store. Now, how could I do that if it came from the
Easter Bunny? Whoopsie.
Busted!
You could say that. What's funny, is that she didn't mention this at the
time of the incident. But when I discussed her figuring out that Santa
Claus wasn't real (She'd told my husband a couple of weeks ago - I just
found out), she bought up this incident.
Not to mention, she found the idea of an
over-sized bunny hopping around delivering Easter gifts just ridiculous
("Mom, a giant bunny? C'mon!"). After explaining to her how special
effects were done in movies and that magicians just used slight-of-hand
and
well-practiced visual tricks, she came to the obvious conclusion that
magic
isn't real. Well, if magic isn't real, then how could Santa be real?
Bada
boom, bada bing ;)
No flies on the witchling. :D
I should say not! :)
--
------
Robyn
Resident Witchypoo
#1557
Science doesn't burn people at the stake for disagreeing - Vic Sagerquist
.
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| User: "stoney" |
|
| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
05 Sep 2005 05:52:36 PM |
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|
On Fri, 2 Sep 2005 10:58:19 -0400, "Robibnikoff"
<> wrote:
"stoney" <stoney@the.net> wrote in message
news:r0afh11ha294c62l9d6l42ifi68h0uundo@4ax.com...
On Tue, 30 Aug 2005 09:27:14 -0400, "Robibnikoff"
< > wrote:
"quibbler" <quibbler247@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.1d7d6ac17924ec239898f3@news.readfreenews.net...
In article <3nf8g4F17nl6U1@individual.net>,
says...
snip
And, on a personal note, I am proud to announce that the witchling
has
figured out that Santa Claus is *****
It's an important milestone. Of course, I figured it out, not so much
because of impeccable logic, but because my parents were very bad at
hiding presents before xmas. Also, the one's that said, "From Santa"
were written in my mom's handwriting ;)
LOL - Yes, I figured that would be a dead give-a-way.
The witchling seems to have deduced it from a couple of clues. Some
classmates blew the whistle on the Tooth Fairy last year. Since she
doesn't
like candy, we've been getting her toys such as Gameboy games for her
Easter
basket. After some bad behavior on her part, I threatened to return the
Easter toy to the store. Now, how could I do that if it came from the
Easter Bunny? Whoopsie.
Busted!
You could say that. What's funny, is that she didn't mention this at the
time of the incident.
Data point held in reserve. :)
But when I discussed her figuring out that Santa
Claus wasn't real (She'd told my husband a couple of weeks ago - I just
found out), she bought up this incident.
Not to mention, she found the idea of an
over-sized bunny hopping around delivering Easter gifts just ridiculous
("Mom, a giant bunny? C'mon!"). After explaining to her how special
effects were done in movies and that magicians just used slight-of-hand
and
well-practiced visual tricks, she came to the obvious conclusion that
magic
isn't real. Well, if magic isn't real, then how could Santa be real?
Bada
boom, bada bing ;)
No flies on the witchling. :D
I should say not! :)
:)
--
Contempt of Congress meter reading-offscale.
Hello, theocracy with a fundamentalist US Supreme
Court who will ensure church and state are joined
at the hip like clergy and altar boys.
America 1776-Jan 2001 RIP
"As democracy is perfected, the office of president
represents, more and more closely, the inner soul
of the people. On some great and glorious day the
plain folks of the land will reach their heart's
desire at last and the White House will be adorned
by a downright moron." --- H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
Religion is the original war crime.
-Michelle Malkin (Feb 26, 2005)
.
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| User: "Apostate" |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
29 Aug 2005 03:25:10 AM |
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On Sun, 28 Aug 2005 21:59:49 -0400, "Robibnikoff" <witchypoo@broomstick.com> wrote:
"quibbler" <quibbler247@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.1d7c171746febcbd9898ee@news.readfreenews.net...
In article <3neo6kF160pjU1@individual.net>,
darrell_stec@webpagesorcery.com says...
Yes, but did Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and the
monster
under the bed have a holy bible which says it is god's word?
Yes, all those myths are recorded in books of children's fairy tales.
The bible is just an older, shittier, much more boring fairy tale that
certain alleged adults still pretend to take seriously.
And what is
all this nonsense about Santa Claus not being real?
I actually had some idiot tell me the other day that he believed in
flying reindeer. He claimed that some reindeer eat naturally occuring
psychadelic substances, like mushrooms or something, and that this
enables them to tap into the psychic power of flight. I explained to
said idiot that hallucinigens might make one feel that one could fly, but
that it conferred no actual aerodynamic lift.
Get out! Holy crap, that's amazing.
And, on a personal note, I am proud to announce that the witchling has
figured out that Santa Claus is ***** - came to that conclusion all by
herself.
Praise Mithra!
Thank goodness! I couldn't stand lying to her, but she does
understand that it's "tradition" and that she can't tell her younger cousins
the truth.
--
/Apostate
alt.atheist #1931 I've found it!
BAAWA Knife AND SMASHer
EAC Supernumerary Deputy Director, Department of Redundancy Department
plonked by Lani_girl, first post; Billions Served!
I doubt, therefore I might be.
e-mail to lower-case only
.
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| User: "Mike Painter" |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
28 Aug 2005 11:57:14 PM |
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Douglas Berry wrote:
<snip>
"Look, you seem like a nice couple of kids. But I have a burrito to
feed and a cat to throw in the microwave, so I have to cut this short.
Just remember that at one time you believed with all your heart in
Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and for all I know the
monster under the bed. These were cultural lies you were told, and
you got over learning the truth. Now you still believe in another
being you can't actually see. I ask you to consider this: what is the
difference between the stories you were told about Santa Claus and the
ones you were told about God? Have a good day!"
Last I looked they were out on the sidewalk arguing.
Probably worried that the burrito might get to much to eat.
I've got to remember that for the next time somebody knocks.
.
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| User: "Jimmy B." |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
30 Aug 2005 12:09:21 AM |
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Douglas Berry wrote:
I just had door-to-door Christians come by.
Nice couple of zombies, repeating what they learned by rote and
obviously puzzled when I failed to immediately drop to my knees and
scream "praise Jesus!"
One of them mentioned that the hurricane currently swamping New
Orleans was God's punishment for Mardi Gras.
"OK, but why would God punish people for holding a Christian
festival?"
"Mardi Gras has nothing to do with Christ!"
"Au contraire! Mardi Gras is a traditional week of excess leading up
to Lent. It has Papal sanction which is what mattered when the
tradition began."
I then had to explain Lent. And that for more than half of its
history, there were only two major churches following Jesus, the Roman
Catholic Church, and the Eastern Orthodox.
They had no idea who Martin Luther was.
I was growing tired of them, and politely said it had been interesting
chatting, but I am an atheist and really not interested. That
evidently was a keyword in their little 64k brains, for it triggered
another speech.
"Can you prove God doesn't exist?"
"Nope, can you prove he does?"
That stopped them for a second. So I went in for the kill.
"How about Santa Claus, is he real too?"
"Of course not!"
"Prove it."
More silence and troubled looks between them. Here they were
/f/u/c/k/i/n/g/ u/p m/y S/u/n/d/a/y trying to save me, and I was
shaking them up.
"I mean, I've seen Santa Claus, spoken too him, sat on his lap..
either of you ever see Jesus?"
"Well, noo.."
"And when I was eight I got the Guns of Navaronne play set! No way
would my parents buy that for me, so it had to be Santa, right? So how
can you say God and Jesus, who nobody sees, hears from, or gets cool
presents from, is real, while Santa, who is in the bloody Macy's
parade every year, isn't?"
"Well, those are people dressed as Santa, not the real thing."
"Prove it. Prove that every single person with a jolly beard and a
red suit is not Santa."
It was obvious that their training in door-to-door annoying had
included the lesson "never walk away when you have a conversation
going". I decided to show mercy.
"Look, you seem like a nice couple of kids. But I have a burrito to
feed and a cat to throw in the microwave, so I have to cut this short.
Just remember that at one time you believed with all your heart in
Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and for all I know the
monster under the bed. These were cultural lies you were told, and
you got over learning the truth. Now you still believe in another
being you can't actually see. I ask you to consider this: what is the
difference between the stories you were told about Santa Claus and the
ones you were told about God? Have a good day!"
Last I looked they were out on the sidewalk arguing.
<clap><clap><clap> Bravo! Bravo!
.
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| User: "Panama Floyd" |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
29 Aug 2005 12:21:17 AM |
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Douglas Berry wrote:
I just had door-to-door Christians come by.
Nice couple of zombies, repeating what they learned by rote and
obviously puzzled when I failed to immediately drop to my knees and
scream "praise Jesus!"
One of them mentioned that the hurricane currently swamping New
Orleans was God's punishment for Mardi Gras.
"OK, but why would God punish people for holding a Christian
festival?"
"Mardi Gras has nothing to do with Christ!"
"Au contraire! Mardi Gras is a traditional week of excess leading up
to Lent. It has Papal sanction which is what mattered when the
tradition began."
I then had to explain Lent. And that for more than half of its
history, there were only two major churches following Jesus, the Roman
Catholic Church, and the Eastern Orthodox.
They had no idea who Martin Luther was.
snip, but not for lack of value.
Doug, you're my new hero. I wonder how bad it would have been for them
if you'd had the time to *really* work `em over.
-Panama Floyd, Atl.
aa#2015, Member Knights of BAAWA!
"..the prayer cloth of one aeon is the doormat of the next."
-Mark Twain
.
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| User: "Douglas Berry" |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
29 Aug 2005 01:57:45 AM |
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On 28 Aug 2005 17:21:17 -0700, "Panama Floyd" <panamaflyd@aol.com>
drained his beer, leaned back in the alt.atheism beanbag and drunkenly
proclaimed the following
Doug, you're my new hero. I wonder how bad it would have been for them
if you'd had the time to *really* work `em over.
I could have started them on Discordian philosophy....
--
Douglas E. Berry Do the OBVIOUS thing to send e-mail
Atheist #2147, Atheist Vet #5
"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as
when they do it from religious conviction."
Blaise Pascal (1623-1662), Pense'es, #894.
.
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| User: "Panama Floyd" |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
29 Aug 2005 05:26:03 PM |
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Douglas Berry wrote:
On 28 Aug 2005 17:21:17 -0700, "Panama Floyd" <panamaflyd@aol.com>
drained his beer, leaned back in the alt.atheism beanbag and drunkenly
proclaimed the following
Doug, you're my new hero. I wonder how bad it would have been for them
if you'd had the time to *really* work `em over.
I could have started them on Discordian philosophy....
ROFL! I guess their little argument afterwards meant you threw the
golden apple at them?
-Panama Floyd, Atl.
aa#2015, Member Knights of BAAWA!
"..the prayer cloth of one aeon is the doormat of the next."
-Mark Twain
Douglas E. Berry Do the OBVIOUS thing to send e-mail
Atheist #2147, Atheist Vet #5
"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as
when they do it from religious conviction."
Blaise Pascal (1623-1662), Pense'es, #894.
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| User: "Kate " |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
29 Aug 2005 03:37:02 AM |
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On Mon, 29 Aug 2005 01:57:45 GMT, Douglas Berry
<penguin_boy@mindOBVIOUSspring.com> wrote:
On 28 Aug 2005 17:21:17 -0700, "Panama Floyd" <panamaflyd@aol.com>
drained his beer, leaned back in the alt.atheism beanbag and drunkenly
proclaimed the following
Doug, you're my new hero. I wonder how bad it would have been for them
if you'd had the time to *really* work `em over.
I could have started them on Discordian philosophy....
My husband is working on a humorous atheist website and would like
permission to put this story on it somewhere - do you mind?
.
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| User: "Douglas Berry" |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
29 Aug 2005 12:46:42 PM |
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On 28 Aug 2005 22:37:02 -0500, (Kate ) drained his
beer, leaned back in the alt.atheism beanbag and drunkenly proclaimed
the following
On Mon, 29 Aug 2005 01:57:45 GMT, Douglas Berry
<penguin_boy@mindOBVIOUSspring.com> wrote:
On 28 Aug 2005 17:21:17 -0700, "Panama Floyd" <panamaflyd@aol.com>
drained his beer, leaned back in the alt.atheism beanbag and drunkenly
proclaimed the following
Doug, you're my new hero. I wonder how bad it would have been for them
if you'd had the time to *really* work `em over.
I could have started them on Discordian philosophy....
My husband is working on a humorous atheist website and would like
permission to put this story on it somewhere - do you mind?
Go for it.
--
Douglas E. Berry Do the OBVIOUS thing to send e-mail
Atheist #2147, Atheist Vet #5
"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as
when they do it from religious conviction."
Blaise Pascal (1623-1662), Pense'es, #894.
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| User: "stoney" |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
02 Sep 2005 01:18:30 AM |
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On Mon, 29 Aug 2005 01:57:45 GMT, Douglas Berry
<penguin_boy@mindOBVIOUSspring.com> wrote:
On 28 Aug 2005 17:21:17 -0700, "Panama Floyd" <panamaflyd@aol.com>
drained his beer, leaned back in the alt.atheism beanbag and drunkenly
proclaimed the following
Doug, you're my new hero. I wonder how bad it would have been for them
if you'd had the time to *really* work `em over.
I could have started them on Discordian philosophy....
via the accordian......
--
Contempt of Congress meter reading-offscale.
Hello, theocracy with a fundamentalist US Supreme
Court who will ensure church and state are joined
at the hip like clergy and altar boys.
America 1776-Jan 2001 RIP
"As democracy is perfected, the office of president
represents, more and more closely, the inner soul
of the people. On some great and glorious day the
plain folks of the land will reach their heart's
desire at last and the White House will be adorned
by a downright moron." --- H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
Religion is the original war crime.
-Michelle Malkin (Feb 26, 2005)
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| User: "towelie" |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
29 Aug 2005 10:18:52 AM |
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TV's Panama Floyd wrote:
Douglas Berry wrote:
snip, but not for lack of value.
Doug, you're my new hero. I wonder how bad it would have been for them
if you'd had the time to *really* work `em over.
Doug should point some cameras at his front door and tape these encounters,
and sell them.
.
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| User: "Douglas Berry" |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
29 Aug 2005 12:47:04 PM |
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On Mon, 29 Aug 2005 05:18:52 -0500, "towelie" <bugoNOSPAM@hotmail.com>
drained his beer, leaned back in the alt.atheism beanbag and drunkenly
proclaimed the following
TV's Panama Floyd wrote:
Douglas Berry wrote:
snip, but not for lack of value.
Doug, you're my new hero. I wonder how bad it would have been for them
if you'd had the time to *really* work `em over.
Doug should point some cameras at his front door and tape these encounters,
and sell them.
Gack. That would mean letting the world see the state of my
apartment!
--
Douglas E. Berry Do the OBVIOUS thing to send e-mail
Atheist #2147, Atheist Vet #5
"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as
when they do it from religious conviction."
Blaise Pascal (1623-1662), Pense'es, #894.
.
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| User: "stoney" |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
02 Sep 2005 01:19:32 AM |
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On Mon, 29 Aug 2005 12:47:04 GMT, Douglas Berry
<penguin_boy@mindOBVIOUSspring.com> wrote:
On Mon, 29 Aug 2005 05:18:52 -0500, "towelie" <bugoNOSPAM@hotmail.com>
drained his beer, leaned back in the alt.atheism beanbag and drunkenly
proclaimed the following
TV's Panama Floyd wrote:
Douglas Berry wrote:
snip, but not for lack of value.
Doug, you're my new hero. I wonder how bad it would have been for them
if you'd had the time to *really* work `em over.
Doug should point some cameras at his front door and tape these encounters,
and sell them.
Gack. That would mean letting the world see the state of my
apartment!
Camera's pointed out, not in. Close focused.
--
Contempt of Congress meter reading-offscale.
Hello, theocracy with a fundamentalist US Supreme
Court who will ensure church and state are joined
at the hip like clergy and altar boys.
America 1776-Jan 2001 RIP
"As democracy is perfected, the office of president
represents, more and more closely, the inner soul
of the people. On some great and glorious day the
plain folks of the land will reach their heart's
desire at last and the White House will be adorned
by a downright moron." --- H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
Religion is the original war crime.
-Michelle Malkin (Feb 26, 2005)
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| User: "quibbler" |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
29 Aug 2005 01:35:16 AM |
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In article <ql64h1dot4t2kv4svn5mo75j3li6nlbfv0@4ax.com>,
penguin_boy@mindOBVIOUSspring.com says...
I just had door-to-door Christians come by.
Nice couple of zombies, repeating what they learned by rote and
obviously puzzled when I failed to immediately drop to my knees and
scream "praise Jesus!"
One of them mentioned that the hurricane currently swamping New
Orleans was God's punishment for Mardi Gras.
Except that the storm isn't just hitting New Orleans. It will probably
beat the hell out of the mississippi and alabama coasts as well. Biloxi
will probably get pummelled. There are probably more fundy morons in
mississippi and alabama than anywhere else, with the exception of insane
asylums.
"I mean, I've seen Santa Claus, spoken too him, sat on his lap..
either of you ever see Jesus?"
Our university atheist club participated in welcome back events yesterday
and one of our more popular handbills started with, "Still Believe In
Santa Claus?" Almost universally, if people even responded they said
something like, "Well Of course I don't believe in Santa...erm hey...wait
a minute...Are you comparing Santa to Jesus?" Gosh, some of those
religious kids aren't quite as sharp as a q-tip. I almost felt guilty
bursting their bubbles with the laser scalpel of reason.
--
Quibbler (quibbler247atyahoo.com)
"It is fashionable to wax apocalyptic about the
threat to humanity posed by the AIDS virus, 'mad cow'
disease, and many others, but I think a case can be
made that faith is one of the world's great evils,
comparable to the smallpox virus but harder to
eradicate." -- Richard Dawkins
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| User: "stoney" |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
02 Sep 2005 01:20:33 AM |
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On Sun, 28 Aug 2005 19:35:16 -0600, quibbler <quibbler247@yahoo.com>
wrote:
In article <ql64h1dot4t2kv4svn5mo75j3li6nlbfv0@4ax.com>,
penguin_boy@mindOBVIOUSspring.com says...
I just had door-to-door Christians come by.
Nice couple of zombies, repeating what they learned by rote and
obviously puzzled when I failed to immediately drop to my knees and
scream "praise Jesus!"
One of them mentioned that the hurricane currently swamping New
Orleans was God's punishment for Mardi Gras.
Except that the storm isn't just hitting New Orleans. It will probably
beat the hell out of the mississippi and alabama coasts as well. Biloxi
will probably get pummelled. There are probably more fundy morons in
mississippi and alabama than anywhere else, with the exception of insane
asylums.
"I mean, I've seen Santa Claus, spoken too him, sat on his lap..
either of you ever see Jesus?"
Our university atheist club participated in welcome back events yesterday
and one of our more popular handbills started with, "Still Believe In
Santa Claus?" Almost universally, if people even responded they said
something like, "Well Of course I don't believe in Santa...erm hey...wait
a minute...Are you comparing Santa to Jesus?" Gosh, some of those
religious kids aren't quite as sharp as a q-tip.
They're fresh #1 scalpels compared to ShrubCo.
I almost felt guilty
bursting their bubbles with the laser scalpel of reason.
--
Contempt of Congress meter reading-offscale.
Hello, theocracy with a fundamentalist US Supreme
Court who will ensure church and state are joined
at the hip like clergy and altar boys.
America 1776-Jan 2001 RIP
"As democracy is perfected, the office of president
represents, more and more closely, the inner soul
of the people. On some great and glorious day the
plain folks of the land will reach their heart's
desire at last and the White House will be adorned
by a downright moron." --- H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
Religion is the original war crime.
-Michelle Malkin (Feb 26, 2005)
.
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| User: "Brian E. Clark" |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
29 Aug 2005 04:17:14 PM |
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In article <ql64h1dot4t2kv4svn5mo75j3li6nlbfv0@4ax.com>, Douglas
Berry said...
"And when I was eight I got the Guns of Navaronne play set!"
A 'Guns of Navaronne' play set?
--
-----------
Brian E. Clark
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| User: "Therion Ware" |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
29 Aug 2005 05:09:11 PM |
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On Mon, 29 Aug 2005 12:17:14 -0400 in alt.atheism, Brian E. Clark
(Brian E. Clark <reply@newsgroup.only.please>) said, directing the
reply to alt.atheism
In article <ql64h1dot4t2kv4svn5mo75j3li6nlbfv0@4ax.com>, Douglas
Berry said...
"And when I was eight I got the Guns of Navaronne play set!"
A 'Guns of Navaronne' play set?
Ahem, "Navarone".
The first edition set came complete with blow up a Gregory Peck and
Anthony Quinn.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0054953/
--
"Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You."
- Attrib: Pauline Reage.
#442. Want food NOW? Then try http://www.rtios.co.uk/
- Yep, currently under test... Your opinion welcome.
.
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| User: "Brian E. Clark" |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
29 Aug 2005 08:57:55 PM |
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In article <12g6h19pkkq7ut3goeunak0d7323p5apa5@4ax.com>, Therion
Ware said...
A 'Guns of Navaronne' play set?
Ahem, "Navarone".
The first edition set came complete with blow up a Gregory Peck and
Anthony Quinn.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0054953/
I know the movie. But the play set is news to me. Does it come
with a Gia Scala doll? :)
--
-----------
Brian E. Clark
.
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| User: "Douglas Berry" |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
29 Aug 2005 10:08:16 PM |
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On Mon, 29 Aug 2005 16:57:55 -0400, Brian E. Clark
<reply@newsgroup.only.please> drained his beer, leaned back in the
alt.atheism beanbag and drunkenly proclaimed the following
In article <12g6h19pkkq7ut3goeunak0d7323p5apa5@4ax.com>, Therion
Ware said...
A 'Guns of Navaronne' play set?
Ahem, "Navarone".
The first edition set came complete with blow up a Gregory Peck and
Anthony Quinn.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0054953/
I know the movie. But the play set is news to me. Does it come
with a Gia Scala doll? :)
It was a big palstic mountain, cut in half so you could see the German
base. Had two cannon, an elevator and ammo winch, and came with the
usual horde of plastic army men, green for the US, white for the
Germans.
http://www.playsetmagazine.com/photos/kaneApr03/kaneApr03_02.jpg
http://www.playsetmagazine.com/photos/kane04_Oct/09_Naverone.jpg
--
Douglas E. Berry Do the OBVIOUS thing to send e-mail
Atheist #2147, Atheist Vet #5
"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as
when they do it from religious conviction."
Blaise Pascal (1623-1662), Pense'es, #894.
.
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| User: "Panama Floyd" |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
29 Aug 2005 10:35:22 PM |
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Douglas Berry wrote:
On Mon, 29 Aug 2005 16:57:55 -0400, Brian E. Clark
<reply@newsgroup.only.please> drained his beer, leaned back in the
alt.atheism beanbag and drunkenly proclaimed the following
In article <12g6h19pkkq7ut3goeunak0d7323p5apa5@4ax.com>, Therion
Ware said...
A 'Guns of Navaronne' play set?
Ahem, "Navarone".
The first edition set came complete with blow up a Gregory Peck and
Anthony Quinn.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0054953/
I know the movie. But the play set is news to me. Does it come
with a Gia Scala doll? :)
Mmmmm.
It was a big palstic mountain, cut in half so you could see the German
base. Had two cannon, an elevator and ammo winch, and came with the
usual horde of plastic army men, green for the US, white for the
Germans.
http://www.playsetmagazine.com/photos/kaneApr03/kaneApr03_02.jpg
http://www.playsetmagazine.com/photos/kane04_Oct/09_Naverone.jpg
--
Hey, I found one! Watch the wrap:
http://cgi.ebay.com/Marx-Navarone-Mountain-Playset-Accessories_W0QQitemZ5996233396QQcategoryZ19213QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem#ebayphotohosting
-PF,Atl.
aa#2015, Member KoB!
.
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| User: "stoney" |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
02 Sep 2005 01:22:11 AM |
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On 29 Aug 2005 15:35:22 -0700, "Panama Floyd" <panamaflyd@aol.com>
wrote:
Gia Scala
Gia Scala (1934 - 1972)
http://www.cinemorgue.com/giascala.html
--
Contempt of Congress meter reading-offscale.
Hello, theocracy with a fundamentalist US Supreme
Court who will ensure church and state are joined
at the hip like clergy and altar boys.
America 1776-Jan 2001 RIP
"As democracy is perfected, the office of president
represents, more and more closely, the inner soul
of the people. On some great and glorious day the
plain folks of the land will reach their heart's
desire at last and the White House will be adorned
by a downright moron." --- H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
Religion is the original war crime.
-Michelle Malkin (Feb 26, 2005)
.
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| User: "Kate " |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
28 Aug 2005 08:57:03 PM |
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On Sun, 28 Aug 2005 20:15:36 GMT, Douglas Berry
<penguin_boy@mindOBVIOUSspring.com> wrote:
I just had door-to-door Christians come by.
Nice couple of zombies, repeating what they learned by rote and
obviously puzzled when I failed to immediately drop to my knees and
scream "praise Jesus!"
One of them mentioned that the hurricane currently swamping New
Orleans was God's punishment for Mardi Gras.
"OK, but why would God punish people for holding a Christian
festival?"
"Mardi Gras has nothing to do with Christ!"
"Au contraire! Mardi Gras is a traditional week of excess leading up
to Lent. It has Papal sanction which is what mattered when the
tradition began."
I then had to explain Lent. And that for more than half of its
history, there were only two major churches following Jesus, the Roman
Catholic Church, and the Eastern Orthodox.
They had no idea who Martin Luther was.
I was growing tired of them, and politely said it had been interesting
chatting, but I am an atheist and really not interested. That
evidently was a keyword in their little 64k brains, for it triggered
another speech.
"Can you prove God doesn't exist?"
"Nope, can you prove he does?"
That stopped them for a second. So I went in for the kill.
"How about Santa Claus, is he real too?"
"Of course not!"
"Prove it."
More silence and troubled looks between them. Here they were
/f/u/c/k/i/n/g/ u/p m/y S/u/n/d/a/y trying to save me, and I was
shaking them up.
"I mean, I've seen Santa Claus, spoken too him, sat on his lap..
either of you ever see Jesus?"
"Well, noo.."
"And when I was eight I got the Guns of Navaronne play set! No way
would my parents buy that for me, so it had to be Santa, right? So how
can you say God and Jesus, who nobody sees, hears from, or gets cool
presents from, is real, while Santa, who is in the bloody Macy's
parade every year, isn't?"
"Well, those are people dressed as Santa, not the real thing."
"Prove it. Prove that every single person with a jolly beard and a
red suit is not Santa."
It was obvious that their training in door-to-door annoying had
included the lesson "never walk away when you have a conversation
going". I decided to show mercy.
"Look, you seem like a nice couple of kids. But I have a burrito to
feed and a cat to throw in the microwave, so I have to cut this short.
Just remember that at one time you believed with all your heart in
Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and for all I know the
monster under the bed. These were cultural lies you were told, and
you got over learning the truth. Now you still believe in another
being you can't actually see. I ask you to consider this: what is the
difference between the stories you were told about Santa Claus and the
ones you were told about God? Have a good day!"
Last I looked they were out on the sidewalk arguing.
(sigh) That was truly inspiring. I think you may have saved their
souls.
.
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| User: "Apostate" |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
28 Aug 2005 11:51:37 PM |
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On 28 Aug 2005 15:57:03 -0500, (Kate ) wrote:
On Sun, 28 Aug 2005 20:15:36 GMT, Douglas Berry
<penguin_boy@mindOBVIOUSspring.com> wrote:
I just had door-to-door Christians come by.
Nice couple of zombies, repeating what they learned by rote and
obviously puzzled when I failed to immediately drop to my knees and
scream "praise Jesus!"
One of them mentioned that the hurricane currently swamping New
Orleans was God's punishment for Mardi Gras.
"OK, but why would God punish people for holding a Christian
festival?"
"Mardi Gras has nothing to do with Christ!"
"Au contraire! Mardi Gras is a traditional week of excess leading up
to Lent. It has Papal sanction which is what mattered when the
tradition began."
I then had to explain Lent. And that for more than half of its
history, there were only two major churches following Jesus, the Roman
Catholic Church, and the Eastern Orthodox.
They had no idea who Martin Luther was.
I was growing tired of them, and politely said it had been interesting
chatting, but I am an atheist and really not interested. That
evidently was a keyword in their little 64k brains, for it triggered
another speech.
"Can you prove God doesn't exist?"
"Nope, can you prove he does?"
That stopped them for a second. So I went in for the kill.
"How about Santa Claus, is he real too?"
"Of course not!"
"Prove it."
More silence and troubled looks between them. Here they were
/f/u/c/k/i/n/g/ u/p m/y S/u/n/d/a/y trying to save me, and I was
shaking them up.
"I mean, I've seen Santa Claus, spoken too him, sat on his lap..
either of you ever see Jesus?"
"Well, noo.."
"And when I was eight I got the Guns of Navaronne play set! No way
would my parents buy that for me, so it had to be Santa, right? So how
can you say God and Jesus, who nobody sees, hears from, or gets cool
presents from, is real, while Santa, who is in the bloody Macy's
parade every year, isn't?"
"Well, those are people dressed as Santa, not the real thing."
"Prove it. Prove that every single person with a jolly beard and a
red suit is not Santa."
It was obvious that their training in door-to-door annoying had
included the lesson "never walk away when you have a conversation
going". I decided to show mercy.
"Look, you seem like a nice couple of kids. But I have a burrito to
feed and a cat to throw in the microwave, so I have to cut this short.
Just remember that at one time you believed with all your heart in
Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and for all I know the
monster under the bed. These were cultural lies you were told, and
you got over learning the truth. Now you still believe in another
being you can't actually see. I ask you to consider this: what is the
difference between the stories you were told about Santa Claus and the
ones you were told about God? Have a good day!"
Last I looked they were out on the sidewalk arguing.
(sigh) That was truly inspiring. I think you may have saved their
souls.
Took some wear off their heels, for sure.
--
/Apostate
alt.atheist #1931 I've found it!
BAAWA Knife AND SMASHer
EAC Supernumerary Deputy Director, Department of Redundancy Department
plonked by Lani_girl, first post; Billions Served!
I doubt, therefore I might be.
e-mail to lower-case only
.
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| User: "stoney" |
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| Title: Re: I think I broke them |
02 Sep 2005 01:15:11 AM |
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On Sun, 28 Aug 2005 20:15:36 GMT, Douglas Berry
<penguin_boy@mindOBVIOUSspring.com> wrote:
I just had door-to-door Christians come by.
Nice couple of zombies, repeating what they learned by rote and
obviously puzzled when I failed to immediately drop to my knees and
scream "praise Jesus!"
One of them mentioned that the hurricane currently swamping New
Orleans was God's punishment for Mardi Gras.
"OK, but why would God punish people for holding a Christian
festival?"
"Mardi Gras has nothing to do with Christ!"
"Au contraire! Mardi Gras is a traditional week of excess leading up
to Lent. It has Papal sanction which is what mattered when the
tradition began."
[]
"Prove it. Prove that every single person with a jolly beard and a
red suit is not Santa."
It was obvious that their training in door-to-door annoying had
included the lesson "never walk away when you have a conversation
going". I decided to show mercy.
"Look, you seem like a nice couple of kids. But I have a burrito to
feed and a cat to throw in the microwave, so I have to cut this short.
Just remember that at one time you believed with all your heart in
Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and for all I know the
monster under the bed. These were cultural lies you were told, and
you got over learning the truth. Now you still believe in another
being you can't actually see. I ask you to consider this: what is the
difference between the stories you were told about Santa Claus and the
ones you were told about God? Have a good day!"
Last I looked they were out on the sidewalk arguing.
I think you did, too. I can't help but roll at the interchange
though. It sounds like you gave them a whole bunch of stuff to think
about. :)
--
Contempt of Congress meter reading-offscale.
Hello, theocracy with a fundamentalist US Supreme
Court who will ensure church and state are joined
at the hip like clergy and altar boys.
America 1776-Jan 2001 RIP
"As democracy is perfected, the office of president
represents, more and more closely, the inner soul
of the people. On some great and glorious day the
plain folks of the land will reach their heart's
desire at last and the White House will be adorned
by a downright moron." --- H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
Religion is the original war crime.
-Michelle Malkin (Feb 26, 2005)
.
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Related Articles |
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