Religions > Atheism > In Desperate Move Kerry Adopts Puppy. Liberals Are Idiots!
| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"Liberals Are Morons" |
| Date: |
12 Aug 2004 05:47:33 AM |
| Object: |
In Desperate Move Kerry Adopts Puppy. Liberals Are Idiots! |
In Desperate Move Kerry Adopts Puppy
by Ann Coulter
Posted Jul 8, 2004
I guess with John Kerry's choice of John Edwards as his running mate,
he really does want to stand up for all Americans, from those worth
only $60 million to those worth in excess of $800 million.
In one of the many stratagems Democrats have developed to avoid
telling people what they believe, all Edwards wants to talk about is
his cracker-barrel humble origins story. We're supposed to swoon over
his "life story," as the flacks say, which apparently consists of the
amazing fact that ... his father was a millworker!
That's right up there with "Clinton's stepdad was a drunk" and "Ted
Kennedy's dad was a womanizing bootlegger" on my inspirational
life-stories meter. In fact, I'm immediately renouncing my university
degrees and going to work for the post office just to give my future
children a shot at having a "life story," should they decide to run
for president someday.
What is so amazing about Edwards' father being a millworker? That's at
least an honorable occupation -- as opposed to being a trial lawyer.
True, Edwards made more money than his father did. I assume strippers
make more money than their alcoholic fathers who abandoned them did,
too. This isn't a story of progress; it's a story of devolution.
Despite the overwrought claims of Edwards' dazzling legal skills,
winning jury verdicts in personal injury cases has nothing to do with
legal talent and everything to do with getting the right cases --
unless "talent" is taken to mean "having absolutely no shame." Edwards
specialized in babies with cerebral palsy whom he claimed would have
been spared the affliction if only the doctors had immediately
performed Caesarean sections.
As a result of such lawsuits, there are now more than four times as
many Caesarean sections as there were in 1970. But curiously, there
has been no change in the rate of babies born with cerebral palsy. As
The New York Times reported: "Studies indicate that in most cases, the
disorder is caused by fetal brain injury long before labor begins."
All those Caesareans have, however, increased the mother's risk of
death, hemorrhage, infection, pulmonary embolism and Mendelson's
syndrome.
In addition, the "little guys" Edwards claims to represent are having
a lot more trouble finding doctors to deliver their babies these days
as obstetricians leave the practice rather than pay malpractice
insurance in excess of $100,000 a year.
In one of Edwards' silver-tongued arguments to the jury on behalf of a
girl born with cerebral palsy, he claimed he was channeling the unborn
baby girl, Jennifer Campbell, who was speaking to the jurors through
him:
"She said at 3, 'I'm fine.' She said at 4, 'I'm having a little
trouble, but I'm doing OK.' Five, she said, 'I'm having problems.' At
5:30, she said, 'I need out.'"
She's saying, "My lawyer needs a new Jaguar ... "
"She speaks to you through me and I have to tell you right now - I
didn't plan to talk about this -- right now I feel her. I feel her
presence. She's inside me, and she's talking to you."
Well, tell her to pipe down, would you? I'm trying to hear the
evidence in a malpractice lawsuit.
To paraphrase Oscar Wilde on the death of Little Nell, one must have a
heart of stone to read this without laughing. What is this guy, a
tent-show preacher? An off-the-strip Las Vegas lounge psychic couldn't
get away with this routine.
Is Edwards able to channel any children right before an abortionist's
fork is plunged into their tiny skulls? Why can't he hear those babies
saying, "Let me live! Stop spraying this saline solution all over me!"
Edwards must experience interference in channeling the voices of
babies about to be aborted. Their liberal mothers' hands seem to
muffle those voices.
And may we ask what the pre-born Jennifer Campbell thinks about war
with Iraq? North Korea? Marginal tax rates? If Miss Cleo here is going
to be a heartbeat away from the presidency, I think the voters are
entitled to know that.
While making himself fabulously rich by taking a one-third cut of his
multimillion-dollar verdicts coaxed out of juries with junk science
and maudlin performances, Edwards has the audacity to claim, "I was
more than just their lawyer; I cared about them. Their cause was my
cause."
If he cared so deeply, how about keeping just 10 percent of the
multimillion-dollar jury awards, rather than a third? In fact, as long
as these Democrats are so eager to raise the taxes of "the rich," how
about a 90 percent tax on contingency fees?
For someone who didn't care about the money, it's interesting that
Edwards avoided cases in which the baby died during delivery.
Evidently, jury awards average only about $500,000 when the babies
die, and there is no disabled child to parade before the jury.
Edwards was one of the leading opponents of a bill in the North
Carolina Legislature that would have established a fund for all babies
born with cerebral palsy. So instead of all disabled babies in North
Carolina being compensated equitably, only a few will win the jury
lottery -- one-third of which will go to trial lawyers like Edwards,
who insists he doesn't care about the money.
Despite the now-disproved junk science theory about C-sections
preventing cerebral palsy that Edwards peddled in the channeling case,
the jury awarded Edwards' client a record-breaking $6.5 million. This
is the essence of the modern Democratic Party, polished to perfection
by Bill Clinton: They are willing to insult the intelligence of 49
percent of the people if they think they can fool 51 percent of the
people.
So while Michael Moore, Al Franken, George Soros, Crazy Al Gore and
the rest of their ilk provide the muscle for the Kerry campaign, Kerry
picks a pretty-boy milquetoast as his running mate, narrowly edging
out a puppy for the spot. Just don't ask the Democrats what they
believe. Edwards' father was a millworker, and that's all you need to
know.
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