| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"V" |
| Date: |
31 Mar 2006 08:00:05 AM |
| Object: |
"In your opinion is sex a need?" |
(...) writes:
"In your opinion is sex a need?"
*********** REPLY SEPARATOR ***********
V writes:
Sex? No, it is not a life and death need, but sex is a a basic
instinctual need in most people that can disturb one's peace...even if
gratified and as well as if not gratified in. So it is hard to come to
peace with sex, no matter how you slice it. The best one can do is make
sex somewhat less peace disrupting. Yes, sex is crazy business for
sure. I am always amazed each spring when I take walks around a local
lake that has a large duck population. I see four male ducks surround a
female to pin her down and take turns having sex with her all the while
biting the feathers off her neck and head. They all seem to be driven
and squawking loudly all the while. If they were humans, the males
would get 20 years in jail most likely for such behavior. In any case,
it is natures way ... with ducks at least.
Below is a snip on the subject of praying mantis sexual practice
(condensed) Or, skip this paragraph and get to my post if not
interested. But, this paragraph just illustrates that all species have
to deal with the same issues as humans more or less when it comes to
sex...craziness and peace disruption. As the Taoist say...fleas come
with the dog. so forget 100% peace if you are talking about
participating in sex and forget 100% peace as well if you are thinking
celibacy (unless you are dead to natures sex drive altogether.) But
celibates have the possibility of more peace than the sex addict that
gratifies all their desires since sexual stimulation produces chemicals
in the brain and body, so the sex addict is on a constant high, whereas
the celibate is hopefully less drugged up. But nature gives us some sex
hype for free, so either way we can get drunk from our own efforts or
from outside sources that are mostly beyond our control...the addict
just helps nature with manufacturing more drugs internally around the
clock.
From : How to Want What You Have:
"People who dedicate their lives to the pursuit of sensual pleasure
find that the more pleasure they get, the more they want. Small,
ordinary pleasures soon lose their power to please and must be replaced
with more intense or exotic ones. Heedless sensualists usually meet a
bad end. They learn the hard way that their desires are relentless and
insatiable."
Written by Patrick O'Brian on the subject of Sexual Practices of the
Praying Mantis
Stephen watch the male mantis step cautiously towards the female
mantis. In three strides he was upon her; his legs gripped her
wing-covers; his antennae found hers and began to stroke them and
copulation began. After a few minutes the female moved her triangular
head pivoting it from left to right, then I there was a blur of
movements so rapid that for all his care and extreme attention he could
not follow them, and the males head was off, clamped there, a detached
lemon, under the crook of her green praying arms. She bit into it, and
the eye's glow went out; on her back the headless male continued to
copulate rather more strongly than before; all his inhibitions having
been removed. Ten minutes later the female took off three pieces of her
mate's long thorax and ate them with every appearance of appetite,
dropping a few crumbs in front of her. The male copulated on, still
firmly anchored by his back legs. Stephen thought to himself, "You do
not need a head, nor even a heart, to be all a female can require."
(end)
I used to handle wife almost continually in my old life. I learned I
had to scale back with sex stimuli with wife inside the home as well as
sex stimuli outside the home if I wished to be at peace. Sometimes we
go a little too far with sex and need to be reeled back in. I use many
S programs for support such as SA, SLAA and SCA. In SCA they are
mindful of 'gray' areas. I just scaled back with wife stimuli until it
fells doable peace-wise and work to keep it there. But in reality, sex
is never perfect and it always needs to be adjusted somewhat. If we
keep going past the gray and fall off the edge it is a tough hard climb
back up and sometime we don't get back up if the fall is hard enough.
No, just being married is not a free pass to abusing sex stimuli all
the time. It is no different from thinking you can drink all the time
cause you own a whisky factory or eat rich food all the time if you are
a four star restaurant owner.
"Just as a life of virtue yields its own reward, a life of vice yields
its own punishment" - Plutarch
Being hyped up is a byproduct of sex. One goes with the other, so no
use beating yourself up over it. The nature of the beast with sex is to
get excited, so this is what makes it tougher addiction than food and
spending, as we can eat or spend and still be devoid of most of the
excitement from these areas if we wish. But in general, we cannot
participate in sexual activity without getting excited. In addition, it
takes a day or two for some of us to go back to normal from sex, so
this refractory period is another area to deal with whenever we get
hyped up sexually. Is this refractory period bad? No, it is just how
things are. The problem with addicts is they overdo things to a point
of pain - that is what's bad.
Perfection with sex? This is where most addicts fail. Where judgments
have to be made, mistakes can and will happen. Forget perfection - look
for direction. Addictions can go in 3 directions. We can always get a
quick snapshot of our recovery direction by asking the question: Is our
addiction frozen? Is our addiction growing? Or is our addiction
declining? Aldous Huxley sheds some light on this "The only completely
consistent people are the dead." In addition, ask yourself how well a
drug addict or alcoholic would do if they had to limit themselves to
drinking or using once a week but not getting drunk or using drugs but
not getting high? If you are a celibate and renunciate then find your
pride in perfecting that area, but also be advised you are working
against nature. If you lost your sex drive then celibacy will not be
much of a problem. If it is not your true and authentic nature to be a
celibate then it is ego driven and not truth based. People fighting
against their nature will never be at peace. This is discussed in an
earlier post called "Authentic Nature + Right Actions = Peace" and is
too long to include here.
In short if you wish to be a celibate then be a celibate that is
authentic and at peace and not one that is not a peace and not
authentic if celibacy causes you more problem than practicing sex on a
limited basis. The problem with addicts is 'accepting and maintaining
limits' when they are playing with their drug of choice, so you have to
work the formula out for yourself. For my own peace, I seek balance and
do this by blending some sexual participation and balancing this
participation with some sexual celibacy. Sometimes I achieve an
acceptable balance other times the balance needs adjusting the sooner
it becomes acceptably (not perfectly) balanced the sooner I can be at
peace. SCA gave me the gift of accepting sex as a gift from God, but it
is totally up to me with how I use this gift. I also have to
remember..." If you abuse it ~ you lose it." I don't want to lose the
privilege. This is the universal law that SA reminds me of 'you abuse -
you lose,' so I use both programs to find a semblance of peace with
sex.
(SCA guidelines: is the activity placing unreasonable demands on my
time and energy, will it place me in legal jeopardy or endanger my
mental, physical or spiritual health?)
Take Care,
V (Male)
For free access to my earlier posts on voluntary simplicity, compulsive
spending, debting, compulsive overeating and clutter write:
vfr44@aol.com. Any opinion expressed here is that of my own and is not
the opinion, recommendation or belief of any group or organization.
.
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| User: "Geoff" |
|
| Title: Re: "In your opinion is sex a need?" |
31 Mar 2006 08:50:33 AM |
|
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"V" <vfr44@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1143813605.395691.154280@i40g2000cwc.googlegroups.com...
(...) writes:
"In your opinion is sex a need?"
From the standpoint of a population, yes.
[snip]
Written by Patrick O'Brian on the subject of Sexual Practices of the
Praying Mantis
Stephen watch the male mantis step cautiously towards the female
mantis. In three strides he was upon her; his legs gripped her
wing-covers; his antennae found hers and began to stroke them and
copulation began. After a few minutes the female moved her triangular
head pivoting it from left to right, then I there was a blur of
movements so rapid that for all his care and extreme attention he could
not follow them, and the males head was off, clamped there, a detached
lemon, under the crook of her green praying arms. She bit into it, and
the eye's glow went out; on her back the headless male continued to
copulate rather more strongly than before; all his inhibitions having
been removed. Ten minutes later the female took off three pieces of her
mate's long thorax and ate them with every appearance of appetite,
dropping a few crumbs in front of her. The male copulated on, still
firmly anchored by his back legs.
Apparently, this isn't as common as we have been led to believe. From:
http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/biology/b103/f02/web1/mdoughty.html
Although the praying mantis is known for its cannibalistic mating process in
actuality it only occurs 5-31% of the time. Especially in laboratory
conditions of bright lights and confinement, the female is more likely to
eat the male as means of survival. "In nature, mating usually takes place
under cover, so rather than leaning over the tank studying their every move,
we left them alone and videotaped what happened. We were amazed at what we
saw. Out of thirty matings, we didn't record one instance of cannibalism,
and instead we saw an elaborate courtship display, with both sexes
performing a ritual dance, stroking each other with their antennae before
finally mating. It really was a lovely display".
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