| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"johac" |
| Date: |
28 Sep 2006 06:28:09 AM |
| Object: |
Is Bush Really The Devil? - Mark Morford |
Chavez was wrong. Dubya doesn't make the grade.
---
Is Bush Really The Devil?
Satan has better taste in shoes. Is far sexier. Can actually spell
'Venezuela.' I mean, come *on*
- By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
It was a minor furor. A cute political hubbub, Dems and Repubs alike
reluctantly defending poor confused Dubya from the slings and arrows of
outrageous Venezuelans.
George W. Bush is the devil! cried otherwise wonderfully charismatic but
also dumbly ham-fisted Hugo Chávez in front of a bank of U.N.
microphones. America is the Great Satan! agrees Islamic fundamentalism,
as it mindlessly firebombs a few thousand innocent cars and blows up
various KFCs in endless examples of idiotic violence that, ironically,
makes Allah shrink in humiliation.
It's a delightfully common appraisal, this Bush-is-the-Devil thing, one
I hear frequently from my otherwise highly intelligent, liberal
brethren. But is George W. Bush really Satan? Was he really sent to us
by an angry and sighing God(dess) to test our ability to suffer toxic
GOP fools with greater humor and more sex and good scotch? Let us
examine the evidence.
Truly, Bush's claim to titanic evilness appears irrefutable. The list of
atrocities is so obvious as to be dazzling. Hell, can't we all sense his
pallid wickedness down in our very bones? Aren't we all more than a
little embarrassed by it? Isn't this the real reason everyone's so
annoyed with Chávez? Not because he's wrong but because he's just, you
know, horribly tactless?
But I am here to tell you, it ain't that easy. I am here to set the
record straight. Well, straighter. Because unfortunately, no matter how
much we all want to believe it's true, Bush simply cannot be the Devil.
He simply doesn't have the chops.
Let us turn, for a moment, to Milton's epic poem "Paradise Lost,"
perhaps the most heavily canonized and lovingly detailed examination of
the underworld and its enraged minions, where Satan cuts, quite simply,
one hell of a figure.
Here is Lucifer, a massive, thunderous hero, subtle and intelligent and
enormously articulate, full of passion and red-hot anarchy, the ultimate
rebel. He is often seen reclining in his cavernous, rocky lair, lying on
his side, all muscled godlike beauty and ruined glory and deep seduction
and heat. He is just terribly, wonderfully alluring.
See? Right there, already we're a galaxy away from Dubya. Bush, of
course, has no such magnificence. Bush is small and quivery and eats his
vanilla pudding with a fork. While Satan orates and philosophizes at
great intellectual length, Dubya can't even sit still during an entire
State of the Union address without fidgeting and moving his upper body
back and forth like a little metronome, twitching and squirming like a
child.
Also: Bush does not recline. He hunkers. Bush does not radiate hot,
seductive beauty -- he sheds sawdust and bad grammar like dandruff. Bush
is, it must be noted, about as sexy and alluring as mushy asparagus. Or
Ann Coulter. Same difference.
It is, at least initially, a question of style. The Devil is always
preternaturally cool. The Devil is always powerfully sexy. He is the
grand, sympathetic villain full of potent aura, seductive force,
excellent badass cowboy boots made of forgotten dreams and kinky sex and
extinct pterodactyl.
Bush is, of course, never cool. Bush isn't even in the same room as sexy
aura or charisma. Bush ambles, stutters, gropes German chancellors
without warning, speaks with his mouth full of bread and spits the
crumbs on the jackets of foreign leaders. Bush's cowboy boots are made
of petroleum and Elmer's glue and cheap cowhide from depressed,
hormone-injected Texas cattle. The Devil wears Prada. Maybe a little
Dolce. Bush wears tighty-whities and plaid. It is not an insignificant
distinction.
Ah, but image is not everything, yes? What of character? Intellect?
Soul? What of deeds and courage and compelling, ruinous action?
In Milton, the glorious angel Lucifer's incredible act of defiance, his
stunning rebellion against God, marks him as not merely proud and
insolent but powerfully courageous. After all, Satan chooses to endure
unbelievable suffering for the sake of his independence, rather than
endure numb cubicle-like servility in heaven. Also, hell has better
booze. Cooler dance clubs. Less insufferable harp music. That sort of
thing.
And lo, here is Bush. Dubya is, everyone agrees, a bit of an
intellectual midget. He is a champion of sameness and mediocrity and
unquestioned obedience, a hero to absolutely no one with a functioning
soul, the cubicle personified.
Is this really the mark of the Beast? Verily I say unto thee, it is not.
What of Bush's supposed courage? His defiance? After all, he did defy
international torture laws, though not because he was full of hot nerve
but because Rumsfeld told him to and because he could get away with it.
He does ignore hard science for the sake of childish biblical literalism
and oily cronyism. And he does see himself as a rogue cowboy whose valor
and foresight in attacking the Islamic world won't be appreciated until
long after he's gone.
Of course, it is a house built on Saudi Arabian sand, spiritual vacuity,
a secret wish for bloody Armageddon. Bush's is not the hero's journey.
It is the lackey's shuffle, the imposter's grope, the alcoholic's blind
stumble over the curb of human progress.
Are there some similarities? You bet. Like Dubya, the Devil desperately
wants a grand holy war to settle, once and for all, just who owns the
kingdom of heaven. And Satan degenerates horribly in "Paradise Lost,"
begins to take the form of many "lowly" animals (a toad, a snake, etc.)
as he degrades. Bush, too, has devolved. He started out as a barely
tolerable but initially benign political tumor. He has since become
dangerous and deadly, a weird strain of Texas mold creeping into the
heart of a wary nation.
The Devil smells of sulphur and fire. Bush smells of cow pies and stale
beer. The Devil is wickedly, tremendously deceptive, bending entire
armies of lowly demons to his will. Bush cleverly inflamed armies of
lemming-like evangelical Christians to vote for him by way of gay
bashing and woman bashing and fear, through the snarling machinations of
his very own shiny Moloch, Karl Rove. It's a worthy comparison.
But alas, it is not enough. There is no majesty to Dubya. No real heat,
depth, grand intellectual power to his evilness. Bush is to a real
Lucifer what a rat terrier is to a werewolf, what Jack Daniel's is to a
pure single malt, what a heat lamp is to global warming: A pale wannabe.
A weak imitation, trying hard to scorch your soul but only managing a
bit of a rug burn.
Sorry Mr. Chávez, but Bush is no Devil: He is not nearly capable enough,
sexy enough, charming enough, debauched or gloriously ruined enough.
Bush cannot possibly fill the Devil's gorgeous, tragic Prada shoes. He's
far more akin to something to be scraped from the bottom of them.
---
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/gate/archive/2006/09/27/notes092
706.DTL&nl=fix
or
http://tinyurl.com/s3664
--
John Hachmann aa #1782
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities"
-Voltaire
Contact - Throw a .net over the .com
.
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| User: "stoney" |
|
| Title: Re: Is Bush Really The Devil? - Mark Morford |
30 Sep 2006 02:38:32 AM |
|
|
On Wed, 27 Sep 2006 23:28:09 -0700, johac <jhachmann@sbcglobal.com>
wrote in alt.atheism
Chavez was wrong. Dubya doesn't make the grade.
Priceless work.
---
Is Bush Really The Devil?
Satan has better taste in shoes. Is far sexier. Can actually spell
'Venezuela.' I mean, come *on*
- By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
It was a minor furor. A cute political hubbub, Dems and Repubs alike
reluctantly defending poor confused Dubya from the slings and arrows of
outrageous Venezuelans.
[]
Sorry Mr. Chávez, but Bush is no Devil: He is not nearly capable enough,
sexy enough, charming enough, debauched or gloriously ruined enough.
Bush cannot possibly fill the Devil's gorgeous, tragic Prada shoes. He's
far more akin to something to be scraped from the bottom of them.
---
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/gate/archive/2006/09/27/notes092
706.DTL&nl=fix
or
http://tinyurl.com/s3664
--
Fundies and trolls are cordially invited to
shove a wooden cross up their arses and rotate
at a high rate of speed. I trust you'll
be 'blessed' with a plethora of splinters.
.
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| User: "johac" |
|
| Title: Re: Is Bush Really The Devil? - Mark Morford |
30 Sep 2006 05:40:03 AM |
|
|
In article <24mrh21mdr16dgir5tck821qg7j1h445os@4ax.com>,
stoney <stoney@the.net> wrote:
On Wed, 27 Sep 2006 23:28:09 -0700, johac <jhachmann@sbcglobal.com>
wrote in alt.atheism
Chavez was wrong. Dubya doesn't make the grade.
Priceless work.
Thanks. I thought you'd like it. :-)
---
Is Bush Really The Devil?
Satan has better taste in shoes. Is far sexier. Can actually spell
'Venezuela.' I mean, come *on*
- By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
It was a minor furor. A cute political hubbub, Dems and Repubs alike
reluctantly defending poor confused Dubya from the slings and arrows of
outrageous Venezuelans.
[]
Sorry Mr. Chávez, but Bush is no Devil: He is not nearly capable enough,
sexy enough, charming enough, debauched or gloriously ruined enough.
Bush cannot possibly fill the Devil's gorgeous, tragic Prada shoes. He's
far more akin to something to be scraped from the bottom of them.
---
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/gate/archive/2006/09/27/notes092
706.DTL&nl=fix
or
http://tinyurl.com/s3664
--
John Hachmann aa #1782
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities"
-Voltaire
Contact - Throw a .net over the .com
.
|
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| User: "stoney" |
|
| Title: Re: Is Bush Really The Devil? - Mark Morford |
02 Oct 2006 01:03:12 AM |
|
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On Fri, 29 Sep 2006 22:40:03 -0700, johac <jhachmann@sbcglobal.com>
wrote in alt.atheism
In article <24mrh21mdr16dgir5tck821qg7j1h445os@4ax.com>,
stoney <stoney@the.net> wrote:
On Wed, 27 Sep 2006 23:28:09 -0700, johac <jhachmann@sbcglobal.com>
wrote in alt.atheism
Chavez was wrong. Dubya doesn't make the grade.
Priceless work.
Thanks. I thought you'd like it. :-)
Welcome.
--
Fundies and trolls are cordially invited to
shove a wooden cross up their arses and rotate
at a high rate of speed. I trust you'll
be 'blessed' with a plethora of splinters.
.
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