distress, and piteous cries, and to all
the pains they take. They think of the mercy God has shown to others;
how soon and how easily others have obtained comfort, and those too who
were worse than they, and have not labored so much as they have done;
and sometimes they have had even dreadful blasphemous thoughts, in these
circumstances.
But when they reflect on these wicked workings of heart against God-if
their convictions are continued, and the Spirit of God is not provoked
utterly to forsake them-they have more distressing apprehensions of the
anger of God towards those whose hearts work after such a sinful manner
about Him; and it may be, have great fears that they have committed the
unpardonable sin, or that God will surely never show mercy to them who
are such vipers; and are often tempted to leave off in despair. But then
perhaps by something they read or hear of the infinite mercy of God, and
all-sufficiency of Christ for the chief of sinners, they have some
encouragement and hope renewed; but think that as yet they are not fit
to come to Christ; they are so wicked that Christ will never accept
them. And then it may be they set themselves upon a new course of
fruitless endeavors, in their own strength, to make themselves better,
and still meet with new disappointments. They are earnest to inquire
what they shall do. They do not know but there is something else to be
done, in order to their obtaining converting grace, that they have never
done yet. It may be they hope that they are something better than they
were; but then the pleasing dream all vanishes again. If they are told
that they trust too much to their own strength and righteousness, they
cannot unlearn this practice all at once, and find not yet the
appearance of any good, but all looks as dark as midnight to them. Thus
they wander about from mountain to hill, seeking rest, and finding none.
When they are beat out of one refuge, they fly to another; till they are
as it were debilitated, broken, and su
.
|
