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BAGHDAD, IRAQ-On almost every corner in Iraq's capital city, carolers
are singing, trees are being trimmed, and shoppers are rushing home with
their packages-all under the watchful eye of U.S. troops dedicated to
bringing the magic of Christmas to Iraq by force.
[Above: U.S. soldiers instruct an Iraqi to tell Santa what he wants for
Christmas.]
"It's important that life in liberated Iraq get back to normal as soon
as possible," said Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz at a press
conference Monday. "That's why we're making sure that Iraqis have the
best Christmas ever-something they certainly wouldn't have had under
Saddam Hussein's regime."
To that end, 25,000 troops from the 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment and
82nd Airborne Division have been deployed. Their missions include the
distribution of cookies and eggnog at major Iraqi city centers, the
conscription of bell-ringers from among the Iraqi citizenry, and the
enforcement of a new policy in which every man, woman, and child in
Baghdad pays at least one visit to 'Twas The Night... On Ice.
Immediately following the press conference, high-altitude bombers began
to string Christmas lights throughout the greater-Baghdad area, and Wild
Weasel electronic-warfare fighter jets initiated 24-hour air patrols to
broadcast Bing Crosby's "White Christmas" over the nation. Armored
columns struck out from all major allied firebases to erect a Christmas
tree in the town square of every city, while foot soldiers placed fully
lit, heavily guarded nativity scenes in front of every Iraqi mosque.
"Thus far, Operation Desert Santa has gone off without a hitch," said
Gen. Stanley Kimmet, commander of U.S. armed
reconnaissance-and-mistletoe operations in the volatile Tikrit region of
central Iraq. "There has been sporadic house-to-house fighting during
our door-to-door caroling, but that's to be expected in a Christmas
season of this magnitude."
According to Lt. Gen. Ricardo Sanchez, the top American military
commander in Iraq, every precaution is being taken to ensure the
peaceful enforcement of the Christmas season in occupied Iraq.
"All American military personnel have been instructed that the
observation of Christmas should be carried out efficiently and
tastefully, with minimal emphasis on the season's commercial aspects,"
said Sanchez, who addressed reporters while a decorations division
strung wreaths and garlands outside his headquarters. "We must keep in
mind that the reason for the season-oriented campaign is for Iraq to
celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
An aide for Sanchez later explained that, in order to ensure a
meaningful holiday season for all Iraqis, provisions were made for those
Iraqis who elected to observe Hanukkah.
[Above: A mosque in Baghdad decorated by U.S. troops.]
Like many U.S. operations in Iraq, Operation Desert Santa has met with
some resistance. A convoy transporting fruitcake and gingerbread came
under rocket attack Sunday night just outside Checkpoint Noël in Basra,
and unidentified bands of Iraqis exchanged gunfire with Marines
operating an armored Humvee simulated sleigh ride in a Baghdad suburb.
In spite of these troubles, regional commanders report progress, with
only eight U.S. casualties resulting from the operation.
Still, Iraqis report that they are unable to get into the Christmas
spirit.
"Why am I supposed to feel joy for the world?" said 34-year-old Baghdad
mechanic Hassan al-Ajili as he stood in line for his mandatory visit
with Santa. "My country is still at war. I need an American
identification card to get anywhere in my own city. Now, for some
reason, men with machine guns have placed two rows of jingling antlered
pigs on the roof of our house. This is insane."
Bush, speaking from his Crawford ranch, praised the brave men and women
of Operation Desert Santa and asked for the understanding of all
Americans.
"We must be patient with the Iraqis," said Bush, seated before a
Christmas tree dotted with Scottish terrier ornaments. "The holidays can
be a very stressful time, especially for people not yet used to the
customs. I'm sure Iraq will enjoy the happiest of holiday seasons if we
show resolve and commit to making sure that they do."
President Bush then called for 30,000 new troops to be deployed in the
next week to ensure an effective and precise enforcement of Christmas
throughout the region. Salvation and Eighth Army detachments will be
stationed on every corner by Christmas Eve to make sure that every last
Iraqi citizen spends the holiday at home, with family.
Sanchez said he is confident that he can meet that deadline.
"A merry Christmas in Iraq means peace in the Middle East has finally
been achieved," Sanchez said. "God bless us, every one."
From: http://www.theonion.com/3949/top_story.html

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BAGHDAD, IRAQ—On almost every corner in Iraq's capital city, carolers
are singing, trees are being trimmed, and shoppers are rushing home with
their packages—all under the watchful eye of U.S. troops dedicated to
bringing the magic of Christmas to Iraq by force.

[Above: U.S. soldiers instruct an Iraqi to tell Santa what he wants for
Christmas.]

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