| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"Elroy Willis" |
| Date: |
10 Jan 2005 11:18:03 PM |
| Object: |
Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
PHILIPPINES (EAP) -- A 31-year-old Christian man who at age 22
chopped off his own right hand because of a Bible verse has shown
signs of growing a new hand after taking experimental gene therapy in
a Philippine clinic.
After two months of injections into the stump of his right hand,
it appears that the wrist and finger bones are beginning to slowly
grow back.
"This is a real breakthrough," said Dr. Huang Lo Shinto, who's been
experimenting with extracted genes from several species of newts and
lizards which can re-grow severed tails and limbs.
"I can feel my fingers growing and tingling," said Timothy Ringstobs,
father of a new baby girl, who claims that his prayers have been
answered in more ways than one, and that it's a miracle from God.
"I gave my life to Jesus when I was 21, and while reading scripture
one day I saw a passage about Jesus telling people to chop off their
hand if it causes them trouble, so that's what I did. I had a
compulsive urge to masturbate back then, and felt guilty about it all
the time, so I took the advice of Jesus."
"While I was at the hospital getting sewn up, I met my new wife
who was there because she'd plucked out her left eye with a salad
fork, and when we met I realized it was a match made in heaven.
She's now the first love of my life after Jesus. We got married three
months later and I no longer have my earlier problem. We have a
beautiful new three-month-old baby girl that I want to be able to hold
and feel with both hands."
"Thanks to the work of Dr. Shinto and the love of Jesus, my prayers
are actually coming true," he said.
Shinto says that the small stubs appearing on the end of the severed
limb are a good sign, but he also says that Mr. Ringstobs shouldn't
get his hopes up too high at this stage of development.
"I don't know exactly what the hand or fingers will look like if they
grow back all the way. They might resemble the fingers of a
newt, or they might be normal human fingers, I can't be sure," Shinto
said.
"I understand the potential problems and dangers and am willing to
take the risks," Ringstobs told local reporters when asked why he
decided to undergo such an experimental procedure.
When asked for her comments, Mrs. Ringstobs said that she fully
supports her husband and Dr. Shinto.
"I was afraid our baby might be born without a right hand but Dr.
Shinto cleared up that mistake in my mind, and I now trust him with my
husband's life and his new right hand as well," she said.
========
Is the salad fork in the eye the first place the story starts becoming
unbelievable, or is it earlier on?
--
Elroy Willis
www.elroysemporium.com
.
|
|
| User: "Marvin" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
11 Jan 2005 03:15:58 AM |
|
|
"Elroy Willis" <elo@airmail.net> wrote in message
news:d806u0he8tbkduljve929jtimon42cf839@4ax.com...
PHILIPPINES (EAP) -- A 31-year-old Christian man who at age
22
chopped off his own right hand because of a Bible verse has
shown
signs of growing a new hand after taking experimental gene
therapy in
a Philippine clinic.
After two months of injections into the stump of his right
hand,
it appears that the wrist and finger bones are beginning to
slowly
grow back.
"This is a real breakthrough," said Dr. Huang Lo Shinto,
who's been
experimenting with extracted genes from several species of
newts and
lizards which can re-grow severed tails and limbs.
"I can feel my fingers growing and tingling," said Timothy
Ringstobs,
father of a new baby girl, who claims that his prayers have
been
answered in more ways than one, and that it's a miracle from
God.
"I gave my life to Jesus when I was 21, and while reading
scripture
one day I saw a passage about Jesus telling people to chop
off their
hand if it causes them trouble, so that's what I did. I had
a
compulsive urge to masturbate back then, and felt guilty
about it all
the time, so I took the advice of Jesus."
"While I was at the hospital getting sewn up, I met my new
wife
who was there because she'd plucked out her left eye with a
salad
fork, and when we met I realized it was a match made in
heaven.
She's now the first love of my life after Jesus. We got
married three
months later and I no longer have my earlier problem. We
have a
beautiful new three-month-old baby girl that I want to be
able to hold
and feel with both hands."
"Thanks to the work of Dr. Shinto and the love of Jesus, my
prayers
are actually coming true," he said.
Shinto says that the small stubs appearing on the end of the
severed
limb are a good sign, but he also says that Mr. Ringstobs
shouldn't
get his hopes up too high at this stage of development.
"I don't know exactly what the hand or fingers will look
like if they
grow back all the way. They might resemble the fingers of a
newt, or they might be normal human fingers, I can't be
sure," Shinto
said.
"I understand the potential problems and dangers and am
willing to
take the risks," Ringstobs told local reporters when asked
why he
decided to undergo such an experimental procedure.
When asked for her comments, Mrs. Ringstobs said that she
fully
supports her husband and Dr. Shinto.
"I was afraid our baby might be born without a right hand
but Dr.
Shinto cleared up that mistake in my mind, and I now trust
him with my
husband's life and his new right hand as well," she said.
========
Is the salad fork in the eye the first place the story
starts becoming
unbelievable, or is it earlier on?
--
Elroy Willis
www.elroysemporium.com
I should have known better, but I read through the paragraph
about the baby before I began to wonder. Then I skipped to
the end to see whether you'd commented on what I was still
thinking might be a story you'd pasted from somewhere. I
totally missed the EAP, and I was buying it. As many of your
stories as I've enjoyed in the past, I was still taken in. I
think this is a winner.
--
Marvin
To reply, burn off fog.
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Michelle Malkin" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
11 Jan 2005 03:06:15 AM |
|
|
"Elroy Willis" <elo@airmail.net> wrote in message
news:d806u0he8tbkduljve929jtimon42cf839@4ax.com...
PHILIPPINES (EAP) -- A 31-year-old Christian man who at age 22
chopped off his own right hand because of a Bible verse has shown
signs of growing a new hand after taking experimental gene therapy in
a Philippine clinic.
After two months of injections into the stump of his right hand,
it appears that the wrist and finger bones are beginning to slowly
grow back.
"This is a real breakthrough," said Dr. Huang Lo Shinto, who's been
experimenting with extracted genes from several species of newts and
lizards which can re-grow severed tails and limbs.
"I can feel my fingers growing and tingling," said Timothy Ringstobs,
father of a new baby girl, who claims that his prayers have been
answered in more ways than one, and that it's a miracle from God.
"I gave my life to Jesus when I was 21, and while reading scripture
one day I saw a passage about Jesus telling people to chop off their
hand if it causes them trouble, so that's what I did. I had a
compulsive urge to masturbate back then, and felt guilty about it all
the time, so I took the advice of Jesus."
"While I was at the hospital getting sewn up, I met my new wife
who was there because she'd plucked out her left eye with a salad
fork, and when we met I realized it was a match made in heaven.
She's now the first love of my life after Jesus. We got married three
months later and I no longer have my earlier problem. We have a
beautiful new three-month-old baby girl that I want to be able to hold
and feel with both hands."
"Thanks to the work of Dr. Shinto and the love of Jesus, my prayers
are actually coming true," he said.
Shinto says that the small stubs appearing on the end of the severed
limb are a good sign, but he also says that Mr. Ringstobs shouldn't
get his hopes up too high at this stage of development.
"I don't know exactly what the hand or fingers will look like if they
grow back all the way. They might resemble the fingers of a
newt, or they might be normal human fingers, I can't be sure," Shinto
said.
"I understand the potential problems and dangers and am willing to
take the risks," Ringstobs told local reporters when asked why he
decided to undergo such an experimental procedure.
When asked for her comments, Mrs. Ringstobs said that she fully
supports her husband and Dr. Shinto.
"I was afraid our baby might be born without a right hand but Dr.
Shinto cleared up that mistake in my mind, and I now trust him with my
husband's life and his new right hand as well," she said.
========
Is the salad fork in the eye the first place the story starts becoming
unbelievable, or is it earlier on?
Ummm, I started having my...ummm... doubts at the mention of
extracting newt and lizard cells. Really, Elroy, I was eating a late
dinner while reading this. I almost coated the monitor with it.
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Clayton Brand Ewok Skin Bedroom Slippers" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
10 Jan 2005 11:59:18 PM |
|
|
"Elroy Willis" <elo@airmail.net> wrote in message
news:d806u0he8tbkduljve929jtimon42cf839@4ax.com...
PHILIPPINES (EAP) -- A 31-year-old Christian man who at age 22
chopped off his own right hand because of a Bible verse has shown
signs of growing a new hand after taking experimental gene therapy in
a Philippine clinic.
After two months of injections into the stump of his right hand,
it appears that the wrist and finger bones are beginning to slowly
grow back.
*sigh*
Will they never learn the lesson of Dr. Curt Conners?
.
|
|
|
| User: "Harry F. Leopold" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
11 Jan 2005 03:44:20 PM |
|
|
On Mon, 10 Jan 2005 17:59:18 -0600, Clayton Brand Ewok Skin Bedroom Slippers
wrote
(in article <41e3162d$0$10538$afc38c87@news.optusnet.com.au>):
"Elroy Willis" <elo@airmail.net> wrote in message
news:d806u0he8tbkduljve929jtimon42cf839@4ax.com...
PHILIPPINES (EAP) -- A 31-year-old Christian man who at age 22
chopped off his own right hand because of a Bible verse has shown
signs of growing a new hand after taking experimental gene therapy in
a Philippine clinic.
After two months of injections into the stump of his right hand,
it appears that the wrist and finger bones are beginning to slowly
grow back.
*sigh*
Will they never learn the lesson of Dr. Curt Conners?
Do I seem to note a Parker reference?
--
Harry F. Leopold
aa #2076
AA/Vet #4
The Prints of Darkness
(remove gene to email)
³We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages
down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new
vocabulary."-James D. Nicoll
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "raven1" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
11 Jan 2005 12:18:04 AM |
|
|
On Tue, 11 Jan 2005 09:59:18 +1000, "Clayton Brand Ewok Skin Bedroom
Slippers" <cjfat@SPAMBLOCKphonymail.com> wrote:
"Elroy Willis" <elo@airmail.net> wrote in message
news:d806u0he8tbkduljve929jtimon42cf839@4ax.com...
PHILIPPINES (EAP) -- A 31-year-old Christian man who at age 22
chopped off his own right hand because of a Bible verse has shown
signs of growing a new hand after taking experimental gene therapy in
a Philippine clinic.
After two months of injections into the stump of his right hand,
it appears that the wrist and finger bones are beginning to slowly
grow back.
*sigh*
Will they never learn the lesson of Dr. Curt Conners?
We'll find out in "Spider-Man III", no doubt...
.
|
|
|
| User: "Clayton Brand Ewok Skin Bedroom Slippers" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
11 Jan 2005 07:02:45 AM |
|
|
"raven1" <quoththeraven@nevermore.com> wrote in message
news:tah6u0hv15sjlkfja3lgit74m9vimlnav1@4ax.com...
On Tue, 11 Jan 2005 09:59:18 +1000, "Clayton Brand Ewok Skin Bedroom
Slippers" <cjfat@SPAMBLOCKphonymail.com> wrote:
"Elroy Willis" <elo@airmail.net> wrote in message
news:d806u0he8tbkduljve929jtimon42cf839@4ax.com...
PHILIPPINES (EAP) -- A 31-year-old Christian man who at age 22
chopped off his own right hand because of a Bible verse has shown
signs of growing a new hand after taking experimental gene therapy in
a Philippine clinic.
After two months of injections into the stump of his right hand,
it appears that the wrist and finger bones are beginning to slowly
grow back.
*sigh*
Will they never learn the lesson of Dr. Curt Conners?
We'll find out in "Spider-Man III", no doubt...
raven wins this round of "spot the reference"!
.
|
|
|
|
|
|
| User: "Robibnikoff" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
10 Jan 2005 11:30:27 PM |
|
|
"Elroy Willis" <elo@airmail.net> wrote in message
news:d806u0he8tbkduljve929jtimon42cf839@4ax.com...
PHILIPPINES (EAP) -- A 31-year-old Christian man who at age 22
chopped off his own right hand because of a Bible verse has shown
signs of growing a new hand after taking experimental gene therapy in
a Philippine clinic.
After two months of injections into the stump of his right hand,
it appears that the wrist and finger bones are beginning to slowly
grow back.
"This is a real breakthrough," said Dr. Huang Lo Shinto, who's been
experimenting with extracted genes from several species of newts and
lizards which can re-grow severed tails and limbs.
"I can feel my fingers growing and tingling," said Timothy Ringstobs,
father of a new baby girl, who claims that his prayers have been
answered in more ways than one, and that it's a miracle from God.
"I gave my life to Jesus when I was 21, and while reading scripture
one day I saw a passage about Jesus telling people to chop off their
hand if it causes them trouble, so that's what I did. I had a
compulsive urge to masturbate back then, and felt guilty about it all
the time, so I took the advice of Jesus."
"While I was at the hospital getting sewn up, I met my new wife
who was there because she'd plucked out her left eye with a salad
fork, and when we met I realized it was a match made in heaven.
She's now the first love of my life after Jesus. We got married three
months later and I no longer have my earlier problem. We have a
beautiful new three-month-old baby girl that I want to be able to hold
and feel with both hands."
"Thanks to the work of Dr. Shinto and the love of Jesus, my prayers
are actually coming true," he said.
Shinto says that the small stubs appearing on the end of the severed
limb are a good sign, but he also says that Mr. Ringstobs shouldn't
get his hopes up too high at this stage of development.
"I don't know exactly what the hand or fingers will look like if they
grow back all the way. They might resemble the fingers of a
newt, or they might be normal human fingers, I can't be sure," Shinto
said.
"I understand the potential problems and dangers and am willing to
take the risks," Ringstobs told local reporters when asked why he
decided to undergo such an experimental procedure.
When asked for her comments, Mrs. Ringstobs said that she fully
supports her husband and Dr. Shinto.
"I was afraid our baby might be born without a right hand but Dr.
Shinto cleared up that mistake in my mind, and I now trust him with my
husband's life and his new right hand as well," she said.
========
Is the salad fork in the eye the first place the story starts becoming
unbelievable, or is it earlier on?
LOL, I dunno, but it sure made me laugh! :)
--
---------
Robyn
Resident Witchypoo
#1557
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Mike Smith" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
11 Jan 2005 12:58:01 AM |
|
|
Elroy Willis <elo@airmail.net> wrote:
"I can feel my fingers growing and tingling," said
Timothy Ringstobs,
Where do you get these names?
__________________________________________
ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ
Mike Smith | aa #1164 | Founder of SMASH
__________________________________________
ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ
"Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth."
- Psalms 58:6
.
|
|
|
| User: "Elroy Willis" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
11 Jan 2005 01:28:47 AM |
|
|
Mike Smith <mikesmith@godisdead.com> wrote in alt.atheism
Elroy Willis <elo@airmail.net> wrote:
"I can feel my fingers growing and tingling," said Timothy Ringstobs,
Where do you get these names?
From the random name fairy!
Sometimes they relate to the condition of a character, such as in this
case. :)
--
Elroy Willis
www.elroysemporium.com
.
|
|
|
|
|
| User: "Mike Painter" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
11 Jan 2005 01:16:28 AM |
|
|
Elroy Willis wrote:
experimenting with extracted genes from several species of newts and
lizards which can re-grow severed tails and limbs.
I'd say it was right about here the tail (sic or sick) fell apart.
========
Is the salad fork in the eye the first place the story starts becoming
unbelievable, or is it earlier on?
.
|
|
|
| User: "Robibnikoff" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
11 Jan 2005 01:21:26 AM |
|
|
"Mike Painter" <mddotpainter@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
news:MNFEd.9171$wZ2.915@newssvr13.news.prodigy.com...
Elroy Willis wrote:
experimenting with extracted genes from several species of newts and
lizards which can re-grow severed tails and limbs.
I'd say it was right about here the tail (sic or sick) fell apart.
Why? That part is true. While I'm not sure about limbs, geckos tails
definitely grow back :)
--
---------
Robyn
Resident Witchypoo
#1557
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Elroy Willis" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
11 Jan 2005 01:33:03 AM |
|
|
Mike Painter <mddotpainter@sbcglobal.net> wrote in alt.atheism
Elroy Willis wrote:
experimenting with extracted genes from several species of newts and
lizards which can re-grow severed tails and limbs.
I'd say it was right about here the tail (sic or sick) fell apart.
I thought of making the newt one of those glow-in-the-dark types,
and the man would grow a "glowing hand" that people would see as
proof of Jesus. Through mental-power alone, the man could concentrate
on his right hand and make it glow while "laying his hand" on the
stupid Christians out there who believe in faith healing... :)
--
Elroy Willis
www.elroysemporium.com
.
|
|
|
|
|
| User: "sanguinevikings" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
11 Jan 2005 07:21:46 AM |
|
|
Elroy Willis wrote:
PHILIPPINES (EAP) -- A 31-year-old Christian man who at age 22
chopped off his own right hand because of a Bible verse
Perfectly believable so far. I certainly think that some people are
adequately stupid and superstitious to do such a thing.
has shown
signs of growing a new hand after taking experimental gene therapy in
a Philippine clinic.
Not very probable.
After two months of injections into the stump of his right hand,
it appears that the wrist and finger bones are beginning to slowly
grow back.
probability = 0
"This is a real breakthrough," said Dr. Huang Lo Shinto, who's been
experimenting with extracted genes from several species of newts and
lizards which can re-grow severed tails and limbs.
"I can feel my fingers growing and tingling," said Timothy Ringstobs,
father of a new baby girl, who claims that his prayers have been
answered in more ways than one, and that it's a miracle from God.
"I gave my life to Jesus when I was 21, and while reading scripture
one day I saw a passage about Jesus telling people to chop off their
hand if it causes them trouble, so that's what I did. I had a
compulsive urge to masturbate back then, and felt guilty about it all
the time, so I took the advice of Jesus."
:-) My rule thumb is this: if you can see what's coming next, it isn't true.
"While I was at the hospital getting sewn up, I met my new wife
who was there because she'd plucked out her left eye with a salad
fork, and when we met I realized it was a match made in heaven.
She's now the first love of my life after Jesus. We got married three
months later and I no longer have my earlier problem. We have a
beautiful new three-month-old baby girl that I want to be able to hold
and feel with both hands."
"Thanks to the work of Dr. Shinto and the love of Jesus, my prayers
are actually coming true," he said.
Shinto says that the small stubs appearing on the end of the severed
limb are a good sign, but he also says that Mr. Ringstobs shouldn't
get his hopes up too high at this stage of development.
"I don't know exactly what the hand or fingers will look like if they
grow back all the way. They might resemble the fingers of a
newt, or they might be normal human fingers, I can't be sure," Shinto
said.
"I understand the potential problems and dangers and am willing to
take the risks," Ringstobs told local reporters when asked why he
decided to undergo such an experimental procedure.
When asked for her comments, Mrs. Ringstobs said that she fully
supports her husband and Dr. Shinto.
"I was afraid our baby might be born without a right hand but Dr.
Shinto cleared up that mistake in my mind, and I now trust him with my
husband's life and his new right hand as well," she said.
========
Is the salad fork in the eye the first place the story starts becoming
unbelievable, or is it earlier on?
The names sound like they were generated by spam software.
.
|
|
|
| User: "TCS" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
11 Jan 2005 02:43:55 PM |
|
|
On Tue, 11 Jan 2005 07:21:46 +0000, sanguinevikings <spam@spam.not> wrote:
Elroy Willis wrote:
PHILIPPINES (EAP) -- A 31-year-old Christian man who at age 22
chopped off his own right hand because of a Bible verse
Perfectly believable so far. I certainly think that some people are
adequately stupid and superstitious to do such a thing.
has shown
signs of growing a new hand after taking experimental gene therapy in
a Philippine clinic.
Not very probable.
shoomrightoveryourhead.
.
|
|
|
|
|
| User: "" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
11 Jan 2005 12:16:23 AM |
|
|
Elroy Willis wrote:
PHILIPPINES (EAP) -- A 31-year-old Christian man who at age 22
chopped off his own right hand because of a Bible verse has shown
signs of growing a new hand
"I gave my life to Jesus when I was 21, and while reading scripture
one day I saw a passage about Jesus telling people to chop off their
hand if it causes them trouble, so that's what I did. I had a
compulsive urge to masturbate back then, and felt guilty about it all
the time, so I took the advice of Jesus."
*****, he should have chopped off his penis instead.
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "bob young" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
11 Jan 2005 02:09:19 AM |
|
|
Elroy Willis wrote:
PHILIPPINES (EAP) -- A 31-year-old Christian man who at age 22
chopped off his own right hand because of a Bible verse has shown
signs of growing a new hand after taking experimental gene therapy in
a Philippine clinic.
After two months of injections into the stump of his right hand,
it appears that the wrist and finger bones are beginning to slowly
grow back.
I suppose your god was too busy doing this that he didn't have time to
save the 150,000+ people that died from the tsunami!
What sick fools you religionists are
"This is a real breakthrough," said Dr. Huang Lo Shinto, who's been
experimenting with extracted genes from several species of newts and
lizards which can re-grow severed tails and limbs.
"I can feel my fingers growing and tingling," said Timothy Ringstobs,
father of a new baby girl, who claims that his prayers have been
answered in more ways than one, and that it's a miracle from God.
"I gave my life to Jesus when I was 21, and while reading scripture
one day I saw a passage about Jesus telling people to chop off their
hand if it causes them trouble, so that's what I did. I had a
compulsive urge to masturbate back then, and felt guilty about it all
the time, so I took the advice of Jesus."
"While I was at the hospital getting sewn up, I met my new wife
who was there because she'd plucked out her left eye with a salad
fork, and when we met I realized it was a match made in heaven.
She's now the first love of my life after Jesus. We got married three
months later and I no longer have my earlier problem. We have a
beautiful new three-month-old baby girl that I want to be able to hold
and feel with both hands."
"Thanks to the work of Dr. Shinto and the love of Jesus, my prayers
are actually coming true," he said.
Shinto says that the small stubs appearing on the end of the severed
limb are a good sign, but he also says that Mr. Ringstobs shouldn't
get his hopes up too high at this stage of development.
"I don't know exactly what the hand or fingers will look like if they
grow back all the way. They might resemble the fingers of a
newt, or they might be normal human fingers, I can't be sure," Shinto
said.
"I understand the potential problems and dangers and am willing to
take the risks," Ringstobs told local reporters when asked why he
decided to undergo such an experimental procedure.
When asked for her comments, Mrs. Ringstobs said that she fully
supports her husband and Dr. Shinto.
"I was afraid our baby might be born without a right hand but Dr.
Shinto cleared up that mistake in my mind, and I now trust him with my
husband's life and his new right hand as well," she said.
========
Is the salad fork in the eye the first place the story starts becoming
unbelievable, or is it earlier on?
--
Elroy Willis
www.elroysemporium.com
.
|
|
|
| User: "Michelle Malkin" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
11 Jan 2005 03:45:02 AM |
|
|
"bob young" <alaspectrum@netvigator.com> wrote in message
news:41E33550.B1B6A6CC@netvigator.com...
Elroy Willis wrote:
PHILIPPINES (EAP) -- A 31-year-old Christian man who at age 22
chopped off his own right hand because of a Bible verse has shown
signs of growing a new hand after taking experimental gene therapy in
a Philippine clinic.
After two months of injections into the stump of his right hand,
it appears that the wrist and finger bones are beginning to slowly
grow back.
I suppose your god was too busy doing this that he didn't have time to
save the 150,000+ people that died from the tsunami!
What sick fools you religionists are
Oh, my. That's one you got, Elroy.
"This is a real breakthrough," said Dr. Huang Lo Shinto, who's been
experimenting with extracted genes from several species of newts and
lizards which can re-grow severed tails and limbs.
"I can feel my fingers growing and tingling," said Timothy Ringstobs,
father of a new baby girl, who claims that his prayers have been
answered in more ways than one, and that it's a miracle from God.
"I gave my life to Jesus when I was 21, and while reading scripture
one day I saw a passage about Jesus telling people to chop off their
hand if it causes them trouble, so that's what I did. I had a
compulsive urge to masturbate back then, and felt guilty about it all
the time, so I took the advice of Jesus."
"While I was at the hospital getting sewn up, I met my new wife
who was there because she'd plucked out her left eye with a salad
fork, and when we met I realized it was a match made in heaven.
She's now the first love of my life after Jesus. We got married three
months later and I no longer have my earlier problem. We have a
beautiful new three-month-old baby girl that I want to be able to hold
and feel with both hands."
"Thanks to the work of Dr. Shinto and the love of Jesus, my prayers
are actually coming true," he said.
Shinto says that the small stubs appearing on the end of the severed
limb are a good sign, but he also says that Mr. Ringstobs shouldn't
get his hopes up too high at this stage of development.
"I don't know exactly what the hand or fingers will look like if they
grow back all the way. They might resemble the fingers of a
newt, or they might be normal human fingers, I can't be sure," Shinto
said.
"I understand the potential problems and dangers and am willing to
take the risks," Ringstobs told local reporters when asked why he
decided to undergo such an experimental procedure.
When asked for her comments, Mrs. Ringstobs said that she fully
supports her husband and Dr. Shinto.
"I was afraid our baby might be born without a right hand but Dr.
Shinto cleared up that mistake in my mind, and I now trust him with my
husband's life and his new right hand as well," she said.
========
Is the salad fork in the eye the first place the story starts becoming
unbelievable, or is it earlier on?
--
Elroy Willis
www.elroysemporium.com
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Robibnikoff" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
11 Jan 2005 01:20:58 PM |
|
|
"bob young" <alaspectrum@netvigator.com> wrote in message
news:41E33550.B1B6A6CC@netvigator.com...
Elroy Willis wrote:
PHILIPPINES (EAP) -- A 31-year-old Christian man who at age 22
chopped off his own right hand because of a Bible verse has shown
signs of growing a new hand after taking experimental gene therapy in
a Philippine clinic.
After two months of injections into the stump of his right hand,
it appears that the wrist and finger bones are beginning to slowly
grow back.
I suppose your god was too busy doing this that he didn't have time to
save the 150,000+ people that died from the tsunami!
What sick fools you religionists are
<cough!> Elroy satire! <cough>
--
---------
Robyn
Resident Witchypoo
#1557
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Mark K. Bilbo" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
12 Jan 2005 03:56:38 AM |
|
|
In our last episode <41E33550.B1B6A6CC@netvigator.com>, bob young lept out
of the bushes shouting:
Elroy Willis wrote:
PHILIPPINES (EAP) -- A 31-year-old Christian man who at age 22 chopped
off his own right hand because of a Bible verse has shown signs of
growing a new hand after taking experimental gene therapy in a
Philippine clinic.
After two months of injections into the stump of his right hand, it
appears that the wrist and finger bones are beginning to slowly grow
back.
I suppose your god was too busy doing this that he didn't have time to
save the 150,000+ people that died from the tsunami!
What sick fools you religionists are
Elroy got another one!
--
Mark K. Bilbo - a.a. #1423
EAC Department of Linguistic Subversion
Alt-atheism website at: http://www.alt-atheism.org
-----------------------------------------------------------
"Religion is regarded by the common people as true,
by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful."
-- Seneca the Younger
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Tim McGaughy" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
13 Jan 2005 02:12:23 AM |
|
|
in article 41E33550.B1B6A6CC@netvigator.com, bob young at
alaspectrum@netvigator.com wrote on 1/10/05 8:09 PM:
Elroy Willis wrote:
PHILIPPINES (EAP) -- A 31-year-old Christian man who at age 22
chopped off his own right hand because of a Bible verse has shown
signs of growing a new hand after taking experimental gene therapy in
a Philippine clinic.
After two months of injections into the stump of his right hand,
it appears that the wrist and finger bones are beginning to slowly
grow back.
I suppose your god was too busy doing this that he didn't have time to
save the 150,000+ people that died from the tsunami!
What sick fools you religionists are
Yeah. Damn that religionist Elroy, spreading his religionist hype. Damn him
to Hell.
Say.... I wonder what alt.atheism.satire is about, anyway.
.
|
|
|
| User: "Earle Jones" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
13 Jan 2005 05:01:39 AM |
|
|
In article <BE0B3526.782E%teekem@ispwest.com>,
Tim McGaughy <teekem@ispwest.com> wrote:
in article 41E33550.B1B6A6CC@netvigator.com, bob young at
alaspectrum@netvigator.com wrote on 1/10/05 8:09 PM:
Elroy Willis wrote:
PHILIPPINES (EAP) -- A 31-year-old Christian man who at age 22
chopped off his own right hand because of a Bible verse has shown
signs of growing a new hand after taking experimental gene therapy in
a Philippine clinic.
After two months of injections into the stump of his right hand,
it appears that the wrist and finger bones are beginning to slowly
grow back.
I suppose your god was too busy doing this that he didn't have time to
save the 150,000+ people that died from the tsunami!
What sick fools you religionists are
Yeah. Damn that religionist Elroy, spreading his religionist hype. Damn him
to Hell.
*
Please.
Watch your language.
I would say (this is a family newsgroup), "Darn him to heck."
earle
*
"I don't believe in God; I believe in Gosh.
And you'd better believe in Gosh --
Or he will darn you to heck!"
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Mike Painter" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
13 Jan 2005 03:55:58 AM |
|
|
Tim McGaughy wrote:
in article 41E33550.B1B6A6CC@netvigator.com, bob young at
alaspectrum@netvigator.com wrote on 1/10/05 8:09 PM:
Elroy Willis wrote:
PHILIPPINES (EAP) -- A 31-year-old Christian man who at age 22
chopped off his own right hand because of a Bible verse has shown
signs of growing a new hand after taking experimental gene therapy
in a Philippine clinic.
After two months of injections into the stump of his right hand,
it appears that the wrist and finger bones are beginning to slowly
grow back.
I suppose your god was too busy doing this that he didn't have time
to save the 150,000+ people that died from the tsunami!
What sick fools you religionists are
Yeah. Damn that religionist Elroy, spreading his religionist hype.
Damn him to Hell.
Say.... I wonder what alt.atheism.satire is about, anyway.
god only knows.
.
|
|
|
| User: "Earle Jones" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
13 Jan 2005 05:02:46 AM |
|
|
In article <ijmFd.1328$8Z1.247@newssvr14.news.prodigy.com>,
"Mike Painter" <mddotpainter@sbcglobal.net> wrote:
Tim McGaughy wrote:
in article 41E33550.B1B6A6CC@netvigator.com, bob young at
alaspectrum@netvigator.com wrote on 1/10/05 8:09 PM:
Elroy Willis wrote:
PHILIPPINES (EAP) -- A 31-year-old Christian man who at age 22
chopped off his own right hand because of a Bible verse has shown
signs of growing a new hand after taking experimental gene therapy
in a Philippine clinic.
After two months of injections into the stump of his right hand,
it appears that the wrist and finger bones are beginning to slowly
grow back.
I suppose your god was too busy doing this that he didn't have time
to save the 150,000+ people that died from the tsunami!
What sick fools you religionists are
Yeah. Damn that religionist Elroy, spreading his religionist hype.
Damn him to Hell.
Say.... I wonder what alt.atheism.satire is about, anyway.
god only knows.
*
Amen, brother! (As I used to say before I was saved.)
earle
*
.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| User: "johac" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
11 Jan 2005 07:01:13 AM |
|
|
In article <d806u0he8tbkduljve929jtimon42cf839@4ax.com>,
Elroy Willis <elo@airmail.net> wrote:
PHILIPPINES (EAP) -- A 31-year-old Christian man who at age 22
chopped off his own right hand because of a Bible verse has shown
signs of growing a new hand after taking experimental gene therapy in
a Philippine clinic.
LOL! Another good one, Elroy!
--
John Hachmann aa #1782
Intelligent Design has as much to do with science as reality
television has to do with reality. - Barry Lynn on CNN 12/25/04
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Earle Jones" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
11 Jan 2005 01:32:54 AM |
|
|
In article <d806u0he8tbkduljve929jtimon42cf839@4ax.com>,
Elroy Willis <elo@airmail.net> wrote:
[...]
Is the salad fork in the eye the first place the story starts becoming
unbelievable, or is it earlier on?
Elroy: Good stuff!
For me it became unbelievable as soon as I saw your name at the top!
Keep up the good work.
earle
*
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "chibiabos" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
11 Jan 2005 03:08:50 AM |
|
|
In article <d806u0he8tbkduljve929jtimon42cf839@4ax.com>, Elroy Willis
<elo@airmail.net> wrote:
months later and I no longer have my earlier problem. We have a
beautiful new three-month-old baby girl that I want to be able to hold
and feel with both hands."
Um, suuure he does. . . .
Is the salad fork in the eye the first place the story starts becoming
unbelievable, or is it earlier on?
Another great EAP news story, Elroy! But, since you're looking for
constructive criticism, I'd say the flow is interupted when Tim uses
the word "masturbate." Real Christians would never be so open and
actually say the word for autoerotica out loud. They have to use other,
more innocuous euphemisms like "bake my own muffins" or something
equally lame.
-chib
--
Member of S.M.A.S.H.
Sarcastic Middle-aged Atheists with a Sense of Humor
.
|
|
|
| User: "CM" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
14 Jan 2005 02:30:44 AM |
|
|
Another great EAP news story, Elroy! But, since you're looking for
constructive criticism, I'd say the flow is interupted when Tim uses
the word "masturbate." Real Christians would never be so open and
actually say the word for autoerotica out loud. They have to use other,
more innocuous euphemisms like "bake my own muffins" or something
equally lame.
-chib
My mom's favorite term: Playing with yourself!
"Stop playing with yourself! That's a sin!"
But ma, if I can't play with myself, who can I play with?"
CM
.
|
|
|
|
| User: "Elroy Willis" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
11 Jan 2005 02:27:22 PM |
|
|
chibiabos <chib@nospam.com> wrote in alt.atheism
Elroy Willis <elo@airmail.net> wrote:
months later and I no longer have my earlier problem. We have a
beautiful new three-month-old baby girl that I want to be able to hold
and feel with both hands."
Um, suuure he does. . . .
Is the salad fork in the eye the first place the story starts becoming
unbelievable, or is it earlier on?
Another great EAP news story, Elroy! But, since you're looking for
constructive criticism, I'd say the flow is interupted when Tim uses
the word "masturbate." Real Christians? would never be so open and
actually say the word for autoerotica out loud. They have to use other,
more innocuous euphemisms like "bake my own muffins" or something
equally lame.
What exactly do the sexually repressed Christians call it these days
anyway?
Having a Wank with the help of Hank, my right hand man?
--
Elroy Willis
www.elroysemporium.com
.
|
|
|
| User: "Harry F. Leopold" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
11 Jan 2005 03:48:58 PM |
|
|
On Tue, 11 Jan 2005 08:27:22 -0600, Elroy Willis wrote
(in article <2tn7u0lsjks1ppasf9nn3vpv4sr1jeo1gg@4ax.com>):
chibiabos <chib@nospam.com> wrote in alt.atheism
Elroy Willis <elo@airmail.net> wrote:
months later and I no longer have my earlier problem. We have a
beautiful new three-month-old baby girl that I want to be able to hold
and feel with both hands."
Um, suuure he does. . . .
Is the salad fork in the eye the first place the story starts becoming
unbelievable, or is it earlier on?
Another great EAP news story, Elroy! But, since you're looking for
constructive criticism, I'd say the flow is interupted when Tim uses
the word "masturbate." Real Christians? would never be so open and
actually say the word for autoerotica out loud. They have to use other,
more innocuous euphemisms like "bake my own muffins" or something
equally lame.
What exactly do the sexually repressed Christians call it these days
anyway?
Having a Wank with the help of Hank, my right hand man?
I think "sin of Onan" would probably cover it.
--
Harry F. Leopold
aa #2076
AA/Vet #4
The Prints of Darkness
(remove gene to email)
³4 out of 5 dentists recommend the Theory of Evolution.³-John S. Wilkins
.
|
|
|
| User: "Christopher A. Lee" |
|
| Title: Re: Jesus Restores Right Hand in Philippines |
11 Jan 2005 03:58:26 PM |
|
|
On Tue, 11 Jan 2005 09:48:58 -0600, Harry F. Leopold
<hleopold@coxyx.net> wrote:
On Tue, 11 Jan 2005 08:27:22 -0600, Elroy Willis wrote
(in article <2tn7u0lsjks1ppasf9nn3vpv4sr1jeo1gg@4ax.com>):
chibiabos <chib@nospam.com> wrote in alt.atheism
Elroy Willis <elo@airmail.net> wrote:
months later and I no longer have my earlier problem. We have a
beautiful new three-month-old baby girl that I want to be able to hold
and feel with both hands."
Um, suuure he does. . . .
Is the salad fork in the eye the first place the story starts becoming
unbelievable, or is it earlier on?
Another great EAP news story, Elroy! But, since you're looking for
constructive criticism, I'd say the flow is interupted when Tim uses
the word "masturbate." Real Christians? would never be so open and
actually say the word for autoerotica out loud. They have to use other,
more innocuous euphemisms like "bake my own muffins" or something
equally lame.
What exactly do the sexually repressed Christians call it these days
anyway?
Having a Wank with the help of Hank, my right hand man?
I think "sin of Onan" would probably cover it.
Actually, no. Onan pulled it out - which was a major no-no for a
tribal society that needed as many births as it could get.
I knew someone who called his budgerigar Onan.
.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Related Articles |
|
|
