Jesus slams God as dead beat dad

In a move that shocked and surprised the Christian community, Jesus
Christ, Son of God, has called his Father a dead beat dad in His
tell-all autobiography "King of Kings?".

"First off, He goes and gets my mother pregnant, and then He doesn't
even have the nerve to tell her to her face. She had to find out from
one of His friends!" Christ lamented. "Then, He drops her like a hot
potato. Fortunately, she found a nice guy, Joseph, to live with. Now,
Joseph's a nice guy and everything, he accepted Me as his own son, and
he taught Me trades, but I still feel like I'm lacking that special
bond that sons possess with their Fathers." Christ then began to weep.
"In all of My thirty-three years, do you think I've seen one cent in
child support? And whose idea do you think it was for me to die so
that others will have eternal life? My last words were, 'Daddy, Daddy,
where are you, Daddy?!'. It was only that would-be writer John that
claimed I said 'My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?' and that
'the prophecy is accomplished' crap. My dad was also into polygamy. Do
you know how many women say they're married to the Lord?"

Christ then bent forward. 'I don't even want to think of how many
children He has. Hopefully He's been a better daddy to them. Only one
should feel this kind of pain.'

"Dead beat dads are text book cases," states Tabitha Melfi, author of
"What to do When One Parent Doesn't Love You". "And it's certainly not
surprising when God is called one. He has the classic characteristics:
He's too busy worrying about business affairs, and some would call him
distant, even unattached. Where was God during the Holocaust? Where
was God when the Tutsis were being slaughtered? Why the 'tough love'
approach all the time?"
Anthony Falco was one of the many Christians surprised at the claim.
"This changes my whole relationship with Him," Falco stated. "If God
doesn't even care for His only Son adequately, how do I know He will
look after me and my family?" Falco then went on to say he would look
for a more responsible deity to worship.

Cardinal John Stevens was floored by Christ's autobiography. 'The
Church has enough problems on its hands right now, what with sagging
attendance rates and child molestation allegations. You know,' Stevens
continued, 'Christ hasn't lead the most wholesome life. There was a
reason He cavorted with that Mary Magdalene character. He also used to
partake in kaneh-bosm, which is Hebrew for cannabis, with His closest
disciples. This is probably just a way of getting attention.' Stevens
then excused him to attend Mass.

When asked to comment on His Son's claims, God responded, "That
ungrateful little brat! Do you know how many followers His little
tantrum cost me? Yeah, I wasn't all that emotionally connected with
Him when He was younger. But He's my right hand man now-literally.
What more could He want?" When asked to describe His relationship with
His father, God angrily responded, "I have no father!"

http://www.unconfirmedsources.com/index.php?itemid=639

Jesus slams God as dead beat dad

In a move that shocked and surprised the Christian community, Jesus
Christ, Son of God, has called his Father a dead beat dad in His
tell-all autobiography "King of Kings?".

"First off, He goes and gets my mother pregnant, and then He doesn't
even have the nerve to tell her to her face. She had to find out from
one of His friends!" Christ lamented. "Then, He drops her like a hot
potato. Fortunately, she found a nice guy, Joseph, to live with. Now,
Joseph's a nice guy and everything, he accepted Me as his own son,

he taught Me trades, but I still feel like I'm lacking that special
bond that sons possess with their Fathers." Christ then began to

"In all of My thirty-three years, do you think I've seen one cent in
child support? And whose idea do you think it was for me to die so
that others will have eternal life? My last words were, 'Daddy,

where are you, Daddy?!'. It was only that would-be writer John that
claimed I said 'My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?' and that
'the prophecy is accomplished' crap. My dad was also into polygamy.

you know how many women say they're married to the Lord?"

Christ then bent forward. 'I don't even want to think of how many
children He has. Hopefully He's been a better daddy to them. Only one
should feel this kind of pain.'

"Dead beat dads are text book cases," states Tabitha Melfi, author of
"What to do When One Parent Doesn't Love You". "And it's certainly

surprising when God is called one. He has the classic

He's too busy worrying about business affairs, and some would call

distant, even unattached. Where was God during the Holocaust? Where
was God when the Tutsis were being slaughtered? Why the 'tough love'
approach all the time?"
Anthony Falco was one of the many Christians surprised at the claim.
"This changes my whole relationship with Him," Falco stated. "If God
doesn't even care for His only Son adequately, how do I know He will
look after me and my family?" Falco then went on to say he would look
for a more responsible deity to worship.

Cardinal John Stevens was floored by Christ's autobiography. 'The
Church has enough problems on its hands right now, what with sagging
attendance rates and child molestation allegations. You know,'

continued, 'Christ hasn't lead the most wholesome life. There was a
reason He cavorted with that Mary Magdalene character. He also used

partake in kaneh-bosm, which is Hebrew for cannabis, with His closest
disciples. This is probably just a way of getting attention.' Stevens
then excused him to attend Mass.

When asked to comment on His Son's claims, God responded, "That
ungrateful little brat! Do you know how many followers His little
tantrum cost me? Yeah, I wasn't all that emotionally connected with
Him when He was younger. But He's my right hand man now-literally.
What more could He want?" When asked to describe His relationship

His father, God angrily responded, "I have no father!"

http://www.unconfirmedsources.com/index.php?itemid=639

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