http://www.deadbrain.com/news/article_2004_11_11_0606.php
John Ashcroft Resigns; Will Join ACLU on January 1, 2005
Nov 11 2004 by Greg Kuhl
The resignation of U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft, whose ultra-
right wing ideology helped shape the Bush Administration's War on
Terror, will allow him to pursue a lifelong dream: Becoming a lawyer
for the ACLU.
"Pretty surprising , huh?" said Ashcroft, who isn't exactly known for
telling jokes. "I told President Bush I was exhausted and wanted to
resign. But that was just a ruse. Hey, I'm as much a political
opportunist as the next guy. "Despite my less-than-liberal policies at
times, I've always secretly wanted to work for the ACLU. When they
approached me with their offer, I just couldn't say no."
Ashcroft said he expected that his joining an organization that is
"pretty much on the opposite end of the political spectrum" would
probably raise a few eyebrows.
"I've heard all the jokes and criticism - that if I was any farther to
the right, I'd be wearing Klan robes, blah, blah, blah. I look at this
as a chance to redeem myself with the Big Guy Upstairs, as well as the
American people, and folks around the world."
Ashcroft said he was eternally grateful to Bush, who "rescued me from
potential political oblivion after I lost the Senate race in Missouri
to the dead governor. Do you know how crushing it is to lose a high-
profile race to a corpse?
"That was pretty embarrassing, but becoming AG allowed me to make a
mark on the political process. Alright, much of the time it was a
black mark - like the rights violations at Guantanamo Bay - but it was
a mark nonetheless. I figured I'd have a greater impact with the ACLU
than, say, the Supreme Court, where old rumors had me going."
Bush, who didn't try to dissuade Ashcroft from resigning, was
flabbergasted at Ashcroft's decision. "The ACL-what? Has he lost his
ever-loving mind?"
ACLU spokesman Ben Brockington fainted shortly after learning of
Ashcroft's decision. After being revived with a cold cloth,
Brockington said, "That's unreal. We meant the offer as a publicity-
seeking joke. You mean he took it?"
Barring any last-minute glitches, Ashcroft will start Jan. 1.
--
epicurus1*at*optusnet*dot*com*dot*au
apatriot #1, atheist #1417,
Chief EAC prophet
http://members.optusnet.com.au/~pk1956/
Apatriotism Yahoo Group
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/apatriotism
Sunday: A day given over by Americans to wishing that they themselves
were dead and in Heaven, and that their neighbors were dead and in
Hell.
-Mencken
.
|
