| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"" |
| Date: |
14 Jul 2004 01:34:43 PM |
| Object: |
Just a bit of humour . . . |
Just to show ya that christian bigotry isn't the only source of laughter . .
..
-Tock
-----------------------------------------------
Two satellite dishes meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything."
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food
in here."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."
A man walks into a bar and insults the bartender. So the bartender reaches
for a chain saw and cuts off the guy's arms. The guy insults him again, and
the bartender cuts off his legs. The guy insults the bartender again, and
off comes Mr. Winky. The guy insults the bartender yet again, and his torso
is cut up into many pieces. The bartender looks at the guy's disembodied
head and asked, "Got anything else to say?" The guy answers: "No, I better
quit while I'm a head."
Two cannibals are eating a comedian. One says to the other: "Does this taste
funny to you?"
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'She's a Lady.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
Doc says "It's Not Unusual."
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look
at either.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.
I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he
couldn't reach the t-bones off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
A man has a sexual fetish where he imagines he's an ice cube tray. One night
he goes to get a midnight snack and he actually turns into an ice cube tray.
His wife goes to the freezer to get a snack and screams in horror when she
finds here husband living out his fantasy. So, the couple goes to marriage
counseling where the therapist askes the husband if he's ever been
unfaithful in these fantasies. The man replies, "No, I'm usually a faithful
husband but sometimes ice tray!"
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
.
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| User: "ArWeGod" |
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| Title: Re: Just a bit of humour . . . |
14 Jul 2004 03:39:17 PM |
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<tock@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
news:71fJc.8642$Cn5.2062@newssvr23.news.prodigy.com...
Just to show ya that christian bigotry isn't the only source of laughter .
..
.
-Tock
-----------------------------------------------
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his crotch.
The bartender asks, "what's that?"
The pirate says, "Arrgh, I don't know, but it's drivin' me nuts!"
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either.
Just leave me the ***** alone.
--
ArWeGod
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| User: "Clayton Without A Cause" |
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| Title: Re: Just a bit of humour . . . |
14 Jul 2004 07:15:08 PM |
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<tock@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
news:71fJc.8642$Cn5.2062@newssvr23.news.prodigy.com...
Just to show ya that christian bigotry isn't the only source of laughter .
..
.
-Tock
-----------------------------------------------
Guy walks into a gay bar and there's a guy standing behind the counter.
"You're bar tender?" he asks.
"Probably, but you're supposed to suck not chew!"
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| User: "Kermit" |
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| Title: Re: Just a bit of humour . . . |
14 Jul 2004 05:35:47 PM |
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<tock@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message news:<71fJc.8642$Cn5.2062@newssvr23.news.prodigy.com>...
Just to show ya that christian bigotry isn't the only source of laughter . .
.
-Tock
-----------------------------------------------
Two satellite dishes meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything."
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food
in here."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."
A man walks into a bar and insults the bartender. So the bartender reaches
for a chain saw and cuts off the guy's arms. The guy insults him again, and
the bartender cuts off his legs. The guy insults the bartender again, and
off comes Mr. Winky. The guy insults the bartender yet again, and his torso
is cut up into many pieces. The bartender looks at the guy's disembodied
head and asked, "Got anything else to say?" The guy answers: "No, I better
quit while I'm a head."
Two cannibals are eating a comedian. One says to the other: "Does this taste
funny to you?"
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'She's a Lady.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
Doc says "It's Not Unusual."
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look
at either.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.
I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he
couldn't reach the t-bones off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
A man has a sexual fetish where he imagines he's an ice cube tray. One night
he goes to get a midnight snack and he actually turns into an ice cube tray.
His wife goes to the freezer to get a snack and screams in horror when she
finds here husband living out his fantasy. So, the couple goes to marriage
counseling where the therapist askes the husband if he's ever been
unfaithful in these fantasies. The man replies, "No, I'm usually a faithful
husband but sometimes ice tray!"
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
A blind man is walking thru a new neighborhood, and smells and hears a
bar. He walks in, finds a stool at the bar, and sits down. He didn't
see - naturally - the sign that said "Women's Bar", but the patrons
can see his glasses and white cane, so they don't say anything.
After he gets his beer, he says in a loud voice "Anybody want to hear
a blonde joke"? The bar gets quiet.
A voice murmers in his ear: "Mister, you couldn't know, but this is
an all-ladies bar. The bartender is blonde. Her *bouncer is blonde.
The woman breathing down your neck? She's blonde, and just got out of
prison - she did 5 years for second-degree murder. The woman on your
other elbow? She's blonde, and is the US female powerlifting
record-holder. I'm blonde, and I am the current ranking US karate
full-contact champion. Are you *sure you want to tell that blonde
joke?"
He's quiet for a minute, then says in a subdued voice, "I guess you're
right. I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
Kermit
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| User: "Eric Pepke" |
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| Title: Re: Just a bit of humour . . . |
17 Jul 2004 12:08:32 AM |
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A Priest, a Nun, and a Rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender
asks, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
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| User: "Gregory Gadow" |
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| Title: Re: Just a bit of humour . . . |
14 Jul 2004 03:03:12 PM |
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A very small bit of humor :-P
--
Gregory Gadow
techbear@serv.net
http://www.serv.net/~techbear
"Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the
bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is
tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists
for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to greater danger."
-- Herman Goering, http://www.snopes.com/quotes/goering.htm
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| User: "W. Syme" |
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| Title: Re: Just a bit of humour . . . |
14 Jul 2004 05:33:26 PM |
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On Wed, 14 Jul 2004 18:34:43 GMT, <tock@sbcglobal.net> wrote:
Just to show ya that christian bigotry isn't the only source of laughter . .
.
-Tock
-----------------------------------------------
Two satellite dishes meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything."
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food
in here."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."
A man walks into a bar and insults the bartender. So the bartender reaches
for a chain saw and cuts off the guy's arms. The guy insults him again, and
the bartender cuts off his legs. The guy insults the bartender again, and
off comes Mr. Winky. The guy insults the bartender yet again, and his torso
is cut up into many pieces. The bartender looks at the guy's disembodied
head and asked, "Got anything else to say?" The guy answers: "No, I better
quit while I'm a head."
Two cannibals are eating a comedian. One says to the other: "Does this taste
funny to you?"
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'She's a Lady.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
Doc says "It's Not Unusual."
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look
at either.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.
I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he
couldn't reach the t-bones off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
A man has a sexual fetish where he imagines he's an ice cube tray. One night
he goes to get a midnight snack and he actually turns into an ice cube tray.
His wife goes to the freezer to get a snack and screams in horror when she
finds here husband living out his fantasy. So, the couple goes to marriage
counseling where the therapist askes the husband if he's ever been
unfaithful in these fantasies. The man replies, "No, I'm usually a faithful
husband but sometimes ice tray!"
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
A baby seal walks into a club...
--
Prove all things; hold fast that which is good. (1 Thessalonians 5:21)
W. Syme (pseudonym), European, non-native English speaker, "soft" atheist.
Email will not be read.
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| User: "Fear gan dia" |
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| Title: Re: Just a bit of humour . . . |
14 Jul 2004 06:37:28 PM |
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Verily verily I say unto you, it is written by W. Syme
in <477dae775c75c375bc01ead1aa2de574@news.1usenet.com>:
On Wed, 14 Jul 2004 18:34:43 GMT, <tock@sbcglobal.net> wrote:
Just to show ya that christian bigotry isn't the only source of laughter . .
.
-Tock
-----------------------------------------------
Two satellite dishes meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything."
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food
in here."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."
A man walks into a bar and insults the bartender. So the bartender reaches
for a chain saw and cuts off the guy's arms. The guy insults him again, and
the bartender cuts off his legs. The guy insults the bartender again, and
off comes Mr. Winky. The guy insults the bartender yet again, and his torso
is cut up into many pieces. The bartender looks at the guy's disembodied
head and asked, "Got anything else to say?" The guy answers: "No, I better
quit while I'm a head."
Two cannibals are eating a comedian. One says to the other: "Does this taste
funny to you?"
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'She's a Lady.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
Doc says "It's Not Unusual."
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look
at either.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.
I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he
couldn't reach the t-bones off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
A man has a sexual fetish where he imagines he's an ice cube tray. One night
he goes to get a midnight snack and he actually turns into an ice cube tray.
His wife goes to the freezer to get a snack and screams in horror when she
finds here husband living out his fantasy. So, the couple goes to marriage
counseling where the therapist askes the husband if he's ever been
unfaithful in these fantasies. The man replies, "No, I'm usually a faithful
husband but sometimes ice tray!"
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
A baby seal walks into a club...
An Irishman walks out of a bar...
Then there was the cartoon I saw of a furniture maker who
goes into a bar with a briefcase that reads: "Furniture
made to order." The barstool says: "Two pints please."
--
The Very Irrev. Fear gan dia # http://goddamliberal.port5.com
"It is not possible to find a leader more foolish than you,
who deals with matters by force rather than with wisdom.
Kerry will kill our nation while it sleeps because he and
the Democrats have the cunning to embellish blasphemy and
present it to the Arabs and Muslim nation as civilization.
Because of this we desire you to be elected."
- Al Qaeda, 3/16/04, in open letter to George Bush Jr.
.
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| User: "Puck Greenman" |
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| Title: Re: Just a bit of humour . . . |
15 Jul 2004 04:05:03 PM |
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On Wed, 14 Jul 2004 23:37:28 GMT, "Fear gan dia"
<nhsdlstbddnr@bslbxddttbql.com> with calm deliberation, and malace
aforethought, wrote:
An Irishman walks out of a bar..
I suppose there is a first time, for everything.
A man walks into a bad. He said "Ouch!". I was an iron bar.
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| User: "ArWeGod" |
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| Title: Re: Just a bit of humour . . . |
15 Jul 2004 04:42:57 PM |
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"Puck Greenman" <puck@pooks.hill.fey> wrote in message
news:a9sdf0ln94i420lss8hrudegor83ro2nfa@4ax.com...
A man walks into a bad. He said "Ouch!". I was an iron bar.
That's not very funny. This is better:
A Woodpecker walks into a bar and asks, "Where is the bar tender?"
--
ArWeFunnier
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| User: "ArWeGod" |
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| Title: Re: Just a bit of humour . . . |
15 Jul 2004 04:40:46 PM |
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"Puck Greenman" <puck@pooks.hill.fey> wrote in message
news:a9sdf0ln94i420lss8hrudegor83ro2nfa@4ax.com...
On Wed, 14 Jul 2004 23:37:28 GMT, "Fear gan dia"
<nhsdlstbddnr@bslbxddttbql.com> with calm deliberation, and malace
aforethought, wrote:
An Irishman walks out of a bar..
I suppose there is a first time, for everything.
A man walks into a bad. He said "Ouch!". I was an iron bar.
.
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| User: "stoney" |
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| Title: Re: Just a bit of humour . . . |
16 Jul 2004 01:37:48 PM |
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On Thu, 15 Jul 2004 22:05:03 +0100, Puck Greenman wrote:
On Wed, 14 Jul 2004 23:37:28 GMT, "Fear gan dia"
<nhsdlstbddnr@bslbxddttbql.com> with calm deliberation, and malace
aforethought, wrote:
An Irishman walks out of a bar..
I suppose there is a first time, for everything.
GMTA..... :)
[]
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| User: "Fear gan dia" |
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| Title: Re: Just a bit of humour . . . |
15 Jul 2004 04:17:05 PM |
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Verily verily I say unto you, it is written by Puck Greenman
in <a9sdf0ln94i420lss8hrudegor83ro2nfa@4ax.com>:
I was an iron bar.
Too much spinach in your diet?
--
The Very Irrev. Fear gan dia # http://goddamliberal.port5.com
"It is not possible to find a leader more foolish than you,
who deals with matters by force rather than with wisdom.
Kerry will kill our nation while it sleeps because he and
the Democrats have the cunning to embellish blasphemy and
present it to the Arabs and Muslim nation as civilization.
Because of this we desire you to be elected."
- Al Qaeda, 3/16/04, in open letter to George Bush Jr.
.
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