Just in time for Fathers' Day, Dr. Nicholas A. Kaffes, a.k.a. Kansan1225,
has granted a rare and exclusive interview to "Contemporary Indications of a
Conspiracy" (CIC).
CIC: Dr. Kaffes, the international Press is rife with speculations about
your recent absence from the Newsgroups.
Kansan: Well, from time to time God calls His Messengers home for
consultations. I have been with Him since May 13, 2004.
CIC: There were unconfirmed reports that you had been hospitalized
during this time.
Kansan: No comment.
CIC: Doctor, what was the nature of your consultations with the
Almighty?
Kansan: As you may remember, Moses, my predecessor, went up to Mt. Sinai
for forty days and forty nights. The Lord, our God, had certain new
revelations to pass on to me in a similar fashion.
CIC: Could you elaborate, ya Nabi Allah (oh, Prophet of God)?
Kansan: Most of what has been communicated to me is of a very
confidential nature, but some of it will be disclosed from time to time.
CIC: Were you aware of the anxiety that your absence had caused among
Newsgroup participants?
Kansan: Yes, of course. I am always in spiritual communication with the
Bani Kansan, the Children of Kansan. Just as the B'nai Israel, the Children of
Israel, became restless at the foot of Mt. Sinai while Moses was up in the
mountain, so, too, the Bani Kansan became morose in the absence of my daily
directives. However, I am glad to say that the Bani Kansan did not misbehave
too badly during this period.
CIC: The people of God are very anxious to know about the latest between
Ms. Klum and you, ya Rasoul Allah (oh, Messenger of God).
Kansan: Yes, indeed. Our relationship is as strong as ever and I am
proud to report that Heidi is again this year the World's Number One Supermodel
in the Forbes Celebrity 100 list that came out yesterday:
http://www.forbes.com/celebrities/2004/06/14/cz_celebs04_models.html?thisS
peed=20000
CIC: What about Leni, Heidi's baby?
Kansan: Heidi wishes to minimize public discussions about Leni. All I
will say for now is that Leni has dark hair and blue eyes, in my image and
likeness:
http://home.clara.net/digger/sixties/rogermoore3.jpg
CIC: Al-hamdu li-l-Lah! Praise Allah!
Kansan: Yes, indeed, al-hamdu li-l-Lah, praise the Lord!
CIC: So, Doctor, what are your plans for the near future?
Kansan: I can not go into too many details, but I will continue to lead
the Bani Kansan on our way to the Promised Land.
CIC: Shukran jazeelan, thank you very much for this exclusive interview.
Kansan: Thank you, sir, and ma' as-salaama! Good-bye!
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