AL-JAZEERA SLAPS OSAMA WITH 7-SECOND DELAY
Warns Madman About Potty-mouthed Terror Rants
Reflecting the increasingly prudish tenor of the times, the
Arabic-language broadcast network al-Jazeera today warned al Qaeda
madman Osama bin Laden that all future on-air appearances of his would
be subject to a seven-second delay.
"We have no problem with Osama threatening the West with death and
destruction, but we'd really like him to clean up his language," an
al-Jazeera spokesman said. "You don't have to be potty-mouthed to get
your message of terror across."
Observers of the broadcast industry said that the seven-second delay
was imposed on Mr. bin Laden after he appeared on the air last week and
used "inappropriate language" similar to that used by rock singer
Bono during last year's Golden Globe Awards.
Additionally, the continuing controversy about Janet Jackson's
breast-baring incident at this year's Super Bowl made the decision to
put Mr. bin Laden on a tape delay "inevitable," the al-Jazeera
spokesman said: "We don't think Osama would resort to flashing, but
you never know."
While censorship opponents such as the ACLU opposed al-Jazeera's
seven-second-delay policy, the network received a surprising vote of
support from another renowned international madman, President Kim
Jung-Il of North Korea, whom many had expected to side with Mr. Bin
Laden.
"You can terrify the world without resorting to foul language," Kim
Jung-Il said. "When terrorists start talking like Courtney Love, I
"really start wondering what this world is coming to."
In other bin Laden news, days after NBC released a CIA video showing
aerial footage of Mr. bin Laden wearing a white robe, Mr. bin Laden
announced that he would no longer wear a white robe.
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