May me because I'm Khmer and so Khmer that I'm so bewitch in love with
Khmer traditional wedding. But the fact is; Khmer wedding is really a
great spectacle and a wonderful conception

Source: http://amekhmer.free.fr/Site_En/culture_en/encu_maria.htm

Khmer Wedding

The Khmer traditional marriage is indisputably an arranged marriage.
The majority of the couples never knew each other before the day of
their marriage. If the men have more choice (for the majority) , it
would not be as much for women.

The girls must incontestably subject to the choice of their parents,
even if she had already a boy friend (in secrecy) or ever, she does
not love the man that her parents have chose for her.


The romance of " Tum-Tiev " (a kind of Khmer Romeo & Juliet), which
was written by Onha Santhor Muk at the end of 19th century (1859) is
stil so popular. They repeatit in their songs, present it in their
theatre.

This romance shows marvellously the foolish and abuse of the parental
authority on the children in all the domains and especially in the
choice of the couple. Conversely, this couple revolutionary " Tum -
Tiev " had returned the currency to its piece.

Another romance of the same style " Phka Srapaun " telling perfectly
this folly quarrel that haunts the Cambodian society. But contrary to
Tiev who revolts openly and directly to those who impose thing against
her volontary, even with the king, Vitheavy, she, she revolts deep
inside of her heart but as much intense and violent. Until the day of
her death, Vitheavy never raises the voice against her mother, but
inside her heart, the volcano is ready to make explode.

The romance of " Phka Srapaun " does not show only the dramatical
consequences of sentimental conflict, but it shows extraordinarily
other problem more critical and serious than that of choice of the
future grooms, is that of the degradation of the education, ethic or
principles, of the future Khmer citizens.

The procedure of the Khmer traditional marriage is done in several
stages, of which:

Informing

Firstly, while the parents of a man remarked a girl that they want to
marry to their son. They will engage an intermediary "Mé Andeuk" to
quest for some elementary information concering that girl and her
family and specially about her status, her date of birth (to see
whether that it corresponds to the boy, an old faith) If the every
thing is OK, Mé-Andeuk will ask the hand of the girl to her parents.
This procedure unrolls in three times. Each time Mé-Andeuk must bring
some gifts to the parents of the girl. At the third time, if the
negotiation is positive, Mé-Andeuk will inform this good news to the
family of the boy.

Learning that, everything is OK, the parents of the boy will
officially ask the hand of the girl. The procedure will be done in
three stages with a precise date. The parents of young grooms will
choose the representatives for the boy call, " Nak Phlov Chao Maha "
and the representatives for the girl, " Mé-Ba ".

First request

The first time, Nak Phlov Chao Maha/the representatives of the boy
went to discus with Mé-Ba/the representatives for the girl, bringing
some gifts and offering (fruits, dress, cakes..etc..) for the family
of the grooms. But this time, " Mé-Ba " just say, " we will see ".

Second request

No response from "Mé-Bas" the family of boy went to see the family of
the girl for the second time. Each visit they must offer the gifts to
"Mé-Bas. This time Mé-Ba said that they want to see the boy. This
procedure is called " Si Sla Kansaing "

Third request

The third time the parents of the boy went to the house of the girl
with their son, carrying somre more gifts. Mé-Ba will ask some
information from the boy, in particular about: his habitudes, his
characters, and his level of education...The family of boy will also
ask to see the girl. An exchange of gifts (rings or collar) can be
made at the moment between these two grooms, Khmer call this process
"Si Sla Pchab Peak "

After this ceremony/agreement, the parents of the girl can require the
boy to live and work in their house of the young girl for some certain
time, one year or two, before definitively giving their accord.
Anyway, it's matter of external work. The relation between the
engagements (fiançailles) is severe and limited.

The confirmation

It thing going well, the parents of the young man will choose a date
with the assistance of clairvoyance adapting to the age of the grooms.
Then the parents of boy will note it on a paper. They bring it to the
family of the girl and of course, each visit must accompany by
enormous gifts depend on the richness of the young man's family.. The
parents of the young girl will read it loudly in front of everyone.
Then," Chao Maha " will give the batch of areca and betel nut, " Sla
Mlou ", to " Mé-Ba " to confirm this agreement. It is called " Si Sla
Kamnat " Then " Chao Maha " will ask the parents of the girl how much
cost the wedding "Bannakar" In this theme, the family of the young
girls can exigency anything from the family of the young boy. Every
thing is done in amicably way but something really complicate.

After this procedure the boy can work freely in the house of the girl.
And, it is the girl who will look after him, in particular to prepare
his room and his meals. If he is sick, the girl can however takes care
of him.

Procedure of the marriage
(held in three days)

The traditional ceremony of Khmer marriage is done generally in three
days at the hous of girl (Remember, the Khmer society is a "
Matriarchy"community), but paid by the family of the youg man.

First day (Chol Raung)

The first day, the family of the boy build three marquees or stands at
the house of the girl :one for the preparation of the kitchen, another
to lodge the boy (Raung Phka Sla) and the third to accommodate the
guests. At the kitchen, the cookers begin at one to prepare enormous
food. Food is often very abandonment in Khmer ceremonies. There are
two kind of cakes that Khmers never forget during the ceremony of
marriage are "Nom Ansom" (cake of roll form, sweetened or salted,
prepared from sticky rice rool around a banana or soy bean with a
piece of meat) "Nom Ansom" symbolize the "Linga of Çiva" Another kind
of cake call "Nom Kaum or Nom Bats" (cake of form pyramid, sweetened
or salted prepared from the paste of the sticky rice with the bean or
the preparation of sweetened coconut) This cake symbolizes the Yoni of
Uma, the wife of Çiva. These two kinds of cakes are essential in the
tradition of Khmer marriage/ceremonies. They symbolize the abundant
prosperity and for the new grooms, it symbolize the expand of a new
family.

The second day

Early in morning of the second day, a procession of the guests
accompagny the young man to "Raung Phka Sla" During that time, the
family of the bride will make a procedure of confirmation of the
marriage to the spirit of the ancestors. A ceremony " Katsak ", hair
cut, is also done at the evening of the second day, separately or
together. The hairdressers precede the ceremony by dancing, singing
the blessing song for the couple. The closed relations will come, one
after, to bless the couple. The hair of both brides will be put in a
pocket of sheet of banana tree and throw away, symbolizing of
rejection of " bad Kama " of their past and the start a new life.

After this, they prepare a kind of offering to the spirit of
God/Master ground informing of their marriage. Then they prepare a
prayer of blessing at the house of the girl/or boy or together. Both
brides must participate in this ceremony to receive the blessings from
the priest.

The night of the second day, the brides prepare the gifts/offering for
the parents to thank them. Later, they will do a ceremony of " Bok Lak
" for the girl (if this ceremony was already made the day of her
"Chenh Mlub", that will not necessary)

After this ceremony, they will prepare a nother ceremony call "Kat
Thlai Khan Sla " with 16 silver coins destined for the parents of the
bride (girl).

The third day

Early in the morning of the third day, three women (who considered as
the women of happy couple) prepare the three " Pkla Sla "(The Phka Sla
that they kept and blessed in Roung Phka Sla). The three women will
prepare them it in three kinds different:
First Phka Sla: they will hang 21 Sla (areca) and 21 Mlu (sheet of
betel), name as the "Elder "
Second Phka Sla: they will hang 12 Sla and 12 Mlu, name the "medium"
Third Phka Sla: they will hang 6 Slas and 6 Mlu , call the "junior"

The third day is the special day of all. The two brides will be well
decorated/dressed with Khmer traditional dress to celebrate their
marriage, kind of fir but really good looking. The priest takes the
boy to the platform of "Devada" "tribune of angel " to procedure a
ceremony " Sampeas Devada " The boy must sit down in front of the
platform of Devada face to East and waits for the sun rise. When the
sun appears, the musician knock three times on the " Khmuos " and the
boy must prostate three times to the sun. After this, the boy must
wait for the good moment to go up on the house of the bride

When the moment came, carrying a sabre in his hand, the priest leads
the procession of the marriage to the bride follow by two people
holding " Tean = candle ", then three people holding the three "Phka
Sla" (prepared by the three women), a person holding "Khan Sla Rung
Tek Daus", then arrive the bridegroom covered with umbrella by a
priest or his friends. After the bride there is the procession of the
traditional musicians following by the guests, holding each one, one
or two plates/trays of gifts.

Arrived in front of the house of the bride, the priest will knock
three times on the " Khmuos " (announced their present) and will ask
Mé-Ba the permission to go up on the house of the bride. Mé-Ba will
send two children (close relations of the girl) carrying a portion of
Sla-Mlu and water to wash the feet of bridegroom (gesture symbolizes
of greeting& respect). The bridegroom will give a silver coin to the
children to thank them. In some regions, it was the bride who do this
process herself.

On the house, the bridegroom will sit down on a plait face towards the
East listen to Mé-Ba. They will proceed a ceremony of " Phtem and
Bangvil Bobel " In front of the bridegroom, they prepares Pean Pkla
Slas, (plate of areca) "Pean Tean"(plate of candle, representing time,
containing the Bay Khon), a head of pig or a hen boiled, and a
quantity of cakes (Nom Ansam, Nom Kom) and all kind of fruits. All
prepare on the big tray by two. The boy prostates in front of the
three Mlu (betel) prepared and posed on a pillow. A woman with a
candle in the hand will invite the girl from her room to join to the
boy for the process of the ceremony, by singing and dancing in front
of her room, we call this "RAM Boek Vang-Nonn" Dancning for the
opening of curtain. A woman will take the girl out of her room to join
the boy and the ceremony can starts.

Phtem and Bangvil Bobil (Phleng bay khon chang dai)

The girl will join the boy on the same pillow (In position demi lying,
Khmer call "Krab Phtem") The priest poses a sabre on the hand of boy.
If in front of the brides, there are "Kambor and Pranak " symboling
the union of the two beings. After they will precede a ceremony of "
Bangvil Bobil " around the both brides.

With a candle in the hand, the guests bless and congratulate the two
married (They hold the candle with the right hand and passe the left
hand over the fire of candle. They pass it from one to other from
right to the left in repeating the word "Jayo" "Sucess/happiness".

After this procedure, they will proceed another blessing ceremony by
attaching the white wire around the hands of both brides. We call that
" Bay khon chang dai" While this ceremony is finished, the boy will
follows the girl "Taung Sbei " to her room by holding her drag. A
mythical Khmer legend said that, : While Prah Thong and Neang Nâgi
Somâ, (founders of the Cambodian dynasties) met, Prah Thorng fellowed
Neang Nâgi to the kindom of Nagâ by holding her drag.

In the room, the bride will give meal to the bridegroom, prepare his
cigarette. At the evening, both brides serve the meal to the parents
and the guests or at least they greeting them at the door. At night,
they will proceed the ceremony of "honeymoon"Phsam Dam Nek" For this
procedure, they engaged two old women bringing the meal, dessert,
Baysei (offering) and a young coconut. Initially, both women light on
the candles and inform the ancestors of marriage, then they give three
spoons of coconut to each young bridegrooms. Then it was the
bridesgrooms that will repeat this gesture to each other, symbolizing
the union and love of both persons. Then the two women left the
bridegroom alone.

In some area, the two women give a white sheet to the bridegroom for
their "honeymoon" Then they wait in front of the door for the sheet.
If the sheet rest white, then they suppose that, the bride was not
virgin. In this case, the parents of the bridegroom can reclaim the
repayment of the marriage or in some extreme case, they can ask for
the divorce. A complicate family quarrel.

Three days later, the young married bring the elder "Phka Sla" of
their marriage and the meals to the pagoda. They offer it to the
priest asking for the blessing. The young married pass sometime to
visit the families and friends of each family.

The procedure of Khmer traditional marriage as describing above islong
and expensive. It is not anymore applicable in the current Cambodian
society. At present, Cambodian people do a mixed marriage
(Cambodia-Chinese and others... etc), short and simple. It takes about
a day or 1/2 day only. However all the processes like: hair cut
(Katsak), Phtem, Bangvil Bobel, etc... are still practiced....