If I can read your Kerry sticker, you're too close
Wednesday, June 1, 2005 | Howie Carr
I have tried to reason politely with you John Kerry voters, but you
just
don't seem to take the hint. So let me put it a different way:
GET THE DAMN KERRY BUMPER STICKERS OFF YOUR CARS!! YOU LOST!! IT'S
OVER!!!
Let's have some ``closure'' here. Moveon.org. Get over it. What part of
``four million vote deficit'' do you not understand? It doesn't matter
what
Keith Olbermann thinks, you lost Ohio. Even Michael Moore conceded
months
ago.
I attempted to discuss this with you Birkenstock-wearing,
ACLU-card-carrying, NPR-listening goateed sore losers six weeks after
the
election. But if anything, I see more Kerry bumper stickers now than I
did
then. Look, if there's some kind of social cachet involved in this
phenomenon, why don't you come up with a modern variation on what
McGovern
voters from Massachusetts put on their cars in 1973:
``Don't Blame Me, I Voted for the Gigolo.''
Or maybe you could look ahead: ``Hillary in '08.''
Or perhaps you could even, to coin a phrase, think globally while
acting
locally: ``Deval in '06.''
Can't you people find something new to get your panties all bunched up
over?
Surely there's a tablet of Ten Commandments somewhere that the ACLU
hasn't
filed suit against. Can't you find a third-grade class in some remote
public
school and get an injunction to stop the kids from reciting the Pledge
of
Allegiance? And it's never too early to start making plans to picket a
Christmas tree in December.
Why not organize a Prop 2 1/2 override to jack up the property taxes so
high
that everyone in your town who doesn't have a trust fund - Bush voters,
in
other words - will be forced to sell and move to some yucky red state?
I've even got a replacement bumper sticker for the back of your Lexus
SUV.
State Sen. Jarrett Barrios is running for Middlesex County district
attorney. He's gay, and he's from Cambridge - what more do you need to
know?
But no, you can't bring yourself to peel off the Kerry sticker, can
you? It
was seven months since he took that brutal stomping, but you still
adore
him. After all, he was so much like you.
Never had a real job. Lives off other people's municipal bonds. Loves
those
geeky rich-Yankee sports like windsurfing. Talks down to the help,
asking,
``Do you know who I am?'' Thinks Garrison Keillor is a genius.
Living here in the People's Republic of Massachusetts, it is impossible
to
see fewer than a dozen vehicles a day festooned with stickers saying
``Re-defeat Bush'' or demanding ``A Stronger America'' (whatever those
slogans mean, or meant).
Last week, in the Pru tunnel, I found myself trapped in stop-and-go
traffic
behind just such a bleepbox car, a '90 Corolla. On the left side was
the
traditional Kerry-Edwards, and on the other a matching sticker that
said,
``The driver of this car climbed Mount Washington.''
In other words, not only is he morally superior to everyone else, he is
also
more physically fit. And above, on the back windshield, there was a
sticker
for an Ivy League school: Brown University.
It is at moments like this that I wish I had a loudspeaker attached to
the
roof of my car, so I could have heckled the rich kid for Kerry:
``Hey Chauncey, if you're so bleepin' smart, how come you don't have
enough
money to buy yourself a new car?''
But what does Chauncey care? He's one of the Beautiful People. He has
the
trust fund, and the Kerry-Edwards bumper sticker, to prove it.
http://news.bostonherald.com/columnists/view.bg?articleid=87503&format=text
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