You Might be a Liberal Leftist If . . .
You Might be a Leftist If . . .
By Marc Levin
FrontPageMagazine.com | October 8, 2003
-You believe John Ashcroft poses a greater danger to America than Osama
bin Laden
-You think President Bush lied to the nation but his predecessor did
not.
-You believe President Bush is too dumb to be President and Arnold
Schwarzenegger is too dumb to be Governor of California, but the Dixie
Chicks, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, Eddie Vedder and
Jeanine Garofalo are qualified to discourse at length on foreign
policy.
-You believe all conservatives are racist, but do not think minorities
can ever succeed without Affirmative Action.
-You can't decide which is worse: the Patriot Act or the Patriot
Missile.
-You believe Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong Il, and Yasser Arafat were fairly
and democratically elected, but President Bush was not.
-You root for prisoners when they escape from our oppressive prisons,
but oppose allowing poor children to escape from failing public
schools.
-You support every kind of "diversity" on campus, except political
orientation.
-You support banning the smoking of tobacco and legalizing marijuana.
-You are enraged by the so-called mistreatment of Muslim prisoners (who
have gained weight while dining on their specially prepared
Koran-approved meals) at Guantanamo Bay, but believe the world should
have stood idly by while Saddam Hussein filled mass graves.
-You have found where the right to an abortion is written in the
Constitution but cannot find where the Constitution provides for a
right to keep and bear arms.
-You support campus speech codes that ban pick-up lines and amorous
gazes, but never spoke out against President Clinton's physical sexual
harassment in the White House.
-You applauded Jimmy Carter for talking about human rights in foreign
policy but opposed George W. Bush for doing something about human
rights.
-You believe that trial lawyers taking 33 to 40 percent of a
plaintiff's recovery in lawsuits is just about right, but the federal
government taking this amount of our income in taxes is not nearly
enough.
-You believe the former Governor of a New England state with 608,827
people is more than adequately experienced to be President in 2004, but
the Governor of a Southwestern state with 21,325,018 people was
completely unprepared in 2000.
-You agree with Toni Morrison that President Clinton was "the first
black President," but didn't criticize Al Sharpton for recently
labeling President Bush a "gang leader."
-You believe we could get more truth out of the Pentagon if only Don
Rumsfeld were replaced by Mohammed Al-Sahhaf.
-You believe evangelical Christians are destroying America but don't
feel threatened by the radical Wahabbi sect of Islam.
-When it comes to violent crime, you believe in hating the crime but
loving the criminal.
-You support unlimited appeals for convicted criminals, but believed it
was undemocratic for Californians to reverse their earlier mistake of
electing Gray Davis.
-You believe U.S. exports of genetically modified foods pose a greater
threat to African nations than corrupt dictators like Zimbabwe's
Mugabe.
-You believe welfare is a fundamental human right and workfare is a
human rights violation.
-You believe religion is a scourge on our society, but becoming one
with Mother Nature by merging with the universal consciousness and
harmonizing with lunar reverberations will save us.
-You believe President Bush is an environmental criminal for poisoning
the water with arsenic, but have never complained about Saddam
Hussein's devastating Iraq and Kuwait's environment by setting
intentional oil well fires and committing genocide against the Marsh
Arabs by draining their wetlands.
-Your car sports the bumper sticker saying that "it will be a great day
when our schools have all the money they need and the military has to
hold bake sales," but oppose allowing the U.S. military to volunteer
recruitment tables on college campuses because of their "Don't Ask,
Don't Tell" policy.
If the above has successfully profiled you, congratulations! You have
won a one-way ticket to Paris aboard the massive cruise ship, "The
U.S.S.R. Michael Moore." Your ticket will be held at the nearest
Dennis Kucinich for President rally. Matricular consular ID cards
issued by foreign governments will be gladly accepted as identification.
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