| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"Bible~Report" |
| Date: |
06 Mar 2006 06:31:11 PM |
| Object: |
More Gems From The Bible |
Why people smarten up and become atheists.
Judges
-- 3:20-22 A dagger is thrust into a fat king's gut
-- 4:4-22 Hammer-and-nail murder by a woman
-- 8:30 Gideon had many wives and concubines
-- 11:29-40 Jephtha's zeal for the Lord: he makes his
daughter become a human sacrifice in order not to break an oath
he made, but lets her weep with her girlfriends before he kills
her
-- 19:1-30 Man gives his daughter to be raped and ruined by
testosterone-enraged men who, at first, sought to bugger his
male houseguest (see also Genesis 19:1-8 for a strikingly
similar story; this is probably the more ancient, upon which the
story of Lot and his daughters is based)
-- 21:6-25 Amidst carnage, virgins are captured to become
wives. Again.
Ruth
-- 3:6-9 To "hook" him as husband, Ruth sleeps with Boaz
-- 4:9-10 Boaz buys Ruth
I Samuel
-- 5:9-12 Philistines are "smitten with emerods"
(hemorrhoids) as punishment for stealing the ark of the covenant
-- 6:1-5 To placate God, the Philistines make golden images
of emerods (hemorrhoidal polyps). This technique works like a
charm.
-- 15:3 God orders Saul to kill suckling babes
-- 18:23-27 Two hundred Philistine foreskins purchase David a
king's daughter
-- 20:40-41 "And Jonathan gave his artillery unto his lad,
and said unto him, Go, carry them to the city. And as soon as
the lad was gone, David arose out of a place toward the south,
and fell on his face to the ground, and bowed himself three
times: and they kissed one another, and wept one with another,
until David exceeded." (The translation by James Moffat omits
the word that the King James translates as "exceeded," making it
seem as if this Hebrew scholar might know more than we; he
translates it, instead, using the virgule (three dots), thus:
"until David...")
-- 25:22,34 "Any that pisseth against the wall"
II Samuel
-- 3:7 More concubine hanky-panky
-- 5:13 David had many wives, concubines
-- 11:1-27 Uriah is sent to the front line to lose his life
so that the righteous David can get Uriah's beautiful wife, who
is already pregnant by David.
-- 12:7-12 Obscene performance to be viewed by all Israel
-- Chapter 13 Amnon rapes his sister
-- 16:20-23 Absalom copulates with his father's concubines on
a rooftop
-- 20:3 David imprisons his concubines for the frolic with
Absalom
I Kings
-- 1:1-4 A virgin is ordered to accompany righteous David in
his bed as therapy
-- 11:1-10 Wise Solomon has wives and concubines galore
-- 14:10 "And will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth
against the wall"
-- 16:11 "He slew all the house of Baasha: he left him not
one that pisseth against a wall"
-- 21:21 "And will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against
the wall"
II Kings
-- 2:23-24 Children mock the Prophet Elisha for his baldness;
Elisha "cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came
forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two
children of them."
-- 6:24-33 "So we boiled my son, and did eat him"
-- 9:8 "and I will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against
the wall"
-- 23:7 Houses of homosexuals destroyed: "And he brake down
the houses of the sodomites, that were by the house of the LORD"
I Chronicles
-- 1:32-33 Abraham's concubines have children
II Chronicles
-- 11:21 King Rehoboam had 18 wives and 60 concubines
Esther
-- Chapters 1-2 A sexual contest is to decide the new queen:
The original queen refused to dance naked before the king's
bawdy guests, so she is banished for having upheld her womanly
dignity. The king then defiles a different virgin "in the king's
chambers" every night for over three years (this means that at
least 1,000 young women were sacrificed to this man, as non-
virgins could not marry). Esther eventually wins the contest and
is crowned queen. (Nowhere does the bible denounce this affair.)
Job
-- 21:24 "His breasts are full of milk, and his bones are
moistened with marrow." (The other translations vary widely as
to what this passage from "The Word Of God" really means.)
Psalms
-- 137:9 "Happy shall he be that taketh and dasheth thy
little ones against the stones."
Proverbs (on child rearing)
-- 13:14 "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that
loveth him chasteneth him betimes."
-- 19:18 "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not
thy soul spare for his crying."
-- 20:30 "The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: so do
stripes the inward parts of the belly."
-- 22:15 "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but
the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."
-- 23:13-14 "Withhold not correction from the child: for if
thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat
him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."
-- 29:15, 17 "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child
left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.... Correct thy
son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight
unto thy soul."
Song of Solomon (the entire thing is pure gratuitous pornography
-- I know it when I see it!)
-- 2:3 "I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and
his fruit was sweet to my taste." Sat in his shadow? Tasted his
fruit? My, my!
-- 5:4 Killer foreplay: "My beloved put in his hand by the
hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him."
-- 7:2 Before bikini waxing became popular: "Thy navel is
like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor: thy belly is like
an heap of wheat set about with lilies."
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| User: "R. Nunnely" |
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| Title: Re: More Gems From The Bible |
08 Mar 2006 11:05:03 AM |
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Moments before spontaneously combusting <Bible~Report> at
<Anonymous-Remailer@See.Comment.Header> was heard shrieking:
-- 11:29-40 Jephtha's zeal for the Lord: he makes his
daughter become a human sacrifice in order not to break an oath
he made, but lets her weep with her girlfriends before he kills
her
==============
And here the JWs claim that their god had the Hebrews slaughter whole cities
(except for those pretty young virgins) because of "human sacrifice." Some
contradiction (deception perhaps?) there I see.......
--
Nu......
--Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. "
- George Santayana, The Life of Reason, Volume 1, 1905.
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