M E M O R A N D U M

From: The Broomleigh Baptist Salvation Evaluation Committee (Subcommittee
for the Irretrievably Lost, Whether Catholics, Mormons, Muslims or
Unrepentant Serial Killers)

To: Ms Riain Y Barton

Re: Your Salvation
__________________________________________________


As the vessel of the Lord's perfect message of boundless wrath and
annoyance with His imperfect creations, the matter of your wistful hopes
of salvation was brought before the full board of the Broomleigh Baptist
Salvation Evaluation Committee on this very day.

After a suitable time for contemplation, no matter how seemingly brief,
it was determined by unanimous consent of all True Christians present the
following findings of fact:

1. You are a thoroughly annoying person;

2. Your presence in God's Glory would make it extremely difficult
for "Heaven" to live up to its name; and

3. Therefore, you have been damned to an everlasting Hell,
to have your flesh gnawed at by voracious hoofed demons.

The Lord has specifically asked us to remind you that your consignment to
perpetual torture at the hands of deranged beasts of His making should in
no manner be construed as any indication that the Lord has, by either
design or omission, discontinued His unconditional love for you.

And, further, you are not to construe our relief in the knowledge that we
shall not be sharing God's Glory with someone as appallingly wretched as
you (or the look of sublime delight that flashes across our otherwise
inscrutable faces when we contemplate the agony of your much deserved
destiny) as diminishing our love for you as True Christians.

Wishing you a speedy descent,

Mrs. Katie Fisher, Chairlady & Britain's Best Christian


--
Katie Fisher, DD, FFD
Britain's Best Christian
Broomleigh Baptist Church AG (Z=FCrich)
31 Baring Road, Croydon CR0 7DD, Great Britain
http://www.broomleigh.com/