http://www.elmerfudd.us/ask2.htm
My poor crack ***** Republican aunt Annabelle
uncle -- The brother of one's mother or father. The
husband of one's aunt. Used as a form of address for
an older man, especially by children. A kindly counselor.
Dear Uncle Sef,
Our family reunion is next week, and every family member,
spanning three generations, has been invited except one:
my aunt Annabelle.
To tell the truth, the entire family is shocked, embarassed,
and afraid of her and her recent odd behavior. During the
past year, aunt Annabelle has developed a $700-a-day cocaine
habbit and has been walking the streets as a ***** to
suppliment her income.
The embarassing part is, she also joined the Republican Party.
Is there any way we can help her overcome her Republican Partyism?
Signed, -- Ashamed of his red aunt
Greetings, Ashamed.
I'm sorry to hear about your poor aunt. Republicanism
shouldn't happen to anybody, but God allows these things
to happen for reasons only He can fully understand. We
must have faith that such tragedies are all part of
God's plan for his children and that when God finally
calls her to His side, her suffering -- and your family's
embarrassment -- will finally be at an end.
Uncle Sef wishes he could offer some words of encouragement
or some suggested plan or solution to your problem, but
the shame of a family member who votes Republican can't
be alleviated or addressed with mere words of
encouragement. I'm sorry to have to say that medical
science has yet to find a suitable treatment beyond
euthanasia, and a cure is so far in the future that we
can only hope that future generations will find a cure.
If it helps, rest assured that you and your fellow family
members aren't alone in your shame and embarrassment. In
fact there's a joke that's been around for decades, going
back probably when the first case of Republicanism was
diagnosed. I'll offer the joke because it so mirrors
what you're going through and in the hopes that maybe
it will lift your family's spirits. You could share the
joke at your family reunion. Hope it helps.
-=-
Three guys were sitting at a table in a crowded bar, having been
there drinking beer after beer for several hours when the question
came up as to whose turn it was to buy the next round. All three
had drunk so much that none could remember who had bought the
last round.
One of the drunks came up with a solution, saying, "We'll figger
it right out now whos' got the honor of buyin' the next by seein'
who wound up married to th' worst *****, okay?"
The other two agreed so the guy who came up with the plan stood up
swaying a bit, holding up his empty beer glass while waving it
around over the table.
"My wife," he says, "was a professional ***** before she gone done
and married me aftern she gone done and got herself pregn't, and
so's now I got myself a negro son and me white as ma sheets, he is.
"Now I done told her to stop wi' th' whorin' 'cause my job at the
mill pay 'nough for us all and the rest of the church congregation
laugh at me behind my back.
"Think she mind' me any?" the first drunk goes on, "no fucking
way! She comes home stinking of crack cocain every night just
dripping jizz across the floor before passing out on the bed
besides me."
The first drunk collapses into his chair, straining the wooden
legs which creak, leaning forward and looking bleary eyed at the
other two drunks, daring them to come up with something worse.
The first drunk's story is pretty pathetic, they see, but the
honor of buying the next drink is at stake and both figure -- in
their drunken daze -- that since the first guy was willing to
tell an embarrassing truth, they could, too.
The second drunk stood up, leaning forward with his knuckles
pressed against the table to keep from falling over. "Well damn,"
he says, "that's pretty low but I've got it far worse than that, I
wreken'.
"I have me a wife that goes out whorin' every night, too, only
she does it while sober and, ***** her, she takes her Johns
straight to th' house for the fucking and many have there been
mornings when I'd wake up with some of her Johns still sleeping
beside me in my own bed.
"That aint' so bad in itself but when they wake up, my wife and
her tricks usually start going to it again, right there in front
of me, laughing at my stupid face. And if that ain't the most
shameful, embarrassing thing ever, I don't know what is!"
The second drunk slowly lowered himself back into his seat,
trying hard not to fall down. The first and second drunk turn
to look at the third drunk, wondering if his wife could top
either of theirs.
"Well now," the third drunk says, still sitting in his chair and
waving a five dollar bill at the barkeep, "A crack ***** who
drips semen when she comes home to her husband every night is
bad, true. And a wife who'll bring her tricks home to ***** in
her husband's own bed is pretty pathetic, too, I can see..."
The barkeep came over with three fresh mugs of beer, setting
them down and taking the five dollar bill from the third drunk,
then walked back to the bar.
"But my wife," says the third drunk, "votes Republican."
---
Stop Elmer Fudd web site: http://www.ElmerFudd.US/
Covert text file server: http://www.notserver.com/
"And by the way - about the name you keep calling us -- "rightards". Very
nice of your liberal sorry fucked up ***** to come up with a name that debases
mentally disabled persons." -- Charlie Wolf
.
|
