BUSH ANNOUNCES SHIFT IN FOCUS FROM
TERRORISM IN WAKE OF HURRICANE KATRINA
(9/2/05)

WASHINGTON (EAP) - Five days after Hurricane Katrina laid
waste to large areas of Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama, killing
possibly thousands of people and destroying the city of New
Orleans, President George Bush has announced a major new
policy initiative.

Speaking at the start of a tour of storm-ravaged areas of the U.S.
Gulf Coast, the President told his audience that he was committing
massive resources to what he called the War on Weather.

"As President", he said, "my first duty is the protection of the
American people. Unfortunately, I always seem to be on holiday
when something happens. Funny, eh?"

He spoke on the White House lawn before travelling to the
affected states to assess the damage caused by one of the worst
U.S. natural disasters. He will meet with the governors of all three
states.

"I will be asking tough questions in Mississippi", the President
explained. "In particular, I want the governor to tell me why his
state has to be so hard to spell."

Uppermost in the President's mind, he said, was the need for
Americans to be vigilant. Or, failing that, vigilantes.

"It is tempting to believe that the danger is behind us", the
President continued. "That hope is understandable, comforting --
and false. Scientists tell me that weather can happen at any time -
even out of a clear blue sky."

Bush cut his vacation short by two days, returning to Washington
on Wednesday to oversee the recovery. A White House official
confirmed that by the end of the second day the President was
able to find Louisiana on a map 'without any help at all, really'.

But five days after the disaster, the President revealed, America's
steadfast resolve meant that the War on Weather was paying
dividends. "Anticyclones are being rounded up, and regimes that
sponsor frontal systems have been defeated", he said.

"Leader by leader and member by member, Al-Niņo is being
hunted down in dozens of countries around the world. The
detentions or deaths of senior Al-Niņo leaders have been
important in the War on Weather."

The President insisted that America needed to continue sending a
clear signal to other nations about the consequences of possessing
dangerous climates. "Just this morning", he revealed, "Colonel
Gadaffi telephoned me to admit that Libya often gets extremely
hot round about lunchtime."

Also important, he said, was the operation to protect America's
borders from weather. "Since hurricane Katrina struck", he
revealed, "the Coast Guard has conducted more than 12,000 port
security patrols, and interdicted over 400 individuals attempting to
illegally smuggle droughts into the United States."

"I want to reassure the American people", he said, "that if anyone
is going to screw up our climate, it's going to be us."

His request of a quick $80.5 billion in aid to be paid at once to
Halliburton for doing 'nothing in particular' was approved by the
U.S. Senate and was set for swift passage by the House of
Representatives.

"We'll get on top of this situation, and we're going to help the
people who need help", the President said as he left for Mobile,
Alabama. Afterwards, he will tour the Alabama-Mississippi coast
by helicopter, before announcing tax-cuts for everyone in the area
with an income of more than $300,000 per year.

M*RK D*R*N