1. Nibbled "samples" from supermarket produce and bulk bins?

2. Tossed cigarettes or other litter from your car?

3. Examined the neighbor's mail when it was delivered to your home by
mistake?

4. Stood in the 10-items-or fewer line when you knew you had more
items?

5. Knowingly driven above the posted speed limit?

6. Returned clothing to stores after it?s been worn?

7. Ignored your dog's pile in the neighbor?s lawn?

8. Illegally used a disabled placard so you could park close?

9. Rolled through stop signs in your car or on a bike?

10. Left a shopping cart in a parking space?

11. "Borrowed" from your child's piggy bank?

12. Sneaked snacks or beverages into movie theaters?

13. Driven solo in the car-pool lane?

14. Taken towels or robes from hotel rooms?

15. Called in sick when you weren't ill?

16. Found a purse or wallet and not attempted to return it to the
owner?

17. Fudged on a company expense report?

18. Moved to more expensive (and empty) seats at a ballpark or arena?

19. Dumped your garbage in a neighbor's container without asking
permission?

20. Taken work supplies home?

ETHICS METER

0-3 -- Mother Teresa Award 4-7 -- Charged but never convicted 8-12 --
Genetically linked to George Costanza 13-20 -- Consider running for
public office

On a scale of right to wrong, most of us live somewhere in between
By Dan Vierria - Bee Staff Writer

Published 12:00 am PDT Monday, August 13, 2007
Story appeared in SCENE section, Page E1

http://www.sacbee.com/107/story/322030.html

Sainthood beckons those with the moral muscle of Forrest Gump, Sheriff
Andy Taylor or Ned Flanders.

And the rest of us?

We slink about, fudging, straying, hopeful nobody noticed the grapes
we gobbled from the produce display, snacks we smuggled into the movie
theater, our 20 items in the 10-items-or-less line.

"What's the harm?" we rationalize. "Nobody was looking, nobody got
hurt."

These are gray matters, moral and ethical dilemmas that fall between
black and white. Nothing grievous enough for 25-to-life, but missteps
that can gnaw at a conscience, induce sheepish grins and irk hapless
victims.

Jeremy Johnson, spiritual life pastor for Arcade Church, chuckles at a
homegrown anecdote concerning bringing food from home into movie
theaters.

"My wife loves to do that," he says. "When we first got married she
was a real penny-pincher. She brings this tuna sandwich into the
theater and starts eating it. Everybody could smell it right away. We
don't do that anymore."

Consider yourself an astute judge of modern culture if ethical and
moral faux pas seem more pronounced these days. Unethical decisions,
some with legal consequences, have been prominent in business, sports,
political and entertainment news. Dan Rather. Britney Spears. Tom
DeLay. Martha Stewart.

A study of 21,500 undergraduates that was released last fall by the
Center for Academic Integrity found that 74 percent of business majors
admitted cheating. Right behind were engineering students at 73
percent, followed by science majors with 71 percent.

Sneaking a tuna sandwich into a theater may seem insignificant
compared to out-and-out lying and cheating at the academic level. Of
course, the tuna sandwich caper happened before Johnson, once a
researcher at UC Davis, became a pastor.

His beliefs on doing the right thing embrace honesty, trustworthiness
and setting good examples for others.

"I recently had an encounter where a Wal-Mart clerk gave me $10 back
instead of the $5 (that) I should have been given," he recalls. "I
could have thought, 'Hey, Sam Walton isn't going to miss this,' but
instead I said, 'Hold on, you gave me too much change.' "

Gray matters sneak into daily life in a variety of forms. Let's say
your rottweiler does his business on the neighbor's lawn. Instead of
doing the right thing and cleaning up the mess, you pretend it never
happened. How do you justify your actions?

Self-justification is perfectly normal, according to Carol Tavris, a
social psychologist and co-author of "Mistakes Were Made (But Not By
Me)" (Harcourt, 292 pages, $25).

"We do something either impulsively or because we want to and then,
because we think of ourselves as good, ethical people, we justify it
as not being unethical or wrong," says Tavris.

Self-justification goes something like this, according to Tavris: "I'm
taking these salt and pepper shakers because they're built into the
restaurant's overhead charges."

Rather than stare at the ceiling all night in the fog of guilt, self-
justification kicks in so we can sleep. Just because this is normal
human behavior doesn't mean it's harmless. Actually, too much of a
normal thing can lead to big trouble.

"Every time we justify something unethical, it makes it easier to do
the next time," says Tavris. "Having justified it once, we'd better
justify it again or face the fact we were wrong the first time."

Carolyn Kaufman, a clinical psychologist, professor and motivational
speaker from Columbus, Ohio, says the feeling of anonymity in today's
society contributes to cutting corners.

"We think, 'Since nobody knows our name, what are they going to do to
us?' " she says.

Anonymity is a byproduct of a high-tech society. ATMs, self-checkout,
online purchasing and working from home have reduced our face-to-face,
day-to-day interactions.

Kaufman singles out the Internet as a major cause of the cultural
anonymity that supports unethical learned behavior.

"On the Internet, you can behave however you want and always find
people to reinforce that behavior," she says. "People are so nasty,
some of the big news sites have taken down their message boards."

Unfortunately, there also are those who don't have a clue they did
something unethical or morally wrong. Learned behavior gone wild, if
you will. Cheating on an exam doesn't faze them and lying about their
birthday to cop a free dessert at a restaurant is standard etiquette.

"These are low ethical standards, based on growing up and your past
experiences," says Kaufman. "In my family, you learned never to do
anything bad because you'd get caught. When these people get caught,
when they get into trouble, they don't feel as bad."

They also are focused on themselves, not those who may have been
offended by their actions.

Why would an otherwise honest person think it's OK to have 20 items in
the 10-items-or-less lane? It has nothing to do with too busy and not
enough time in the day, Kaufman says. It's just selfishness.

"Some of that rushing is so they can have more time for 'me,' " she
says. " 'You're in my way, get out of my way.' It's not so much I'm so
busy as it's all about 'me.' "

Dealing with these folks is maddening enough, but many of us have also
lost our coping skills. Our anonymous culture has eroded those skills,
according to Kaufman.

"People don't know how to negotiate, and nobody knows how to say 'no'
to them," she says. "They won't tell them to go to another line in the
supermarket. People feel it's not worth getting into a fistfight."

Johnson has another strategy for dealing with the ethical lapses of
others, such as the rude shopper in the 10-items-or-less line.

"If you're the person behind them, you should exhibit grace, be kind
and gracious to them," he recommends. "Strike up a conversation. They
know they're cutting corners, and you don't want to come across as
being judgmental."

Think Ned Flanders.

--

Gray matters quiz
How do you measure up?

Last Updated 9:16 am PDT Monday, August 13, 2007
Story appeared in section, Page SCENEE1

http://www.sacbee.com/107/story/322293.html

How do you rate in making ethical day-to-day decisions? Give yourself
one point each time you answer "Yes." Add them up and see where you
fall on the ethics meter below.

Have you ever ...

1. Nibbled "samples" from supermarket produce and bulk bins?

2. Tossed cigarettes or other litter from your car?

3. Examined the neighbor's mail when it was delivered to your home by
mistake?

4. Stood in the 10-items-or fewer line when you knew you had more
items?

5. Knowingly driven above the posted speed limit?

6. Returned clothing to stores after it?s been worn?

7. Ignored your dog's pile in the neighbor?s lawn?

8. Illegally used a disabled placard so you could park close?

9. Rolled through stop signs in your car or on a bike?

10. Left a shopping cart in a parking space?

11. "Borrowed" from your child's piggy bank?

12. Sneaked snacks or beverages into movie theaters?

13. Driven solo in the car-pool lane?

14. Taken towels or robes from hotel rooms?

15. Called in sick when you weren't ill?

16. Found a purse or wallet and not attempted to return it to the
owner?

17. Fudged on a company expense report?

18. Moved to more expensive (and empty) seats at a ballpark or arena?

19. Dumped your garbage in a neighbor's container without asking
permission?

20. Taken work supplies home?

ETHICS METER

0-3 -- Mother Teresa Award 4-7 -- Charged but never convicted 8-12 --
Genetically linked to George Costanza 13-20 -- Consider running for
public office

Have you ever ...

12. Sneaked snacks or beverages into movie theaters?

On a scale of right to wrong, most of us live somewhere in between
By Dan Vierria - Bee Staff Writer

Published 12:00 am PDT Monday, August 13, 2007
Story appeared in SCENE section, Page E1

http://www.sacbee.com/107/story/322030.html

Sainthood beckons those with the moral muscle of Forrest Gump, Sheriff
Andy Taylor or Ned Flanders.

And the rest of us?

We slink about, fudging, straying, hopeful nobody noticed the grapes
we gobbled from the produce display, snacks we smuggled into the movie
theater, our 20 items in the 10-items-or-less line.

"What's the harm?" we rationalize. "Nobody was looking, nobody got
hurt."

These are gray matters, moral and ethical dilemmas that fall between
black and white. Nothing grievous enough for 25-to-life, but missteps
that can gnaw at a conscience, induce sheepish grins and irk hapless
victims.

Jeremy Johnson, spiritual life pastor for Arcade Church, chuckles at a
homegrown anecdote concerning bringing food from home into movie
theaters.

"My wife loves to do that," he says. "When we first got married she
was a real penny-pincher. She brings this tuna sandwich into the
theater and starts eating it. Everybody could smell it right away. We
don't do that anymore."

Consider yourself an astute judge of modern culture if ethical and
moral faux pas seem more pronounced these days. Unethical decisions,
some with legal consequences, have been prominent in business, sports,
political and entertainment news. Dan Rather. Britney Spears. Tom
DeLay. Martha Stewart.

A study of 21,500 undergraduates that was released last fall by the
Center for Academic Integrity found that 74 percent of business majors
admitted cheating. Right behind were engineering students at 73
percent, followed by science majors with 71 percent.

Sneaking a tuna sandwich into a theater may seem insignificant
compared to out-and-out lying and cheating at the academic level. Of
course, the tuna sandwich caper happened before Johnson, once a
researcher at UC Davis, became a pastor.

His beliefs on doing the right thing embrace honesty, trustworthiness
and setting good examples for others.

"I recently had an encounter where a Wal-Mart clerk gave me $10 back
instead of the $5 (that) I should have been given," he recalls. "I
could have thought, 'Hey, Sam Walton isn't going to miss this,' but
instead I said, 'Hold on, you gave me too much change.' "

Gray matters sneak into daily life in a variety of forms. Let's say
your rottweiler does his business on the neighbor's lawn. Instead of
doing the right thing and cleaning up the mess, you pretend it never
happened. How do you justify your actions?

Self-justification is perfectly normal, according to Carol Tavris, a
social psychologist and co-author of "Mistakes Were Made (But Not By
Me)" (Harcourt, 292 pages, $25).

"We do something either impulsively or because we want to and then,
because we think of ourselves as good, ethical people, we justify it
as not being unethical or wrong," says Tavris.

Self-justification goes something like this, according to Tavris: "I'm
taking these salt and pepper shakers because they're built into the
restaurant's overhead charges."

Rather than stare at the ceiling all night in the fog of guilt, self-
justification kicks in so we can sleep. Just because this is normal
human behavior doesn't mean it's harmless. Actually, too much of a
normal thing can lead to big trouble.

"Every time we justify something unethical, it makes it easier to do
the next time," says Tavris. "Having justified it once, we'd better
justify it again or face the fact we were wrong the first time."

Carolyn Kaufman, a clinical psychologist, professor and motivational
speaker from Columbus, Ohio, says the feeling of anonymity in today's
society contributes to cutting corners.

"We think, 'Since nobody knows our name, what are they going to do to
us?' " she says.

Anonymity is a byproduct of a high-tech society. ATMs, self-checkout,
online purchasing and working from home have reduced our face-to-face,
day-to-day interactions.

Kaufman singles out the Internet as a major cause of the cultural
anonymity that supports unethical learned behavior.

"On the Internet, you can behave however you want and always find
people to reinforce that behavior," she says. "People are so nasty,
some of the big news sites have taken down their message boards."

Unfortunately, there also are those who don't have a clue they did
something unethical or morally wrong. Learned behavior gone wild, if
you will. Cheating on an exam doesn't faze them and lying about their
birthday to cop a free dessert at a restaurant is standard etiquette.

"These are low ethical standards, based on growing up and your past
experiences," says Kaufman. "In my family, you learned never to do
anything bad because you'd get caught. When these people get caught,
when they get into trouble, they don't feel as bad."

They also are focused on themselves, not those who may have been
offended by their actions.

Why would an otherwise honest person think it's OK to have 20 items in
the 10-items-or-less lane? It has nothing to do with too busy and not
enough time in the day, Kaufman says. It's just selfishness.

"Some of that rushing is so they can have more time for 'me,' " she
says. " 'You're in my way, get out of my way.' It's not so much I'm so
busy as it's all about 'me.' "

Dealing with these folks is maddening enough, but many of us have also
lost our coping skills. Our anonymous culture has eroded those skills,
according to Kaufman.

"People don't know how to negotiate, and nobody knows how to say 'no'
to them," she says. "They won't tell them to go to another line in the
supermarket. People feel it's not worth getting into a fistfight."

Johnson has another strategy for dealing with the ethical lapses of
others, such as the rude shopper in the 10-items-or-less line.

"If you're the person behind them, you should exhibit grace, be kind
and gracious to them," he recommends. "Strike up a conversation. They
know they're cutting corners, and you don't want to come across as
being judgmental."

Think Ned Flanders.

--

Gray matters quiz
How do you measure up?

Last Updated 9:16 am PDT Monday, August 13, 2007
Story appeared in section, Page SCENEE1

http://www.sacbee.com/107/story/322293.html

How do you rate in making ethical day-to-day decisions? Give yourself
one point each time you answer "Yes." Add them up and see where you
fall on the ethics meter below.

Have you ever ...

1. Nibbled "samples" from supermarket produce and bulk bins?

2. Tossed cigarettes or other litter from your car?

3. Examined the neighbor's mail when it was delivered to your home by
mistake?

4. Stood in the 10-items-or fewer line when you knew you had more
items?

5. Knowingly driven above the posted speed limit?

6. Returned clothing to stores after it?s been worn?

7. Ignored your dog's pile in the neighbor?s lawn?

8. Illegally used a disabled placard so you could park close?

9. Rolled through stop signs in your car or on a bike?

10. Left a shopping cart in a parking space?

11. "Borrowed" from your child's piggy bank?

12. Sneaked snacks or beverages into movie theaters?

13. Driven solo in the car-pool lane?

14. Taken towels or robes from hotel rooms?

15. Called in sick when you weren't ill?

16. Found a purse or wallet and not attempted to return it to the
owner?

17. Fudged on a company expense report?

18. Moved to more expensive (and empty) seats at a ballpark or arena?

19. Dumped your garbage in a neighbor's container without asking
permission?

20. Taken work supplies home?

ETHICS METER

0-3 -- Mother Teresa Award 4-7 -- Charged but never convicted 8-12 --
Genetically linked to George Costanza 13-20 -- Consider running for
public office