http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5744,8173300%255E12272,00.html
Now watch Bush dine out on a plastic bird perhaps
16dec03
Ok, he looks like Saddam Hussein. He sounds like Saddam Hussein. And,
yes, he has the same DNA. But can we be sure that it is, in fact, the
former Iraqi leader? And not just some poor turkey? Another of his
hapless body doubles? Or even a clone?
Turkey. Consider the word and its significance in the region, not simply
because Turkey is a nation in the neighbourhood. In all its other forms,
the word turkey refers to the giant North American chook and is a case
of mistaken identity if not deceptive packaging. You see, the Pilgrim
Fathers exporting the bird to England called it a turkey because, at
that time, Turkey was the most fashionable place for food, particularly
Turkish delightful desserts. Thus it was more fashionable for an English
aristocrat to have a Turkish chef than a Parisian.
So, right from the beginning, the turkey flew under false colours. A
fact of urgent political relevance, as this column will now reveal.
However, it is important to remember that the turkey - the chook, not
the nation - has lent its name to other things. Consider the term turkey
shoot, describing a decidedly one-sided battle. As in Gulf Wars I and II
where the mighty US had no difficulty in dispatching Hussein's grossly
overrated army. Turkey can be applied to a hapless individual, as in,
"He's a real turkey" or to a spectacular flop, specifically of an
expensive Broadway production. In a sense, the post-war occupation of
Iraq could be thus described. The war was a success but the peace has
been a turkey.
All these meanings coalesced when George W. Bush - whose presidency
promises to be a turkey - arrived in Baghdad carrying one. A turkey.
Bush's descent from the heavens would have cost more than the total
budgets of The Producers, The Boy from Oz and two Rogers and Hammerstein
revivals. Brought to Iraq in the strictest of secrecy, the President
presented his nonplussed troops with the aforementioned chook - for the
purpose of a spectacular photo opportunity.
Bush's Thanksgiving turkey, around which the beaming Bush and his happy
warriors were grouped, was photographed and filmed from every angle.
Back in Washington, it was regarded as one of the greatest public
relations triumphs of the whole saga. Right up there with the carefully
stage-managed landing of the Commander in Chief on the deck of that US
carrier, wearing his really sexy, Right Stuff jet pilot's uniform.
But it turns out that this turkey shoot - and here I use the term in its
photographic sense - was a right stuff-up, because it has been revealed
that the turkey wasn't a turkey. Well, not a real turkey. It was a prop
turkey, a pretend turkey. Just as ketchup replaced blood for violent
scenes in movies, and mashed potato substituted for ice cream in Happy
Days (to prevent its melting under the studio lights), the President had
taken a plastic turkey - one used for gourmet magazine shoots - to the
mess hall.
Which added another level of the fake, the tawdry and the sham to the
whole lamentable exercise of Operation Perfect Freedom or Operation
Democratic Orgasm or whatever it is they've called it.
Michael Moore, one of the regime's trenchant critics, put it well in an
open letter to his President: "The fake honey glaze on that fake bird
wasn't much different from the fake honey glaze that covers this war.
And the fake stuffing in the fake bird was just the right symbol for our
country during these times. America loves fake honey glaze. It loves to
be stuffed, and damn it, you knew that."
He went on to remind his fellow Americans that under the Bush regime
nearly 3 million US jobs have disappeared, along with a $US281 billion
($380 billion) surplus, and that the US is "stuck in a war that will
never end", linking this spectacular achievement to Bush's latest
manoeuvre.
Years ago, hand on heart while gazing at a portrait of my patron saint,
Bertrand Russell, I swore to always "talk turkey". That is, to get to
the heart of the matter and tell the truth at all times. Which is why I
talked turkey here today. In contrast to the unreal turkey that Bush
showed the world in Baghdad. But a fake turkey is the perfect symbol for
a fake President because, as everyone knows, Al Gore really won the
election.
Which brings us back to Hussein. I'm not convinced. The bloke they
pulled out of that hole looked more like Willie Nelson.
Phillip Adams's column will return in the new year
© 2003 The Australian
Stoney
"Designated Rascal and Rapscallion
and
SCAMPERMEISTER!"
When in doubt, SCAMPER about!
When things are fair, SCAMPER everywhere!
When things are rough, can't SCAMPER enough!
/end humour alert
alt.atheism military veteran #11
{so much for the 'no atheists in foxholes' rubbish}
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