http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5744,17064889%255E12272,00.html
World according to George W. Gump
PHILLIP ADAMS
05nov05
AS you know, I always follow my mother's advice and avoid discussing
religion or politics. Better to stick with my weekly recipes ("how to
make nourishing muesli from grass clippings") and interior decoration
ideas ("replace stodgy old wallpapers with your teenagers' graffiti").
Hence my reputation, and short jail sentence, as Australia's Martha
Stewart.
However, on this one rare occasion, I feel entitled to say a few words
about George W. Bush. "Told you so!!" And "Nyah nyah ne nyah nyah!!!!"
George Bush? The US would have been better off with the
ukulele-strumming George Formby. Or Mad King George. Or George Wallace
Jr who, on Inauguration Day, could have wowed the crowd with his
schtick of dragging a boiled crayfish behind him on a piece of string.
Or even Gorgeous George, the Liberace-style professional wrestler.
Instead they elected the one George that raises one's gorge, the
George that couldn't have done more damage had he been a KGB plant or
the Manchurian candidate.
For years fellow columnists and the PM have been telling us the sun
shines from his presidential posterior, that despite his
imper-son-ation of Forrest Gump imitating Jerry Lewis doing a parody
of John Wayne, George was a political genius. While I've been
suggesting that the bloke is, at best, a failed experiment in genetic
engineering or a malfunctioning audio-animatronic robot that escaped
from Disney World in his brother's state of Florida. And my reward for
these helpful warnings? Accusations of political bias.
So here's a brief listing of the president's greatest hits, proof
positive that America's George II is even madder than England's George
III.
George's response to 9/II? He invades Afghanistan to terminate with
extreme prejudice bin Laden and punish the Taliban. Bin who? He hasn't
bin seen lately. The Taliban? They've withdrawn a few kilometres and
the war lords, whose brutality and corruption made the Taliban welcome
in the first place, are now back in the saddle. They're showing their
gratitude to George by once more producing 80 per cent of the world's
heroin.
Confusing Iraq with Iran (or possibly Syria) and confusing Saddam
Hussein with bin Laden, George demolishes pretty much an entire
nation. In further confusion, he mistakes palm trees for nuclear
missiles and camels and donkeys for biological and chemical weapons.
This leads to the deaths of 100,000 innocent Iraqis who had absolutely
nothing to do with the attacks on the World Trade Center. George's war
also involves the deaths of 2000 young Americans and tips the Iraqis
into a civil war that will go on and bloodily on for decades. George
further destabilises the world's most dangerous region and persuades a
new generation to choose suicide bombing as a career.
And while his offsider ***** Cheney promises the invasion of Iraq would
see oil drop to just 20 bucks a barrel, the Iraqis are now importing
petrol ? and the price has nudged $US70.
While the war makes the Bushes best friends with the Blairs and the
Howards, it turns the rest of the world against him. From being
surrounded with goodwill and sympathy after 9/11, the Americans find
themselves feared and isolated. And that's for starters.
Checklist: Bush maintains Saddam's policies at the local jail, tears
up the Geneva Convention at Guantanamo Bay, threatens to veto John
McCain's bill condemning the US's cruel and degrading treatment of
prisoners – which also forbids further use of torture in
interrogation. He reverses the US's proud progress on human rights
under the guise of "homeland defence" and thumbs-downs the
International War Crimes Tribunal.
Obedient to his allies in the coal industry, Bush refuses to sign
Kyoto, demolishes legislation that gave some protection to America's
air and water, ignores reports urging the urgent repair of the
wetlands around New Orleans, makes a fool of the administration by
buckling to Bible-belt bigotry on issues from Terri Schiavo to stem
cell research, threatens UN agencies and NGOs with cessation of
funding if they breathe a word about abortion or contraception to
desperate women in Third World countries – and agrees with the
Pentecostal/Vatican lobby in opposing condoms for millions of Africans
doomed by the AIDS pan-demic. Yet George has the nerve to condemn
Islamic fundamentalism.
Then there are small problems such as his ongoing attacks on the
American poor, combined with his endless generosity to the top 1 per
cent of income earners. Bush is in the process of ending capital gains
tax, which will lead to the biggest transfer of wealth to the wealthy
in US history. This amounts to a bigger drain on the nation's kitty
than the Iraq fiasco ? and it will go on every day forever.
Next week: Why gamboge is the colour for your drapes and cushions and
101 delicious meals using GM ingredients.
© The Australian
--
Contempt of Congress meter reading-offscale.
Hello, theocracy with a fundamentalist US Supreme
Court who will ensure church and state are joined
at the hip like clergy and altar boys.
America 1776-Jan 2001 RIP
"As democracy is perfected, the office of president
represents, more and more closely, the inner soul
of the people. On some great and glorious day the
plain folks of the land will reach their heart's
desire at last and the White House will be adorned
by a downright moron." --- H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
Religion is the original war crime.
-Michelle Malkin (Feb 26, 2005)
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