| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"Mikhail" |
| Date: |
14 Aug 2004 12:15:19 PM |
| Object: |
OT: No Sex, Please, We're Republicans [ROFLMAO] |
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2004/08/13/notes081304.DTL&nl=fix
No Sex, Please, We're Republicans
Right now, to be sexually attuned and kinky is to be part of the
anti-Bush revolution. Vive la résistance!
By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
Friday, August 13, 2004
Oh my shining well-lubricated God but it's a darn fine time to be a
sensually aware and libidinously curious and sexually active person in
America.
It's true. Just look. Look at all the right-wing sexual rigidity and
born-again religious screeching and hateful conservative homophobia
spewing around the country right now. Can't you just smell it?
Yes, it's the rank scent of raw misogyny and nipple-riffic horror and
antichoice wailings, of all those illegal dildos in Texas and illegally
married gays in San Francisco and the odor of a rabid fundamentalist
antiporn crusader attorney general who doesn't smoke or drink or dance,
one who covers up the terrifying breasts of awful statues and who
apparently believes sexual relations should consist of two minutes with
a barbed lash and a fistful of Vicodin. In the dark. While praying.
Why, it's enough to make any normal, sexually active, open-minded, even
slightly perverted liberal in America right now feel like the Marquis
de Sade. Which is, with the right perspective, a very good thing
indeed.
Nowadays, the slightest hint of sexual kink in your life and you get to
feel all dirty and naughty and outlandish. Slightest salacious twinge
in your groinal region and you get to feel like some sort of delicious
deviant, a heathen, a *****, a pagan, a loveslut, a wet-hot dreamboat
of yes, something to be feared and loathed and dreaded by much of the
antisex born-again leadership while simultaneously deeply, secretly
desired by most of them. I mean, what's not to like?
Because right now, to be wantonly open about sexual matters is to be
smacked down as some sort of radical, is to be scowled at by the FCC
and the CIA and the petrified BushCo evangelicals, is to be considered
the dreaded Other, all slippery and self-defined and dangerous. Go
ahead, wave your vibrator. Feel like a revolutionary.
Because to do so is to become part of that insurgent energy, that hot
dirty mandatory vibration about which sexually terrified neocons and
"Passion of the Christ" fanatics are not supposed to speak, lest they
explode into a million tiny moans and a thousand long hot fantasies,
and then confess all their pent-up sins to a confused, heavy-breathing
priest. Titter.
And lo, to be such a heathen is a great thing indeed. Just look at the
benefits. You get to induce rashes in sad fundamentalists. You get to
align yourself with Janet Jackson's nipple and Howard Stern's porn
stars and Texas ***** crusaders, all that divine goddess energy and all
those orgasm instructional videos and the raw messy bloody screaming
dreamy meaning of life.
You get to feel, as you buy yet another new Hitachi Magic Wand from
Blowfish or Good Vibrations or maybe Toys In Babeland, as you ply your
lover with some Astroglide and a nice acrylic toy, as you dare to feel
unashamed of your flesh and proud of your libido and enthusiastic about
your desires, that you are part of something larger than yourself,
something powerful and necessary and even a bit anarchistic. Something,
dare we say, Important.
It's true. No longer are you just a happily salacious progressive human
going about your private business, easing your tensions via the
pleasures of the flesh and of the latex and relaxing your id sans major
pharmaceuticals, all while adding massive doses of desperately needed
positive vibration to the planet and the universe.
Rather, you are now, by default, a part of the resistance. You are a
dissenter, an insurgent, a thief in the House of Shrub. And you -- yes,
you -- sexually active free-thinking love bomb, are contributing to the
glorious soiling of the moral fabric that is wrapped like a noose
around the "Left Behind" crowd.
You are, in short, a moral terrorist. See? Isn't sex fun?
Look at it this way: How utterly boring would it be if we had a calm,
intelligent, sexually attuned, articulate president who wasn't the
slightest bit ashamed of the human body and wasn't the slightest bit
embarrassed to admit he appreciates the divine female (or male) form?
How completely normal and healthy would you feel if a president came
right out and said that he actually (gasp) enjoys sex and encourages
his fellow citizens to have it as much as responsibly possible to help
ease the nation's woes and relax its rages and knock it off with all
the ***** wars and gunfire and the spitting in the streets?
Sweet Jesus with a leather riding crop! Can you imagine the result? I
mean, besides the hellfire and leeches and the apocalypse?
Why, the country might actually relax its clenched ideological muscles.
It might actually begin to release all those congealed puritanical
toxins from its frozen heart.
It might even begin to soften its isolationist glare and open its moral
thighs once again and reclaim that universal verity we all understand
to be true: that sex is not, as BushCo's hard Right would have you
believe, this sinful unnatural heathenistic act, full of worms and
disease and legislation and perversions and wayward fantasies of Lynne
Cheney in a ball gag. Shudder.
That it is, in fact, a divinely inspired act, healthy and resplendent
and innate and so obviously a fiery, inseparable part of just about
everyone's cellular structure that it's sort of silly to deny it.
And when done right (and even, sometimes, when done a little wrong),
with respect and appreciation and real education and good porn and
intense touching and that hot gleam in the eye, it actually results in
a healthier populace, a country a little less tense, a little less
anxious, a little less prone to self-righteous indignation and screechy
faux patriotism and bursts of sanctimonious puling. Gosh, how horrible.
Just imagine. What a country we could be then. What an attitude we could
have. All relaxed and satisfied, aglow, de-clenched, less aggro macho
sadism, less insane amounts of repressed lust and painful sexual denial
manifesting as molestation and pedophilia and huge collections of
kiddie porn stashed on some senator's home computer.
Imagine if much of BushCo's current disease of bogus evangelical
machismo was drained away like pus from a wound and the nation was not
led by a bunch of snickering myopic war hawks and corporate CEOs, each
so obviously sexually repressed and so clearly in need of a long string
of anal beads and a nice tub of margarine that they absolutely must
lead us into war to compensate for not having sex since the Nixon
administration.
Can you imagine it? What a country we could be. How much more pliable,
amenable, full of satisfied sighs and open-mouthed laughter and free
condoms in the streets. What, too utopian? Naive? Too bad. Raise your
Hitachis, humble deviants of the world, and see who salutes.
# Thoughts for the author? E-mail him.
# Mark's column archives are here
Mark Morford's Notes & Errata column appears every Wednesday and Friday
on SF Gate, unless it appears on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which it never
does. Subscribe to this column at sfgate.com/newsletters.
Get 50% off home delivery of the Chronicle for 12 weeks!
©2004 SF Gate
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Who is this guy?
No Sex, Please, We're Republicans - Right now, to be sexually at...
08/13/2004
Time To Get Out The Bush - How do you know it's time for a major...
08/11/2004
(c) 2004
--
Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never
stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and
neither do we.
-George Bush 2004/08/20040805
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| User: "johac" |
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| Title: Re: OT: No Sex, Please, We're Republicans [ROFLMAO] |
15 Aug 2004 03:13:13 AM |
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In article <10hsi5ck496id1@corp.supernews.com>,
Mikhail <mik@boat.com> wrote:
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2004/08/13/notes081304.DTL&nl=fix
No Sex, Please, We're Republicans
Right now, to be sexually attuned and kinky is to be part of the
anti-Bush revolution. Vive la résistance!
By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
Friday, August 13, 2004
I read that one and LMAOed too!
--
John Hachmann aa #1782
-The ability to change one's mind, ideas, and opinions when confronted with
new facts is the sign of the rational and intelligent. The inability to do
so is the hallmark of the dimwitted and the fanatic. This applies not only
to science and philosophy, but also to politics.-
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| User: "Fred Stone" |
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| Title: Re: OT: No Sex, Please, We're Republicans [ROFLMAO] |
14 Aug 2004 01:35:24 PM |
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Mikhail <mik@boat.com> wrote in news:10hsi5ck496id1@corp.supernews.com:
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2004/08/13/notes081304.DTL
&nl=fix
No Sex, Please, We're Republicans
Right now, to be sexually attuned and kinky is to be part of the
anti-Bush revolution. Vive la résistance!
By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
Friday, August 13, 2004
Bah, just don't do it in the street and frighten the horses. ;-)
--
Fred Stone
aa# 1369
Cthulhu for President! Why vote for a lesser evil?
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| User: "Mark K. Bilbo" |
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| Title: Re: OT: No Sex, Please, We're Republicans [ROFLMAO] |
14 Aug 2004 08:45:37 PM |
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On Sat, 14 Aug 2004 10:15:19 -0700 in episode
<10hsi5ck496id1@corp.supernews.com> we saw our hero Mikhail
<mik@boat.com>:
Oh my shining well-lubricated God
I must remember to use this one...
--
Mark K. Bilbo - a.a. #1423
EAC Department of Linguistic Subversion
Alt-atheism website at: http://www.alt-atheism.org
--------------------------------------------------
"Come to think of it, there are already a million
monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet
is NOTHING like Shakespeare!" -- Blair Houghton
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| User: "W. Syme" |
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| Title: Re: OT: No Sex, Please, We're Republicans [ROFLMAO] |
14 Aug 2004 07:33:15 PM |
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On Sat, 14 Aug 2004 10:15:19 -0700, Mikhail <mik@boat.com> wrote:
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2004/08/13/notes081304.DTL&nl=fix
No Sex, Please, We're Republicans
WOW. This might be the best bit of proze I have read all year.
--
Prove all things; hold fast that which is good. (1 Thessalonians 5:21)
W. Syme (pseudonym), European, non-native English speaker, "soft" atheist.
Email will not be read.
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| User: "duke" |
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| Title: Re: OT: No Sex, Please, We're Republicans [ROFLMAO] |
15 Aug 2004 01:41:22 PM |
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On Sun, 15 Aug 2004 02:33:15 +0200, W. Syme <Winston.Syme.superstitions@fastmail.fm>
wrote:
No Sex, Please, We're Republicans
WOW. This might be the best bit of proze I have read all year.
Not quite. It's about 4 years old.
And on the other side - "Sex with anyone and anything, we're Democrats."
duke
*****
1 Corinthians 4
15Even though you have ten thousand guardians in
Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ
Jesus I became your father through the gospel.
*****
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| User: "JessHC" |
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| Title: Re: OT: No Sex, Please, We're Republicans [ROFLMAO] |
15 Aug 2004 06:43:07 PM |
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duke <duckgumbo32@cox.net> wrote in message news:<7gbvh0hmh6vrl4sqekblhip352rvad7ulc@4ax.com>...
On Sun, 15 Aug 2004 02:33:15 +0200, W. Syme <Winston.Syme.superstitions@fastmail.fm>
wrote:
No Sex, Please, We're Republicans
WOW. This might be the best bit of proze I have read all year.
Not quite. It's about 4 years old.
So the given date "Friday, August 13, 2004" is incorrect?
And on the other side - "Sex with anyone and anything, we're Democrats."
Jealous?
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| User: "duke" |
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| Title: Re: OT: No Sex, Please, We're Republicans [ROFLMAO] |
16 Aug 2004 05:10:45 AM |
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On Sun, 15 Aug 2004 02:33:15 +0200, W. Syme <Winston.Syme.superstitions@fastmail.fm>
wrote:
No Sex, Please, We're Republicans
WOW. This might be the best bit of proze I have read all year.
Not quite. It's about 4 years old.
And on the other side - "Sex with anyone and anything, we're Democrats."
duke
*****
1 Corinthians 4
15Even though you have ten thousand guardians in
Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ
Jesus I became your father through the gospel.
*****
.
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| User: "JessHC" |
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| Title: Re: OT: No Sex, Please, We're Republicans [ROFLMAO] |
16 Aug 2004 09:37:25 AM |
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duke <duckgumbo32@cox.net> wrote in message news:<v021i0p3b837jmfoc6l3fuh03vpn1cl0n5@4ax.com>...
On Sun, 15 Aug 2004 02:33:15 +0200, W. Syme <Winston.Syme.superstitions@fastmail.fm>
wrote:
No Sex, Please, We're Republicans
WOW. This might be the best bit of proze I have read all year.
Not quite. It's about 4 years old.
And on the other side - "Sex with anyone and anything, we're Democrats."
You posted this exact post the day before. You're really loosing it.
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| User: "W. Syme" |
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| Title: Re: OT: No Sex, Please, We're Republicans [ROFLMAO] |
14 Aug 2004 07:43:53 PM |
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On Sat, 14 Aug 2004 10:15:19 -0700, Mikhail <mik@boat.com> wrote:
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2004/08/13/notes081304.DTL&nl=fix
No Sex, Please, We're Republicans
WOW. This might be the best bit of proze I have read all year.
--
Prove all things; hold fast that which is good. (1 Thessalonians 5:21)
W. Syme (pseudonym), European, non-native English speaker, "soft" atheist.
Email will not be read.
.
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| User: "duke" |
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| Title: Re: OT: No Sex, Please, We're Republicans [ROFLMAO] |
16 Aug 2004 05:12:21 AM |
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On Sun, 15 Aug 2004 02:43:53 +0200, W. Syme <Winston.Syme.superstitions@fastmail.fm>
wrote:
On Sat, 14 Aug 2004 10:15:19 -0700, Mikhail <mik@boat.com> wrote:
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2004/08/13/notes081304.DTL&nl=fix
No Sex, Please, We're Republicans
WOW. This might be the best bit of proze I have read all year.
If Republicans says "no sex please", the 'rats says "sex with everyone please".
duke
*****
1 Corinthians 4
15Even though you have ten thousand guardians in
Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ
Jesus I became your father through the gospel.
*****
.
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| User: "JessHC" |
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| Title: Re: OT: No Sex, Please, We're Republicans [ROFLMAO] |
16 Aug 2004 09:35:23 AM |
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duke <duckgumbo32@cox.net> wrote in message news:<2321i01ns230upeit0llms08ovk6v4j16k@4ax.com>...
On Sun, 15 Aug 2004 02:43:53 +0200, W. Syme <Winston.Syme.superstitions@fastmail.fm>
wrote:
On Sat, 14 Aug 2004 10:15:19 -0700, Mikhail <mik@boat.com> wrote:
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2004/08/13/notes081304.DTL&nl=fix
No Sex, Please, We're Republicans
WOW. This might be the best bit of proze I have read all year.
If Republicans says "no sex please", the 'rats says "sex with everyone please".
You're repeating yourself. Alzheimer's, earl? Or maybe swiss cheese
brain from alcohol induced organic brain atrophy?
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| User: "Mark K. Bilbo" |
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| Title: Re: OT: No Sex, Please, We're Republicans [ROFLMAO] |
16 Aug 2004 11:34:01 AM |
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On Mon, 16 Aug 2004 07:35:23 -0700 in episode
<d58e3ac.0408160635.13cb5f7a@posting.google.com> we saw our hero
jesshc@phantomemail.com (JessHC):
duke <duckgumbo32@cox.net> wrote in message
news:<2321i01ns230upeit0llms08ovk6v4j16k@4ax.com>...
On Sun, 15 Aug 2004 02:43:53 +0200, W. Syme
<Winston.Syme.superstitions@fastmail.fm> wrote:
On Sat, 14 Aug 2004 10:15:19 -0700, Mikhail <mik@boat.com> wrote:
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2004/08/13/notes081304.DTL&nl=fix
No Sex, Please, We're Republicans
WOW. This might be the best bit of proze I have read all year.
If Republicans says "no sex please", the 'rats says "sex with everyone
please".
You're repeating yourself. Alzheimer's, earl? Or maybe swiss cheese
brain from alcohol induced organic brain atrophy?
Dukkke is just mad that *everybody says "no sex please" to him...
--
Mark K. Bilbo - a.a. #1423
EAC Department of Linguistic Subversion
Alt-atheism website at: http://www.alt-atheism.org
--------------------------------------------------
"Come to think of it, there are already a million
monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet
is NOTHING like Shakespeare!" -- Blair Houghton
.
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| User: "stoney stoney@ the.net" |
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| Title: Re: OT: No Sex, Please, We're Republicans [ROFLMAO] |
18 Aug 2004 04:55:32 PM |
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Mark K. Bilbo wrote:
On Mon, 16 Aug 2004 07:35:23 -0700 in episode
<d58e3ac.0408160635.13cb5f7a@posting.google.com> we saw our hero
jesshc@phantomemail.com (JessHC):
duke <duckgumbo32@cox.net> wrote in message
news:<2321i01ns230upeit0llms08ovk6v4j16k@4ax.com>...
On Sun, 15 Aug 2004 02:43:53 +0200, W. Syme
<Winston.Syme.superstitions@fastmail.fm> wrote:
On Sat, 14 Aug 2004 10:15:19 -0700, Mikhail <mik@boat.com> wrote:
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2004/08/13/notes081304.DTL&nl=fix
No Sex, Please, We're Republicans
WOW. This might be the best bit of proze I have read all year.
If Republicans says "no sex please", the 'rats says "sex with
everyone please".
You're repeating yourself. Alzheimer's, earl? Or maybe swiss cheese
brain from alcohol induced organic brain atrophy?
Dukkke is just mad that *everybody says "no sex please" to him...
Especially Rosie Palm and her sisters.
.
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| User: "duke" |
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| Title: Re: OT: No Sex, Please, We're Republicans [ROFLMAO] |
19 Aug 2004 05:56:50 PM |
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On Mon, 16 Aug 2004 11:34:01 -0500, "Mark K. Bilbo" <alt-atheism@org.webmaster> wrote:
Dukkke is just mad that *everybody says "no sex please" to him...
Haahaahaahaahaahaa.
duke
*****
1 Corinthians 4
15Even though you have ten thousand guardians in
Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ
Jesus I became your father through the gospel.
*****
.
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