We must stop this immediately!
Have you ever noticed that when you're of a certain age, everything
seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper. Groceries are
heavier, and everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the
corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young
ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up
they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent
message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip
reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the
other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an
old friend the other day and he has aged so much that he didn't even
recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor soul while I was combing my hair this
morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection........Well,
REALLY NOW -- even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and
limb if you just happen to pull onto the roadway in front of them... All
I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see
them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would
they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they
think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist,
hips, thighs, and (for the ladies) bosom?
The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in
reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that
dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these
people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on --
but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed
the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number
in there!
All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack!
Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon "everyone" will have to
suffer these awful indignities.
Please pass this on to everyone you know as soon as possible so we can
get this conspiracy stopped!
PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something
has caused fonts to be smaller than they once were too!
Stoney
"Designated Rascal and Rapscallion
and
SCAMPERMEISTER!"
When in doubt, SCAMPER about!
When things are fair, SCAMPER everywhere!
When things are rough, can't SCAMPER enough!
/end humour alert
alt.atheism military veteran #11
{so much for the 'no atheists in foxholes' rubbish}
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