| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"Godfrey" |
| Date: |
12 Nov 2004 02:28:20 AM |
| Object: |
OT: For all you Kerry/Bush Lovers/Haters |
Written pre-election, obviously. But funny...
________________________________________
http://us.gq.com/features/general/articles/041026feco_03
Open Letter
Dear President Kerry/Bush,
Congratulations! What a (squeaker/landslide)! Amazing that (Ohio/Guam)
made the difference! And those last-minute attack ads with the
(Kennebunkport crack dealers/limbless Swift-boat veterans)?
Incredible! And dumping (Shrum/Cheney)? Gutsy and brilliant!
Gosh, to see (Rush Limbaugh's/Dan Rather's) face when he announced
("Kerry wins"/"Bush wins")! Made us want to jump into the (Toyota
Prius/Dodge Ram), crack a (pomegranate juice/cold one), and (crank up
the Aimee Mann/fire off a few rounds)!
Now, let's plan your (inauguration/reelection) (party/hoedown)! We'll
be sure to invite all of your (friends/leeches) in the (Hollywood gay
mafia/military-industrial complex). We've already ordered the (Zell
Miller/Michael Moore) piņata! Musical guest? We're thinking (Ashlee
Simpson/Jessica Simpson). Or if you want to get a little crazy,
(Megadeth/Anne Murray). For door prizes, we're going to give away (Al
Franken calendars/The Passion of the Christ DVDs). And the booze?
Nothing but (2000 Puligny-Montrachet/near beer), of course!
And don't worry. We have a plan to keep (Alexandra & Vanessa/Barbara &
Jenna) away from (Ben Affleck/the Grey Goose).
When the party stops, though, you're going to have to deal with your
crazy (wife/ secretary of state). Look, it's clear: (Teresa/Colin)
wants nothing to do with (you/your White House). (She/he) has had it
with your resistance to (yoga-camp weekends/ coalition building). How
about replacing (her/him) with (Isabelle Huppert/Heather Locklear)?
Don't give us that look, (Mr. President-Elect/Mr. President). You
could use some (Isabelle Huppert/Heather Locklear), especially when
(Fox News/The New York Times) is all over your case.
And you're going to have to (make good on/ask Karl Rove to explain to
you) your campaign promises. Remember when you said you have a plan to
fix (the economy/public education)? Remember when you pledged to stop
(corporate greed/gays from registering at Tiffany's)? That may have
been (b.s./b.s.), but you have to try. And don't tell anyone about
your secret plan to (replace all American television with French
comedies/turn Yosemite National Park into a NASCAR track)!
Because this nation needs time to (heal/sober up). Half this country
thinks you're a (snob/idiot). Sean (Hannity/Penn) has already fled to
(his bomb shelter/France). You're going to have to (appease/nuke) all
the (gun-toting lunatics/damn dirty hippies) who didn't vote for you.
Maybe you should go on (The O'Reilly Factor/the Nation cruise) and
make peace. Or offer everyone a free (Kalashnikov/copy of Terry
Gross's new book).
You have so much work to do, President (Kerry/Bush). Even if you'd
rather (kiteboard/play Jenga), you need to figure out what you are
going to do about (Iraq/Afghanistan/Pakistan/Iran/North
Korea/Sudan/Somalia/Israel/Chechnya/Cuba). Remember, just because
you're (president-elect/president) doesn't mean you can't change.
You're going to have to at least pretend to like (working
people/working), and when you talk to the country, you're going to
have to use (simpler language/verbs). And stop riding around on that
phony-baloney (motorcycle/tractor). Everyone knows you'd be more
comfortable on a (schooner/hammock). We're going to be with you for
another (eight/four) years, and we're going to have to learn to live
with each other. Or else, we're calling (Hillary/McCain).
(Nondenominational secular entity/God) speed,
GQ
P.S. (We were with you all the way!/We were with you all the way!)
____________________________________
-Godfrey
* * * * *
The truth is a precious commodity. That's why I use it so sparingly.
- Mark Twain
.
|
|
| User: "Doc Smartass" |
|
| Title: Re: OT: For all you Kerry/Bush Lovers/Haters |
12 Nov 2004 06:28:39 PM |
|
|
Godfrey <No@Email.Provided> wrote in
news:ojs8p098f2k8t30jn5ojfd78u94gr53iis@4ax.com:
Written pre-election, obviously. But funny...
________________________________________
http://us.gq.com/features/general/articles/041026feco_03
Open Letter
Dear President Kerry/Bush,
Congratulations! What a (squeaker/landslide)! Amazing that (Ohio/Guam)
made the difference! And those last-minute attack ads with the
(Kennebunkport crack dealers/limbless Swift-boat veterans)?
Incredible! And dumping (Shrum/Cheney)? Gutsy and brilliant!
<snip>
Heheh...
--
Dr. Smartass -- BAAWA Knight of Heckling -- a.a. #1939
*sig broken; watch for finger*
.
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