| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"stoney" |
| Date: |
20 Jun 2005 12:25:40 AM |
| Object: |
OT: humour |
What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor? A
pachydermatologist.
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree
would kill you? A pool table.
What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.
And what kind of lettuce? Iceberg.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can
roast beef.
Where do you find a no legged dog? Right where you left him.
Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have phones.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They're trying to get away from
the noise.
**
A lady is feeling a bit down in the dumps and decides to treat herself
to a meal at the Ritz. She manages to get a table that very night and
enjoys a delicious meal on her own, nothing too extravagant but nice
all the same.
The head waiter brings the bill and she's horrified to see the total:
150 bucks! She didn't expect this at all and asks the waiter, "Would
you mind holding my breasts while I write the check please?"
The head waiter is taken aback. In all his years in the job he's never
been asked that before, but always eager to please the customer, he
obliges.
She gets up to leave and the waiter is still perplexed.
His curiosity gets the better of him and he catches up with her at the
door, "I'm sorry to bother you Miss but I'd like to know why you asked
me to do that just now."
"Oh it's quite simple really," she replies "I love to have my breasts
held when I'm being screwed!!!"
**
Her car breaks down on the Interstate one day, so the driver eases it
over onto the shoulder. She carefully steps out of the car and opens
the trunk. Out jump two men in trench coats, who walk to the rear of
the vehicle where they stand facing on-coming traffic and begin
opening their coats and exposing themselves to approaching drivers.
Not surprisingly, one of the worst pile-ups in the history of this
highway occurs.
It's not very long before a police car shows up. The cop, clearly
enraged, runs toward the driver of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What
the hell is going on here?"
"My car broke down," says the lady, calmly.
"Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?" Screams the
cop.
"Those are my emergency flashers!" she replied!
**
--
Contempt of Congress meter reading-offscale.
Hello, theocracy with a fundamentalist US Supreme
Court who will ensure church and state are joined
at the hip like clergy and altar boys.
America 1776-Jan 2001 RIP
"As democracy is perfected, the office of president
represents, more and more closely, the inner soul
of the people. On some great and glorious day the
plain folks of the land will reach their heart's
desire at last and the White House will be adorned
by a downright moron." --- H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
Religion is the original war crime.
-Michelle Malkin (Feb 26, 2005)
.
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| User: "Mike Painter" |
|
| Title: Re: humour |
20 Jun 2005 12:32:24 AM |
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stoney wrote:
Oh, yeah. Take This!
What is long, green, has four red wheels and grows?
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Grass. I lied about the wheels.
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| User: "stoney" |
|
| Title: Re: humour |
20 Jun 2005 01:27:32 PM |
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On Mon, 20 Jun 2005 00:32:24 GMT, "Mike Painter"
<mddotpainter@sbcglobal.net> wrote:
stoney wrote:
Oh, yeah. Take This!
Oh oh....
What is long, green, has four red wheels and grows?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
/me throws grass seed at Michael.
--
Contempt of Congress meter reading-offscale.
Hello, theocracy with a fundamentalist US Supreme
Court who will ensure church and state are joined
at the hip like clergy and altar boys.
America 1776-Jan 2001 RIP
"As democracy is perfected, the office of president
represents, more and more closely, the inner soul
of the people. On some great and glorious day the
plain folks of the land will reach their heart's
desire at last and the White House will be adorned
by a downright moron." --- H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
Religion is the original war crime.
-Michelle Malkin (Feb 26, 2005)
.
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