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Handy Latin Phrases

It's Latin. It's ancient. It's got lots of vowels. And it's not as
stuffy as you might think.

Here are some handy Latin phrases you may want to whip out at your next
cocktail party or parole hearing.

Fac ut vivas.
Get a life.

Mihi ignosce. ***** homine de cane debeo congredi.
Excuse me. I've got to see a man about a dog.

Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo.
Don't call me, I'll call you.

Radix lecti.
Couch potato.

Volo comparare nonnulla tegumembra.
I'd like to buy some condoms.

Sona si Latine loqueris.
Honk if you speak Latin.

Si hoc signum legere potes, operis boni in rebus Latinus alacribus et
fructuosis potiri potes!
If you can read this sign, you can get a good job in the fast-paced,
high-paying world of Latin!

Gramen artificiosum odi.
I hate Astroturf.

Utinam coniurati te in foro interficiant.
May conspirators assassinate you in the mall.

Cogito, ergo doleo.
I think, therefore I am depressed.

Abundant dulcibus vitiis.
Nobody's perfect.

Ventis secundis, tene cursum.
Go with the flow.

Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Ne auderis delere orbem rigidum meum.
Don't you dare erase my hard disk.

Illegitimi non carborundum.
Don't let the bastards burn you.

Braccae tuae aperiuntur.
Your fly is open.

Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema.
I don't care. If it doesn't rhyme, it isn't a poem.

Furnulum pani nolo.
I don't want a toaster.

Morologus es!
You're talking like a moron!

Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum
immane mittam.
I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous
rock at your head.

Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.
I think some people in togas are plotting against me.

Re vera, potas bene.
Say, you sure are drinking a lot.

Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.
I'm not interested in your dopey religious cult.

Tace atque abi.
Shut up and go away.

Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant.
May barbarians invade your personal space.

Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam
possit materiari?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Actio personalis monitur ***** persona.
Dead men don't sue.

Vescere bracis meis.
Eat my shorts.

Prehende uxorem meam, sis!
Take my wife, please!

Actus non facit reum nisi mens est rea.
I never intended to kill anybody.

Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.
It's not the heat, it's the humidity.

Mellita, domi adsum.
Honey, I'm home.

Fac ut nemo me vocet.
Hold my calls.

Di! Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit!
God, look at the time! My wife will kill me!

Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis
exponebantur ad necem.
In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept
crags.

Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?
Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me?

Fac ut gaudeam.
Make my day.

Labra lege.
Read my lips.

Purgamentum init, exit purgamentum.
Garbage in, garbage out.

Credo nos in fluctu eodem esse.
I think we're on the same wavelength.

Subucula tua apparet.
Your slip is showing.

Absolvi meam animam.
I got that off my chest.

Ante victoriam ne canas triumphum.
Don't count your chickens before they're hatched.

Apudne te vel me?
Your place or mine?

Da mihi sis crustum Etruscum ***** omnibus in eo.
I'll have a pizza with everything on it.

Obesa cantavit.
The fat lady has sung.

Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est.
The designated hitter rule has got to go.

Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure.
I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.

Non sum pisces.
I am not a fish.

Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
If Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar.

Quomodo cogis comas tuas sic videri?
How do you get your hair to do that?

Canis meus id comedit.
My dog ate it.

Feles mala! Cur cista non uteris? Stramentum novum in ea posui.
Bad kitty! Why don't you use the cat box? I put new litter in it.

Romani quidem artem amatoriam invenerunt.
You know, the Romans invented the art of love.

Animadvertistine, ubicumque stes, fumum recta in faciem ferri?
Ever noticed how wherever you stand, the smoke goes right into your
face?

Braccae illae virides ***** subucula rosea et tunica Caledonia-quam
elenganter concinnatur.
Those green pants go so well with that pink shirt and the plaid jacket.

Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant.
May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy.

Neutiquam erro.
I am not lost.

Hocine bibo aut in eum digitos insero?
Do I drink this or stick my fingers in it?

Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur.
Oh! Was I speaking Latin again? Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of
slips out.

http://www.office-humour.co.uk/g/i/3257/
Apudne te vel me?
Your place or mine?