| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"stoney" |
| Date: |
04 Jul 2006 11:23:50 AM |
| Object: |
OT: Humour |
Dear Husband:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show
for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that
you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you
came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done,
cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came
home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching
the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or
any thing. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever
the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving
away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that
you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a
far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown
out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when
you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to
mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say
anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite
meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I
stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the
price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my
brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your
negligee was $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I
quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home
you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have
the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that
you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born
Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
Signed Rich As Hell
**
FBI Job Opening
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal
door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the
circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair Kill Her!!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife." The
agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife
and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went
into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with
tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go
home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions,
to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were
heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the
walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and
there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.
"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death
with the chair."
MORAL: Women are evil. Don't mess with them.
**
--
Fundies and trolls are cordially invited to
shove a wooden cross up their arses and rotate
at a high rate of speed. I trust you'll
be 'blessed' with a plethora of splinters.
.
|
|
| User: "Chris Johnson" |
|
| Title: Re: OT: Humour |
04 Jul 2006 11:36:46 AM |
|
|
stoney wrote:
FBI Job Opening
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal
door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the
circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair Kill Her!!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife." The
agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife
and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went
into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with
tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go
home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions,
to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were
heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the
walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and
there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.
"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death
with the chair."
MORAL: Women are evil. Don't mess with them.
Oh I like that one.
.
|
|
|
| User: "stoney" |
|
| Title: Re: OT: Humour |
08 Jul 2006 04:54:44 PM |
|
|
On 4 Jul 2006 09:36:46 -0700, "Chris Johnson" <effigies@gmail.com> wrote
in alt.atheism
stoney wrote:
FBI Job Opening
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal
door and handed him a gun.
[]
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions,
to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were
heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the
walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and
there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.
"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death
with the chair."
MORAL: Women are evil. Don't mess with them.
Oh I like that one.
:D
--
Fundies and trolls are cordially invited to
shove a wooden cross up their arses and rotate
at a high rate of speed. I trust you'll
be 'blessed' with a plethora of splinters.
.
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