http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9328136/site/newsweek/
{satire}
Lethargy Alert
Color-coded system would warn the public of sluggish government
response.
WEB-EXCLUSIVE COMMENTARY
By Andy Borowitz
Newsweek
Updated: 3:30 p.m. ET Sept. 13, 2005
Sept. 13, 2005 - Reacting to criticism that the federal government
does not respond quickly enough in times of crisis, Homeland Security
Secretary Michael Chertoff today unveiled what he called "a
color-coded apathy-alert system" that will warn the public of just how
sluggish the government's response will be.
"In the past, people have asked, ‘What is taking the government so
long to help?’" Chertoff said at a press conference in Washington. "It
is my firm belief that this color-coded system will keep the public
better informed about the government's precise level of apathy and
indifference.
"In times of crisis, people have had to guess whether the government
cares or not," Chertoff added. "This apathy-alert system should
totally take the guesswork out of that."
The color-coded system consists of five different colors, each
corresponding to the government's degree of sluggishness, Chertoff
explained, using a chart and a pointer to demonstrate the system for
reporters. According to the new system, the color yellow means "normal
apathy--will wait and see how situation develops," orange means
"heightened apathy--will not return phone calls" and red means "severe
apathy--will not cut short summer vacation in Nantucket."
But even as he unveiled the new apathy-alert system, Chertoff was less
specific about how and when the system would be implemented on a
national basis. "I don't see what the rush is all about," he said,
telling reporters he was late for a golf date.
Elsewhere, Supreme Court Chief Justice nominee John Roberts entered
his second day of not answering questions before the Senate Judiciary
Committee.
© 2005 Newsweek, Inc.
--
Contempt of Congress meter reading-offscale.
Hello, theocracy with a fundamentalist US Supreme
Court who will ensure church and state are joined
at the hip like clergy and altar boys.
America 1776-Jan 2001 RIP
"As democracy is perfected, the office of president
represents, more and more closely, the inner soul
of the people. On some great and glorious day the
plain folks of the land will reach their heart's
desire at last and the White House will be adorned
by a downright moron." --- H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
Religion is the original war crime.
-Michelle Malkin (Feb 26, 2005)
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