stoney wrote:

Reader Mail

Name: Morticia
URL: http://www.geocities.com/morty_baby/

I was in the automotive section of the local hardware store with my
husband a while ago, when I chanced upon a rakishly-angled 'all-purpose'
funnel in the oil section. Bright blue it was, 12 inches in length with
a slim build, handy for those hard-to-get places under the hood. Hoo
boy, I had been looking for one of those babies since I was stuck in a
long ferry lineup and tried to pee into an empty paper cup with a car
full of ppl and luggage. Seizing my prize, and with a loud "LOOKIT what
I found!" I cupped it to my jeans-clad crotch with the appendage
pointing out in front of me, and turned to proudly show the S/A. The S/A
was nowhere in sight, but the nice gentleman with his little boy in tow
were both suitably impressed. I found the S/A one aisle over and chased
him around the automotive section with it gripped between my legs,
grunting like a pig to pay him back. I secretly think that this could be
the reason why I am not allowed back there with him. Now I can pee into
any empty container whilst in a vehicle,
but more importantly, those annoying little *****-stops out in the bush
are less dangerous. Any female who has drunkenly tried to ***** whilst
squatting and holding apparel out of the way knows what I mean. I can
now just undo the button and zipper of my pants, tuck that baby in and
pee against a tree. I know I know, I *am* the self-confessed QUEEN of
peeing standing up, straddling the toilet bowl like a WWF wrestler
squeezing the head of an opponent. And yep...I can write in cursive the
amended works of Shakespeare with all the t's crossed and all the i's
dotted in the snow. Mind you it takes 3 and a half city blocks. But to
do that I actually have to be nekkid, otherwise I would soil my clothes
and have to sell
them on Ebay. So this funnel will really come in handy.

There was an inventor in... the Netherlands?... a few years ago who had
created a paper funnel for similar use in theaters, opera houses and similar
venues where there is frequently a very long line of women who need to
*ahem* take a lot of time to do what men can do quickly while standing up.
The inventor was a woman who got tired of the restroom wait at concerts.