| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"Therion Ware" |
| Date: |
15 Apr 2004 03:56:39 AM |
| Object: |
OT: Old Jokes Home. |
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with
a fish under his arm.
"Do you have any fishcakes?" he asks.
"Yes, of course," says the fish shop owner.
"Great," replies the man, nodding at
the fish under his arm, "It's his birthday."
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| User: "Ron Baker, Pluralitas!" |
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| Title: Re: OT-Old Jokes Home. |
16 Apr 2004 01:18:38 AM |
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"Therion Ware" <autodelete@city-of-dis.com> wrote in message
news:bhjs70lasc1nd9sg0frl9d8miskf005gs2@4ax.com...
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with
a fish under his arm.
"Do you have any fishcakes?" he asks.
"Yes, of course," says the fish shop owner.
"Great," replies the man, nodding at
the fish under his arm, "It's his birthday."
A carpenter is nailing siding to the side of a house.
He's got a sack of nails on his belt.
He pulls out a nail, looks at it, and throws it away.
He takes out another nail, looks at it, and hammers it
in. He pulls out another nail, looks at it, and throws
it away.
The foreman, watching this, comes up to the carpenter
and asks him why he is throwing all those nails away.
The carpenter replies, "The heads were on the
wrong end."
The foreman says, "You dummy, those are for
the other side of the house."
ba dmp bmm
:)
--
Dr. Ron Baker, Ath.D.
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| User: "Ph˙ltêr" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. |
15 Apr 2004 08:01:03 AM |
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Therion Ware <autodelete@city-of-dis.com> astounded us with:
news:bhjs70lasc1nd9sg0frl9d8miskf005gs2@4ax.com:
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with
a fish under his arm.
"Do you have any fishcakes?" he asks.
"Yes, of course," says the fish shop owner.
"Great," replies the man, nodding at
the fish under his arm, "It's his birthday."
A man walks into a bar carrying a set of jumper cables and asks for a beer.
The barman says "OK, but don't start anything".
--
Ph˙ltêr
Denizen of Darkness #44 & AFJC Antipodean Attaché
http://afjc.clickhalah.com/forum/index.php
Change "freeway" to "hotmail" to respond
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| User: "raven1" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. |
15 Apr 2004 02:03:45 PM |
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On 15 Apr 2004 13:01:03 GMT, "Ph˙ltêr" <Ph˙ltêr@freeway.com> wrote:
Therion Ware <autodelete@city-of-dis.com> astounded us with:
news:bhjs70lasc1nd9sg0frl9d8miskf005gs2@4ax.com:
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with
a fish under his arm.
"Do you have any fishcakes?" he asks.
"Yes, of course," says the fish shop owner.
"Great," replies the man, nodding at
the fish under his arm, "It's his birthday."
A man walks into a bar carrying a set of jumper cables and asks for a beer.
The barman says "OK, but don't start anything".
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face,
buddy?"
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says
"what is this, some kind of joke?"
A guitarist walks past a bar... hey, it *could* happen...!
.
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| User: "Therion Ware" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. |
15 Apr 2004 06:28:27 PM |
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On Thu, 15 Apr 2004 19:03:45 GMT in alt.atheism, raven1 (raven1
<quoththeraven@nevermore.com>) said, directing the reply to
alt.atheism
On 15 Apr 2004 13:01:03 GMT, "Ph˙ltêr" <Ph˙ltêr@freeway.com> wrote:
Therion Ware <autodelete@city-of-dis.com> astounded us with:
news:bhjs70lasc1nd9sg0frl9d8miskf005gs2@4ax.com:
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with
a fish under his arm.
"Do you have any fishcakes?" he asks.
"Yes, of course," says the fish shop owner.
"Great," replies the man, nodding at
the fish under his arm, "It's his birthday."
A man walks into a bar carrying a set of jumper cables and asks for a beer.
The barman says "OK, but don't start anything".
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face,
buddy?"
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says
"what is this, some kind of joke?"
A guitarist walks past a bar... hey, it *could* happen...!
Man walks into a bar. And said "ouch".
.
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| User: "Mike Painter" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. |
15 Apr 2004 08:05:16 PM |
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"Therion Ware" <autodelete@city-of-dis.com> wrote in message
news:1k6u70hjoqf1n00g0frl27b4hghg5hcfru@4ax.com...
On Thu, 15 Apr 2004 19:03:45 GMT in alt.atheism, raven1 (raven1
<quoththeraven@nevermore.com>) said, directing the reply to
alt.atheism
On 15 Apr 2004 13:01:03 GMT, "Ph˙ltêr" <Ph˙ltêr@freeway.com> wrote:
Therion Ware <autodelete@city-of-dis.com> astounded us with:
news:bhjs70lasc1nd9sg0frl9d8miskf005gs2@4ax.com:
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with
a fish under his arm.
"Do you have any fishcakes?" he asks.
"Yes, of course," says the fish shop owner.
"Great," replies the man, nodding at
the fish under his arm, "It's his birthday."
A man walks into a bar carrying a set of jumper cables and asks for a
beer.
The barman says "OK, but don't start anything".
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face,
buddy?"
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says
"what is this, some kind of joke?"
A guitarist walks past a bar... hey, it *could* happen...!
Just don't say anything about banjo players.
Man walks into a bar. And said "ouch".
A termite walks into a bar and asks "Is the bar tender here?"
(So you have to tell it to somebody out loud for it to be funny.)
.
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| User: "Claytie the Umpire Slayer" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. |
15 Apr 2004 08:44:03 PM |
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"Mike Painter" <mdotpainter@att.net> wrote in message
news:gjGfc.31518$K_.774825@bgtnsc05-news.ops.worldnet.att.net...
"Therion Ware" <autodelete@city-of-dis.com> wrote in message
news:1k6u70hjoqf1n00g0frl27b4hghg5hcfru@4ax.com...
On Thu, 15 Apr 2004 19:03:45 GMT in alt.atheism, raven1 (raven1
<quoththeraven@nevermore.com>) said, directing the reply to
alt.atheism
On 15 Apr 2004 13:01:03 GMT, "Ph˙ltêr" <Ph˙ltêr@freeway.com> wrote:
Therion Ware <autodelete@city-of-dis.com> astounded us with:
news:bhjs70lasc1nd9sg0frl9d8miskf005gs2@4ax.com:
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with
a fish under his arm.
"Do you have any fishcakes?" he asks.
"Yes, of course," says the fish shop owner.
"Great," replies the man, nodding at
the fish under his arm, "It's his birthday."
A man walks into a bar carrying a set of jumper cables and asks for a
beer.
The barman says "OK, but don't start anything".
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face,
buddy?"
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says
"what is this, some kind of joke?"
A guitarist walks past a bar... hey, it *could* happen...!
Just don't say anything about banjo players.
Man walks into a bar. And said "ouch".
A termite walks into a bar and asks "Is the bar tender here?"
(So you have to tell it to somebody out loud for it to be funny.)
A guy walks into a bar carrying a really long pole. The bar tender asks,
"Are you a pole vaulter?"
The guy says, "No, I'm a German....how did you know my name was Valter?"
(saying that last bit with a German accent makes it better)
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| User: "Mike Smith" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. |
15 Apr 2004 10:20:54 PM |
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Therion Ware <autodelete@city-of-dis.com> wrote:
=
=
= On Thu, 15 Apr 2004 19:03:45 GMT in alt.atheism, raven1 (raven1
=<quoththeraven@nevermore.com>) said, directing the reply to
=alt.atheism
=
=
=
=>On 15 Apr 2004 13:01:03 GMT, "Ph˙ltêr" <Ph˙ltêr@freeway.com> wrote:
=>
=>>Therion Ware <autodelete@city-of-dis.com> astounded us with:
=>>news:bhjs70lasc1nd9sg0frl9d8miskf005gs2@4ax.com:
=>>
=>>>
=>>>
=>>> A man walks into a fish and chip shop with
=>>> a fish under his arm.
=>>>
=>>> "Do you have any fishcakes?" he asks.
=>>>
=>>> "Yes, of course," says the fish shop owner.
=>>>
=>>> "Great," replies the man, nodding at
=>>> the fish under his arm, "It's his birthday."
=>>>
=>>
=>>A man walks into a bar carrying a set of jumper cables and asks for
a beer.
=>>The barman says "OK, but don't start anything".
=>
=>A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face,
=>buddy?"
=>
=>A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender
says
=>"what is this, some kind of joke?"
=>
=>A guitarist walks past a bar... hey, it *could* happen...!
=
=Man walks into a bar. And said "ouch".
Termite walks into a bar, says "Is the bar tender here?"
__________________________________________
ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ
Mike Smith | aa #1164 | Founder of SMASH
__________________________________________
ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ
"He that is not with me is against me; and he that
gathereth not with me scattereth abroad." - Mt 12:30
.
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| User: "Patrick Brown" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. |
16 Apr 2004 02:25:58 AM |
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Mike Smith wrote:
Therion Ware <autodelete@city-of-dis.com> wrote:
=
=
= On Thu, 15 Apr 2004 19:03:45 GMT in alt.atheism, raven1 (raven1
=<quoththeraven@nevermore.com>) said, directing the reply to
=alt.atheism
=
=
=
=>On 15 Apr 2004 13:01:03 GMT, "Ph˙ltêr" <Ph˙ltêr@freeway.com> wrote:
=>
=>>Therion Ware <autodelete@city-of-dis.com> astounded us with:
=>>news:bhjs70lasc1nd9sg0frl9d8miskf005gs2@4ax.com:
=>>
=>>>
=>>>
=>>> A man walks into a fish and chip shop with
=>>> a fish under his arm.
=>>>
=>>> "Do you have any fishcakes?" he asks.
=>>>
=>>> "Yes, of course," says the fish shop owner.
=>>>
=>>> "Great," replies the man, nodding at
=>>> the fish under his arm, "It's his birthday."
=>>>
=>>
=>>A man walks into a bar carrying a set of jumper cables and asks for
a beer.
=>>The barman says "OK, but don't start anything".
=>
=>A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face,
=>buddy?"
=>
=>A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender
says
=>"what is this, some kind of joke?"
=>
=>A guitarist walks past a bar... hey, it *could* happen...!
=
=Man walks into a bar. And said "ouch".
Termite walks into a bar, says "Is the bar tender here?"
A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre. So the barman
gives her one.
--
Patrick Brown
"The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the
surface of a gas-covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90
million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some
indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be" Douglas Adams
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| User: "Jura Koch-Sacher" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. |
17 Apr 2004 06:35:36 AM |
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raven1 <quoththeraven@nevermore.com> wrote in message
<m1nt701aqn9917jb1miko9sq2rvge32pr3@4ax.com>:
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face,
buddy?"
If the horse in question happened to be Mr. Ed's better-educated
grandchild or great-grandchild the reply would have been: "50,000,000
years of evolution, monkey-boy. What happened to your tail?"
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| User: "Patrick Brown" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. |
15 Apr 2004 12:37:06 PM |
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Therion Ware wrote:
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with
a fish under his arm.
"Do you have any fishcakes?" he asks.
"Yes, of course," says the fish shop owner.
"Great," replies the man, nodding at
the fish under his arm, "It's his birthday."
Old Tommy Cooper joke I just heard on the radio:
Two fish in a tank. One says "I'll drive, you man the gun."
--
Patrick Brown
"The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the
surface of a gas-covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90
million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some
indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be" Douglas Adams
.
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| User: "Claytie the Umpire Slayer" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. |
15 Apr 2004 08:53:14 PM |
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"Patrick Brown" <mail@spammers.must.die.paddybrown.co.uk> wrote in message
news:fOzfc.119$O07.16@newsfe1-win...
Therion Ware wrote:
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with
a fish under his arm.
"Do you have any fishcakes?" he asks.
"Yes, of course," says the fish shop owner.
"Great," replies the man, nodding at
the fish under his arm, "It's his birthday."
Old Tommy Cooper joke I just heard on the radio:
Two fish in a tank. One says "I'll drive, you man the gun."
Two cows are standing on a hill.
Cow 1: Are you afraid of mad cow's disease?
Cow 2: No
Cow 1: Why not?
Cow 2: Because I'm a bunny rabbit!!!
An old woman see's three little girls and starts talking to them. "What's
your name?" she asks the first little girl.
"Rain!" she says.
"That's a pretty name...how did you get it?" asks the old lady.
"Well," says the little girl, "When I was born a drop of rain fell on my
head!"
"How sweet. What's your name?" she asks the second girl.
"Petal!" says the second girl.
"That's a beautiful name...how did you get it?" asks the old lady.
"When I was born a flower petal fell on my head!" she replies sweetly.
"Oh how wonderful. And what's your name?" she asks the third little girl.
The third little girl says, "DUUUUHHH....HOUSE BRICK!!!! BPPPPPLLLLLLL..
..BRRR...LALALALA"
.
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| User: "Sara Brum" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. |
16 Apr 2004 01:48:49 PM |
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"Claytie the Umpire Slayer" <cjfat@BLOCKINGOFTHESPAMphonyemail.com> wrote in
message news:407f3c5b$0$12740$afc38c87@news.optusnet.com.au...
"Patrick Brown" <mail@spammers.must.die.paddybrown.co.uk> wrote in message
news:fOzfc.119$O07.16@newsfe1-win...
Therion Ware wrote:
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with
a fish under his arm.
"Do you have any fishcakes?" he asks.
"Yes, of course," says the fish shop owner.
"Great," replies the man, nodding at
the fish under his arm, "It's his birthday."
Old Tommy Cooper joke I just heard on the radio:
Two fish in a tank. One says "I'll drive, you man the gun."
Two cows are standing on a hill.
Cow 1: Are you afraid of mad cow's disease?
Cow 2: No
Cow 1: Why not?
Cow 2: Because I'm a bunny rabbit!!!
Two cows are standing on a hill.
Cow 1: Moo.
Cow 2: *****, I was gonna say that.
An old woman see's three little girls and starts talking to them. "What's
your name?" she asks the first little girl.
"Rain!" she says.
"That's a pretty name...how did you get it?" asks the old lady.
"Well," says the little girl, "When I was born a drop of rain fell on my
head!"
"How sweet. What's your name?" she asks the second girl.
"Petal!" says the second girl.
"That's a beautiful name...how did you get it?" asks the old lady.
"When I was born a flower petal fell on my head!" she replies sweetly.
"Oh how wonderful. And what's your name?" she asks the third little girl.
The third little girl says, "DUUUUHHH....HOUSE BRICK!!!! BPPPPPLLLLLLL..
.BRRR...LALALALA"
.
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| User: "mitch perkins" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. |
17 Apr 2004 01:58:24 AM |
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"Sara Brum" <sarabrum@medulla.com> wrote in message news:<c5p9tq$4c5vs$1@ID-216353.news.uni-berlin.de>...
Two cows are standing on a hill.
Cow 1: Moo.
Cow 2: *****, I was gonna say that.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow.
Interrup...
MOO!
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| User: "Meteorite Debris" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. |
16 Apr 2004 03:55:49 AM |
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On Thu, 15 Apr 2004 18:37:06 +0100 the ET form known as Patrick
Brown<mail@spammers.must.die.paddybrown.co.uk> sent a radio signal
across the vast expanse of deep space -._.--._.--._.--._.--._.--._.
Therion Ware wrote:
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with
a fish under his arm.
"Do you have any fishcakes?" he asks.
"Yes, of course," says the fish shop owner.
"Great," replies the man, nodding at
the fish under his arm, "It's his birthday."
Old Tommy Cooper joke I just heard on the radio:
Two fish in a tank. One says "I'll drive, you man the gun."
It was a hot day and a dog walks into a shop and the shop keeper
shouts at it to get out. "No dogs allowed". The dog replies "why then
do you have the sign out the front saying 'serving hot dogs'".
--
epicurus1*at*optusnet*dot*com*dot*au
apatriot #1, atheist #1417,
Chief EAC prophet -
Evil Atheist Conspiracy
http://members.optusnet.com.au/~pk1956/
"Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever
conceived." - Isaac Asimov
Fingerprint for PGP Keys at key server or go to
http://members.optusnet.com.au/~pk1956/
RSA - 71 BA 7C 45 B5 4A 5F EA 72 DB EC 7F 7F A8 70 99
DSS - 9217 21A9 9C3F EB0B E302 AD0E 69C5 0F06 402E 0943
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| User: "Therion Ware" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. |
16 Apr 2004 03:13:16 AM |
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On Fri, 16 Apr 2004 18:25:49 +0930 in alt.atheism, Meteorite Debris
(Meteorite Debris <abuse@yahoo.com>) said, directing the reply to
alt.atheism
On Thu, 15 Apr 2004 18:37:06 +0100 the ET form known as Patrick
Brown<mail@spammers.must.die.paddybrown.co.uk> sent a radio signal
across the vast expanse of deep space -._.--._.--._.--._.--._.--._.
Therion Ware wrote:
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with
a fish under his arm.
"Do you have any fishcakes?" he asks.
"Yes, of course," says the fish shop owner.
"Great," replies the man, nodding at
the fish under his arm, "It's his birthday."
Old Tommy Cooper joke I just heard on the radio:
Two fish in a tank. One says "I'll drive, you man the gun."
It was a hot day and a dog walks into a shop and the shop keeper
shouts at it to get out. "No dogs allowed". The dog replies "why then
do you have the sign out the front saying 'serving hot dogs'".
You know, if this thread keeps going, we'll soon have a book to rival
the Bible!
--
"Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You."
- Attrib: Pauline Reage.
Inexpensive VHS & other video to CD/DVD conversion?
See: <http://www.Video2CD.com>. 35.00 gets your video on DVD.
all posts to this email address are automatically deleted without being read.
** atheist poster child #1 ** #442.
.
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| User: "Patrick Brown" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. |
16 Apr 2004 03:24:46 AM |
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Meteorite Debris wrote:
On Thu, 15 Apr 2004 18:37:06 +0100 the ET form known as Patrick
Brown<mail@spammers.must.die.paddybrown.co.uk> sent a radio signal
across the vast expanse of deep space -._.--._.--._.--._.--._.--._.
Therion Ware wrote:
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with
a fish under his arm.
"Do you have any fishcakes?" he asks.
"Yes, of course," says the fish shop owner.
"Great," replies the man, nodding at
the fish under his arm, "It's his birthday."
Old Tommy Cooper joke I just heard on the radio:
Two fish in a tank. One says "I'll drive, you man the gun."
It was a hot day and a dog walks into a shop and the shop keeper
shouts at it to get out. "No dogs allowed". The dog replies "why then
do you have the sign out the front saying 'serving hot dogs'".
A piece of string walks into a bar and tries to get served. "Oi! Are you
a piece of string?" says the barman. "Yes," says the piece of string.
"You'll have to leave. We don't serve pieces of string in here," says
the barman. So, reluctantly, the piece of string leaves.
Once outside, however, the he ties himself in the middle and picks at
his ends until they're all ragged. Then he walks back into the bar and
tries to get served. "Oi!" says the barman. "Are you a piece of string?"
The piece of string replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."
--
Patrick Brown
"The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the
surface of a gas-covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90
million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some
indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be" Douglas Adams
.
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| User: "Colin Day" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. |
16 Apr 2004 09:20:39 PM |
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Therion Ware wrote:
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with
a fish under his arm.
"Do you have any fishcakes?" he asks.
"Yes, of course," says the fish shop owner.
"Great," replies the man, nodding at
the fish under his arm, "It's his birthday."
Why did Austin Powers beat up the UNIX documentation?
Because it was a man page, baby!
Colin Day aa #1500
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| User: "stoney" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. |
18 Apr 2004 02:49:21 PM |
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[ ]
Guy and his dog walk into a bar. Guy says to the bartender; "I've got a
talking dog."
Bartender points to the door and says; Out you go."
Guy says; "After I take a leak." And he disappears.
Bartender checks to make sure the guy was out of sight. He looks at the
dog and says; "Bet a dollar you can't talk."
Dog replies; "You're on!"
Bartender's jaw bounces off the floor a couple of times, and he gives
the dog a dollar. Dog leaves.
A bit later the guy reappears and is looking for his dog. "Where's my
dog?"
Bartender says; "Dunno. We had a bet. He won and left with his prize
money."
So, the guy looks up and down the street. No dog in sight, but up the
street is a large group of people. Guy figures he might as well head in
that direction, someone might have seen his dog.
He gets up there and sees people are ringed four and five deep. Now
he's curious and he kind of squirms in to see. He spots his dog on top
of a female dog. He reaches in and grabs his dog by the scruff of the
neck. "You've never done that before;" he said in a puzzled tone.
"No," said the dog. "I've never had any money before."
Stoney
"Designated Rascal and Rapscallion
and
SCAMPERMEISTER!"
When in doubt, SCAMPER about!
When things are fair, SCAMPER everywhere!
When things are rough, can't SCAMPER enough!
/end humour alert
alt.atheism military veteran #11
{so much for the 'no atheists in foxholes' rubbish}
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| User: "Mike Painter" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. |
18 Apr 2004 07:52:04 PM |
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"stoney" <stoney@the.net> wrote in message
news:m0m580hiju5qblpstfdd1vpsjd9jrmupb6@4ax.com...
[ ]
Guy and his dog walk into a bar. Guy says to the bartender; "I've got a
talking dog."
"I'll bet you a beer he can speak."
BArtender says go ahead.
Guy says "What's on top of a house?"
"roof" says the dog.
The bartender reluctantly puts up a beer.
"Another beer?", the guy asks.
Bartender says go ahead.
Guy says "What's on the outside of a tree?"
"Bark" says the dog.
The bartender reluctantly puts up a beer.
"Another beer?", the guy asks.
"OK, but this better be good."
"Who is the greatest ball player of all time?"
"Ruth" says the dog and the bartender throws them out.
Sitting in the gutter the dog looks at his master and says, "What should I
have said? Joe DiMaggio?"
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