| Topic: |
Religions > Atheism |
| User: |
"Therion Ware" |
| Date: |
08 Dec 2005 06:35:47 AM |
| Object: |
OT: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
Old Jokes Home:
Three men die on Christmas Eve and are met by
St Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honour of this holy season," says Saint Peter,
"You must each possess something that symbolises
Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man goes through his pockets and
pulls out a lighter, flicks it on,
saying, "It represents a candle."
"You may pass through the pearly gates,"
says St Peter.
The second man pulls out a set of keys, shakes
them and says, "They're bells."
St Peter lets him pass.
The third man looks desperate and finally pulls
a g-string from his pocket. St. Peter looks
quizzical and asks, "Just how do those
symbolise Christmas?"
The man replies, "They're Carols."
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| User: "Dan Luke" |
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| Title: Re: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
08 Dec 2005 03:53:59 PM |
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An old man goes to the doctor, complaining of fatigue. After the
exam, the doctor says, "Well, I can't find a thing wrong with you. For
a man 84 years old, you're in amazingly good health. What about your
love life? Do you and your wife still have sex?"
"Oh, yes," says the old man, "about three or four times a week."
"That's wonderful!" says the doctor "How about your.."
"I have a girlfriend, too," interrupts the man.
"Er, really?" says the doctor. "How often do you, uh..."
"About three or four times a week."
"Wow," says the doctor. "Well, you're certainly an exceptional man. And
now..."
"And then there's the widow lady next door," says the old man. "I go
comfort her about three or four times a week, too."
"Mister Jones!" says the doctor. "That's beyond what's reasonable for a
man your age. You are going to have to get a grip on yourself!"
"Oh, I do, doctor--about three or four times a week."
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| User: "floyd" |
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| Title: Re: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
09 Dec 2005 12:51:56 AM |
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Three old men are sitting on a park bench. The first says "Seventy has
got to be the worst age of all. When I was young, I always enjoyed
going to the symphony and reveling in the beautiful music of the great
composers. Now that I am 70, my hearing has failed and I can no longer
enjoy my greatest passion."
The next man says "I think being 80 is even worse. As a young man, I
loved to visit the museums and gaze for hours at the works of the great
masters. But now that I'm 80, my eyesight has faded so badly that I
can barely see my hands in front of my face."
The third man says "90 years old is even worse. When I was a young
man, I was a phenomenal lover. Last month I married a young woman,
many, many decades my junior. She is a stunning beauty, with long,
silky hair, a perfect figure and a face that is absolutely angelic.
But this morning, I awoke and looked at her lying next to me, and I
said 'darling, let's make love.' She replied 'we just did!' you see
at 90 my memory is completely shot...
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| User: "Richard Forrest" |
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| Title: Re: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
09 Dec 2005 01:54:53 PM |
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floyd wrote:
Three old men are sitting on a park bench. The first says "Seventy has
got to be the worst age of all. When I was young, I always enjoyed
going to the symphony and reveling in the beautiful music of the great
composers. Now that I am 70, my hearing has failed and I can no longer
enjoy my greatest passion."
The next man says "I think being 80 is even worse. As a young man, I
loved to visit the museums and gaze for hours at the works of the great
masters. But now that I'm 80, my eyesight has faded so badly that I
can barely see my hands in front of my face."
The third man says "90 years old is even worse. When I was a young
man, I was a phenomenal lover. Last month I married a young woman,
many, many decades my junior. She is a stunning beauty, with long,
silky hair, a perfect figure and a face that is absolutely angelic.
But this morning, I awoke and looked at her lying next to me, and I
said 'darling, let's make love.' She replied 'we just did!' you see
at 90 my memory is completely shot...
Which reminds me of...
It's well known that in parts of Armenia people live to extraordinary
ages. A reporter was sent off there to interview a man who claimed to
be 140 years old.
"To what do you ascribe your extreme longevity?" the reporter asked.
"Well," said the old man. "I've always lived a clean life. I've
refrained from all sexual activity; I never touch a drop of alcohol; I
have conditioned my mind to avoid all impure thoughts; I eat nothing
but fruit, nuts and yoghurt."
While he was telling the reporter about this, there came the sound of
loud shouts and crashing from next door.
"What's happening?" asked the reporter.
"Oh, ignore that" said the old man "it's only my older brother partying
with his women."
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| User: "Dana Tweedy" |
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| Title: Re: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
09 Dec 2005 03:44:38 PM |
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"Richard Forrest" <richard@plesiosaur.com> wrote in message
news:1134158093.270106.239450@g43g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
floyd wrote:
Three old men are sitting on a park bench. The first says "Seventy has
got to be the worst age of all. When I was young, I always enjoyed
going to the symphony and reveling in the beautiful music of the great
composers. Now that I am 70, my hearing has failed and I can no longer
enjoy my greatest passion."
The next man says "I think being 80 is even worse. As a young man, I
loved to visit the museums and gaze for hours at the works of the great
masters. But now that I'm 80, my eyesight has faded so badly that I
can barely see my hands in front of my face."
The third man says "90 years old is even worse. When I was a young
man, I was a phenomenal lover. Last month I married a young woman,
many, many decades my junior. She is a stunning beauty, with long,
silky hair, a perfect figure and a face that is absolutely angelic.
But this morning, I awoke and looked at her lying next to me, and I
said 'darling, let's make love.' She replied 'we just did!' you see
at 90 my memory is completely shot...
Which reminds me of...
It's well known that in parts of Armenia people live to extraordinary
ages. A reporter was sent off there to interview a man who claimed to
be 140 years old.
"To what do you ascribe your extreme longevity?" the reporter asked.
"Well," said the old man. "I've always lived a clean life. I've
refrained from all sexual activity; I never touch a drop of alcohol; I
have conditioned my mind to avoid all impure thoughts; I eat nothing
but fruit, nuts and yoghurt."
While he was telling the reporter about this, there came the sound of
loud shouts and crashing from next door.
"What's happening?" asked the reporter.
"Oh, ignore that" said the old man "it's only my older brother partying
with his women."
Which reminds me of:
A reporter was interveiwing a elderly man on his 100th birthday. The
reporter asked the elderly gent, "What age was your father when he died"?
The old man shot back "Did I say my father was dead?"
The reporter was puzzled, and asked, "You mean your father is still alive?"
"Of course he's alive", crowed the old man, "He's 125 years old this week,
and he still has all his own teeth, and gets up every morning and works at
the sawmill for 12 hours a day".
"That's amazing", said the reporter, scribbling down the details in his
notebook. "How old was your grandfather then, whe he died?"
The old man shouted out "Did I say my grandfather was dead?"
"Surely," the reporter said, "you can't mean your grandfather is still alive
too!"
"That's right sonny", the old man replied, "He's 153 years old, and still
has all his own hair. In fact he's marrying a 19 year old girl this
weekend"
"Well, that's truly something for the record books", the reporter said,
"but, if you don't mind me asking, why would a man of that age, and a 19
year old girl want to get married? "
"Did I say they wanted to get married?"
DJT
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
12 Dec 2005 01:14:30 PM |
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Dana Tweedy wrote:
"Richard Forrest" <richard@plesiosaur.com> wrote in message
news:1134158093.270106.239450@g43g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
floyd wrote:
Three old men are sitting on a park bench. The first says "Seventy has
got to be the worst age of all. When I was young, I always enjoyed
going to the symphony and reveling in the beautiful music of the great
composers. Now that I am 70, my hearing has failed and I can no longer
enjoy my greatest passion."
The next man says "I think being 80 is even worse. As a young man, I
loved to visit the museums and gaze for hours at the works of the great
masters. But now that I'm 80, my eyesight has faded so badly that I
can barely see my hands in front of my face."
The third man says "90 years old is even worse. When I was a young
man, I was a phenomenal lover. Last month I married a young woman,
many, many decades my junior. She is a stunning beauty, with long,
silky hair, a perfect figure and a face that is absolutely angelic.
But this morning, I awoke and looked at her lying next to me, and I
said 'darling, let's make love.' She replied 'we just did!' you see
at 90 my memory is completely shot...
Which reminds me of...
It's well known that in parts of Armenia people live to extraordinary
ages. A reporter was sent off there to interview a man who claimed to
be 140 years old.
"To what do you ascribe your extreme longevity?" the reporter asked.
"Well," said the old man. "I've always lived a clean life. I've
refrained from all sexual activity; I never touch a drop of alcohol; I
have conditioned my mind to avoid all impure thoughts; I eat nothing
but fruit, nuts and yoghurt."
While he was telling the reporter about this, there came the sound of
loud shouts and crashing from next door.
"What's happening?" asked the reporter.
"Oh, ignore that" said the old man "it's only my older brother partying
with his women."
Which reminds me of:
A reporter was interveiwing a elderly man on his 100th birthday. The
reporter asked the elderly gent, "What age was your father when he died"?
The old man shot back "Did I say my father was dead?"
The reporter was puzzled, and asked, "You mean your father is still alive?"
"Of course he's alive", crowed the old man, "He's 125 years old this week,
and he still has all his own teeth, and gets up every morning and works at
the sawmill for 12 hours a day".
"That's amazing", said the reporter, scribbling down the details in his
notebook. "How old was your grandfather then, whe he died?"
The old man shouted out "Did I say my grandfather was dead?"
"Surely," the reporter said, "you can't mean your grandfather is still alive
too!"
"That's right sonny", the old man replied, "He's 153 years old, and still
has all his own hair. In fact he's marrying a 19 year old girl this
weekend"
"Well, that's truly something for the record books", the reporter said,
"but, if you don't mind me asking, why would a man of that age, and a 19
year old girl want to get married? "
"Did I say they wanted to get married?"
A young officer, fresh out of the military academy, takes his first
trip to the officers' lounge. Sitting at the bar is an elderly
Colonel, sipping a drink. The youngster recognises him from his
history courses as Colonel Smith, a courageous hero, now in his
dottage. He sits down next to Smith and tells him how honoured he is
to meet the old soldier.
"You must have many great stories to tell about great battles."
"Yesh..." slurrs the old man "but the most terrifying moment of my
carrer wasn't in combat at all. I was surveying the jungles of
Southeast Asia when I became separated from my patrol. Suddenly, I
came across a huge tiger. It reared up on its hind legs to attack
me... I raised my rifle... the tiger went
"RRRRrrrrrrrooooooaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr."
"Good heavens!" the young man said. "What happened?"
The colonel looked down at his drink and muttered "I soiled my
trousers."
The young officer suppressed a smile and said "I'm not suprised, that
tiger must have been terrifying!"
"No, no, not when I saw the tiger," said the ancient soldier. "Just
now, when I went
"RRRRrrrrrrrooooooaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr."
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
09 Dec 2005 07:37:48 PM |
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Did you hear about the homophobic apostate dyslexic muslim?
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He didn't want to endure a month of fisting.
Bob Dog
Atheist #153 = 1^3 + 5^3 + 3^3
EAC's chief cook and brainwasher
-----
"Sooner or later the despairing Churches will try to get
a world-alliance with something like Fascist tyranny to
check the growth of Atheism. It is their one hope."
- Joseph McCabe
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| User: "Noone Inparticular" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
09 Dec 2005 11:59:32 AM |
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Therion Ware wrote:
Old Jokes Home:
A rookie detective assigned to his first homicide arrived at the scene.
A rice farmer had been murdered evidently by being blugeoned to death
with Hummel figurines.
He walks up to a seasoned detective who was slowly shaking his head
muttring; "this is the first case I've ever seen of a knick-knack paddy
whack".
BA-DA-BING!
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| User: "Donalbain" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
09 Dec 2005 01:40:10 PM |
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Noone Inparticular wrote:
Therion Ware wrote:
Old Jokes Home:
A rookie detective assigned to his first homicide arrived at the scene.
A rice farmer had been murdered evidently by being blugeoned to death
with Hummel figurines.
He walks up to a seasoned detective who was slowly shaking his head
muttring; "this is the first case I've ever seen of a knick-knack paddy
whack".
BA-DA-BING!
A rookie policeman is sent to a crime scene an an icecream van. He goes
inside, and the icecream man is laying dead on the floor of his van,
covered in strawberry sauce, chocolate sprinkles and candybits. The
rookie has no idea what happened, so he asks the senior detective.
"Oh, its obvious" the senior detective said, "he's topped himself!"
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
09 Dec 2005 03:06:00 PM |
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Donalbain wrote:
Noone Inparticular wrote:
Therion Ware wrote:
Old Jokes Home:
A rookie detective assigned to his first homicide arrived at the scene.
A rice farmer had been murdered evidently by being blugeoned to death
with Hummel figurines.
He walks up to a seasoned detective who was slowly shaking his head
muttring; "this is the first case I've ever seen of a knick-knack paddy
whack".
BA-DA-BING!
A rookie policeman is sent to a crime scene an an icecream van. He goes
inside, and the icecream man is laying dead on the floor of his van,
covered in strawberry sauce, chocolate sprinkles and candybits. The
rookie has no idea what happened, so he asks the senior detective.
"Oh, its obvious" the senior detective said, "he's topped himself!"
(Posted this once upon a time, long ago...)
Recently unearthed documents in Italy have revealed a fascinating story
about the early empire. As I am sure you all know, the priestesses of
Vesta, better known as the Vestal Virgins, were at one time destined
for human sacrifice. This practice was outlawed quite early in
Imperial Rome. But there were some die-hard practitioners of this
abhorrent ritual, who went about their business in secret, to the
dismay of the mainstream worshippers of Vesta.
It happened on a time that one of the Vestal Virgins was kidnapped and
sacrificed. Not only that, but the renegade actually consumed her in a
grisly perversion even of the original rite. This naturally outraged
the citizenry of Rome, but to make matters worse, the woman was the
daughter of a Senator.
As you can imagine, the hue and cry was tremendous. The senator called
out the best warriors in Rome to avenge his daughter. Many came, lured
no doubt by the reward, but one stood head and shoulders above the
rest. Oddly enough, he was a Pict- sort of a proto-Scotsman. He
disdained the reward, fighting, instead, for honor. Even more strange,
he preferred to be equipped as a retiarius- more familiar to most as
the famous Arena gear of trident and net.
He was tireless in his pursuit of the cannibal, and it finally paid
off. Backed into a corner, knowing he was to be executed, the renegade
demanded single combat. The Pict was all to happy to oblige, and
without much effort, dispatched the miscreant to his just reward. As
he marched away from the scene, the scribes all clamored for his
thoughts. He stopped for a moment, and replied, "He's no' glad
he ate her now, is he?"
Now. The senator was satisfied with avenging his daughter, but the
warrior still refused any reward. The senator finally commissioned a
sculptor to make a marble statue of the Pict. This was done, and when
it was revealed, it turned out to be not one retiarius, not two, but
three! The sculptor explained that he erected this enormous edifice,
with the three images back-to-back, facing in different directions, to
symbolize the eternal vigilance of the warrior, watching over the
Empire. Well the senator was quite happy with this, as you can
imagine.
Until, that is, it came to light that the reason this warrior fought so
savagely was that he was, ahem, dallying with the senator's daughter-
a Vestal Virgin, no less. The senator was outraged, and swore to
destroy the statue. But the statue was so large, it resisted many
attempts at its destruction. The politician's rage was not to be
denied. He hired more workers, who tried to smash the statue, but to no
avail. Finally, the senator brought dozens of peasants with levers, and
several chariots with ropes, and yoked oxen, and days later, after many
exertions and attempts, they finally toppled the structure, and it
shattered into hundreds of tiny shards.
It's a long way to tip retiarii.
Chris
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| User: "Marc" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
10 Dec 2005 08:19:18 PM |
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Noone Inparticular wrote:
Therion Ware wrote:
Old Jokes Home:
A priest, a murderer and an evolutionary biologist were all waiting for
their respective executions on the guillotine.
The priest, first to face his beheading, was asked if he had a last
wish
and he requested to lie facing his Lord above with his eyes uncovered.
His request was granted. When the lever was pulled, the blade dropped
only to stop an inch from the priest's neck. The law then allowed the
priest to go forth as a free man from that point.
The murderer, watching from the side, was instantly converted to
religion and requested to lie facing his new-found Lord in the same
manner. The blade dropped towards his neck, only to stop an inch
away as before and the repentant murderer was set free.
The scientist thought "why not?" and asked to lie the same way.
Just before the lever was pulled however he called out "Wait!....
I think I see what the problem is."
(signed) marc
....
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
08 Dec 2005 08:32:27 AM |
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Variation on a 1980s Canadian political joke:
One the White House lawn, Georgie-boy sees yellow etching into
the snow the words, "George Bush is a fucking *****."
Bush, Rove, and Cheney quickly set the FBI onto the task of
finding the culprits, and after a few weeks of investigation,
they return with the results.
"We did a DNA test and determined the urine was John Kerry's",
said FBI director Mueller.
"That's great, now we can prosecute the SOB."
"There's something else, Mr. President."
"What's thatt?" Georgie says.
"We analyzed the handwriting. It's Laura Bush's."
Bob Dog
Atheist #153 = 1^3 + 5^3 + 3^3
EAC's chief cook and brainwasher
-----
"Sooner or later the despairing Churches will try to get
a world-alliance with something like Fascist tyranny to
check the growth of Atheism. It is their one hope."
- Joseph McCabe
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| User: "Stile4aly" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
08 Dec 2005 12:16:12 PM |
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wrote:
Variation on a 1980s Canadian political joke:
One the White House lawn, Georgie-boy sees yellow etching into
the snow the words, "George Bush is a fucking *****."
Bush, Rove, and Cheney quickly set the FBI onto the task of
finding the culprits, and after a few weeks of investigation,
they return with the results.
"We did a DNA test and determined the urine was John Kerry's",
said FBI director Mueller.
"That's great, now we can prosecute the SOB."
"There's something else, Mr. President."
"What's thatt?" Georgie says.
"We analyzed the handwriting. It's Laura Bush's."
Bob Dog
Atheist #153 = 1^3 + 5^3 + 3^3
EAC's chief cook and brainwasher
-----
"Sooner or later the despairing Churches will try to get
a world-alliance with something like Fascist tyranny to
check the growth of Atheism. It is their one hope."
- Joseph McCabe
Two guys are sitting at a bar at the top of the Sears Tower, both have
had a few too many beers. One guy leans over to the other and says
"I'll bet you didn't know that because of the wind currents in these
high buildings that if you jump out of that window over there and be
perfectly safe."
The second guy says to him "That's impossible, there's no way you could
be safe after jumping out of a window."
The first guys says "I'll prove it."
He puts down his beer, walks over to the window, opens it up, and jumps
out. The second guy watches the first fall 20, 30, then 40 feet. Then
he slowly comes to a stop in midair, and floats back up and lands back
on his feet inside the bar.
"That's amazing," the second guy says. "I've got to try that!"
The second guy jumps out the window with a big smile on his face, and
falls to his death. Splat!
The bartender turns to the first guy and says "You sure are an *****
when you're drunk, Superman."
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| User: "Christopher A. Lee" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
08 Dec 2005 02:49:49 PM |
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On 8 Dec 2005 10:16:12 -0800, "Stile4aly" <stile4aly@yahoo.com> wrote:
Two guys are sitting at a bar at the top of the Sears Tower, both have
had a few too many beers. One guy leans over to the other and says
"I'll bet you didn't know that because of the wind currents in these
high buildings that if you jump out of that window over there and be
perfectly safe."
The second guy says to him "That's impossible, there's no way you could
be safe after jumping out of a window."
The first guys says "I'll prove it."
He puts down his beer, walks over to the window, opens it up, and jumps
out. The second guy watches the first fall 20, 30, then 40 feet. Then
he slowly comes to a stop in midair, and floats back up and lands back
on his feet inside the bar.
"That's amazing," the second guy says. "I've got to try that!"
The second guy jumps out the window with a big smile on his face, and
falls to his death. Splat!
The bartender turns to the first guy and says "You sure are an *****
when you're drunk, Superman."
Reporter interviewing Superman:
Reporter: What was the most interesting and unusual thing that
happened to you
Superman: I was flying over Metropolis, and I saw Wonder Woman lying
on her back with her legs in the air so I flew down to take advantage.
Reporter: I bet she was surprised.
Superman Not as much as the Invisible Man.
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
08 Dec 2005 01:13:17 PM |
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Speaking of Superman getting drunk...
One Friday night Superman didn't really feel up for another night of
crime fighting, so he decides he'd rather go to a bar, get some drinks,
maybe even pick up a woman and have a good time. While flying on his
way to a bar, he sees Batman perched on a rooftop. He flies down to
him and invites him to come along.
"Sounds great Superman, but The Joker's planning something big tonight,
and I gotta be there to stop him. Thanks for the invite though."
Batman replies. Dissappointed, Superman leaves him alone and continues
flying.
A few minutes later, he spots Aquaman swimming in the harbor. He flies
down to him and invites him to come along.
"Sounds great Superman, but I heard some compnay is gonna dump medical
waste into the ocean tonight, and I gotta be there to stop it. Thanks
for the invite though." Aquaman replies. A bit ticked off, Superman
leaves him alone and continues flying.
Superman finally gets into a bar...alone. Having no Batman to use his
Bruce Wayne charm and no Aquaman to enthrall women about cute dolphins,
Superman has no luck with the ladies and winds up empty handed for the
night.
Now really ***** and drunk, he calls it a night and flies away.
On his way home however, his X-Ray vision shows him Wonder Woman lying
alone on her bed...naked. Thinking this is the only chance he'll ever
score with her, he gets into her bedroom and using his SUPERSPEED, gets
on top of her, does his thing so fast, gets out and leaves before she
can even notice anything.
Immediately afterwards Wonder Woman says, "What's wrong?"
Invisible Man, who was lying on top of her says, "I don't know, but my
butt sure hurts."
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| User: "thissteve" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
09 Dec 2005 03:35:56 PM |
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Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
(Hey, at least you didn't waste much time reading this.)
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| User: "Nightshade" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
09 Dec 2005 03:46:10 PM |
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On 9 Dec 2005 13:35:56 -0800, "thissteve" <thissteve@yahoo.com> wrote:
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
(Hey, at least you didn't waste much time reading this.)
Two old ladies, met a flasher in the park.
One had a stroke, but the other was too slow.
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
09 Dec 2005 04:15:14 PM |
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thissteve wrote:
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
(Hey, at least you didn't waste much time reading this.)
A priest, a preacher, and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The bartender says "What is this, some kind of a joke?"
Kermit
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| User: "L.Roberts" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
10 Dec 2005 07:49:03 PM |
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wrote:
thissteve wrote:
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
(Hey, at least you didn't waste much time reading this.)
A priest, a preacher, and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The bartender says "What is this, some kind of a joke?"
Kermit
A priest, a liar and a pedophile walks into a bar; the bartender asks,
"What'll it be tonite father."
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| User: "Earle Jones" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
09 Dec 2005 06:18:47 PM |
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In article <1134166514.698766.212810@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com>,
wrote:
thissteve wrote:
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
(Hey, at least you didn't waste much time reading this.)
A priest, a preacher, and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The bartender says "What is this, some kind of a joke?"
Kermit
*
A priest, a preacher and a rabbi were on an ocean cruise, when the alarm
system came on and announced that the ship was on fire and must be
abandoned.
Rabbi: We must save the children!
Preacher: Screw the children!
Priest: Is there time?
earle
*
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| User: "" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
09 Dec 2005 07:15:53 PM |
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thissteve wrote:
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
(Hey, at least you didn't waste much time reading this.)
I knew this really great magician once...
He could walk down the street and turn into an alley.
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| User: "Mike Painter" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
10 Dec 2005 06:35:47 PM |
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wrote:
thissteve wrote:
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
(Hey, at least you didn't waste much time reading this.)
I knew this really great magician once...
He could walk down the street and turn into an alley.
I knew a witch who hitch hiked and when picked up by an attractive man
could, with just a touch, turn him into a motel.
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| User: "chibiabos" |
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| Title: Re: OT: Old Jokes Home. Christmas Edition. |
08 Dec 2005 09:11:15 PM |
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In article <1134052347.144349.117550@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com>,
<bg12345@apexmail.com> wrote:
Yum! A joke thread!
The young couple were madly in love and had just announced their
engagement when a tragic accident took both their lives.
Standing together at the pearly gates, they asked St. Peter if they
could still get married in heaven.
St. Peter pondered the question, winked at them, said, "Wait here," and
disappeared into the clouds.
Three months later, St. Peter returned. Before he could say anything,
he learned that in his absence the couple had done a LOT of talking,
and they had another request: Suppose the marriage didn't work out.
Could they get a divorce in heaven, too?
"By Moses' beard!" St. Peter slapped his forehead in exasperation. "It
took me three months to find a preacher up here, and now you want a
lawyer?!?"
-chib
--
Member of S.M.A.S.H.
Sarcastic Middle-aged Atheists with a Sense of Humor
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