Bush Administration, Paris Hilton Top Coma Man's Concerns
In what members of the medical community are calling an unprecedented
development, a man who recently awoke from a nineteen-year coma has
asked doctors to put him back to sleep.
At a press conference in Jacksonville, Florida today, the man, Jason
Deloit, 43, told reporters that at first he was excited to be
conscious again, "But then I turned on the TV."
Mr. Deloit said that the first images he saw on television were those
of President George W. Bush giving a press conference.
"I was happy at first, because I thought, well good, 'Saturday Night
Live' is still on and that's my favorite show," he said. "Then I
realized that it was actually the real president at the White House
and I became very depressed."
After hearing the President field questions about Iraq, Afghanistan
and Guantanamo, Mr. Deloit "couldn't take it anymore."
Seeking escapism, Mr. Deloit changed the channel and saw hotel heiress
Paris Hilton starring in the latest installment of her hit television
show "The Simple Life."
"That was really the straw that broke the camel's back," he said. "I
don't want to live in a country that exploits a mentally impaired
person like that."
Mr. Deloit's doctor said that putting his patient back into a coma
state would create an ethical quandary for the medical community:
"Millions of other people would want the same thing."
Elsewhere, a spokesman for the U.S. government said that it would soon
issue terror alerts on Americans' wireless phones, explaining, "It'll
be easy, since we're already on the line listening in."
Sunyata
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